Predicament Bondage
A favorite of the torture set (check out Amnesty International’s regular reports for some starting inspirations), predicament bondage is a deceptively easy ordeal tool. Strappado (wrists or elbows bound behind the back, pulled up and attached to the ceiling), balancing on one foot, strict hogties, having to balance an egg in a spoon in the mouth, balancing on tiptoes over spikes or electric pads…the possibilities are endless. Some people may invest their egos though, in which case they may truly damage themselves before tapping out. As an ordeal creator, keep in mind that some people may push their bodies beyond what may be reasonable.
Hooks
In the body modification and kink communities, hooks have come a long way in recent years. What began as individuals inspired by the Sun Dance and O-Kee-Pa, has turned into poses such as the Coma (face up), Superman (face down), Knee hangs (upside down by the knees), and more. The art form has become a technology for flash and performance, and now there is a call to bring the ritual back to hook pulls and hook suspensions. I believe that as with anything, there is a place for the sacred and the profane. The fantastic thing about the evolution of performance and sexual hooking is that it has become safer by practitioners learning how to reduce accidental ripping, and creating more hygienic practices. Autoclaving your tools, using single-use needles and wearing different gloves for each individual is of vital importance in modern hygienic practices.
Temporary Piercing
Beyond hooks, there are a wide variety of other temporary body-piercing options. Charmingly referred to as “play piercing” in the larger kink community, it is also called “decorative piercing” and “temporary needles.” Tools include hypodermic (a.k.a. hub) needles, acupuncture needles, surgical staples and sutures. Piercings can be done in a delicate manner, or in a nasty and messy way. From genital piercing to lip suturing, crowns of thorns to being woven into a skin-lacerating spider web, the possibilities are nearly endless. The combination of piercing and chakras is discussed in the Path of Sacred Plants.
Blades
A knife to the throat from the villain in the back alley. Holding perfectly still as your straight-razor wielding lover shaves your pubic hair. A katana twirling around your body at high speeds. Referred to as knife or blade play in kink, the genre of using sharp and shiny things on the body can trigger a wide variety of reactions such as fear and pressure that are related to building an ordeal. Cutting someone with blades (as well as piercing mentioned above) may also be about the creation of scars, but even if it is not meant to scar, it always risks a chance of doing so.
Fire
Just as the elements of earth (burial), water (submersion), and air (strangulation) can never truly be controlled for erotic play, fire is dangerous as well. However, the reasons that fire appeals can be tracked down to our primal mind. Our animal mind is still shocked by the lightning that fell from the sky and burned the trees. Fire breathing and spray bottles can work as a sensory experience or as a form of sensual and terrifying bondage. Fire spinning can inspire terror and delight. Fire cupping involves heating up glass containers, creating suction, and lowering them to the flesh. Fleshing involves painting the body with rubbing alcohol and lighting it on fire. All of these can get out of hand for the untrained…or lead to hugely transformational experiences for the skilled.
Fear/Terror
I personally find the language of “fear play” to be distasteful. There is very little playful about treading the territory of phobias, emotional pain, and doubt. It can be energizing, it can be powerful, but it is rarely play. Having someone who is arachnophobic (afraid of spiders) be bound to a bed and have a tarantula put on their body, venomous or not, is dangerous to the human psyche. But doing so, having consented in advance, with open eyes ready to push one’s own limits, can change your life. Sometimes we are tired of being scared, and facing our fears on our own terms can be hugely empowering. In the liminal space between danger and passion, life can change and desire can be an amazing tool for making that change happen.
Patience
Being used as human furniture. Left alone and told to wait holding a Slave position for an unknown period of time. Having to let go of your plans or control for an evening when your partner refuses to tell you the surprise they have in store. Cultivating patience can be an extreme challenge or downright ordeal for many of us, and utilizing this in Ordeal Path work can be an unexpectedly powerful test for many of us.
Authenticity
One of the greatest ordeals a human can ever face is the journey of becoming their true self. Finding your personal truth and then taking the steps to embrace and explore what that truth means to you requires bravery, courage, and vulnerability. Though far from being limited to the pursuit of sexual explorers, by embracing the eroticism of authenticity, kinksters of all stripes have an inroad to this journey that others might not have. Whether stepping fully into their role in Slavery or Mastery, embracing their identity as a rubber fetishist, or stepping out of the closet as a swinger, this ordeal tool can be an amazing opportunity for evolution of the self.
Even the act of telling a lover of your interest in wearing a blindfold can be a profound ordeal. Not knowing what they will say, how they will react, and what will come next. The same applies for individuals considering coming to their first ever kinky social event (a.k.a. Munch) or play party. The sensation of terror can feel debilitating, and just like any ordeal, no one but yourself has the right to make you take that step off what might feel like a cliff in that moment.
Saying No
Stepping into our authentic selves includes learning the skill to step up for our needs and limits. But for many Bottoms especially, using a safeword for a first time can feel like an ordeal. Should I just tough this out even though it might be harming me? Will it hurt their feelings? Will they still love me?
Even for the most experienced players in the kink community, saying no to anyone can be an ordeal if it is a new experience. This applies to Tops as well. Saying no to a play partner can bring up a similar series of questions. Does it make me a bad Top? Should I just grit my teeth and do it even though I don’t have the skill or it annoys me? Will it hurt their feelings? Will they still love me?
Undergoing ordeals leaves us different when we come out the other side. So is when we say no for the first time. This could be the first time in kink, first time with a specific partner, or the first time in your life at all.
Witness to the Journey
I lay out bundles of rope before her seated form before going to hang my suspension ring from the ceiling. She stared at them, wide-eyed. Picking the ropes up, she tested their strength. Finally ready, I kneel before her.
“Is your body ready for this work?” “It is.”
“Is your mind ready for this work?” “It is.”
“Is your spirit ready for this work?” “It is.”
With that I cast ceremony aside and grabbed her roughly by her hair, hauling her to her feet. Rope trapped both of her hands behind her back, and lines wrapped around her arms framing her breasts above and below. Up and down, left and right, I spun her upper body in a frame that held her snug until I knew it could bear her full body weight if it needed to. Lines from the back ran through my hands and up to the ring and back down and again until I locked them off and gave her body a push. She spun, grunted, and then caught her own balance.
She was ready.
I took off my shirt, too sweaty for this much labor, and held her for a moment, my bare chest pulling her close. She was given one last out. I stepped away.
She looked at me defiantly, but I could see her fear just on the other side of that sternness. I wrapped lines around her left ankle and then in a swift clean motion lifted it into the air. After tying off that line as well I stepped away. I stepped away, and waited.
The first five minutes is always easy. She stood defiant and beautiful, all eyes in the dungeon on her with her sex exposed to all. But then I could see the fir
st cramp start to set in as her right leg, holding all of her weight, started to cramp up. She leaned forward onto her chest lines and lost balance.
It’s always hardest for me not to move during that first piercing scream. When they realize in their bones that this is not play. To keep my face neutral, to not feed off of this. This is her ordeal, not fuel for my sadism. This is not mine to take, not unless she had agreed to it ahead of time. Tonight it is my job to bear witness to her journey, to bring her back afterwards. To be there for her in success or in failure.
After twenty minutes we have cleared the dungeon and five minutes later the party hostess decides to push past me and ask her if she wants down, even though before we started I had expressly told her that this scene was to be an ordeal, that it would look harsh. She had not really understood, it seems. I try to stop her, but she is insistent, and asks my charge if she needs to come down.
“NOOOOO,” she screams, “Don’t take me down.”
Our hostess pauses, not expecting this strong of a reaction.
I nod, lock eyes with the warrior queen in bonds before me, and wait.
Consensual Ordeals?
Some of us are born knowing, or are told at an early age, that we must rise above our situations to live fully in the world. Some endure intense hardships that they never asked for. Others are challenged by chronic pain.
But we don’t always get that choice.
For some of us, we are born with or are given at an early age a challenge that we must rise above to live fully in the world. Some endure intense hardships that they never asked for. Others are challenged by chronic pain.
“Those of you in chronic physical pain, what is the gift and what is the burden of that pain? There is never simply one thing or another. The pain is a teacher, an opener of the way, and the pain is also a burden to be carried. Sometimes pain teaches patience, or resilience, or compassion even while we are crying out to be relieved”
- T. Thorne Coyle, www.thorncoyle.com
Just as pain can be a teacher, so can any other ordeal set upon our path. In the world of kink, these moments can arise when we least expect them. Trauma and past journeys can creep into the dungeon, shaking us with memories of rape, abuse or violence. We play in the shadow, and sometimes the shadows we hold onto find intense and amazing ways to manifest. Our partners do not set off these triggers just to hurt us, there is usually no intent to do harm. But triggers occasionally happen, and it is our ordeal to work through them when they come up. These shadows do not just creep out for Bottoms who slip into past memory of suffering or victimhood. It can trigger Tops as well. We will be discussing triggers later in this chapter.
Oftentimes in our community, Tops, Dominants, Masters and Mistresses are lifted up on a pedestal. They are seen as powerful and invincible. They are objectified, and projections of what they “should” be and be able to do or handle are thrust upon them. Tops might be triggered by the activities they have do to others, by a Bottom’s response, watching other scenes in the play space, or during their processing after a scene. Those holding the whip or the collar are human as well.
Thus, sometimes a scene that had no plan of ever being a spiritual journey along the Ordeal Path can be railroaded into a life-changing opportunity. As erotic educator, therapist and author Dossie Easton said, “we can never have a childhood-ectomy.” But we do have choices on what we can do when challenges and trials arise in our lives. Do we take them as a way to be e-traumatized, or do we breathe deep and thank the universe for the opportunity to peel back a layer of our masks and look at what we have inside us?
The universe does not always offer consent.
In the modern world of kink, mantras abound to make what we do acceptable and accessible to the world at large. Mantras such as Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) also offer comfort to beginners or “newbies” who want to feel like they have control over what they are doing and will be okay and unchanged at the end of the night. Others offer Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) as a way to explain that they know what they are doing could be dangerous but they are doing it with eyes wide open.
Sometimes the universe offers us trials unexpectedly. But even when we have the luxury to design our challenges, we may run into unexpected bumps involving the issue of consent. We can pre-consent to activities. But until we are in the heat of the moment, we have no way of knowing how we will react. At that point, is what we are doing truly consensual?
What if you or your partner go into a primal space and are unable to verbally express what is going on? Perhaps a moment will come when you have designed a rite such as burial or isolation where there is no easy way out. Or what if the point of the entire ordeal was that you cannot be done until the ritual is done; that no matter what you scream, plead, or cry, no one will heed your call. And if your partner does end the ordeal when you screamed, pleaded or cried, did you fail, or did they?
It happens. Setting clear boundaries ahead of time is hugely useful. Creating a space for the challenge you intend to happen is also helpful. But the greatest thing I can possibly encourage is to set the will of all parties involved to be aligned for the same outcome, and to be aware of what that prayer to the universe truly means. If you ask for a challenge to push you out of your comfort zone, that might be exactly what you get. Be aware: sometimes the Universe, the Divine, whatever you want to call it, may know better than you the details of what you need to reach your goals.
Ordeal Ethics
Just because the universe may or may not have a plan that we are privy to does not mean we should be lazy. In fact, because the cosmos can throw in monkey wrenches, it means that whomever is acting as the Guide to a journey (even if it is yourself), must be prepared for even more contingencies than most other path-workings.
It requires developing and maintaining a system of Ordeal Ethics.
Ethics are not only a branch of philosophy, but a set of principles for determining moral behavior for an individual, group, or society. They help a person determine what should be done in a given situation, and what would be inappropriate. Though societies have taught the individuals within them a system of ethics, each individual also develops their own set of ethics as they evolve throughout life.
In his essay Binding, Raven Kaldera argues that one option for developing a system for doing right is to undertake a vow with the divine to steer your life away from the work you are to undertake if it might harm you or your charge. This is a valid option. Asking the Gods or spirits you work with to step in by having your car not start, your back go out, or your equipment fail can be powerful indeed.
There are other options as well. The first thing I encourage every potential ordeal Guide to do is to ask what they think is right to do in the name of belief and self-exploration. This applies to ordeal Journeyers as well. What are you willing to do, and why? Some other questions I like to ask include:
Is my pride invested in this work?
If my charge fails (or succeeds), will I be okay with it?
Am I undergoing this ordeal because it looks flashy/cool?
Will I do harm with this work?
Am I ready/skilled enough to do this?
What are the repercussions of this? (Mental, physical, social, economic, emotional, romantic, familial, psychological, aesthetic…)
How will the after-effects of this ordeal be taken care of?
What do I know could go wrong?
What do I have the right to do?
What would be going too far? Do I have the right to overstep that limit?
Am I doing this from a place of insecurity or pain?
Why am I doing this work?
Are there choices that are better for me or this work?
The great thing is that no matter what the answers are, you are armed with new information! There are no right answers. But once you have the answers, what do you do with them?
If you have realized as a Guide or as a Journeyer that this work is calling to you because you have an opp
ortunity to show off how fantastic, powerful, tough, or skillful you are… think twice about whether this is really an ordeal. It is okay to want to go up on flesh hooks because it looks cool. But remember that in true ordeals, not everyone succeeds.
“In ordeal, not everyone succeeds; We fly, we survive incredible sensations, we take on purposeful injury and wear the scars like merit badges. Within a faith that focuses a lot of energy on healing, immortality, and right-living, we are constant reminders that as of now pain, suffering, and death are still part of the human experience.”
- Del Tashlin
This is one of the truly beautiful things about engaging in this path. You have an opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone and soar. But it is also a warning. If you are walking this path from a place of ego, of personal investment as the Guide, you have a chance of having your heart broken because your charge may not succeed.
Guides serve as technicians. This is not just true in ordeal working. I believe this applies to every Path. As technicians, we may also happen to care about the work we are doing—the best technicians, in my opinion, do. But we are not looking over our shoulder to the people watching to see if they think the outfit we are wearing makes us look tough enough. What matters is the work we are engaged.
I have seen Ordeal Masters argue that because they engage with elements, spirits or Gods while doing their work, it is acceptable for them to not follow blood-borne pathogen safety guidelines, be aware of the bondage they are doing, or push their charge far beyond their limits in the name of an ordeal. This distasteful and dangerous. Cross-contamination issues for cuttings and brandings do not go away just because you were in an altered state of consciousness. If this is something that happens to you, make sure to have a safety assistant, have strong skills in two-footing (discussed in Chapter 3), or build in other tools so as to not risk those you are working with. Set yourself up with standards of excellence, because the Journeyer or Seeker who is trusting you deserves it, and for that matter, so do you.
The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond Page 11
