The Unlikeable Demon Hunter Collection: Books 1-6: A Complete Paranormal Romantic Comedy Series

by Deborah Wilde

  I plastered an innocent look on my face. “I don’t know, but you’ll fix it. You always have the best garden in the neighborhood.”

  She touched her gloved hand to her throat, her cheeks flushing a light pink. “Thank you, Nava. You have a good day now.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Jepson.”

  I stopped by Stacked and picked up an order of their Valhalla Liège waffles with maple bacon jam, back bacon, and bacon bits. Clutching the take-out container to my chest and trying not to drool at the aroma of pastry and pork drifting out of the box, I crept through the school halls, hoping I wouldn’t run into anyone other than Leo.

  Speak of the devil. Half-devil.

  Leo stepped back, caught herself, and stood up tall, chin out. Her perfume was light and breezy, but all I could smell was the evil funk underneath it. That’s not who she was, not what she was, but would I start believing otherwise?

  I handed her the container. “I’m sorry.”

  She opened the lid, stared coolly at the food, and then closed it again. “You think my demon side doesn’t want to kill you on a regular basis?”

  I gaped at her.

  She laughed. “No, of course not. You’re the Great and Powerful Oz with some demon Spidey sense now. I don’t care. What I’m pissed about is that you didn’t have the equal Spidey sense of knowing it was me, your best friend. I pick you every day and you didn’t recognize me on any level. It’s always about you. You’re the most narcissistic savior ever. You and Mandelbaum. What a pair.”

  She flung her red hair off her shoulder and, silver bracelets jingling, walked away with the food before I could get another word out.

  Jezebel, who of course was there to witness that, said something to her friends. All of them laughed unkindly.

  Magic rolled over my skin. “Something you want to say to my face?”

  Jezebel shook her head and stepped back into the safety of her press of friends.

  Sighing, I drew my magic inside me. Back ten minutes and I was mangling everything. I was making my way to my bedroom to find Rohan, when a text showed up from an unfamiliar number with a location.

  I portalled back to the playground in Holland. It was night here and all was quiet and still.

  “Sienna?” I warily studied my surroundings because this had to be a trap.

  “No.” Mohawk Witch stepped out of the shadows. Her spikes were green now and she was wearing cargo pants and a ripped sweater. She had freckles across the bridge of her nose. “I’m Miriam.”

  Tell me your name, establish rapport. Nice try, but I don’t trust you. “What do you want?”

  She touched the Star of David around her neck. “I guess I’m having a crisis of faith.” She motioned to a park bench. “Can we sit and talk?”

  The bench was cold under my cut-offs. I wished I’d grabbed a sweater.

  “Is it true about the wards and our dark magic?” she said.

  “Yes. You have to give it up. Crisis solved.” Something moved in the shadows to my left and I tensed, but it was just a mouse darting across the grass.

  “Can you try and meet me halfway in a civilized conversation?” She unballed her fists. “I’m sorry for the outburst, but if my people saw me talking with you, I’d be killed.”

  “Then why are you?”

  She didn’t answer me at first, and when she did speak, her words were so low, that I almost missed them. “Because you keep doing what you think is right.”

  It was so easy to demonize people. But here was a fellow witch struggling with her conscience, her path through all this, as much as I did. “What’s troubling you?”

  “I followed Sienna because we were going to save the wards, but her obsession with the Rasha is out of control. There’s no longer any point in keeping them imprisoned but she refuses to see reason.”

  “Is she still experimenting on them?”

  “No, but if they languish and die there, she won’t lose any sleep. Witches didn’t just roll over when Rasha came into existence. Some of us wanted to keep hunting, but we were pushed out. Hunted as demons ourselves. It was better to hide away and survive.” She toyed with her necklace. “What if that happens again? Do I value Rasha lives over ours? I don’t know how to do good and keep my moral center.”

  “You value everyone’s lives equally. Problem solved,” I said. “Where are the Rasha?”

  Miriam looked at me with pity. “You see what’s happening in the world today. Can you tell me with absolute certainty that there aren’t Rasha who will place themselves above us?”

  “For sure there will, but we’re more powerful.”

  “And they have an entrenched patriarchal system supporting them. You know what Lilith would have chosen.”

  “Lilith became someone okay with hurting a lot of people to do what she believed was right,” I said. “Maybe she needed to destroy so that we witches could survive and rebuild on her legacy, but she was shaped by a different time. We have other choices.”

  “Easy for you to say. You’re descended from her. You have all the power.” She smiled at my surprise. “Gossip travels between our camps.”

  Could Miriam become another of my logs? Was she my way to get Sienna on-board for this showdown with Mandelbaum?

  “I don’t have all the power,” I said, “but feel free to be a tad jealous.”

  Miriam laughed.

  I rubbed the goosebumps on my legs. “Mind if I ask you a question?”

  She twisted the Star of David between her thumb and index finger. “You’re wondering how I can wear this and not have it be a betrayal of following Lilith?”

  I nodded. “Kind of.”

  “I look to Lilith as a role model,” Miriam said. “A strong woman who fought adversity and blazed her own path, like many Jewish women in history. It doesn’t conflict with my deep religious beliefs.”

  “Judaism is so patriarchal. It doesn’t bother you how women were deemed unclean, relegated to the sidelines?”

  “It does. Men got a lot of things wrong, but I also believe in the Almighty and that all will be sorted. We just need to tolerate the men a little longer because they have their uses.” She winked at me.

  “Then trust that the Rasha have their uses, too.”

  Miriam bit her bottom lip. “Alright.”

  She gave me their location. Wow. This was huge. We could finally free our comrades.

  “Thank you.” I liked this woman. Were we even enemies anymore? “Would you like to hang out some time?”

  Miriam raised her eyebrows. “You mean when we’re not in imminent danger of the wards failing?”

  “Or the coming of the Mashiach. We could get sushi.”

  Miriam laughed. “I like your positivity.”

  “Well, I watched a lot of Buffy. Embraced her ‘can do’ attitude. Speaking of being kick-ass, I need to get back.”

  “Have an apocalypse to plan for, do you?”

  “Better than plan for it. I’m going to avert it altogether.”

  “How?” she said.

  I pulled out the Ring of Solomon. “Destroy this. Lilith stole it from King Solomon once because it was too much power for one man to possess. Now it’s my turn to do the same.”

  “Whoa.” Miriam gawked at the ring. “Well, go, Buffy. Though you might want to remember one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The Hellmouth had to open.”

  “Huh?”

  “The End of Days must come. The world must be reset. Be’ezrat HaShem.” God willing.

  With that, she stole the ring and was gone.

  Chapter 24

  Miriam was working with Rabbi Mandelbaum and now he had the ring. I’d been played, plain and simple. Miriam had told me precisely what I’d wanted to hear, and I’d been so sure of myself that it hadn’t occurred to me that I could be tricked.

  I pinged Sienna over and over again until she arrived, staring at me stonily.

  “I need your help,” I said.

  Her demeanor grew
more despondent as I explained about Miriam and losing the ring.

  She sank down onto a park bench. “Sure, she was religious, but to betray us?” She rubbed her eyes, exhaustion stamped on her face.

  “We lost a battle, but the war’s not over,” I said. “Bring your witches. Bring the Rasha. Join us.”

  Portalling into Hex Factor HQ at the front of a group featuring Sienna and the rest of the Rasha was one way to make an entrance.

  Murmurs rolled through like a wave, Rasha and witches spilling into the hallway. There was a lot of back-slapping and delighted reunions amongst all the hunters, with the Rasha facilitating introductions with our witches to the newly-released and still-dazed men.

  For all her power, Sienna hung back awkwardly. I escorted her to Raquel, Elena, Catalina, Shivani, and Rivka, who were in the gym training under Baruch’s supervision.

  Sienna scratched at her forearm. “Rabbi Mandelbaum has the Ring of Solomon. I’m here to help.”

  Talk about strained silence. Tree Trunk bolted after less than a minute.

  “Stop being so heavy-handed with the cinnamon,” Rivka said.

  “What are you—”

  Rivka cut Sienna off. “Esther always said you overloaded cinnamon in everything. The rest of us don’t share your deficient taste buds, so the next batch of rugelach you leave at my door like a thief in the night better taste right.”

  Sienna dipped her head like a little girl being chastised. “Okay.”

  Shivani, rocking some impressive biceps for a retired woman, planted herself in front of Sienna. “If you mean what you say about joining us, we need all of you. We can’t have this divide in our community anymore.”

  “We can’t,” Sienna agreed. “Let’s work out the details and I’ll gather my witches.”

  I went to round people up. Rosh Hashanah was in two days and we had a rabbi to foil. Or assassinate. Either worked.

  From the way witches and Rasha reacted to my presence, the plague had just swept in. If they didn’t know about my fight with Ro, for sure they’d heard what had happened with Leo.

  I stalked through the hallway, shoulders back and chin up.

  A loud whistle pierced the chatter. Cisco stood in the foyer of the school. “They’re here.”

  I braced myself for the worst, carried along with the swell of people out the front doors.

  Ro and Drio swaggered up the walk, chests puffed out, receiving back slaps and fist-pumps. Long gashes were raked down Drio’s left shoulder and along his ribcage, while Ro had an ugly purple bruise along his chin and was limping badly, but the injuries didn’t diminish their glows of happiness and relief.

  They’d killed Hybris.

  I’d forgotten that today was the date they’d been given by Durukti. I checked my phone, but Rohan hadn’t sent me a text saying he was leaving. I didn’t want to be the girlfriend who screwed up on that magnitude. It wasn’t on him to remind me about the most important demon kill of his life. It should have been the first thing on my mind this morning. I hurried into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Leo was right. I was a narcissist. Maybe if I’d been less self-involved, I’d have been there for my boyfriend and still have the ring.

  Ro was bursting with a well-deserved smug satisfaction, laughing with Danilo and some other friends.

  I edged up to him like I just happened to be passing by. “You did it.”

  He raked a considering stare over me. “You were right,” he said. “It didn’t help.”

  Danilo forced the people around us to disperse. “Give them some privacy. Rohan is a surly bastard when he’s on the outs with this one.”

  “Am not,” Rohan said.

  “Fuck yeah, you so are,” Cisco said.

  Was it petty that a small bubble of happiness fizzed around inside me hearing that? I maintained a suitably appropriate somberness for the conversation we’d been having. “I’m sorry. I thought you’d get closure. I mean, I’m sorry for everything.”

  Ro glanced at Danilo and Cisco who made kissy faces at him. “I’m the one who’s sorry. When I saw you slash your throat I went to a crazy place.”

  Drio leaned over. “He’s very rigid.”

  Rohan pushed him away by the face. “I said some horrible things and I was way out of line.”

  “I crossed one or two thousand lines myself.”

  “I can’t promise this is going to be easy for me,” Ro said, “but damned if I’m going to lose you.”

  “You going to fight for me?”

  “Hell, yeah.” His lips quirked up. “And I fight dirty.”

  This time I did jump on him and kiss him.

  “Let me point out that I was the one who killed Hybris,” Drio grumbled.

  I slid off my boyfriend and smooched Drio’s cheek, all wet and sloppy. “Good killer.”

  “Ugh.” He wiped it off with his sleeve.

  Leo showed up. “Way to go, Ro!”

  “Leo, please talk to me,” I said. “What do I have to do to make things right with you?”

  “Figure it out on your own.” She patted Ro’s arm. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Still here, still the killer,” Drio said.

  “I’m glad you avenged Asha,” Leo told him.

  “Grazie.”

  There was a long, loaded moment where I was dying to comment, except I’d lost my teasing rights with Leo. I only hoped I hadn’t lost her.

  “Back to the salt mines,” she said with a wave.

  “Was that a comment on Kane?” Ro said.

  I laughed. “Kane Hashimoto, the OG Salt Bae.”

  Drio watched her until she was inside the school.

  “How do I fix things with her?” I asked Drio.

  “Bella, if I only knew.” He left to talk to a Rasha I didn’t know.

  Ugh. He was of no help.

  “You got Sienna to release the Rasha?” Rohan said. “This is amazing. How?”

  The truth rose up, hot and thick inside me clogging my throat. I thought I’d been so clever in my handling of everything and everyone. I could have forced the words out, but I wanted to bathe in his glow, in his love, a while longer.

  “Mandelbaum got the ring,” I said.

  “Time to marshal the troops,” he said. It didn’t even occur to him that it was my fault. I could handle Rohan being angry with me, but I couldn’t stomach his disappointment.

  I squeezed his hands. “I love you more than anything. Can you hold on to that and let us figure out the rest after?”

  His answer was a sweet kiss. “You got it.”

  The auditorium was a lot more crowded with several hundred Rasha now in attendance. They should have outnumbered the witches, but they didn’t. For whatever reason, word having gotten out to the community-at-large about killing Satan or wanting to see the freak show that was me, the witch contingent had swelled to about three hundred. The auditorium was standing room only.

  My friends were on my side. Most of them. Rohan, because he didn’t know what I’d done yet, and well, Leo was on her phone, but the rest were good.

  For now.

  “Mandelbaum has the Ring of Solomon and Rosh Hashanah starts the day after tomorrow and it’s my fault.” I spilled every ugly detail of my encounter with Miriam. “I’m going to fix it, but I wanted you to all know so that you had the information to act accordingly.”

  Telling everyone was the right decision, but I didn’t have the guts to look at Rohan while I did it.

  “What are you going to do about it?” Jezebel called out.

  “Nava,” Mandelbaum boomed out.

  I spun around. “Where are you, you coward?”

  “Nee? You okay?” Ari said.

  “Mandelbaum is here.”

  Everyone went on high alert, but no one could find him.

  One witch in the front row twirled her finger in a crazy motion.

  “Not even the witches think you’re capable,” Mandelbaum said.

  I held up my middle finger.

&
nbsp; The witch who’d made the crazy sign shot me the finger back.

  “Not you.” I paced the stage, scanning the crowd. “You’re nothing, Mandelbaum.”

  “It will be a mitzvah to put you in your place.” He was insufferably smug.

  “Getting a jump on your evil plans? It’s not Rosh Hashanah yet.”

  “Why wait? Nava Liron Katz, I call you. Nava Liron Katz, I bind you. Nava Liron Katz, I command you to come.”

  The rabbi needed me. I portalled out.

  He stood out front of the compound in the California desert, now razed to rubble, where he’d conducted his demon experiments. “Good girl.”

  I beamed under his praise, then immediately wondered what the hell was I doing?

  A voice inside my head shrieked at me to fight him, but my body had other ideas. I reached out to touch the shiny brass ring on his finger, but he snatched his hand away.

  “Show some respect for your Mashiach.”

  That same tiny voice inside me told him off, but my body was his to control again and I bowed my head. My blood turned to ice. I was helpless to refuse him.

  “You will accompany me into the demon realm.” He held out a bracelet by his fingertips, careful not to touch me.

  Physically, the bracelet was nothing more than a strip of hammered copper with symbols engraved on it, but it made my skin crawl. It wailed with dark magic and blood and violence. I recoiled, my arm trembling as I tried to move it behind my back, not wanting this obscenity to touch my flesh, but he barked at me to put it on and I obeyed.

  He slid a vial of clotted black and red goo out of his pocket and uncapped it.

  Pain-kill-death-pain-mercy-mercy-mercy

  I staggered back at the magic shriek broadcasting off it. It wasn’t all demon cries; Tessa’s anguish was in there as well. “What is that?”

  He tapped a finger against the vial. “Tessa found me a way into the demon realm.”

  The rabbi’s cruelty was abhorrent. He’d gotten off on this torture and he had to die.

  My mind rebelled against that treacherous thought the second I’d had it. Respect the Mashiach. If we’d done wrong, we deserved the punishment he meted out.

  Fuck. No. Not my head. My body was bad enough. If he controlled my mind, I’d break, and this time I didn’t think I’d come back from it.