Then her movement got a little sloppy; she wasn’t holding the form she had been taught. She hit faster, and harder, and then began to kick the bag. She used her knees and elbows until she was nearly just flailing around. Her muscles felt as though fire was burring from within, but she ignored the sensation—simply gritted her teeth and pushed harder. She kept going until her entire body was too tired, too winded to continue on.
“Feel better?” Lewis stood passively off to the side.
For a moment, she had forgotten he was there.
“Yeah.” She tried to catch her breath. In the heat of the moment, she had felt strong and in control. As she stood there, a feeling of helplessness overtook her. She had almost convinced herself that the State had done her wrong, that Colin had changed his mind but they wouldn’t let him stay. Now she couldn’t think that anymore. He had wanted to go. She tried to clear her mind. She needed to get hold of her emotions, but it was too late—the tears had already erupted. Realizing that she could not stop it, she tried to turn away. She didn’t want Lewis to see her like this. What would he think of me? She had just marched down there like she owned the place, beat the crap out of a bag while disregarding his instruction, and then burst into tears.
All she could think about was how to get away from Lewis, but before she had made it out of the room, he grabbed her arm. She didn’t struggle or try to fight him—she knew that would be a fight she couldn’t win—but she stood with her body turned away from him to conceal her tears. He loosened his grip on her slightly, but kept holding onto her arm and moved around to face her. While she was still looking away, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.
“Just let it out,” he said softly in her ear.
Her initial instinct was to pull away, but his arms were wrapped so tightly around her, and so she gave in. She stopped holding back and let the emotions flow from her freely. He rocked her slightly, and kept whispering encouragements to her. After some time, she began to gain control of herself again.
Lewis pulled slightly away from her, but didn’t let go. “I think it’s time for you to go and shoot something, hey?”
Freya laughed and choked a little at the same time and then nodded in agreement.
They went over to the firing range, and he prepared everything while she got herself cleaned up. It really amazed her how quickly Lewis could change gears. He went from being this soft and gentle, comforting, caring person back to the militant professional. He spoke to her about target practice as though her little episode just a few moments before had never happened, even though his shirt was still damp from her tears. He didn’t even press her for an explanation; he just focused on the task at hand. She fired off a few rounds, and he critiqued her and also commented on her improvements.
After she fired off a few more rounds, she was surprised when he disrupted her and grabbed the ear covers off her. “Chastity needs to talk to you.”
“Actually, I am just a messenger, and I was sent for the two of you. Victor would like you both in his office immediately.” With no further explanation, she turned and left the room.
Freya’s entire body tensed up. She began to clean up, as did Lewis, without saying a word.
“I’m sorry if I got you in trouble,” she said as they walked into the hallway.
“Why do you think you got me in trouble?”
“Well, you know, coming down here when it was not scheduled. Now we are being taken upstairs to talk to Victor,” she said, almost muttering.
“Oh, uh, I don’t think we are in trouble. I think I know what this is about, and it’s not trouble.” He looked a little smug. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him. “Well, I can’t tell you. What if I am wrong and I just passed classified information to you?” he replied to her demanding look.
She scowled at him for a moment longer, but knew Lewis held the upper hand. They didn’t speak again, just walked until they reached Victor’s office. When they walked in, Freya was surprised to see James sat there with Victor. Her mind raced, trying to figure out what this could possibly be about, but also told herself to keep calm. Lewis didn’t seem to think this was anything bad, so she knew she needed to keep her emotions in check and wait it out.
“There you are. At least when you go missing, I know where to look for you.” Victor pointed a finger at Freya. Her face flushed, and she nodded but remained silent. “I tell you to work on your training courses, but you would rather shoot guns. I did hope you would make more progress today.” He then gestured for them to sit down in the two available seats. “Well, ready or not, here you go.”
“Freya, I am aware of the rather drastic changes that have been going on in your life,” James said softly. “I do fear that it might be too soon to ask this of you. You must understand, it is not often that we find a suitable candidate for this sort of task. We ask that you keep an open mind to this request.”
Freya looked at Lewis to see how he was reacting to this. A small smile crept onto his face.
“So it is what you thought? You could have told me in the hallway then,” she said to him.
“No, it’s confidential, not my place,” he said to her, and then looked to Victor and James. “Freya was concerned that we were in trouble for not sticking to our regular training schedule. I assured her something else was going on.”
“Did she threaten violence or just stare you down?” Victor laughed.
“I think I would know better than to threaten him with violence,” she added.
“Well, Freya, it is good to know that Lewis is not intimidated by your threatening looks. I need to know he can stand up to you. Not every man could. He is a part of this assignment, or should I say, you are a part of his,” Victor said.
“Freya, we have something to ask of you, something that could potentially be dangerous. We don’t often ask a Councilmember as young and inexperienced as you to do such a thing, but you could help us out greatly,” James said, in his gentle way of speaking. “We have word of rebel forces gathering. We need to put someone in place. If we sent Lewis to live in independent living, well, he would look suspicious to the rebellion. It is not very often we have a female who would be suitable to send as a partner. The two of you could pass as a couple. It would give Lewis a better chance at gaining intel.”
“Wait—you what? You want to couple me with Lewis so that he can become a spy?” she exclaimed. “No, no chance!” she nearly yelled back at James. “I won’t do it. I will never be coupled again.”
Everyone fell silent for a moment. She got up and stood off in the corner of the room; she couldn’t look at any of them right now. Victor, who had promised to protect her from that ever happening again. James, who had known Colin personally, and couldn’t even stop what happened. Then Lewis. How could he possibly understand the meaning behind her words except as something hurtful? Her reaction was not to Lewis specifically, but to the mere concept of being coupled. Would he recognize that? Or would this man who had been wonderful to me think that I hated him?
“Freya,” Victor broke the awkward silence, “you would not be coupled with Lewis, not really. You would need to share an apartment to keep up appearances, but that is all. I told you that you don’t have to get re-coupled, and I keep my promises. You are not just someone to help establish his cover identity—you would be working alongside him. It is difficult to find a female to pair with a spy, you see. There are women in the military, of course, but it’s something about the nature of a military officer that you put two together in a fake relationship and everyone can tell. You and Lewis have such a good rapport—we noticed it right away. We have been developing this plan since you started your training with him. The State needs you, Freya. We need you to help uncover the rebellion’s plans so that we may use that information to protect our people. You have seen the crazy things these rebels think up. You could be saving thousands of lives by doing this.”
“So you want to just move us into an apartment somewhere, and
you think I will magically bump into some rebels and they will tell me all their plans?” she asked with heavy sarcasm. “Obviously you haven’t thought this through! Do you even know who you are asking to do this? I am the introvert who doesn’t make friends in the common room. How am I supposed to meet anyone and gain their trust?”
“Yes, we have thought this through,” said James. “We have a list of people we are suspicious of. We will plant you next to them. All you have to do is be polite. Everything from your apartment, your civil duty, the time you exercise—all of it will be a plant. There will be a person there for you to watch. Lewis can train you on how to approach them and gain their trust.”
Freya paced in the corner of the room, unable to stay still. Her entire body nearly trembled from adrenaline. She kept shaking her head in disagreement.
“Since you have taken the news so well thus far, we might as well get to the worst of it,” Victor said in his bold yet joking manner. “One of your targets.” He turned his tablet around to show a picture of a female. “This is Ursa.” He then showed her a picture of a male. They both looked familiar—especially the woman—and to be somewhere in their early forties. “And this is her partner Rowen. They are part of the reason we need you, Freya, and you alone. This couple—they are Colin’s parents.”
The room went silent, or at least it did for Freya. The only noise she could hear was a dull ringing in her ears. She had not even noticed him move, but Lewis was right there at her side, ready to catch her if she fell.
“You will not assume a false identity. Everyone will be informed that you have been re-coupled. Once you have met your targets, you will share with them how you used to work in the State house, but asked for reassignment due to your hatred of me. You will tell them all about how you were coupled to Colin, and he went off on the colonization project.” Victor then paused for a moment. “We have found that the best lies contain a piece of truth. I know that Colin is still a tender subject for you, but because of that genuine raw emotion, you will gain their trust, Freya. I know just how much we are asking of you. I know how hard this will be, but we wouldn’t ask you to do something that we were not totally confident in your abilities. We need you, and I know you will succeed.”
Chapter 9
Freya couldn’t sleep. There was no part of her that wanted to accept this new role, yet she didn’t feel she had a choice to decline. Victor presented the matter in a way that she didn’t feel that she could ask questions, or at least she felt too intimidated with having Lewis and James present. How long would they expect us to live together? If we were successful, would we go and do another mission together, or would I return to being a gardener at the State house? She could tell by the sky it was almost dawn, and she hadn’t slept at all.
She was jolted back to the present abruptly as the trap door to the stairwell began to slowly rise. Panic nearly consumed her, but before she could react or do anything rash, Lewis’s head popped into view.
“You sleeping?”
“No. Haven’t all night,” she replied. “What are you doing down there?”
“I want to talk to you. Can I come in?”
She simply sat up and gave a welcoming gesture. She thought he would come and sit on the bed beside her, but instead he pulled over the chair from the desk. They were possibly headed off to live together, yet Lewis was always a professional.
“So how are you feeling about last night?”
Freya sighed. She had no idea how to feel it.
“That bad, hey?”
“I just don’t know what to think of all this. I didn’t get the impression I have a choice,” she replied.
“Freya, everyone knows what you have been through. We know this is not a comfortable position for you to be put in; however, I do agree with them. From what I have seen working with you, I know you are capable of this,” he paused, letting his words sink in. “I have to ask, what is it that is bothering you the most?”
“Uh, all of it.” She laughed a little. “I don’t want to leave here. I know we aren’t really being coupled, but it is still too close for comfort. I don’t want to even meet Colin’s family, let alone get close to them. I don’t think I could ever be believable as a rebel. I think it will fail. I guess the other thing is, then what? So if we do this, what happens after? Am I to become a spy who technically isn’t coupled with you, but follows you around to all your missions for the rest of our lives? Do I get fake coupled with someone else? Do I come back here? Do the other people who work here know it is fake? Or what will they be told as to why I am gone?”
Lewis smiled softly, the way he did when he tried to repress his amusement. “I can’t help but notice that none of those reasons have anything to do with danger.”
“Should it?” she asked, a little startled.
“Most people who go undercover, it is their number one fear: whether they will be killed or captured,” he answered evenly.
Freya thought for a moment. She had never considered it could be dangerous.
“Well, wouldn’t you come and get me if I was captured?” It was not the most intelligent question she had ever asked. It just fell out of her mouth. Surely the State was more powerful than a few rebels, she thought. What’s the worst they could do?
“I would sure try.” He laughed. “I can’t promise I could keep you safe. I do, however, feel that you should do this. I think you have so much potential. It would be such a waste to keep you working in the gardens. Do you really want to be a worker for the rest of your life?”
“As opposed to what, a spy? Yep, the gardens sound fine with me,” she retorted.
“Freya, I know you have been selected as a Councilmember. If you weren’t on the Council and if Victor and James didn’t have full confidence in your abilities, you would not have been asked to do this. If you pull this off, you could someday be someone very important, possibly even the head of State.”
“I don’t think I will ever be head of State, nor would I want to. What’s wrong with just wanting to work in the gardens anyway? I like it there.”
“What if those gardens weren’t there to work in?” he said, suddenly looking very somber. “What if the rebels destroy those gardens? What if they destroy the dome? They have done some crazy things. Who knows where they will stop, or I should say, if they will stop before we are all dead.”
“Do you really think it could come to that?” she asked in disbelief.
“You have seen firsthand what they are willing to do. You saw them try to break into the dome. They have been working on destroying it for years. If they had made it in, we have reason to believe their target was to severely damage the dome and to kill Victor. They most certainly would have killed you just for being there, or you would have died from the effects of exposure if the dome was damaged.”
“So you are basically trying to tell me that if I don’t do this, the rebels might strike and our way of life will end?” She paused. “I just can’t buy that. I don’t believe the rebellion has enough power or strength to do that. And why me? Don’t they have a lineup of people who were actually trained to do this type of thing? If I was meant to do this, why wasn’t I trained in the military? I’m just a gardener, remember. I became a gardener because the State tested me and found that was what I was the most suited for.”
“Yes, you are a gardener, and you will still be a gardener as a spy. If you didn’t have a normal-appearing civil duty, it would be harder to put you undercover. You will not be the first greenhouse worker to be a spy, either. There are more males in the military than females. When we live undercover, it is often one military and one Councilmember; that is how it is done. You have been trained to do this—they just never told you what it was that you were training for. All Councilmembers report information of some kind to the State. Not all of them are asked to go undercover, but with the circumstances of your uncoupling, it made sense. You were very happy being coupled. Everyone would believe that you were lonely without Colin and asked to be
re-coupled. It would also be easy to believe that you wanted to leave the State house because you hate Victor for taking him from you, and perhaps being here reminded you too much of the life you had with Colin.”
Something about the way Lewis laid the facts out in front of her made her solar plexus set aflame. They wanted to use the most painful thing that had happened in her life to their advantage. The fact she was still struggling with the pain and deception was all the better for their plans. Victor had said it pretty black-and-white: her raw emotions over the subject of Colin would make her all that much more believable to the rebellion. It sickened her to even think that they would use her like that. Lewis seemed to pick up on what she was feeling; he looked regretful of his words.
Conflicted: Book Two of the State Series Page 10
