Designs of the Heart

by Renee Ryder

  “We will be to Porto Loreno in fifteen minutes, maybe twenty,” the driver said quietly, in his good English, interrupting her thoughts.

  She smiled at him in the rear-view mirror. He looked to be in his early thirties, handsome and polite. She’d appreciated his professionalism and kindness so far. Hopefully that was a good sign to come of the welcome they’d receive in Italy.

  6. The Phone Call

  Hannah sat at the small table in her room. Her two carry-ons lay next to the door, still unpacked. She hadn’t even peeked into the en suite bathroom. Once she’d made up her mind, she just needed a few minutes to wrestle her emotions into submission …

  Before arriving at their apartment, she’d asked the driver to stop at a cell phone store. She bought two SIM cards, for her and Susan—Roger had kept his number for business reasons. Now, shut away in privacy like in a confessional, she had just finished sending her new number to Lauren and Keisha, although that wasn’t why she’d grabbed her phone.

  “Yes?”

  “Ryan, it’s me.”

  “Hey, babe!”

  She hadn’t heard his voice in just a day and a half, so why was her heart beating as if they hadn’t talked in weeks? And yet, she’d gotten her emotions under control before calling him!

  “How are you? Did you get to Italy okay? And the flight? Everything went fine?”

  His tone, tense, perhaps intimidated, suggested that her silent treatment had affected him.

  “Hannah? You there? Can you hear me?”

  “Are you in Tacoma?” she asked, trying to hold back the joy she felt at that moment—their fight was now a thing of the past, but she couldn’t make it so easy for him.

  “Yeah. It’s eight here. In the morning.”

  “I know.” She held the phone close to her ear and ran a hand through her hair, pulling it back because it tickled her face.

  “And how’s it going with my folks?”

  “Pretty good, I think.”

  “Really?” he said, as if he were having a hard time believing it.

  She just answered ‘Uh-huh’ because his incredulity sounded so funny that she would laugh if she tried to say another word.

  “See? I told you they are super nice people.”

  “They are.”

  “Wow, babe. I’m so happy.”

  She smiled.

  “Where are you guys now? Porto Loreno? Are you calling from the apartment?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “How is it? Does it match the photos on the site? Or should we write a scathing review?”

  “It’s not as big as it seemed, but it’s fine for four people.”

  “And the view? Is it as beautiful as the reviewers say?”

  “Wait, I’ll tell you.” She went to the window and pulled back the curtain with her free hand. “I see the horizon, the sea, the two cliffs that curve around and create the gulf of Porto Loreno. We’re by the one on the left, looking toward it. The other cliff looks pretty far away.”

  “Sounds nice! What else can you see?”

  “The beach, sunbathers, boats, a narrow street between the buildings and the beach.”

  “Sounds like you’re describing something out of a movie.”

  “Our driver explained that this is a limited traffic area. There are very few cars parked— just permitted residents, I guess. So it’s good we didn’t plan to rent a car.”

  “Great! Perfect for us to take long walks on the beach and breathe in the salty air.”

  “I don’t think long walks will work out. Beaches are pretty small around here.”

  “Then we’ll take a lot of short walks!”

  She smiled again, since he couldn’t see her.

  “And my parents? How are they?”

  “They took a good nap on the way from the airport, but when we got here they still looked tired. They might be passed out sitting on the couch as we speak.”

  “And you, babe? Tired?”

  “A little.”

  “I’m so sorry for this fucked up situation!”

  “Ryan?”

  “It’s just that I couldn’t do anything else, because—”

  “Ryan?”

  “—it’s a big contract and I kno—”

  “Ryan!”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Um, you mean you … you forgive me?”

  “I’m calling you, right?”

  “Right … Oh, babe! I promise. When I get there I’ll spoil you worse than a princess. It’ll be your best birthday ever.”

  “When are you coming?” Her voice trembled at the question.

  “Today’s Saturday … I should be leaving Monday afternoon.”

  “Should?!”

  “Will! I will. I’m leaving on Monday afternoon, so I’ll be in Porto Loreno on Tuesday. I promise.”

  “How’s the installation of the software going?” She suddenly felt curious, not entirely reassured after that slip of the tongue.

  “Arnav’s working hard. No problems in sight. You know, yesterday I went to the batting cages with John and Samuel. The pitching machine, so cool! I’ve always thought I had some talent as a batter. I beat them both! However, the important thing is that our friendship is solidifying faster than I’d hoped.”

  “Does this mean that your chances of creating your own company are improving?” she asked out of support, but also because his ambitious plan was revitalizing her hopes of turning Lifeline into a reality.

  “I think so.”

  “Well. At least us being apart is doing some good.”

  “Babe?”

  “What?”

  “I miss you so much.”

  She was silent. A mixture of sadness and guilt crept into his voice, replacing his enthusiasm. This plucked a particularly sensitive heartstring for her.

  “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot over the last several hours,” he said, downcast. “I was wrong, babe. I shouldn’t have let my job interfere with our plans.”

  She got the impression that he was about to say something sweet to her, so she stifled the instinct to cheer him up. Why should she miss the chance of getting to hear it?

  “When you’re involved in something, totally involved I mean, you forget the method you need to follow in making a choice. And the method is simple. You choose what is most important to you and everything else can fuck off. I love my job and I can’t sleep at night thinking about having my own startup soon. The challenge of creating a company from scratch gets my adrenaline going! But that’s nothing compared to you, Hannah. You’re the sun in my life. Sometimes you don’t notice how the sun is always there, shining on you, warming you up, while you’re focused on your project. Then one day you find yourself cold, in the dark, and that high priority project … you can’t even remember it anymore! All you feel is sadness and you think, ‘I want my sun back!’ ”

  What could she respond when he spoke this way? So she said nothing, but not because she had nothing to say.

  “Babe, I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Ry.”

  “You know that I’d do anything for you?”

  “Then hurry up and get here.”

  After such a long trip, she needed a shower. The bathroom turned out to be weirder than she’d thought from the photos. Seeing the foreign elements, like the bidet and the handheld shower head in the tub, reminded her that she was far from home.

  She undressed, still thinking about the phone call with Ryan. Especially the final part when both, after switching to a video call, had let themselves go in a whirl of sweet and passionate words—the kind that make us sick to overhear from other couples, but when we say them it sounds like lines from Shakespeare.

  She saw his face again, listened to his voice, felt his smooth hands running over her body and, looking at herself in the mirror, she saw something sensual in her grin. Proof that her heart had healed because her body had sta
rted missing Ryan, too. Therefore, aware that she had to wait three more days before holding him, the memories of their last night of lovemaking dispelled any other thoughts as she slipped into the tub. She lied back, closed her eyes, and let her imagination and the spilling water do the rest …

  7. Present, Future and Past

  I’m free for the next two hours call me when you get this

  Hannah received the text from Lauren while she and the Corwins were ordering dessert. It was the high point of the dinner in a trattoria in the marina neighborhood where they’d spent their first Sunday in Italy. When they returned to the apartment, she had enough time to call her friend, who must have important news. Besides, she was eager to share her experience with someone.

  She wished Susan and Roger goodnight and closed herself in her room. Ryan of course had the foresight to ensure the apartment had the ample division of a living room between the bedrooms before making reservations, fearing embarrassing nights with mom and dad on the other side of the wall. That meant she could talk without worrying about disturbing them.

  She kicked the shoes off of her aching feet, grabbed her phone, and stretched her tired body out on the bed … Oh, the bed!

  “Nice to see you again, my new friend,” she told it, bouncing a bit to feel its softness.

  Waking up that morning had been strange. When she opened her eyes, the light coming from the “wrong” side of the room disoriented her and an insurmountable exhaustion held her down on the mattress for almost half an hour. However, the disorientation hadn’t diminished the loving and passionate thoughts about Ryan that had lulled her to sleep. She wanted to roll over and snuggle against him. At last, enthusiasm about being in Italy drew her out of the bed. Porto Loreno was at her feet, ready to let her explore its piazzas and the alleys that wound through Renaissance-aged houses topped with terracotta roofs that preserved a taste of antiquity. It all was so different from Seattle, even in modern ways like its traffic. Tiny cars zoomed through the city, scooters sliding between them like water flowing around rocks. The chaos of the traffic would horrify many of her friends, but some part of her liked the casual attitude towards disorder. And the awareness of being in a part of the world so dissimilar to hers—in culture and the lay of the land—had triggered an irrepressible impulse to take pictures while she wandered around.

  She scrolled through the contacts on her phone. She knew Lauren would bombard her with questions about what Ryan had pulled on her; but since things were fine now and she didn’t want to relive those moments, she would continue to present the situation like in the text she’d sent her before leaving—as if it was a decision that she and Ryan had made together.

  “Hannah!”

  “Hi, Lauren. How are you?”

  “How am I? How are you!”

  “Couldn’t be better.”

  She’d aimed to shock Lauren, but didn’t expect the ensuing silence.

  “Obviously I don’t mean it, since Ryan isn’t here.”

  “I got that part. I’m just wondering if you were implying something else, too.”

  “What?”

  “That you and Ryan’s parents are getting along pretty well.”

  “Happy to say your intuition works perfectly.”

  “Wow.” Lauren sounded puzzled.

  “Hey, aren’t you glad for me?”

  “Of course I’m glad, Hannah. It’s just … my text. I sent it ’cause I figured you’d be completely bored hanging out with people you don’t know. I felt like your savior when I wrote it. But it’s good news you don’t need that moral support.”

  This explanation thinned out the slight haze that, for a moment, had clouded her bright mood.

  “Before leaving, I thought I’d need you, too. But during the flight I started chatting with Sue and Roger, and it changed things. I admit, I didn’t think they’d be such nice, easygoing people. Especially her.”

  “Sue and Roger?”

  “Yes, they insisted I call them by their first names.”

  “What can I say? That’s great.”

  “Thanks, Lauren.”

  “And tell me, what triggered this deep bond?”

  “They asked about me, which I knew they would. But they were very discreet,” she added, not mentioning Roger’s gaffe about finances. “So I started telling ’em my story, and part way through, realized I wasn’t uncomfortable after all. At first, I thought it was just ’cause of the situation. But th—”

  “What do you mean by ‘the situation?’ ”

  “Well, I knew I’d have to sit between them on the plane for ten awkward hours, and I’d accepted it. As it turned out, I was comfortable with them.”

  “Ah, okay.”

  “And when we got here, things were even … better.” She hesitated, feeling selfish now. “Oh, Lauren. I’m sorry! I did it again.”

  “Did what?”

  “I started talking about myself and I didn’t even ask how you are. About Zeke, in particular.”

  “Don’t worry, Hannah. It’s going great. This is the best weekend since we’ve been together! He hasn’t spoken to his wife yet ’cause he’s taking a different approach now.”

  “What approach?”

  “He doesn’t want to tell her he’s in love with another woman out of the blue, so he’s trying to make her realize they have problems. So that she’ll start the conversation and it’ll be easier for him to explain everything.”

  “Do you think he’s serious this time?” she asked, shaking her head at Zeke’s cowardliness. Mainly, she hoped to find a gentle way to awaken her friend’s conscience—Lauren had always been against relationships with married men before love had led her astray.

  “I told you, he’s never spent so much time with me. This is a fact.”

  “Yes, but …”

  “Hannah, I know he wants me. I can see it in his eyes when he talks to me. I feel it in my soul when we make love. That’s why I’m at peace. I’ve just gotta be patient, ’cause he’s a good man and hates hurting people. So, thanks for asking. I do appreciate your concern. But for right now, keep telling me about your vacation and your new travel buddies.”

  “Okay. You know, your happiness is the only thing that matters to me.”

  “I know, Hannah. Thank you.”

  “So,” she resumed, wondering why Lauren hadn’t asked her yet about Ryan, his work, and if she was really on board with that. “When we got to the apartment we rented, Sue and Roger didn’t feel good. Two flights, hours waiting at the airports and driving in a car, jet lag … all that gave him a migraine and her nausea.”

  “And you? How are you?”

  “I’m fine. The tension before the take-off and the chatting with them kept me alert and fine. I’m so happy that I’ve already adjusted to Italian time.”

  “So, did they get sick? Is that why you sound so excited?”

  “Hahaha, silly. Since the trip wore them out, as soon as we finished registration with the apartment owner, they went off to lie down and I went out to buy some stuff,” she explained, not mentioning that she’d made up with Ryan, since Lauren didn’t even know about their fight.

  “Wait a minute! Are you telling me that you went out alone on your first day there?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “At night?”

  “Technically, yes. But it was still daylight.”

  “And how is the place? Is it safe? I ask ’cause sometimes in the news they talk about bad things happening to tourists over there.”

  “I know, Lauren.”

  “I’ve heard about guys there being nice at first to gain your trust and then taking advantage of you …”

  “Do you think I haven’t thought about things like that? But the driver, and the owner herself when she gave us the keys, reassured us. Porto Loreno is a small town, but a lot of tourists come here. Those two things make it a safe area so those horrible things never happen. From what I’ve seen so far, like the peopl
e around town and how clean they keep the streets, it seems true. Plus, where we are, in the marina, we have a lamppost every ten yards and a cafe or restaurant every twenty. Last night I looked out of the window to stare at the sea and I would’ve never believed it was midnight if the clock didn’t say it. There were still so many people out! As for the locals, the few I spoke with so far were very kind. I really didn’t feel any anxiety like you’re suggesting.”

  “Well, that’s a relief.”

  “First I went to the grocery store nearby and bought something. On the way back, I came across a newsstand. They sold a small tourist guidebook of the town and its surroundings, with a map. I got it, thinking it’ll help me plan out the days before Ryan comes. And then last, I stopped by a pizzeria a block from where we are,” she added quickly, not giving her time to ask questions about the missing Ryan. “I’d noticed it before because of a sign that read Pizza d’asporto. It was a good chance to check how my new Italian/English translation app worked. Until I saw d’asporto I didn’t need it ’cause everything’s been clear enough.”

  “Is it a type of local specialty pizza?”

  “No. Turns out it means ‘take out!’ Needless to say, that margherita pizza was our first Italian dinner. Also because Sue and Roger didn’t feel up for much and weren’t that hungry.”

  “ ‘Take out’ is called d’asporto?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “But how can you understand such a … a ununderstandable language?!”