The Dude Wrangler

by Caroline Lockhart

  CHAPTER XXIII

  RIFTS

  Before the birds had taken their heads from under their wings Miss MercyLane was up and crashing through the brambles on a hunt for "Red"McGonnigle.

  It was a morning to thrill the soul of a taxi-cab driver, but it had nointerest for Miss Mercy. The dew on the petals of the wild-rose, theopaline tints of a sweet-scented dawn meant nothing to that lady as,without a collar, her shirt-waist wrongly buttoned, her hair twistedinto a hard "Psyche" knot, she searched for her enemy.

  In her earnest desire to get in touch with Mr. McGonnigle as soon aspossible, she clumped about, peering into the faces of the helpers, whohad thrown their tarps down upon whatever spot looked a likely place forsleeping.

  Pinkey she found without difficulty; also Mr. Hicks, who, awakened bythe feeling that someone was looking at him, sat up and in a scandalizedtone told her to go right away, from him. "Red" McGonnigle, however,whether by accident or premeditation, had repaired with his blankets toa bed-ground where the Almighty could not have found him with aspy-glass. In consequence, Wallie was awakened suddenly by the boomingvoice of Miss Mercy demanding to know Red's whereabouts.

  Her lids were puffed as if she had not closed them, and through theslits her eyes gleamed at him. She looked so altogether formidable asshe stood over him that his first impulse was to duck his head under thecovers.

  Since it was manifestly impossible for Wallie to get to his feet aspoliteness demanded, and it seemed ridiculous to sit up in bed andconverse with a lady he knew so slightly, it appeared that the bestthing to do in the circumstances was to remain as he was, prostrate andhelpless, and this he did--to take such a dressing down as made himtingle.

  Aiming her finger at him, Miss Mercy declared that deliberately,wilfully, maliciously, "Red" McGonnigle had set her tent on a _hump_.More than that, he had cut down an alder, leaving some three or foursharp prongs over which he had spread her blankets. She would have beenas comfortable on the teeth of a hay-rake, and had not even dozed inconsequence. With her own ears she had heard "Red" McGonnigle threatento "fix" her, and he had done it. If he was not discharged she wouldreturn to Prouty at the first opportunity. This was final.

  Wallie argued vainly that it was an accident, that "Red" was altogethertoo chivalrous to take such a low-down revenge upon a lady, andexplained that in any event it would be impossible to dispense with hisservices at this juncture. He declared that he regretted the matterdeeply and promised to prevent a recurrence.

  But Miss Mercy was adamant, and intimated that Wallie was in sympathywith his hireling if not in actual "cahoots" with him.

  Wallie realized that it would be impossible to resent the implicationwith proper dignity while lying on the flat of his back looking up athis accuser, so he said nothing, whereupon Miss Mercy flung at him asshe departed:

  "I intend to ask a ride back to Prouty from the first passerby, and Ishall _knock_ you and your ranch at every opportunity!"

  She returned to her teepee to complete her toilette while Wallie tookhis boots from under his pillow and drew them on glumly, feeling thatmuch of the joy had been taken from what promised to be a perfectmorning.

  Mr. Hicks, too, started breakfast in a mood that was clearly melancholy,for as he rattled the pots and pans Wallie heard him reciting:

  "And when my time comes, let me go--not like the galley slave at nightscourged to his dungeon--but like one sustained and soothed by anunfaltering trust----" He stopped suddenly, and then in a voice thatchilled Wallie's blood he shouted:

  "Jumping Je-hoshaphat! Git out o' that grub-box!"

  He had caught Mrs. Budlong in the act of spreading jam on a cracker.

  "How dare you speak so to me?" she demanded, indignantly.

  For answer, Mr. Hicks replied autocratically:

  "You ought to know by this time that I don't allow dudes snooping aroundwhen I'm cooking."

  "You are insulting--I shall report you."

  Mr. Hicks laughed mockingly:

  "You do that and see what it gets you."

  The cook quite evidently knew his power, for when Mrs. Budlong carriedout her threat Wallie could only reply that he dared not antagonizeHicks, since to replace him would cause delay, inconvenience, andadditional expense to everybody.

  Mrs. Budlong rested all her chins upon her cameo breastpin and receivedthe explanation coldly.

  "Verra well," she said, incisively, "verra, verra well! I shall buy jamand crackers at the first station, Mr. Macpherson, and carry them withme."

  Wallie had no heart to say more than:

  "Indeed, Mrs. Budlong, I am so sorry----"

  But she was already on the way to report the controversy to her husband.

  When they had bathed their faces and hands in the river the eveningbefore someone had referred to it poetically as "Nature's wash-basin."Wallie, seeing Mrs. Appel with her soap and towel on the way to"Nature's wash-basin," was inspired by some evil spirit to inquire howshe had rested.

  "Rested!" she hissed at him. "Who could rest, to say nothing ofsleeping, within six blocks of Mr. Penrose? A man who snores as he doesshould not be permitted to have his tent among human beings. If it isever placed near mine again, Wallie, I shall insist upon having itremoved if it is midnight. Knowing the trouble he has had everywhere, Iam surprised at your not being more considerate."

  "To-night I will attend to it. I regret very much----" Wallie mumbled.

  Mrs. J. Harry Stott beckoned him aside as breakfast was being placed onthe table.

  Mrs. Stott had a carefully cultivated mispronunciation of great elegancewhen she wished to be impressive, and as soon as she began Wallierealized that something portentous was about to be imparted to him. Eventhe way she raised her eyebrows made him warm all over with a sense ofguilt of something of which he was ignorant.

  "You will excuse me if I speak frankly?"

  Wallie gulped, wondering fearfully what she knew and how much.

  She went on in a voice which seemed to have hoarfrost on it:

  "But the fact is, I am not in the habit of eating with the _help_."

  Wallie felt relief surge over him. His face cleared and he laughedlight-heartedly.

  "I know that, of course, Mrs. Stott, but out here it is different.Camping is particularly democratic. It has never occurred to 'Red' orHicks that they are not welcome at the table, and I fear that they wouldbe greatly offended if I should suggest----"

  Mrs. Stott drew herself up haughtily.

  "That is no concern of mine, Wallie. It is a matter of principle withme to keep servants in their places. I am not a snob, but----"

  "Sh-ss-sh!" Wallie looked over his shoulder in Hicks' direction.

  In clarion tones she continued:

  "I cannot consent to letting down the barriers even in theseunconventional surroundings. You can adjust the matter to suit yourself,but I ab-so-lute-ly refuse to sit cheek by jowl with the cook andMcGonnigle!"

  Wallie grew solemn, as well he might, for along with the tact of adiplomat to a Balkan state it required the courage of a lion to conveythe information to one of Hicks' violent disposition that he was not fitto sit at table with the wife of the rising young attorney.

  It weighed on his mind through breakfast, and he was not made morecomfortable by the fact that "Red," stimulated to effervescence by solarge an audience, tossed off his _bon-mots_ in a steady stream,unconscious that his wit was not a treat to all who heard him and thathis presence was regarded as anything but highly desirable, while Mr.Hicks brought his tin-plate and, by chance purely, elbowed himself aplace beside Mrs. Stott with the greatest assurance.

  Wallie decided to postpone the delicate talk of dropping a hint to Mr.Hicks until later in the day, as he had plenty to engage his attentionwith Miss Mercy's departure confronting him.

  "Red" denied the crime with which he was charged with a face ofpreternatural innocence, declaring that he was shocked that any oneshould attribute to him such a heinous offence as purposely leaving foursharp alder prongs unde
r a lady's blankets. Nobody--bar none--had agreater respect for the sex than "Red" McGonnigle!

  But Miss Mercy was not to be pacified by apologies however abject, orexplanations however convincing. Implacable, and maintaining a haughtysilence, she packed her suitcase and put an outing flannelnightgown--with a nap so long that it looked like a fur garment--in afishnet bag. Having made stiff adieux to the party, she went and satdown on a rock by the roadside to await some passerby who would take herto Prouty.

  She quite enjoyed herself for a time, thinking what a strong charactershe was, and how independent. A weaker woman would have allowed herselfto be persuaded to overlook the incident, but she was of differentmetal. For nearly an hour this thought gave her great satisfaction, but,gradually, the monotony began to pall and she had a growing feeling ofresentment that nobody missed her. It seemed deceitful, after makingsuch an ado over her decision to leave them, to resign themselves soquickly to her absence. Mattie Gaskett might come and renew herentreaties for her to return, or, at least, keep her company!

  The occasional bursts of laughter that reached her were like personalaffronts and, finally, she included everybody in her indignation at"Red" McGonnigle. But, as the time dragged, her mood changedperceptibly. Though she would not admit it in her secret heart, shewished that someone would come and coax her to reconsider. From thisstage, while the tents were being dismantled and packed into thebed-wagon accompanied by much merriment, she came to a point where shetried to think of some excuse that would enable her to return withoutseeming to make any concession.

  As it happened, the only person who gave Miss Mercy any thought as shewaited forlornly by the roadside was Aunt Lizzie Philbrick. Although sheand Miss Mercy had not been speaking since the episode of the butterfly,her tender conscience was troubled that she had not said good-bye toher. The more she thought about it the more strongly it urged her to beforgiving and magnanimous to the extent of wishing Miss Mercy a pleasantjourney. With this purpose in view Aunt Lizzie left the others andstarted for the roadside. If she had not been otherwise engaged at themoment, Miss Mercy might have seen Aunt Lizzie's white sailor hatbobbing above the intervening bushes, but she was intent on learning thecause of a rustling she had heard in the leaves behind her. It was asnake, undoubtedly, and it flashed through Miss Mercy's mind that herewas her opportunity not only to return to camp but to go back a heroine.

  She set her fishnet bag on the stump she vacated and provided herselfwith a cudgel before starting to investigate. Advancing cautiously, shesaw a bunch of tall grass wave in a suspicious manner. She smote theclump with her cudgel, and a large, warty toad jumped out into the open.It was stunned, and stood blinking as if trying to locate the danger.

  "Nasty thing!" exclaimed Miss Mercy, viciously, and raised her club tofinish it.

  The blow landed, and Miss Mercy and the toad saw stars simultaneously,for Aunt Lizzie brought down a four-foot stick and crushed in the crownof Miss Mercy's alpine hat.

  "You dread-ful woman!" Aunt Lizzie shrieked at her, and it was herpurpose to strike again but the stick was rotten, and since only somesix inches remained in her hand, she had to content herself with crying:

  "You horrible creature! You unnatural woman! 'Shady' Lane--you belong inan asylum!"

  Since Miss Mercy had been told this before, she resented it doubly, andno one can say what else might have happened if Wallie, hearing thedisturbance, had not hurried forward to discover what was occurring.

  "She was killing a hop-toad!" Aunt Lizzie screamed, hysterically. Thenher legs collapsed, while Miss Mercy boomed that if she did, it was noneof Aunt Lizzie's business--it was not her hop-toad.

  The astounding news passed from mouth to mouth that Aunt Lizzie and MissMercy had been fighting in the brush with clubs, like Amazons, andeveryone rushed forward to view the combatants and to learn thedetails, but the chugging of a motor sent Miss Mercy into the middle ofthe road to flag it before they could hear her side of the story.

  It proved to be no less a person than Rufus Reed, who was transportingprovisions on a truck between Prouty and a road-camp in the Park. Rufuswelcomed company and intimated that his only wonder was that they werenot all leaving.

  So Miss Mercy clambered up beside Rufus and without looking back startedon her return journey to Zanesville, Ohio, to soothe the brow of thesuffering and minister to the wants of the dying in her professionalcapacity.

  Pinkey sombrely looked after the cloud of dust in which Rufus and theAngel of Mercy vanished.

  "That's one chicken we counted before it was hatched," he observed,regretfully, to Wallie.

  The scenery was sublime that morning and the party were in ecstasies,but mere mountains, waterfalls, and gorges could not divert Wallie'smind from the disquieting fact that he must somehow convey theinformation to Mr. Hicks that his presence at table with the guests wasundesirable.

  As he rode, he framed tactful sentences in which to break the news tothat formidable person, and he had finally a complete and carefullyprepared speech which he meant to deliver in a friendly but firm manner.The result he could only guess at. Hicks might quit, or he might resentthe affront to his dignity with any convenient weapon, or after a savageoutburst of sarcasm he might make the best of the situation. The onlything that Wallie could not imagine was a calm acquiescence. It would beeasier to replace Mr. Hicks, however, than to acquire a new party ofdudes at this late season, so Wallie nerved himself to the ordeal.

  The passengers who preferred to ride in the surrey had now increased toa number which made it necessary for them to sit in each other's laps,and it devolved upon Wallie to drive their horses. Herding loose horsesis sometimes a task to strain the temper, and these were that kind ofhorses, so that by the time the party reached the noon-day camp Walliewas in a more fitting mood to confront Mr. Hicks than when they hadstarted.

  The cook was busy over the camp-fire when Wallie determined to speak andhave it over.

  "Don't let him tree you or run you into the river." Pinkey, who knewWallie's purpose, warned him jocosely. "I'm glad it ain't me has the jobof tellin' that hyena that he ain't as welcome as the President."

  Wallie could not share Pinkey's amusement. On the contrary, it annoyedhim. That was the worst of his partner nowadays, he was so happy thatnothing troubled him. Perhaps envy was at the bottom of this irritation;at any rate, Wallie frowned and told himself that he never would havebelieved that love could make such a simpleton of anybody.

  As Wallie drew nearer, through the smoke and steam rising from variouscooking utensils he noted that Mr. Hicks' expression was particularlymelancholy and his colour indicated that a large amount of bile hadaccumulated in his system. There was something tragic in the very way hestirred the frying potatoes, and as Wallie hesitated Hicks set his fistson his hips and recited in a voice vibrating with feeling:

  "Into this Universe, and why not knowing, Nor whence, like water will-nilly flowing, And out of it, as Wind along the Waste, I know not whither willy-nilly blowing."

  It did not seem a propitious moment to "put Mr. Hicks in his place," asMrs. Stott had phrased it, but Wallie had no desire to nerve himselftwice for the same ordeal; therefore, with something of the desperatecourage which comes to high-strung persons about to have a toothextracted, Wallie advanced and inquired cordially:

  "Well, Mr. Hicks, how are things coming?"

  "I am not complaining," replied Mr. Hicks, in a tone which intimatedthat once he started enumerating his grievances he would not know whereto finish.

  "Pleasant people, aren't they?" Wallie suggested.

  "So is a menagerie--after it's eaten."

  "They do have appetites," Wallie admitted. "I suppose it's living in theopen."

  "I've cooked for section hands on the Burlington, and they werecanary-birds beside these Poland Chinas. We had ought to brought troughsinstead of tinware."

  "You mustn't speak so of our guests," Wallie reprimanded.

  Hicks went on wrathfully:

  "That fat sister
in the cameo breastpin--she swiped a can of pottedchicken on me yesterday--she's a regular 'camp-robber'."

  Wallie interposed hastily:

  "We mustn't have any trouble. I want to get through this trip peaceably.In fact, Mr. Hicks, it's along this line that I wished to have a wordwith you."

  Mr. Hicks looked at him quickly and suspiciously.

  "Has any of 'em been kickin' on me?"

  Wallie hesitated, casting a furtive eye about as he did so for the mostconvenient exit.

  "Not kicking, I wouldn't say _kicking_, Mr. Hicks, but it has beensuggested--I have been thinking that it might be _pleasanter_ for youand Red to have your own table."

  Mr. Hicks stopped turning over the potatoes and looked at him for whatseemed to Wallie a full minute.

  "In other words," he said, finally, in a voice that was oily andcoaxing, as if he wanted the truth from him, "the dudes don't want thecook and the horse-wrangler to eat with them?"

  Wallie noticed uneasily that while Hicks spoke he was tentativelyfeeling the edge of the knife he had been using. Instinctively Wallie'seyes sought the route he had selected, as he replied conciliatingly:

  "No reflection upon you and Red is intended, Mr. Hicks; it is just thatEastern people have different customs, and we have to humour them,although we may not agree with them."

  There was another silence, in which Hicks continued to thumb the knifein a manner that kept Wallie at a tension, then he said with a suavitywhich somehow was more menacing than an outburst:

  "Perhaps it _would_ be better for us rough-necks to eat at the secondtable. It hadn't occurred to me that our society might not be agreeableto ladies and gentlemen. I'm glad you mentioned it."

  Hicks seemed to purr, actually. His tone was caressing--like the velvettouch of a tiger--and his humble acceptance of the situation was sounnatural that Wallie felt himself shiver with apprehension. Was hecapable of putting ground-glass in the sugar, he wondered, or dropping aspider in something?

  "Red" was plainly disgruntled when he found himself, as it were,segregated, and he sulked openly; but Hicks, on the contrary, was sourbane and respectful that everyone remarked his changed manner, andMrs. Stott triumphantly demanded to know if it were not proof of hercontention that servants were the better for being occasionally remindedof their position.

  "I am not a snob," she reiterated, "but common people really spoil myappetite when I am obliged to eat with them."

  Wallie, however, could not share her elation, for there was that in Mr.Hicks' eye whenever he met it which renewed his uneasy forebodings as toground glass and spiders.