The Daily Struggles of an Immortal

by Kurtis Eckstein

  Shit!

  I abruptly turned my head away, afraid I’d given away too much. I wasn’t ready to share my pain with her. I wasn’t ready to share it with anyone. The only reason I had survived all this time was because I was incapable of sleeping. If my body had the capacity to dream, then…

  I shivered at the thought. Being awake was hell enough.

  Lily watched my unexpected behavior carefully, noticing my pained expression. I suspected she wanted to ask about it, but she knew just as well as I did that Freya wasn’t really changing right now. “Well…” she said slowly, deciding to change the subject for the moment, “it’s just me and you right now, so let’s enjoy it while we can.”

  “Ha!” I scoffed. “Nice try Lily. I can see Freya just fine.”

  That got her attention, her expression shocked. “W-What?” She asked breathlessly. Freya reacted too, clearly deliberating if she really believed me. After all, I could be bluffing. But then she decided I was telling the truth, stepping out from her hiding place.

  I gave her a smirk, only for it to disappear when I saw her expression. “What?” I asked hesitantly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  She glanced at Lily briefly before returning her crimson gaze to me. “What do you mean you could ‘see’ me?”

  I stared at her. Why were they both acting so weird about it? I tried to collect myself and act casual, shrugging. “Just what I said. I could see you.” When neither of them seemed satisfied with that answer I sighed heavily. “How do you think I maintained my sanity while being trapped in that male fertility statue for seventeen years? Even when I’m reduced to a skeleton, I can still see just fine. I don’t need my eyes for that. I never have.”

  They were still both looking at me strangely. Finally, Lily replied, pulling my attention to her. “But that doesn’t make any sense Sam. If your superpower is immortality, you shouldn’t be able to see without your eyes.”

  I shrugged again, not thinking it was a big deal. It was what it was. I tried to ignore my second-sight most of the time, but it was easy for me to see through walls or even into people’s bodies if I wanted to.

  Abruptly, Freya spoke up again, her expression determined. “Lily, I’m going to use my third eye.”

  I gawked at her in shock as Lily nodded and jumped off my lap. “T-Third eye?!” I exclaimed. “What are you talking about?!”

  Too late. Freya took Lily’s spot, jumping on my lap as her forehead split straight down the middle, her skull reshaping slightly, and a vibrant red eye revealed itself. Except this crimson eye was shaped like a cat’s eye with a slit for a pupil instead of a circle.

  “SHIT!” I screamed, just as her mouth reshaped too. She was suddenly one of the most horrifying creatures I’d ever seen.

  Freya grabbed me by the hair, tilting my head back as she slammed her massive mouth into my throat. Her terrifying third eye peered directly into my soul. Drinking my blood seemed to activate its power. It glowed brightly just as Freya took her first gulp, the slit narrowing – focusing.

  I wanted to tell her to stop, but I couldn’t speak with her dagger-like teeth digging in my throat. If she was doing what I thought she was doing, then I feared that she was about to discover all my darkest secrets.

  I didn’t want her to see it. I didn’t want her to see my greatest torment.

  She saw it anyway, as well as something else.

  13: The Curse of Immortality

  Freya gasped, pulling away from me with blood dripping from her mouth. Her face quickly reverted to its normal shape, her horrifying third eye disappearing back into her skull too.

  An entire orchestra of emotions played on her face as she processed all my thoughts and emotions over the last two hundred and nineteen years – well, almost two-twenty years since my birthday was coming up in July.

  Finally, she settled on one emotion – my worst emotion, her face warping into such a tormented expression that it was painful to look at. She curled in against me, resting the top of her head on my chest as she began sobbing violently, her hands clinging to my shirt as she tried desperately to control herself.

  I didn’t try to comfort her though, as my neck closed back up. I just sat there, trying not to react. Trying to remain emotionless. I didn’t want to feel what she was feeling – not again.

  Lily had no idea what Freya had just experienced, but she didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around us both. I just stared off into space, my eyes unfocused, trying to ignore them both. If I had learned anything over the last hundred and twenty-seven years…and forty-one days…and fifteen hours…it was to not feel. To turn myself numb. To severe that part of me.

  Just as I did now.

  There was a reason I used to have my torture sessions at roughly three in the morning every day – at least, before Lily and Freya. Physical pain was a great distraction from other forms of pain, as much as I hated to admit my training hadn’t only been for developing a higher pain tolerance for a little over a century.

  Freya finally collected herself enough to speak.

  “I’m sorry!” She pleaded with me desperately, her words barely coherent through her sobs. “I’m so sorry! Please forgive me! I didn’t know!” I tried to ignore her. It was painful just to hear the torment in her voice.

  When I didn’t respond, Lily looked up at me with concern. “Sam,” she whispered, only wanting to get my attention, saying nothing more.

  I glanced at her for a moment, holding her smoldering gaze. Surprisingly, her two eclipsed suns reminded me of all the reasons why I had barely thought about that horrible day in the last seven months. I sighed heavily, my tense muscles relaxing some.

  “It’s fine Freya,” I said calmly.

  She was trembling, so I finally wrapped my arms around her, pulling her slim body against me tightly so that she had to move her head to my shoulder. Lily rewrapped her own arms around us both again. We were then all silent while Freya continued to sob. Her body was limp in my lap, her legs on either side of my hips hanging loosely.

  “I’m sorry,” she finally whispered again. “Please don’t hate me.”

  I squeezed her tighter, rubbing my cheek against her black hair. “I could never hate you Freya. You should know that.”

  She nodded somberly underneath my chin. “I know. But still…I’m sorry…”

  Lily spoke up then, again just saying my name. “Sam…” There was a hesitant 'want' in her voice.

  I looked at her fully this time, watching the colors in her irises shift around like coals in a fire. It was surprisingly soothing to watch…surprisingly because…

  I took a deep breath, focusing on her intently. I really didn’t want to share, but it wasn’t fair that Freya knew and she didn’t. Even if the sobbing girl in my lap only knew because she’d forced it out of me.

  “Let’s just say,” I said hesitantly, “there’s a reason why I haven’t dated in over a century…” I took a deep breath. “And…there’s a reason why I let you specifically in my life…”

  “Why?” She asked breathlessly, her voice almost inaudible.

  I stared into her fiery eyes, as I replied slowly. “Because Lily…you’re fireproof.”

  The shades of orange in Lily’s eyes shifted and swirled in a way I’d never seen before. I wasn’t sure what emotion she was experiencing, but clearly it was uniquely sparked by this situation. Her face certainly didn’t reveal what she was feeling. It turned impassive, with only her eyes showing that something significant was happening internally.

  After a moment, she spoke again, barely above a whisper. Thankfully, Freya had calmed down enough that she was only sniffling occasionally, because otherwise I wouldn’t have heard.

  “Who?” She asked simply, quietly.

  I held her gaze while I continued to watch the colors churn in a noticeable pattern. Her face was so close to mine that leaning forward a few inches would place my forehead on hers. I tightened my embrace on Freya. “My daughter…” I broke her gaze, turning my
face away, when I saw the pain in her eyes.

  “She was only nine years old. I was holding her. I couldn’t protect her...” I closed my eyes, trying to prevent the tears from escaping. “I was right there. And I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t stop it…” I didn’t want to remember, but it was too late for that now. My next breath was difficult to take. “Her screaming. The fear and pain in her eyes. It still haunts me. It kills me...everyday…”

  My immortality came with the curse of a sharp memory. The more powerful the associated emotion, good or bad, the stronger the memory was. In this case…it was my sharpest memory. My worst memory. In a hundred and twenty-seven years it was still as fresh as if it had happened today. Time didn’t touch it. And nothing would heal the wound it had caused.

  Nothing.

  I paused again, trying to regain control of myself before I lost it. I had never shared this willingly with anyone. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Yet here I was telling them. I took another slow breath, keeping my eyes shut tightly, so I could finish. So I could get the rest over with. “My wife left me afterwards. She took her life. And…I couldn’t follow.” I sobbed. “She left me alone. To feel the pain alone.” I sobbed again. “And I’ve been alone…ever since.”

  Freya wrapped her arms around me and rested her lips against my neck. When she spoke, I was confused at first, until I realized she was trying to validate my feelings. “Now I know,” she whispered. “There is no love more powerful than what you feel for a child, and no worse pain…than from losing one.”

  For a brief second, her words sent a spike of agony throughout my chest. Because she was right. Only those who had children would truly understand the transformation that happens in your heart when you fall in love with your child. Truly, a love that was unconditional.

  Truly, a love you’d give your life for. Without hesitation. As if there wasn’t even a choice. Because the choice was already made. You’d die for them without a thought. And yet, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even die with her. With either of them. As messed up as I knew that was.

  After a second, the sharp pain in my heart began to subside, and I took a deep breath, feeling my emotions finally stabilizing. After another minute, I found my voice coming easier, but I kept my eyes closed. “I was happy then. They were my life. My heart. And it was torn out in a night. In a fire…” I sighed. “Caused by a villain.”

  Suddenly, I felt Lily’s grip on my arm tighten urgently. I finally opened my eyes and glanced into her eclipsed suns. Her expression was intense. “Please tell me…” She paused, looking distressed, before starting over. “Please tell me you didn’t try having sex with me to…”

  Realization hit me. I suspected I knew what she was thinking now. That I had spent three hours every day getting burned alive by her as a method of punishing myself for what my daughter had experienced.

  I quickly shook my head. “No.” I said firmly. “Trust me Lily, you were distracting enough to keep it off my mind.”

  “I can confirm that,” Freya whispered, turning her head to glance up at Lily. “He really loves you, and he did it for you.”

  Lily was immediately apologetic. “I’m sorry. I just...I’m sorry.” She looked away.

  I wiggled my arm out from between her and Freya, so I could hug her too. I was unexpectedly reminded she was wearing her BDSM outfit when I touched bare skin on her back as I pulled her in close. I sighed heavily again.

  Having them know. Having their touch. Their comfort. Their empathy. It was helping me.

  While the pain was still actively there in my heart after sharing it, somehow their love was there too. Side-by-side, the two contrasting emotions were together. And, their love…it was slowly healing a wound I thought impossible to touch by any superpower, including my healing ability.

  Was it possible that love was its own power?

  As I felt it work through my heart, entering into my untouchable soul, I finally realized…it really was a power.

  A power we all had within ourselves, to heal invisible wounds in others that nothing else in this world could touch.

  It only took me a century to figure it out. I wished I had realized it sooner.

  14: The Blessing of Immortality

  We were all quiet for a long time as we hugged each other. It wasn’t that no one had anything to say, but rather just touching was enough. It spoke volumes all on its own. I had no idea the right person’s touch could be so healing. Or the right couple of people, in this case.

  After a few minutes, Lily got down on her knees to be more comfortable, since she had been forced to be bent over awkwardly. I hugged her head tight against my side, while Freya kept her lips on my neck, occasionally kissing me silently.

  I was enjoying the hug so much, that it took me awhile to begin feeling weird about the situation, because Freya was the one straddling my lap whereas Lily was at my side. I felt like it was supposed to be the other way around. Not that I was about to complain about it in that moment. I was more content than I’d been in over a hundred years.

  Finally, Freya sighed heavily and sat up straight, getting our attention. “Well,” she began, “I did discover a hint of why you can probably see without your eyes…”

  I waited for her to continue, but she just stopped, looking away. Lily and I exchanged a glance. I urged her to continue. “And?”

  She glanced up at me, her expression sorrowful. “Well…I’m not sure how it happened, but I think you’re a lich.”

  I cocked my head in confusion. “A what?”

  Lily was just as confused. “Yeah, what’s a lich?”

  Freya sighed again. “Hypothetically, if such a creature existed, then it would be when someone bound their soul to a pendant or other object to obtain immortality. They would then be free to move from corpse to corpse, animating it as if it were their body. The only way they could die is if the object holding their soul was destroyed.”

  I stared at her in disbelief. “I don’t wear jewelry Freya. And clearly I’m not a corpse.”

  She nodded hesitantly. “Yes. But Sam, your earliest memory…I don’t think this body is the one you were born with.” I gawked at her. She continued. “You have a fuzzy memory buried deep within you where you shifted immediately from a really young age, like a baby, to an adult body. It happened in an instant.”

  Now that she mentioned it, I knew what she was talking about. But it still didn’t make sense. I just figured I had amnesia or something early on. “Yeah, but I don’t wear jewelry.” I persisted. “Shoot if I had an object that held my soul, then it would have been destroyed a long time ago. I’ve literally been reduced to a skeleton before, even having my entire brain destroyed inside my skull once.”

  “Exactly,” she whispered. “Because I think your soul is attached to the bones.”

  Well…shit.

  Was I a lich after all? Was this really not my original body? And was my soul bound to this body’s bones? Was that why it appeared to be impossible to shift my bones out of position? Was it why I could see without my eyes? The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Although, the idea made me slightly uncomfortable. Granted, I still felt like this was my body, because I’d been in it for as long as I could remember. And I could remember a hundred and ninety-three years of my life, which was twenty-six less than my true age. Or I guess, maybe this body’s age…

  Freya immediately grabbed my face in her hands in response to my expression. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you!” She said urgently. “I still love you!” Then, for emphasis, she leaned in and kissed me fully on the lips.

  I gasped. I was more shocked that she had just declared herself for the first time while kissing me in front of Lily, rather than what she was telling me about potentially being a lich. I glanced at Lily, expecting her to be pissed, only to be surprised to see her expression shift from shock to determination. “Me too,” she announced firmly. “Even if this isn’t your original body, I still love you.”

  Wel
l, shit.

  I had been expecting her to be irritated at Freya, not reaffirm her declaration too.

  “Umm,” I started to say, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable by the situation. I cleared my throat. “Maybe…we should get back to the fashion show…or something.”

  “Nah,” Freya replied flippantly. “I think you need a little something more than what we originally had planned.”

  I gulped. “And what’s that?” I wondered hesitantly.

  She smirked at me. “I think it’s about time you take my virginity.”

  I gawked at her in total shock, refusing to look at Lily. “Don’t even joke like that!” I exclaimed. But then I saw the determination in her yes. “Wait. Are you serious right now? Surely, you must be kidding.”

  Freya shrugged, readjusting herself slightly in my lap as she looked over at Lily. “I mean, I’m already here.”

  I finally looked nervously at Lily too, only to see her holding Freya’s gaze. After a few seconds, she sighed. “Fine. Just this once.”

  What?! Shit!

  “But I’m watching,” Lily clarified.

  Shit, shit, shit!

  I knew I had to make a decision, and fast, because there was no way this was happening without unforeseen consequences. However, Freya unexpectedly helped me move towards a decision when she grasped my face in her vice-grip and rested her lips against mine, slipping her warm tongue in my mouth.

  And then Lily solidified my decision when she bent forward and started kissing my neck.

  I chose…

  To just let it happen.

  And happen, it did.

  After Freya screwed me at her office, while Lily watched and even helped a little towards the beginning, I discovered there were consequences after all. Everything appeared to be fine until Lily had an orgasm while watching us. After that, she became a lot more reserved, though she didn’t try to stop us.