Batty Blend (A Paramour Bay Cozy Paranormal Mystery Book 13)

by Kennedy Layne

  Leo gave himself one big shake before wiggling his haunches a few more times to help give himself a boost up into the display window. Once situated on his comfy bed, he stretched his stout body until the glittered lipstick kiss that had been left behind by a fairy familiar on one of his front paws shimmered madly in the sunlight.

  He was definitely getting ready for his long morning nap.

  And there was absolutely no changing his mind, which left me with no choice.

  As much as Mom was my last resort, it looked as if I was going to have to reach out to her anyway. She was currently out of town on a vampire fact-finding mission. Neither one of us had ever really dealt with a vampire before, so she’d been hopping in her car and driving to New York City around twice a month to do research since the discovery of our new adversary. The Big Apple was known to host a lot of supernatural beings due to the ease in which one of us could navigate the throngs of people.

  Were vampires immortal?

  Could they walk in the sun?

  What were their weaknesses?

  So many questions, not enough answers.

  I slid off the stool and pulled my cell phone from the pocket of my broomstick skirt. I wasn’t as into fashion as Heidi, but I did think that the wraparound emerald blouse brought out the various green hues of my skirt. Heidi had picked it out for me at the local boutique two storefronts down, but she wouldn’t be in any mood to assist me with some new fall outfits if I didn’t help her patch things up with Jack.

  Um, Raven?

  “Yeah?” I asked as I carefully walked around the counter while composing a text to my mother that summarized what had happened last night. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, especially considering that Heidi had almost sent Jack to the hospital. “Don’t even think that you’re talking me out of this, Leo. We have no choice but to bring in reinforcements.”

  Did you lace my morning edible treats with something that would cause hallucinations?

  “What are you talking about?” I asked cautiously, glancing up to find that Leo had all but smooshed his nose against the glass display window so that he could see outside.

  I shook my head at his goofiness.

  “No, Leo. I didn’t lace your edibles with anything. I did, however, send a text to Mom. It would have been better if you’d gone to her so that you could explain everything in detail that took place last night, but I did my best to sum it up in a short message. She’s good in these types of situations, so maybe she can come up with a plausible reason for Heidi’s temporary glitch of insanity.”

  I slipped my phone back inside my pocket and checked over the sale table one more time to make sure that everything was in place. The Wild Sweet Orange tea leaves were what I still had most of in the summer inventory. Peach had come out the winner this year, so I’d put what boxes that I had left out for those who might want to stock up for the next few weeks.

  So, you’re telling me that you can also see two hamsters running across the street with what appears to be four mice trailing them as if they were practicing military drill formations?

  I’d come to learn never to be shocked by anything that happened in Paramour Bay, but the image he’d created in my head was something out of a scene of Dr. Doolittle. Quickly making my way over to him, I’d arrived at the display window just in time to see the little orderly formation move with precision.

  Two cars had even come to a full stop to make sure that the little critters weren’t run over, and the pet store owner was running close behind the furry creatures with what appeared to be a carrier of sorts. Her left arm was flailing in the wind as she tried to balance herself without tripping over her own two feet.

  “Wow,” I whispered, visions of today’s successful sales being dashed as fast as those little critters could scurry across the asphalt. “We need to help catch them or else no one will be out shopping today. Our clientele will run off in every direction at just the sight of them.”

  What is wrong with you? We’re not catching anything, Raven. Have you seen their beady little eyes? They remind me of little baby demons.

  “Demons?” I asked, wincing when I saw Pearl suddenly realize that several little critters were heading her way. She’d taken a few steps out into the street when she quickly turned on her heels to run in the other direction. “Wait a second. Did you say demons? Have you seen a demon baby before, Leo?”

  I forgot to tack on one of the major aftereffects that Leo had suffered from the necromancy spell—short term memory loss. Only it seemed to have morphed into more of a selective memory issue, because lately his memory blips have had a way of getting us both into trouble.

  It was a figure of speech, Raven. I think. Anyway, I don’t believe that I’ve ever seen Purple Pearl run that fast. Who would have thought such an old biddy could be a contender for the Paramour Bay Half-Marathon?

  Pearl had to be in her seventies, and her hair was actually purple. She definitely wouldn’t be running a half-marathon, or anything even remotely close. Her speedy getaway across the street had been purely motivated by fear. It was a good thing that Sheriff Liam Drake had stepped out of the police station just in time to catch her into his arms before she collapsed in fright.

  “He’s such a sweet man,” I said with a lopsided grin, unable to help myself. His actions of putting Pearl behind him while he leaned down to capture the two hamsters was heroism at its finest. “I’m so lucky to—”

  Leo interrupted by purposefully hacking up a hairball so that he didn’t have to hear about my love life. He continued to interrupt me every time that I tried to finish the sentence.

  “Stop it right this minute,” I ordered him with a frown, finally able to chastise him properly. I even shook my finger at him as I made my way to the door. “We need to make sure that the hamsters and mice are okay. We’ve got a major sale today, as well as fixing this whole vampire incident with Jack. And don’t think you’re getting out of helping, either. You’re supposed to be good at this mice thing.”

  Baby demons, Raven. Baby demons.

  I walked outside, the morning breeze rather invigorating my step as I crossed the street to see if Liam had everything under control. He was currently placing all the little critters inside the open carrier, which boded well for today’s events. I might be a bit reluctant when it came to asking for my mother’s help, but she was pretty darn good at fixing the near impossible.

  “Good morning,” I called out, finally making it across the street to hear Janice Travers thank Liam for his help. The pet shop owner was more than appreciative that the furry animals had been collected. “Are all the hamsters and mice okay? I saw them running across the street as a herd.”

  “I don’t know what happened,” Janice said all flummoxed as she carefully closed the door to the carrier. Numerous little squeaks of complaints could be heard as the little critters complained about being captured. “I’m always so careful to latch their enclosures after feeding time, but the next thing I knew…well, a bunch of them managed to escape. It didn’t help when a customer opened the door and these rascals decided to make a run for it all at once.”

  Janice cast a worried glance over her shoulder.

  I ignored the heat that gathered in the palm of my right hand. My ability to sense danger had a tendency to malfunction at the oddest times. I’m sure that it was nothing now, too.

  “I have to get back and try to find the rescue bat.” Janice patted the top of the carrier in relief before addressing Liam one more time. “I really appreciate your help. Pearl, I’m so sorry that they scared you. They’re really very friendly.”

  The pipsqueaks that began to get louder from the carrier were all due to Leo’s belated arrival. He remained invisible to everyone else, but there was no doubting his presence by the way the mice began to protest in unison.

  At least those beady-eyed demons have common sense. I’m a force to be reckoned with, and they recognize it. I wonder if I can get these nasty rodents to have a conversation with Skippy.


  “Pearl wasn’t afraid, were you?” Liam said, giving me a wink. I would have shared in his humor of the situation if one specific word hadn’t caught my attention. It must have been all the vampire talk this morning, because I could have sworn that Janice had mentioned a bat. “Do you need help over at the shop, Janice?”

  Bat? You’re mistaken, Raven. She clearly meant cat, with a capital C.

  “With your rescue cat,” I rephrased, putting an emphasis on the noun to reassure myself and Leo that we’d heard incorrectly. My palm was still tingling, but I ignored the irritating sensations as I continued to tell myself that today was going to be a great day. “Liam and I can both help. I’m sure that he or she hasn’t gotten far.”

  “Oh, he’s not a cat,” Janice said with a shake of her head, dashing away all my hopes. Leo began to cough up a hairball. “He’s a hairy-legged vampire bat that was rescued a few days ago. He needed a bit of tender loving care, and today was going to be his first adopt-me day. There is something wrong with his left wing, and he can’t be released back into nature until he’s healed. He’ll need a good temporary home with someone who is willing to provide rescue care and a safe haven. There might even be a chance his wing never fully heals, in which case he would need to find a permanent home.”

  Think very carefully before you respond. If those smelly rodents in that carrier have the common sense to steer clear of a cat, then we should have the good sense to pack our bags and leave town. No wonder Skippy hasn’t been seen in days! Why that conniving, nut-stealing backstabber. He already skipped town! You would think that he would have respected me enough to give me a heads up on the whole vampire bat infestation. Well, it’s time to go. Say your goodbyes, Raven. We’re outta here!

  Chapter Two

  Why are we still here?

  “Because you and I both know that the hairy-legged rescue bat might have something to do with our visiting vampire.” I flipped over the open sign, wondering if I should call my part-time employee into the teashop early. I’d originally scheduled Beetle for the afternoon, which was usually when our rush of customers slowed down. He might get one or two walk-ins, but he still had time to work on the shop’s books, if needed. “We’re going to need Mom back here pronto.”

  I personally liked your previous thought about bringing in my BFF early. He promised me some delicious edibles from the Dominican Republic. Who knew that catnip even grew there? They have a more robust, darker green herb that enhances the minty taste to almost a spice. Anyway, I’m going to need a lot of it if we have to deal with a vampire bat infestation.

  Beetle had kind of hired himself after selling his accounting firm to Heidi, but he’d actually turned out to be pretty valuable to the shop. His presence allowed me to focus on my side business of so-called holistic herbs.

  You see, I’d carried on with Nan’s legacy of selling magical spells to the residents with various ailments under the disguise of holistic tea remedies. I was proud to walk in her footsteps. She’d been mixing magic spells with organic tea blends for years before her sudden unexpected death one day while on her daily walk.

  Another bonus of hiring Beetle was that he absolutely adored Leo, and he always made sure that there were edibles cat treats in his pocket. The two had become best friends, but there was a small, itsy-bitsy problem that got in the way of their friendship sometimes…not that Beetle even knew there was an issue.

  Do you have to bring up the fact that my BFF is going to marry your horrible excuse of a mother? The Mistress of the Dark is corrupting my supplier. There should be a law against such a thing happening to good familiars.

  “Leo, I helped look everywhere for that hairy-legged rescue bat,” I explained, collecting my phone from my pocket so that I could once again reach out to my mother. She hadn’t even had the decency to return my first text. “Count Cuddles was nowhere to be found. He must have gotten out of the shop when the hamsters and mice made a break for it.”

  Who names a flying rodent Count Cuddles? I’d leave town, too—out of sheer embarrassment. One less problem we have to worry about, as far as I’m concerned. Technically, we might have gotten lucky and he took the visiting vampire with him. Hey! Did you see what I did there? It turns out that I can be optimistic, after all. Go figure. Don’t get too used to it, though. It’s probably only temporary.

  “I’ll send a 911 text to Mom before calling in Beetle. I can always tell him that you and I are going to help search for Count Cuddles.”

  I figure if the flying rodent left town, we’re good to stay here. Skippy will be back eventually, once he realizes that the coast is clear of flying rodents. I bet he’s waiting in the wings right outside of town where he can keep an eye on things. Did I just make a pun? I believe I did. I’m on a roll today, Raven. Call Beetle! I deserve extra treats.

  I had just hit the send button on the text to my mother when something hit me.

  “Leo, Count Cuddles can’t fly. He’s recuperating.”

  What does that have to do with the price of premium catnip in Alaska?

  “It means that he couldn’t have gotten far with a wounded wing.”

  You’re right. I can’t call him a flying rodent if he’s defective. I need to come up with another epithet. Count Cuddles is just too insulting for my new nemesis.

  I rolled my eyes at how off topic we’d gotten when the bell chimed above the entrance. Liam entered with that handsome smile of his, and my day brightened considerably.

  I could use a sweet kiss.

  Ugh, hairball forming.

  “Morning, beautiful.” Liam scanned the sale table. “Nice impulse buy display. Are you working on customer psychology now? Wilma and Elsie are almost finished with their breakfast. They’ll be heading this way soon.”

  “Thanks for the heads up. And no, I’m working on my clearance sale,” I said, accepting his kiss when he was done sneaking one of the boxes of Peach Crème off the table. “What did you do now?”

  Showed up for work?

  I ignored Leo’s one-liner regarding Liam, doubting that my familiar would ever truly forgive me for telling the sheriff of Paramour Bay that the supernatural existed all around us.

  Leo would have to get over it eventually, though.

  The man standing in front of me was the love of my life.

  Haccckkk. Haccckkk.

  “Leo, are you okay?” Liam asked with concern when the hacking continued for a while.

  No. I’m nauseous from all the PDA that’s going on this morning. Get a room, you two.

  “He’s fine,” I replied wryly, walking over to the counter so that I could grab Liam a small shopping bag for the box of teabags. Leo flopped down in his cat bed, almost as if he thought that I was going to let him take a morning nap. “What did you do to make Eileen mad?”

  Eileen was the dispatcher and administrator of the police station, and Liam would be completely lost without her. She knew everyone and almost everything about this town. Nothing slipped by her, except a few things supernatural, that is.

  And she doesn’t slip by anyone, either. Have you seen those hideous sweaters of hers? It’s a wonder they don’t cause epileptic seizures with those flashing bulbs that she sews into the fabric for the holidays.

  “Liam, you’re a genius!” I grabbed the bag that I’d just given him right out of his hand. As for the sweater comment, there wasn’t a thing that I could say in defense of Eileen’s handcrafted holiday material. They really were hard to look at for long periods of time. “You’re going to have to figure out another way to make her happy today, because I’m taking her the tea.”

  “All I did was break the copier machine, but it jammed and wouldn’t cooperate,” Liam said defensively, all the while attempting to get the bag of goodies back. “Why do you get to give her the tea?”

  Oy vey. I’m taking a nap. Wake me when my BFF gets here.

  “Leo, you’re not taking a nap,” I warned as I placed a call to Beetle. I managed to give Liam a reason why I got to b
e the one to give Eileen tea while the other end of the line continued to ring. “I need information on a vampire.”

  “A vampire?” Liam ran a hand down his face in disbelief. “You don’t believe that Jack Swanson is still a vampire, do you? We talked about this, Raven.”

  “Not anymore,” I muttered, finally hearing Beetle answer his phone. “Beetle, I’m so glad that you answered. You wouldn’t mind coming into the teashop early, would you? Janice let some of the animals out of their enclosures this morning by accident, and the hairy-legged rescue bat that she was offering up for adoption still can’t be found. I was hoping to help.”

  After Beetle repeated a few phrases as was his tendency, he’d assured me that he’d be right into the shop so that I could join the rescue search for Count Cuddles.

  “What do you mean—not anymore?” Liam asked the moment I disconnected the call with Beetle. He hadn’t been too pleased with me, Mom, or Heidi that we suspected Jack of being a vampire. Our suspicions had actually started a couple of months ago when the local librarian—who just so happened to be a werewolf—made mention that a vampire visited town every once in a while. Heidi recalled Jack’s garlic allergy and the red juice in his fridge, and one thing led to another. “Raven, tell me that Heidi didn’t do something foolish.”

  You mean covering herself in garlic powder, wearing a neck brace, sewing crosses into her shirt, and then basically blurting out an accusation? You know, maybe I should stay awake. The look of horror flashing across the good ol’ sheriff’s face is just too good to miss.

  “Heidi might have mentioned something to Jack during their dinner last night,” I said cautiously, scrunching my nose when I realized that my response didn’t even begin to cover the calamity that ensued before their meal. “Fine. They didn’t even get to eat, because Jack had an allergic reaction to the garlic powder that Heidi had dusted all over her body. Don’t worry, though. He had his epi-pen handy.”