The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond

by Lee Harrington

  When getting rid of the clock you also need to make sure your bodily needs are taken care of. Has everyone had protein to eat today? Drunk enough water and has water on hand? Used the restroom? Made sure they have nowhere else to go? And a trick? If you only clear a few hours of time, create a playlist and memorize which songs are at the half-way point and thirty minutes from the end to make sure everyone has time to land.

  Set the Rhythm

  For some people, this includes choosing good music that has no words in it, that echoes the pace you want to set. I find that my favorite rhythm is something that loosely hits on heart beats. Whether fast with the lash landing every other heart beat or slow and methodical every 4 or 5 heart beats, finding something that echoes the rhythm of my body is helpful. Listen to your instincts and intuition. This applies to both parties. If you can tell that the lash is landing far too seldom and you find your active mind constantly wondering when the next one will hit, find a way to express it to your Guide such as nodding your head up and down or encouraging them verbally to ramp it up or slow down.

  Start off with a lighter-weight flogger and either change to something heavier later on or stay at that same weight. This will allow the body to warm up and thus not have to feel the extreme shock of sensation. This is not meant as a physical ordeal, though this work can be merged with Ordeal working for other combined results. Starting lighter will also allow the Guide to last longer and keep the rhythm going.

  Minor changes are fine, as are moving between body parts, but make sure to keep the same pattern. As the Top, watch for body responses, lip quivers (if able to see their face), the flush of their skin and other cues to see if you need to change zones of the body, change tools, or change the rhythm slightly. Verbalization beyond grunts, moans or groans that match those first made by your partner can bring a Bottom out of their head space for the journey and back into worrying about what culturally or socially appropriate responses they “should” be making. There are some individuals who combine this technique with guided visualization work that talks people through the journey as they “go deeper,” but it is not the core working and at times can distract from that work.

  Dance Deeper

  As the Bottom, let go. No—They will worry about your physical wellbeing. They will take care of your body. Your job is to feel where the path ahead of you leads. Do you see a physical path? Do you feel something in the darkness that scares you or is stuffed down? Follow that, go there, and grab it.

  Is it buried? Dig. Is it just under the surface? Dive. Is it behind this layer of niceties the world has had you build? Knock it down.

  Challenge yourself to look at the dark places. What do you feel powerless about? What have you been told is inappropriate? What have you put away? What have you given up? Go there. It might be surprising what you find.

  On the path into the shadows of your being you may find that Cerberus, the three-headed dog of Hades, is waiting. He may have the faces of your parents and teachers, the shape of your faith upbringing, the feeling of what you have been told you must be to succeed.

  Many of us have been told that like Cerberus, the keepers to the underworld are there to keep us in the light and out of Hell. But the reality is, only in Christianity does hell have no purpose except suffering. All other cultures around the world share with us that the underworld is a place to confront our pains, or relive our same experiences from the past until we are able to see what truly was happening in them. We come back from the underworld changed, full of new growth, able to ascend back to the light because the only real death is the lack of growth. What do you need to see, bear witness to, or let go of, to be able to have room in your life to grow?

  Many people fear that if they let go, they will lose control. Sometimes, losing control can be the point. This might be especially true for those of us who fear our potential, or fear the greatness we are capable of if we rise to that potential.

  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

  Actually, who are you not to be?”

  - Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

  If what you are afraid of is breaking the furniture and striking out at your partner, see the above note on having the right sort of restraints, or have a team of able-bodied Guardians on hand to assist if your body gets out of hand.

  But be aware, just because someone has gone non-verbal or begins speaking in tongues does not mean that they are asking for the physical experience to ramp up. Digging deeper does not mean “hit me harder.” It may, but it also may mean slow down, stay the same, or stop. It is nearly impossible for someone in a space of deep journeying to express a safeword or other cue to stop or back off. Before the working begins, confirm that you know what their body is likely to look like (if they know), whether tears or loss of verbal communication are a sign to stop or push on, and do other negotiation in advance when possible.

  Bring Them Back

  If we take them on a journey, it is our responsibility as their Guide, their Sherpa, their Attendant, their Shaman, to bring them back. This can take just as long as the journey out takes. They may be lighter, but the road has been long and they may be weary. Some individuals don’t want to come back, liking what they found out there. Others may be in pieces and need assistance processing what they experienced before they can function in the world again. It is this reason that this work is not encouraged for individuals who are deeply mentally troubled or suffer from mental illness, as what bubbles to the surface may be a key to that illness that you as the Guide and they as the Journeyer do not have the skills to process.

  For this reason many therapists have expressed their concerns that forms of kink like this are “playing games with psychological dynamite.” However, for some individuals, there is only so much change they can experience from the Beta brainwave state, there is only so much talking about it that can help. If there is an energetic or emotional block, tools such as Cathartic Flogging have the potential to help shake things loose and let the baggage we are carrying get emptied out enough to start looking at what we have been hauling around.

  Do not be mistaken. Just because an experience is therapeutic, it does not replace therapy. Proper processing after the fact is necessary to move forward in life and grow to the fullness of your potential. Individuals who come back time and time again to have their beings emptied out and then do nothing but shove it all in again and repeat a week or a year later having not moved at all are a form of Catharsis Junkie. They need another “fix” before they can operate in their lives again, and many are practicing avoidance by masquerading it as a form of spiritual experience.

  For specific ideas on the best ways to bring someone back and end these scenes, see later in this chapter in “Ending Rhythm Scenes.”

  Dedicated Tools

  Many individuals working with the Path of Rhythm argue that they have challenges connecting to their partners while doing flogging. The most common reason I hear for this challenge is that because there is no connection of skin-to-skin there is no connection of spirit to spirit.

  One way to reduce this energetic distance is to dedicate your tools. Doing so allows the opportunity to use a wide variety of tools that may require physical distance, while still maintaining the connection possible in skin-to-skin contact. You can dedicate your toys to be part of you, to be charged with aiding you in a specific intent (i.e. this rope feels safe to be in, this flogger feels very sensual, this whip is very sadistic), or as a way to amplify a specific relationship (to a specific person or when using that toy to dedicate all of the energy from using that toy to a specific spirit or deity). There are many different ways to dedicate your tools or toys, and these can be layered for extra effect.

&
nbsp; Craft It

  By spinning your own rope, hand-braiding your own whip, or creating your own wardrobe from scratch, not only do you create the exact tool you want, but you also charge it with your energy and personality while creating it. Be the Toymaker. In numerous sacred traditions, the concept of saying a prayer with each knot tied in a rug or with each line woven in a basket is common. The same can also be done for potent Sacred Kink tools.

  Hold It

  By holding the item in your hands and focusing on it, getting to know how it handles as we throw it or practice with it allows the item to get “used to” being in our hands. It can get comfortable with us just as we are getting comfortable using it. And by getting used to using the item, or even feeling its weight in our hand, our confidence and surety will carry down the tool to our partner’s waiting body.

  Breathe With It

  Breathe in. Smell the item. Get used to it in your pores. Begin to associate its scent with the work you plan to do with it. Breathe out. Follow the rhythms of your heart as you breathe with the tool and make it yours. Charge the breath with that emotion or thought you long to have associated with. Let it take that breath in. This creates symbiosis with the tool, or in some cases, helps you develop a sort of Pavlovian response to the tool. Instead of hunger, you are conditioning yourself to know the smell associated with the outcome desired in the work.

  Talk To It

  Every item has a spirit. Even if you don’t believe in Animism (the idea that everything on this planet has spirit), that does not mean your tools don’t have a spirit. And if you don’t believe it, consider it a form of mental association, allowing the part of your brain that needs to build up skill to believe that it can have that skill using this item. Strangely, it works even if you don’t believe in the “woo woo” stuff. You can cajole a tool into working with you, barter with it with offers such as “I promise to keep you oiled if you do this for me,” let it hear all about what you have in store for it, let it hear how beautiful/strong/lovely it is, or let it know it is becoming part of a family or part of you. Whatever your approach, sharing a conversation or even just saying hello can go a long way.

  Spend Time With It

  Don’t keep the tool buried at the bottom of your toybag or hidden in the back of your closet. Take it with you to parties. Curl up with it. Take care of it. Keep it in your pocket. Get used to the shape of it near you.

  Focus On It

  Give it your attention. Meditate on its nature and qualities. Is it really the best tool for this job? How could it be modified to be perfect, or how could your plan be modified to fit it best? Really look at it, practice with it, and get to know it by having it be for a moment the center of your world.

  Dream With It

  Take it into dream-time with you. Let it become part of your astral arsenal of tools on the other side of reality. Find out in your non-waking world what it can do, and how you can use it better. If you dream of binding demons with it, how can that knowledge be used metaphorically on this side of the veil of dreams?

  Personalize It

  Carve your name in it. Paint it. Hand-whip the ends of the rope. Keep it stored in a specific way each time. Find some way to make it know that it belongs to you now, and you care about it enough to make it unlike anything else in the world. Make it unique, special, and undeniably yours.

  Cum On It

  Not popular or necessarily advised in this modern time of encapsulated viruses, there is power in our bodily fluids. If you are unable or unwilling to do this for health, safety, or personal discomfort reasons, never feel bound to do so. The effects are unlikely to take if you have reservations. But if you are thinking about your Sacred Kink workings while ejaculating, it can be a potent way for making a tool become a part of you.

  Also remember that semen and vaginal juices are not the only bodily fluids with power. Marking your gear with tears, with sweat, and with blood. All of these are powerful ways to imbue an object with your own essence, physically and spiritually.

  Make It An Extension Of Yourself

  Many forms of magical arts talk of the idea of creating chi-swords or shields from your astral body for astral combat. This concept can be applied to our erotic sacred tools as well. Holding the item in your hand in the way you would hold it when it is in use, imagine extending your hand to end at the end of the tool. If it is a dildo, put it in place over your groin and extend your energetic phallus to fill the space occupied in physical space by the silicone.

  This will take many rounds of practice. Be forewarned, though: not only must you practice extending your astral body, but you must practice bringing it back to its original shape. If you leave a piece of your energetic body in a toy and walk away from it, you may feel effects similar to phantom limb syndrome, or in rare cases, down the road being unable to integrate that part of your pattern back into your body without some major form of will-working.

  Warnings and Other Thoughts

  Don’t dedicate other people’s tools. It’s rude. They aren’t yours, and though it might seem like a good idea to dedicate it for just that working, it doesn’t always go back to being theirs afterwards. There is a possibility that the person you borrowed the tool from may not be able to use the tool as well afterwards, or may find their scenes suddenly ending in catharsis because you dedicated that flogger to cathartic work. That is inconvenient, and rude, if they wanted hot sex. This applies to your tools as well! If you dedicate a blade to extreme sadism (by using the techniques above consciously or unconsciously), don’t be surprised if it becomes difficult to use that knife for sensual scenes, or if it likes to draw your blood each time you open it up. Neutral tools are malleable and able to be used in many different ways that dedicated tools cannot be.

  If you dedicate a tool to a relationship (on purpose or by using it over and over again with the same partner), do not be surprised to find that you may have emotional challenges using that tool with other people. This can be read as emotional linking and bonding in your subconscious mind between the tool and that relationship, or that the tool has decided it only likes that person. Whether you take an animistic approach or a modern psychology approach, it still happens.

  Learn how not to charge or dedicate your tools. Practice picking tools up with neutrality, keeping your energy inside your body and the tool’s energy uncontaminated. Consider “cleansing” your tools after each use by physically washing or cleaning them and while doing so letting the energy of that prop know it should let go of what it is holding onto as well. Some materials are more likely to lose a charge even without cleansing (such as silicone), while others are prone to holding onto a charge even after cleansing (such as leathers that have absorbed bodily fluids).

  There are also tools that will come dedicated in advance. If acquiring hand-me-down toys, ask what they may have been used for in the past. Some tools also have a mind of their own long before they meet an owner. Individuals can override these haunted or pre-dedicated tools with ritual work and cleansing, most of the time. But not all of the time. Some tools are just not meant for the purpose we had hoped for, just as some relationships are not a good fit in our lives.

  Finally, if you plan on dedicating all of your energy from a specific type of play, or all work done with a specific tool (as I have seen some individuals do when bartering with a tool), or all of one’s entire sex life to a specific Deity, spirit, or magical work, take a moment to weigh out the ethics surrounding this choice. Do you need to tell your partner, who is going to be restrained, that a piece of everyone restrained by this straight jacket is to be dedicated to your love Goddess? If you are going to have sex with someone, is it important to mention that you are using all your orgasms to fuel a spell for getting rich? These things may seem innocent enough, but if it turns out that both parties are dedicating their work, especially to opposing workings, the repercussions can get messy. Take a moment and think about how your energetic commitments surrounding dedication may affect the people you play w
ith, or whether you might want to consider mentioning what you are up to. This becomes the art of understanding your own ethics in Sacred Kink.

  Top Trance and Two-Footing

  Bottoms are not the only ones who can enter altered states of consciousness. Tops, or the active, giving partner in physical sensation, can also enter an altered state and become the Journeyer in an experience. When this happens, specific issues will need to be addressed.

  The first is negotiation about who the scene is for. If it was negotiated for the Bottom to go out of their skin for example, and the Top “slips” into trance, this can be a violation not only of trust, but of physical and emotional safety. Who is now driving the scene? However, if it was negotiated that the Bottom would stay focused and steady while the Top used the rhythm and sensation to fly—what an amazing gift!

  Not every Bottom has the ability to do this. They must know their physical capabilities, know the skill-set of their partner, and trust their intuition on when to step out of receiving sensation and into helping bring their Top back from their trip. The Bottom must also have a fair deal of tolerance; Tops in trance have a habit of hitting the same spot over and over and over again in a form of hyper-focus, or end up having their skill for aim drop as they start to fade away. Some just randomly drift off while others ramp up until they hit a plateau, with little or no concern for their partner’s body.