by L A Cotton
Eventually, Levi let out a guttural roar, jerking inside me. His body collapsed on top of me, rolling to the side. “Fuck, baby girl,” he crooned, slipping into unconsciousness. “That was... fuck.”
My eyes stung with tears. He didn’t know it was me anymore. I could have been any girl, any body, warm, wet, and willing.
I slipped out of bed and hurried into the bathroom to clean up. I was a mess, covered in bite marks and bruises. After I was done, I wrapped myself in a fluffy hotel robe, got a glass of water and went back into the bedroom. Levi was out cold. I rolled him into the recovery position, checked his breathing, and placed the glass of water on the side. Then I curled up in the chair and watched him sleep, knowing that tonight, I would get none.
“Phoebe, wake up.”
My eyes flew open to find Levi frowning at me. “What are you—”
His eyes narrowed, homing in on my collarbone where the robe had fallen open. “What happened?” he gritted out.
I uncurled my legs and sat up, taming my hair over one shoulder. “You don’t remember?”
“Would I be asking if I did?” I flinched at his harsh tone, and he let out a weary sigh. “Shit, I’m sorry, I just... I wake up with no memory of how I got here and you’re asleep in the fucking chair... And then I see your skin covered in bruises and bite marks...”
“Someone laced your drink.”
“What the fuck?” He barked again, but this time, I expected it.
“At the club. You don’t remem—”
“There was a girl.” His brows furrowed. “A blonde.”
Fuck. It hurt to hear him talk about her.
“She slipped something in my drink?”
I nodded. “We think it was GHB. You were very... happy.”
“I know what G does, Bee. Fuck. I don’t remember. Did I... hurt you?”
I schooled my expression, locked it down tight. He couldn’t know the truth. If he did, he would lose his shaky thread of control.
“You were horny, Levi. Things got a little... wild.”
“You let me... while I was high on G?”
I shrugged, my eyes darting to the floor. He kneeled in front of me, sliding his fingers under my chin and forcing me to look at him. “Tell me what happened.”
“You were pissed, at me and Hudson—”
“Not that part, I remember that part.” Anger flared in his eyes. “After the girl. I can vaguely remember leaving the club. You were there. Rafe and Eva too?”
I nodded again. “You knew immediately that she’d given you something. You wanted to leave before you...” I skimmed over that part. “We all rode back here together. Rafe wanted to look after you but you were getting really worked up.”
“Fuck... they saw me like that?”
Another nod. “You were pretty clingy.”
“I didn’t say anything, did I?”
“Just the usual high off your face bullshit.”
He didn’t remember.
Levi didn’t remember confessing how he felt about me. Or at least, how he felt about me at that precise moment.
A small dose of GHB was apparently a lot like an MDMA high. The increased levels of serotonin and dopamine had tricked Levi, messed with his emotions. Made him think things that weren’t real.
My stomach sank.
“I agreed to watch you.”
“That’s why you were in the chair?” His thumb brushed my jaw making me shiver. “After we...”
“We had sex, yeah.”
“Shit, Bee, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to see me... like that.” Levi leaned back, rubbing a hand over his jaw.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” It was the truth. Last night could have ended so differently. “You know, this thing with Hudson... he was only trying to protect you. To protect us. If Alistair finds out—”
“I know, I fucking know, okay?” Frustration drenched his words. “I watched you working the room, talking to all those guys—”
“Levi, it’s my job. I was networking.”
“I know that, I do. But my brain,” he jammed his fingers into his hair and yanked the ends, “my brain gets it wrong sometimes. And then that fat fuck put his hands on you, and I wanted to tear him limb from limb, Bee...” Levi glanced away. “But Hudson leaped in like your knight-in-shining armor or some shit.”
“He didn’t want you to do something you’d regret. He was protecting you.”
“I know that now.” Lifting his gaze, he pinned me with a dark look. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I want to be the one to stand by your side. I want to fight your battles. Me, honeybee. Me.”
The vulnerability in Levi’s voice gutted me. Without thinking, I slid off the tub chair and threw my arms around his neck, holding him tight. He was such a contradiction. Cold yet warm. Hard but soft. Levi was like a man-child finding his own way in the world. Learning as he went. Making mistake after mistake and not seeing where to put them right until someone intervened. He needed guidance. He needed love and affection and patience. But he also needed space and independence. He needed to feel secure without feeling stifled.
It was a delicate balance to find.
“What happens now?” he whispered shakily.
“I don’t know, Levi. You tell me.”
“Don’t leave me, Bee.” He pulled back to stare me dead in the eyes. “Promise me you won’t leave me.”
Levi
I couldn’t stop watching her, wishing I knew Phoebe’s deepest, darkest thoughts. Her desires. Her hopes and fucking dreams.
I wanted to remember last night, to remember what I said and what I did. The bruises and love bites all over her body were a pretty good indication, but it didn’t dampen my need to know.
That was the thing about getting high; the buzz was incredible. For those few minutes or hours, the rush was everything. But the come down was usually pretty grim.
I felt okay, a little hungover, restless and thirsty. But I wasn’t worried about me, I was worried about the quiet girl beside me.
After our conversation, after me getting on my knees and begging her not to leave me, Phoebe had kissed me on the cheek, and then gone for a shower. Now we were in the living room with Rafe and Eva, waiting for everyone else to join us for breakfast.
And she wouldn’t look at me.
I reached for her hand, tangling our fingers together and pulling them into my lap. Phoebe finally flicked her eyes to mine, dropping them to our joined hands and back again. The faint smile tugging at her mouth wasn’t nearly enough, but it was something.
Bedroom doors started opening, and Damon then Hudson padded into the living room.
“Morning,” Hudson said around a huge yawn. “I see all’s well in loveville.” His eyes went to where I was clutching Phoebe’s hand.
“Hud,” Damon warned. “Ali and Letty?” he asked.
“Will be here soon,” Rafe replied.
“What’s good?” Hudson eyed the counter full of pastries and fruit, pancakes and waffles. I’d barely eaten a thing, but I’d watched Phoebe devour a bowl of fruit salad with Greek yoghurt and an almond croissant.
“Since when did you get choosy about food?” Damon snickered, and Hud flipped him off.
They joined us and the six of us sat in thick silence, until Hudson said, “So are we going to take about the fucking shitshow that was last night, or what?”
Phoebe shifted uncomfortably beside me, but I wouldn’t let her pull away from me. Not now. Not with my bandmates looking at me like I held all the answers.
“Where should we start?” Damon said calmly. He was the peacekeeper. The caretaker. The one we could always count on to be the voice of reason.
Rafe let out a heavy sigh, dragging a hand down his face. “At least the set was tight.”
“Did you just make a joke?” I quipped.
The corner of his mouth lifted in an uncertain smirk, some of the cracks in our relationship smoothing out.
“Maybe we should wait for—”
<
br /> Letty appeared, Alistair trailing behind. He looked a little worse for wear. At the sight of him, Phoebe snatched her hand free and tucked it into her side.
It fucking stung.
“Coffee, please tell me there’s coffee.” Alistair made a beeline for the coffee maker.
“Rough night, Ali boy? You and the brunette seemed pretty cozy on the ride back to the hotel.”
“Hudson.” Damon shook his head.
“Yes, well, I didn’t come here to discuss my private life...” Heat crept into his cheeks.
“Are you... blushing?” I couldn’t resist teasing him. Alistair generally had a stick the size of Tennessee up his ass. It wouldn’t hurt him to let loose occasionally. Especially after Riley’s betrayal.
“You’re okay?” Letty asked me.
“I feel fine.”
“Do you want to press charges?”
“No.” I leaned back.
“Levi,” Phoebe gasped. “She laced your drink with GHB. You could have—”
“Relax, Bee. It isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. I’m fine.” Besides, I didn’t want the headache of talking to the police and all that bullshit.
Her eyes drilled holes into the side of my face, but I didn’t meet her lethal gaze. This wasn’t a big deal. If I didn’t care so fucking much about Phoebe, if I didn’t want to be better for the band and the label... then last night would have gone a whole lot different. I would have accepted that drink, tongue fucked the blonde until she was dry-humping my leg, and then dragged her to the bathroom and given her what she wanted.
But I hadn’t.
Because deep down, I didn’t want to be that guy anymore.
What I wanted and what I needed didn’t always marry up though.
“We got her details. She’ll be blacklisted from all future events.”
“Fine by me,” I said. “I’m more interested in the fucker who put his hands on Phoebe.”
Her breath caught, and Eva gasped.
Alistair frowned, rubbing his temples. “Yes, well, Dowager has assured me Mr. Milligan will be dealt with.”
“Fired. I want him fired.”
“Levi,” someone scolded, but I was too far gone to recognize who.
“I realize Phoebe is a part of this team and that she and Hudson—”
Without thinking I snatched her hand and threaded our fingers together. “Not her and Hudson, Ali.”
“Oh, shit...” That was Hudson. Rafe and Damon groaned, while Letty gave me a nod of approval.
She got it.
Maybe she always had.
“Wait a minute, what are you saying? Phoebe?” Alistair’s confused stare moved to the frozen girl beside me.
“It’s going to be okay, Bee,” I whispered. “Just take a leap of faith with me.”
Her eyes flickered to mine. She was pissed. Golden flecks burning deep in her honey eyes. But she didn’t pull her hand away.
“I’m not hooking up with Hudson, Alistair,” she said.
“You mean you and... Levi?” He leaped up. “Great. This is just great.”
“Whoa, Ali, boy,” Hudson stood too. “Relax.”
“Let me guess. You all knew?”
Silence.
Deafening heavy silence.
“Fuck,” he breathed. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so angry.
Alistair didn’t get angry, he got quiet and contemplative.
“It was gonna happen eventually.” Everyone glanced at Hudson. “Maybe not Eva or Pheebs, but one day he would have found someone to put up with his bullshit.”
“Cheers, man,” I grunted.
“You’re welcome.”
“The label has rules for a reason,” Alistair let out an exasperated breath. “Phoebe can’t do her job effectively if she’s—”
“I’ll ask to be taken off the tour.”
“What?” I tore my hand out of hers. “No way, no fucking way.”
“Levi, relax,” Rafe said. “No one is saying Phoebe has to leave. Are they, Ali?”
His jaw clenched and I could see his irritation at being backed into a corner. “We have less than a month until we leave for Europe. One month. I don’t want even a sniff of this,” he wagged his finger between the two of us, “going public. Understood?”
I nodded, risking a peek at Phoebe. Her face was pale, but she managed to choke out, “Understood.”
“For now, if people get wind of anything, it’ll be that you and a Hudson are... well, whatever it is that Hudson does to women to get them into his bed.”
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.” He smirked.
“That’s bullshit,” I said, feeling anger zip up my spine. “Phoebe’s mine. I’m not going to let people think—”
“Yes, you fucking are, Levi. Because this band, believe it or not, is bigger than just you. People are counting on you, fans are counting on you. If this hits the press, it will create another storm we don’t need.”
“I—”
“Levi.” Phoebe’s voice demanded my attention. She shook her head gently, squeezing my hand.
“This stays between us,” Alistair seethed. “I don’t care what you two do behind closed doors, but the second you step outside, it stops, okay?”
“We understand”, she whispered, cracking my heart clean in two.
I didn’t fucking understand.
I wasn’t a child. I was a grown man for fuck’s sake. If I wanted to kiss my girl in public, I would kiss her in fucking public.
But somewhere in the back of my mind, buried underneath all the anger and resentment was a shred of rationality. Everything with Phoebe was still so new and uncertain. Sharing her with the world too soon could ruin everything before it even had chance to get started.
“Levi, I need to hear you say it,” Alistair said.
“I understand,” I mumbled.
The tension in the room seemed to lift. He marched out of the suite, taking some of the heavy mood with him.
“That went well.” Hudson dropped down on the couch.
“He’ll come around,” Letty said. “It just caught him off guard.”
“So what’s the plan?”
“Plan?” Damon frowned at Hudson.
“Well yeah, you heard Ali. Everyone needs to believe she’s hooking up with m—”
“Hudson!” Everyone yelled. Except me and Phoebe. She was watching me, her lips pressed together, keeping in whatever secrets she didn’t want to tell me.
Maybe she was already regretting standing by my side.
Maybe she wanted to take it all back.
But it was too late now.
I wouldn’t let her.
Phoebe was mine...
And I was never letting her go.
“There’s an article,” Letty announced as the second bus began to roll out of Portland.
We’d all crammed on the Van Hool for the five-hour ride to Spokane.
“About me and Hudson?” Phoebe tensed beside me.
She’d been quiet since breakfast. We’d had an impromptu brunch with Dowager. He’d wanted to apologize, and personally reassure us that Milligan would be dealt with.
“It’s only an online blogger connecting dots. Their source said they saw you and Hud looking pretty cozy last night.”
My fist clenched... jealousy sweeping through me. But I forced myself to breathe. This was the plan. Let people think Phoebe was his. Because Hudson didn’t date. He didn’t ever get caught with the same girl twice. Besides, as Letty had pointed out, Hudson had that way with women. He flirted, was touchy feely, a real charmer. He could have been jumping in to defend Phoebe because she was our assistant. Because he cared. Not because they were fucking.
“Let them talk. It’s nothing that hasn’t been spewed across the media a hundred times before. We don’t mind being famous.” He grabbed his junk, and the girls all muttered their disapproval.
“You know Molly will never want—”
“Don’t,” Hudson growled, his whole
demeanor shifting. Molly was a sore subject. His Achilles heel, not that he’d ever admit it.
Damon stood up. “You need to man the hell up and admit you want her, before it’s too late”. He stomped off down the bus and disappeared into the bathroom.
“What the hell crawled up his ass and died?”
“It’s his mom,” Rafe said.
“Oh, fuck. Fuck.” Hudson’s expression softened.
“Yeah.”
“I need to lie down.” My head was pounding from all the talking and thinking. “Bee?”
“It’s the middle of the day.” Phoebe’s brows knitted with concern.
“So? We’re rock stars. If we want to sleep all day and party all night, that’s our prerogative.” It was supposed to be a joke, but she didn’t laugh. In fact, she didn’t smile at all. “Please.” I pouted, giving zero fucks that my brother and his girl, Hudson, and Letty were watching our interaction.
“Fine, fine.” She gave me a small nod. “I’m just going to get a glass of water and I’ll be there, okay?”
“Don’t make me wait too long.” I leaned in, brushing my lips over her cheek. I could feel myself crashing. Maybe it was the prolonged come down from the G, or maybe it was the fact I was bone-weary, but I needed to close my eyes for a second and just breathe.
“Go,” she said, when I didn’t move. “I’ll be right there.”
“Promise?” I whispered.
Phoebe smiled, the small action settling something inside me. “Promise.”
Phoebe
I let out a weary sigh as we watched Levi walk away and disappear into the bedroom at the end of the bus.
“You good?” Rafe asked me. My brows went up and he chuckled. “I think I owe you an apology.”
“You don’t—”
“Yeah, I do. I was a dick. But he’s my brother and he’s just so... so fucking complicated. This, the two of you... I won’t lie, it scares me.”
“You’re not the only one.” My gaze darted away from him, falling to my hands as I tried to regulate my racing heart.
