The Unlikeable Demon Hunter Collection: Books 1-6: A Complete Paranormal Romantic Comedy Series

by Deborah Wilde

  War was in the air. A sharp bite in the wary looks and tense conversations, along with a gut-twisting certainty that Sienna’s attack had set a snowball of events in motion.

  One wall had been cleared of artwork to make room for a giant whiteboard upon which was taped photos of all the major players, divided into one of two columns. Either they sat under Mandelbaum’s photo or Sienna’s, though most everyone was posted under the rabbi’s photo as confirmed or suspected Rasha or rabbis. My brother had written “zealot minion” for each of Mandelbaum’s posse in his neat printing.

  Sienna’s associates were limited to Ethan and Tessa.

  String and pushpins were used to connect various people, like Tessa to Ferdinand or Ethan to Mandelbaum.

  Any known motive had been written down in dry erase marker under the photo. While there was a detailed agenda for Mandelbaum, only the word “revenge?” was ascribed to Sienna. It wasn’t enough to find Sienna before Mandelbaum did; we also had to untangle how everyone fit together.

  Danilo and Cisco were on their phones, checking in with trusted Rasha and getting flight details.

  Bastijn stood next to a large map of Los Angeles hung on another wall, consulting a list of places pinned along the side and marking off the ones where they’d already searched for Sienna. They’d combed the city, even intimidating various demons, hoping for any bead on her whereabouts, but she was a ghost.

  Baruch was on his phone as well, deep in a rapid-fire Hebrew conversation. Rabbi Mandelbaum’s screaming voice was bellowing out of the other end.

  It had to be killing him to be stymied by the witches.

  Ari waved us over to the large conference table that had replaced the sofas. He dug through a stack of color-coded files, each one neatly marked with the name of one of the players.

  “Check it out.” He slid an orange folder with Rabbi Wahl’s name over to me. “Oh, and hey, Nee?” He tugged on his earlobe. “Fuck those reporter scum.”

  “Thanks, Ace.” I scanned the top sheet summary and whistled. “Wahl is Ex-Mossad?”

  “Part of an assassination cell,” he said.

  “How did you get this?” Rohan asked. “It’s got to be classified.”

  My brother jerked his chin at Baruch, his eyes gleaming in fanboy adoration. “Dude has friends in high places.”

  Rohan tapped a date typed on the paper. “Wahl came to L.A. two years ago, but he left the Mossad ten years ago. What’s he been doing all that time?”

  Ari dug out another couple of pages and lay them on the table. “Not proof, just conjecture. This is a list of everywhere we could place him. And this?”

  It was a half-dozen news clippings about the deaths of politicians, high-ranking military, and behind-the-scenes powers players around the world. They matched up with Wahl’s travel.

  “Mandelbaum has a hit squad?”

  All activity screeched to a stop. Like I heard the record scratch. Everyone stared at me.

  “Care to repeat that? I don’t think they heard you in the main house,” Rohan said. “Do you think that all of his crew was involved in shit like this?”

  “Yeah.” Ari tapped the pages into a neat line. “You know what this means, Nee? Ilya was no innocent. With everything he’s done, Mandelbaum wouldn’t have had him taken out for just being spacey the past few days. This isn’t on you.”

  He meant well.

  “It’s a clusterfuck out there.” Cisco tossed his burner phone on the table. “All the chapters are edgy. Rumors are floating around of attacks that never materialize.”

  “Sienna is playing cat and mouse,” Bastijn said.

  “I hate being the mouse,” Danilo grumbled.

  “Anything on the coroner’s report?” I’d passed on the information Raquel had given me the night of Zack’s event.

  “The estimation of when Tessa got those bruises matched up with the fight Zander and Ferdinand had,” Ari said. “We spoke to the witch that handled the autopsy for Raquel and she admitted that Sienna had contacted her soon after Tessa’s death for the same autopsy request. When she heard that the head of the coven here had already asked for it, Sienna thanked her politely and said she’d get it from Raquel. But here’s the thing. The witch said that when she was doing the autopsy, she had the strongest sensation of being watched.”

  “She probably was,” I said. “Either Sienna was there cloaked somehow, or she’d put something in place to alert her. Magical tracking wouldn’t be tough for her.”

  Baruch clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Rabbi Wahl’s funeral has been postponed until 3PM. They’re expecting a large turnout and want it to be the last funeral of the day.”

  There went my Sunday.

  “Next item,” Baruch said. “Rabbi Mandelbaum has called the Executive and the other rabbis to Los Angeles for a meeting on Tuesday. We don’t know if his men have found Sienna, but everyone needs to be prepared for an acceleration of events.”

  “Are we going to be present at this meeting?” Cisco asked.

  “We haven’t been invited, which doesn’t mean I’m not going.” Baruch’s blue eyes darkened in menace and my heart leapt into my throat.

  I held the folder up like it could protect me if he raged out.

  “It’s my chance to see who his allies are,” he said. “The second we have hard proof of what he’s done, we’re forcing him and the Executive out. No more rabbis in leadership and Rasha on the street. The Brotherhood needs to be more collaborative and hunters need to take a more active role.”

  He got my vote for leader. The other men nodded at his words.

  I half-raised my hand. “I checked Zander’s room. I was hoping for details about what they were up to or even where Wahl and Ferdinand had been conducting their business. Mandelbaum’s men were modifying demons, but we still don’t know where.”

  “There has to be some kind of base,” Rohan said.

  “I looked as well,” Bastijn said. “I never found Zander’s laptop and his phone got destroyed in the attack.”

  Mandelbaum must have confiscated the computer the second he got to Los Angeles.

  “I did, however, find this.” I pulled two sheets of stapled paper out of my pocket, unfolded them, and smoothed out the crease. They smelled faintly of bong water.

  Cisco peered over my shoulder. “A lease agreement. Who’s Millicent Daniels?”

  “Millicent is Sienna’s birth mother. Someone went to the trouble of continuing a lease in a dead woman’s name. Probably Tessa, and now likely where Sienna has been hiding out.” I explained about Tessa and Sienna growing up in the same foster home. “I bet this was what Ferdinand wanted to give to Mandelbaum. We dodged a bullet.”

  Cisco put his two fingers in his mouth and let out an ear-piercing whistle. “Heads up, people. We have an apartment to check out.”

  “You can’t go,” I said. “It’s too dangerous.”

  Danilo kissed each of his massive biceps. “Bring it.”

  “I’m serious. You guys are no match for a witch with dark magic. Not to mention there could be deadly wards on this place that none of us can sense. Don’t underestimate Sienna. We need to be smart about this.”

  “How?” Cisco said.

  “Let me call in my friend. Dr. Gelman.”

  “The one that helped induct Ari?” Bastijn crossed off the last area on the list of possible Sienna hideouts. “Can she be trusted on this?”

  “I trust her with my life. She can check out the apartment with me and if need be, we’ll call in reinforcements.” I’d need the other witches here for my Lilith extraction anyway.

  “You don’t mean us, do you?” Bastijn said.

  “Nope. Ladies-only on this one.” Stepping outside for a bit of privacy, I quickly updated Esther on what we’d found.

  She agreed that she should be there with me. Apparently, Rivka had gotten back from London with the vessel to contain Lilith, so Esther would bring that along. Afterwards, we’d meet with the other witches and we’d g
et Lilith out of me once and for all.

  Oh… good. “When can you get here?”

  “Hmmm.” I heard the clacking of a keyboard. “I can get a flight tomorrow afternoon. I don’t want to portal because I’ll need all my strength.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll see you then. And, Esther?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m really glad you’re coming. I miss you.”

  “Sentimental nonsense,” she said. “You just saw me days ago.”

  She totally missed me too.

  Chapter 20

  The moment I stepped back inside, Cisco stuffed me into a chair next to Rohan. I sent Ro a questioning look and he shrugged.

  Cisco opened the fridge. “Happy engagement!”

  The L.A. contingent broke into hoots and whistles as he set a cake shaped like a semi-erect penis down in front of me.

  Ari merely shook his head while Baruch looked profoundly disturbed.

  “You people are children,” Baruch said.

  “Tree Trunk, do the naughty edibles upset you?”

  Baruch scowled at me and decamped into his bedroom.

  “I mean, he’s not wrong to flee.” I grimaced at the cake.

  It was a flesh-colored atrocity, complete with chocolate sprinkles on the balls for pubes. The words “To Have and To Hold” were written in icing script along the shaft.

  “You really shouldn’t have,” Rohan said. The guys knew perfectly well that it was a fake engagement.

  “I know.” Cisco looked smug. “That’s what makes me so great.”

  “Putting the ejaculating in congratulating,” Danilo said.

  Bastijn snickered. “Chevere.”

  Danilo and Bastijn fist-bumped.

  “Pucker up.” Cisco knelt down with his mouth close to the tip. “You’ll get a special surpriiiise,” he sang.

  “Herpes?” I said.

  Danilo laughed. “We should have had it rigged with those spicy cinnamon schnapps.”

  “Gross.” Ari stood up. “I’m out. I can’t unsee my sister getting jizzed.”

  “Fair point,” I said. “But I’m not planning on—whoa. Okay.”

  Cisco had shoved Rohan’s chair directly in front of the blow hole. “No offense, kiddo, but you are not the photo opp that I ponied up big bucks for.”

  “Yet you still insist you’re straight,” Bastijn said, musingly.

  Rohan rolled out his shoulders. “When you guys are lying awake at night lonely and depressed because you will never find anyone whose mouth is a marvel like mine, don’t come crying to me.”

  “A marvel, huh?” I said.

  He winked at me.

  “That’s the spirit.” Cisco got his phone ready.

  “Wait.” I got out my phone, too.

  “So predictable.” Rohan bent over and opened his mouth.

  Cisco hit the little pump. The cream stuttered out like penile dribble. “Huh.”

  He pumped it again. Nothing.

  Once more with feeling.

  The pump rumbled.

  Rohan ducked.

  The cream jetted out over Rohan’s head, hitting Danilo in the stomach.

  Bastijn hooted. “I knew you liked it messy, chamo.”

  Danilo didn’t miss a beat. He swiped his finger through the cream and licked it off with relish.

  Then Rohan one-upped him and did the same.

  Cisco pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “I can die happy.”

  I checked the burst of photos I’d taken. “Me too.”

  “Had I known we were having this kind of party, I’d have come back sooner.” Kane lounged in the doorway.

  I was hit with three unassailable facts. First, Kane was drunk, swaying on his feet and reeking of booze.

  “Fucking hell,” Ari said, having left the bedroom at the sound of Kane’s voice.

  Second, Kane was dressed in all-black. No fashion nightmare, just pure badassery. Had the apocalypse started?

  Ari examined Kane with a similarly wary look.

  And third, from his messy hair, post-coital glow, and oh yeah, the giant hickey on his neck, he was freshly fucked.

  “What did you find out?” Baruch strode out of his room.

  Kane blinked because he’d just seen Ari come out of there as well. He grabbed an unopened bottle of beer from the table, twisted off the cap, then dropped into a chair and plunked his feet on the table.

  “Raise your hand if you knew Ethan was part of the swinger community.” No one did. “Did none of you ever see the tattoo on his inner thigh? Male symbol with two female symbols?”

  “Oh,” Ari said.

  “Really? You’re the one that gets it?” Kane chugged some beer.

  “Wasn’t looking at his thigh,” Danilo said.

  “Is that why you wanted to see the tattoos?” I said.

  “Tattoos and scars can tell you a lot about a person. If you know to look.” He shot a scathing glance at everyone.

  “How is poking around in the man’s private life relevant?” Cisco said.

  “Kane.” Baruch took his beer away. Kane swiped for it, but Baruch held it out of reach. “You’ve had enough.”

  “I trolled the local scene,” Kane drawled. “Your boy had some interesting tastes.” Danilo bristled at him, but Kane just rolled his eyes. “Calm down. I’m hardly one to judge.”

  “No kidding,” Ari said.

  “Heard that,” Kane sang. “I found Ethan’s preferred hangout and that he’d gone to play there the night before the attack, then I charmed the security footage out of the bouncer and–” At Ari’s snort, Kane raised his eyebrows. “You want me to continue or not?”

  “By all means,” Ari said.

  Kane tipped back onto two legs of the chair. “The footage isn’t monitored and luckily, I got it before it reset and was recorded over. Guess who brushed past Ethan on the street when the club let out that night? One touch and bam. Sienna.”

  “That’s hardly earth-shattering.” Bastijn waved a dismissive hand at him. “We know she forced him.”

  “Not enough for you?” Kane thunked his chair back onto the floor. “Then how about this? For the past couple of years until about four months ago, your boy was making himself a nice little witchy side income to the tune of two grand a month.”

  Baruch wrote everything Kane said under Ethan’s photo.

  “Doing what?” Rohan said.

  “No clue? But whatever it was, he was doing it for Tessa.”

  “You’re lying,” Cisco said.

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, hot stuff, but I’d have to give a shit about your friend to lie. Plus, I traced the deposits back.” Kane rose and bowed sloppily. “You’re welcome.”

  He swaggered out of the room back to the bungalow he’d snagged for himself. Or was exiled to.

  “Pendejo,” Bastijn said.

  Baruch watched him go. “Has he seen his father lately?”

  “Yup.” Ari followed Kane, with me hot on his heels.

  We barged into Kane’s bungalow as he was pulling his shirt over his head. He sniffed it, then pitched it from the living room into the bedroom. “Ever heard of knocking?”

  “Your dad is a dick,” Ari said. “Get the fuck over it. We need to act like a team, not have you parade around like a giant asshole.”

  “That’s not you, Kane,” I said.

  He crossed his arms, his eyes blazing. “You should both mind your own business.”

  “You are my business, idiot,” I said, “because you’re my friend. I get that your relationship with your dad is tough.”

  “Don’t try and psychoanalyze me, babyslay. It’s not your strong suit. Stick to stirring shit up and screwing your boyfriend.” He notched his chin up.

  “Put your chin away. If anything goes wrong, I’m not spending this time fighting with you.”

  “Fuck you. You don’t get to play your death card. Nothing is going to happen.”

  I spread my arms wide. “Anything could happen. Ethan walked in and
took out a Rasha and a rabbi. This is a whole new gameboard.”

  Kane scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. Bring it in.”

  I hugged him.

  Ari tsked me. “You always were a soft touch.”

  Kane stepped away from me. “Why don’t you take your judgy face and go somewhere else? I don’t know what you want from me, but I have a funeral to get ready for.” He headed into the bedroom.

  “You know exactly what I want from you,” Ari said. “A relationship.”

  I snapped my mouth shut.

  Kane froze in the doorway. Then laughed. “No. You definitely didn’t want that.”

  Ari grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to turn around. “Don’t tell me what I want. After our mission in Osoyoos? Didn’t you want more of that closeness?”

  Kane knocked his hand off. “Don’t confuse pity with intimacy.”

  “Last chance,” my brother said. “Keep playing the same script or stop letting your dad’s opinion win. The ball’s in your court. But this is it, then I’m done.”

  Ari spun around and walked out.

  Kane inhaled sharply like he’d been punched in the gut, before he stomped into the bedroom and slammed the door.

  I tapped my index finger against my lip looking between the opposite directions they’d taken, then I strolled into Kane’s bedroom without knocking.

  He grabbed his unbuckled pants before they slid off his waist. “You didn’t bring ice cream or booze so, sorry, not discussing your brother.”

  “This isn’t about Ari. We’re at go big or go home, Kane, and I need to know if you can go big with me without imploding because of your dad.”

  “Hey, I was the one who solved what Ethan was up to.”

  “Mazel tov.” I pointed at the hickey on his neck. “And you managed to do it with a massive fuck-you to your team members. Way to go.”

  Kane rolled his eyes. “Spare me the dramatics.”

  “Takes one to know one. I mastered the art of keeping people at arm’s length and you know what?”

  “You found true love and realized the error of your ways?”

  “No. I got tired. Living down to people’s expectations is exhausting.” I planted my hands on my hips. “I always thought your poison magic was because you were toxic in relationships, but that’s not it at all.”