My Soul To Keep

by Jackie Sonnenberg

  The others around us, Holly, Becky, and Seth included, smiled that indicated that they all shared this knowledge. Damien was the only one who was hearing this for the first time.

  “A what?” he asked.

  Mitchell made a small nod with his head.

  “Our Skyler here, through meditation, was able to leave her body and let her spirit roam freely.”

  Damien’s eyes rose to me, but it was not out of disbelief.

  “I…I guess,” I answered. “I didn’t mean to, because I didn’t even know I was doing it. Someone said they saw a ghost and it was me, and everyone at the dorm thinks I have a sleepwalking problem and that I’m a freak.”

  Mitchell nodded. “Iris has told me you are having a hard time fitting in at your dorm. They are not receiving you well.”

  Part of me felt angry with Iris for putting her nose where it didn’t belong, but the larger part of me was grateful. I was surrounded by people who cared about me and understood me, and I knew right then and there that something was going to change.

  “You see, Skyler,” Mitchell continued. “You are a very special person. You are only in 7th grade, but I have seen such amazing things from you already. You know how to connect, you know how to look inside yourself and broadcast your light. I applaud you for reaching out to those people in your dorm. You are strong. They don’t receive you well because they, obviously, are the weak ones.”

  Everyone started nodding.

  “That being said, you may or may not know this, but there are housing opportunities for GOL students here at The Manor.”

  I was so happy hearing this I wanted to cry.

  “Now, this is usually reserved for upperclassmen, only because of commitment and space. We only make exceptions for exceptional underclassmen, and that would be you. Skyler, I officially invite you to live in The Manor. Your real home.”

  ***

  It happened almost instantly. Or, rather, it happened a lot quicker than I thought. Usually, you have to wait until the next semester to change living arrangements, but Mitchell was able to pull some strings. He made some phone calls to whoever was in charge of Housing on campus, and the next thing I knew I had a weekend where I was leaving the dorm for the last time.

  It went smoothly, to my surprise. I remember packing up my room but I don’t really remember the details. I was on auto-pilot with no independent thoughts or actions. I just did it. It was like all the tension I felt being there was leaving me forever and I never would have to worry about it again. I was so happy.

  Deanna was actually cool about it. As far as the others were concerned, they pretty much ignored me and stayed out of my way, no doubt happy about my leaving anyway. Deanna seemed to be happy about it too, but not in the way I expected. She wasn’t exactly happy to get rid of me, but she actually acted like she was happy for me, and even felt a little sympathetic. We didn’t say much about it, either. It became an unspoken agreement.

  Walking through that door to The Manor felt like I was coming home for the first time, no matter how many times I entered. This time felt for real.

  My new room was a tad smaller than my old room, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter now since it was my own room. I didn’t have to share with anybody. For that reason it seemed bigger. I opened the door and noticed that it already had new pillows, blankets and sheets. And, something else. I wasn’t alone. I was, but I wasn’t.

  I sat down on the bed and stretched out on it, and felt the whole room welcome me. It did so in such a subtle way, but I noticed. I received an invisible hug. I thought to myself that the GOL spirits, whoever they were, were fully aware of my presence. The door opened a crack and began to creek. It waited a minute, then creaked open some more. I saw in the hallway that no one was there. The door stayed that way and I didn’t look at it again as I shut my eyes and allowed myself to relax. I didn’t need to look up to know that it closed on its own, too.

  ***

  On my first night living in The Manor, the whispering in my head jolted me out of my dream. My eyes flew open as quickly as window shades and then I couldn’t remember my dream. Instead, I just strained my ears around my room.

  I didn’t hear any more whispers, but the more my ears woke up and tuned in around me the more they started to pick up other things: Steps. Creaking. Maybe a door or two opening. Something moving. What gave me any reason to think it wasn’t other students?

  As I strained my ears to listen, I also strained my eyes to see. I saw nothing but black in my room. I knew my desk and dresser were in two corners, but I couldn’t even make out their hazy shapes. As I turned my head, I thought I heard a whisper from the other end of the room. I jerked my head back. It was too close to be coming from any of the rooms next to mine. I slowly and carefully sat up to try to see the hazy dresser, thinking that something had to be perched on top of it and watching me.

  In an instant I grabbed my cell from inside my pillow case and flashed it across the room. The small beam picked up on my clothes sticking out of the drawers, the loose change on top and my books on the floor, but nothing else. Outside, I heard the floor creaking again. Someone was awake. My phone told me it was four in the morning: Too late to still be up and too early to get up. My stomach felt a little heavy, but it flat out jumped as soon as I heard my own door creak.

  I aimed the phone light at the door. It was barely open a crack, but one more push opened it a little more. I tensed up in my blankets and became perfectly still. No one was in the darkness of the hallway. I knew instantly that whatever haunted these halls was out and about… this very moment.

  I got out of bed and grabbed my glasses. Taking deep and steady breaths I prepared myself for anything I was about to encounter. I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid. Holding my phone flashlight as steady as I could, I left my room and shut the door. A wind blew through the walls, rattled the ceiling light fixtures and fluttered the window curtains. Both windows on both sides of the hallway were shut.

  I didn’t exactly know where I was going; my feet just took me down the stairs and into the corridor. I walked, moving my light from left to right in a sweep of my surroundings. I came across the bookcases, stopping instantly at the scene before me. There was a single book sticking out of a bookshelf, no doubt just lazily put back by a student. As I approached that book I realized just how far it was sticking out, so far that it was not even on the shelf at all—but levitating on its own.

  I paused and kept my light on it, sitting there in mid-air only inches—inches—away from the shelf. Was it really just floating there? I couldn’t go closer, thinking I wanted to watch it. Nothing moved. Nothing, that is, except for what came around the corner.

  I jumped a little—only a little—to see two eyes brighter than my phone light. I brought my phone down as the face shot through the light and stared right at me, arching her whole body back and raising her head a little.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s only me.”

  She lurched forward a bit, only acknowledging me for a minute; then she turned her attention to something by the bookshelves.

  I dared to look where the cat looked, and saw that the levitating book was now just sticking out of the shelf. I walked closer, needing to be sure. Yep, it was on the shelf, just poking out like someone wanted to see the front and then just didn’t push it back in. It was on the shelf all right, not floating out in mid-air. I just stood there, bewildered. It was floating before. It was.

  Ad Astra emitted a low growling noise from her throat. She was still staring intensely at whatever she was staring at. I sidestepped a little, not sure what to think or do.

  “What is it?” I asked. “What do you see?”

  She continued to stare, lowering herself to the ground more and more until she was almost touching it. Her tail brushed a little and her whiskers rose up and down. Finally, she started to crawl away and gave me a good long look as she passed me. I shone my light around a bit… then something told me I had to follow the cat. />
  She waited until I caught up with her then walked down the corridor. I felt…safer, somehow. We came to the staircase leading downstairs to the lower lounge and my knees started to shake. Ad Astra meowed softly at the door.

  “What’s going on down there?”

  The cat looked up at me with her golden eyes. I turned the knob, carefully as to not make any noise. Ad Astra took a few steps down, waited for me, and we descended.

  Instantly I heard hushed and whispered voices. I got low enough on the stairs to try to see anything on the lounge floor. It sounded like there were huffing and puffing noises coming from the fireplace. As I got down the stairs I focused my phone light on that fireplace, watching dust particles blow out every few minutes in clouds of smoke. I didn’t know what was causing the noise, but it sure sounded like the fireplace was snoring. I needed my phone light to look around the room, but Ad Astra didn’t. She walked right on past the fireplace and the open space of the lounge to the private sitting rooms in the back. One of them was opened a crack, and there was a light on inside.

  I hid my phone underneath my shirt and tried to listen before peering in. I heard whispering that stopped as soon as I approached and cast a shadow. I dared to peek in. Before I could see anything at all the door flung open and Iris stood in the doorway. She was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans, I had no idea if she woke up early or if she had yet to go to bed. Her bright eyes were very alert, nowhere near tired, and they focused on me. She smiled annoyingly, if that was even possible.

  “Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania?”

  I blinked. “Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

  “You know your Shakespeare, very good.”

  Iris opened the door up all the way to reveal a boy sitting in one of the plush chairs.

  “What are you doing up?” Iris asked accusingly, even though I was set to ask her the same question.

  “Me? I heard noises and couldn’t sleep, and…and…”

  Honestly, my tongue was tied about the voices, the doors, and the floating book.

  “That was his problem,” she jerked her head to the boy in the room. He looked up at me, and I saw a look that said he had been awake this whole time.

  “You have nothing to worry about,” Iris said to him. “Nothing is wrong. Go back to sleep.”

  In an instant he got up, left the room, and climbed the stairs out of the lower lounge. By that time the soft blue dawn was fading the darkness in the room.

  “You couldn’t sleep either? Were you hearing things?”

  “No,” Iris said. “I just saw him wandering around and being freaked out and I had to calm him down. It gets to people, you know, the first time. It’s something you will get used to. No one is alone.”

  ***

  I didn’t feel much different the next morning, and when I opened my eyes and looked around the room, everything was still. Nothing creaked, nothing moved, nothing echoed in the walls. I didn’t hear whispering, but what I did hear were dishes clanging together and that meant one thing: My first Manor breakfast. I pushed the covers back, noting the time: Nine forty-five. The bathroom for my floor was right across the hall from my room which made it even better.

  People already gathered downstairs when I got there, and for the first time I got to see just which members were living residents. They were mainly upperclassmen, not to my surprise. I joined the table seating Seth, Kimberly, Iris and some others. They smiled and greeted me, Iris waving me over to a seat next to her.

  “Sit down and relax, Sky. You are one of us now. I mean, for real now.”

  She seemed happy to see me, but not as happy as she was to see her friend from last night. The boy came down and looked a little lost, but of course as soon as he saw the other empty seat next to Iris he flocked to it immediately. Iris grinned and stroked the back of his head adoringly. I resisted the urge to laugh or gag, or both. It was the way she did it that bothered me, like he was her pet. As weird as it was I had to shake it off. I also needed to get used to the fact that it was a co-ed house, even though the boys were on separate floors. I couldn’t care, because I belonged here, and not in the dorms with those other people.

  Plates of bagels and cream cheese and a pitcher of juice sat before us. We dug in as, almost to my surprise, Mitchell appeared in a sweat suit.

  “Good morning, my children,” he greeted pleasantly.

  “Morning Mitchell,” everyone said almost in unison.

  Of course, it would make sense that he also lived at The Manor. He didn’t come from the upstairs rooms so I guessed he had his own private room on the first floor.

  “And hello to you, Skyler,” he said immediately. “How did you sleep your first night in The Manor?”

  “It was nice,” I responded, avoiding looking at Iris and her puppy.

  “Good. You’ll find that this was the best choice for you. We’re so happy to have you as your Light grows stronger.”

  After breakfast, and helping Carol with dishes, it honestly felt like an extended version of the dorms. Everyone cleaned up after themselves and worked together to clean up common areas, except this time I wouldn’t be washing my plate and cup in the bathroom sink. The Manor had a dishwasher which we loaded after doing a formation of rinsing. Carol ran the washer after putting the food away and went around doing whatever other work she did. And after that, it was just regular school. I went to my classes, went to lunch at the caf, only this time I wasn’t walking back to the dorms with everyone else. It felt so strange at first, but I didn’t miss it a single bit. I did think of Deanna, though. I wondered if she thought of me, and what she thought of me. She was actually nice to me, at times. Of course, now that I was gone those girls probably had more to freedom to talk about me. Let them. Since I wasn’t there anymore, they would eventually run of out things to say and now I could do my own thing in peace. They were no longer my problem.

  When I got back to The Manor—home—I got to unwind a bit in the upper lounge. I started some homework, at once noticing how more pleasant it was than the dorm common rooms. Maybe it was as though The Manor knew, it understood and it silenced itself to respect our study time. I knew that living here would also have its perks of being ahead of other members. Later in the evening, Mitchell stepped into the lounge to address us there.

  “Everyone, I will be sending out an email soon about another meeting. It will be this Sunday night. Come back here around 8 P.M, all right?”

  Turned out the email itself was just as vague as his announcement. It sounded like it was going to be another deeply spiritual session; we were probably going to talk about what our souls were made of or something to that extent. The only thing I knew was before Sunday came, I had to do something spiritual of my own.

  I hid in my room for the most part on Saturday working on homework, barely noticing the numbers change on the digital clock. I felt a little nervous about exploring again, even though nothing really happened, but I knew if I ever wanted to find what I wanted I had to go looking myself.

  So, I found myself needing to take a “water break” and going downstairs at a reasonably late hour. Some people were in bed already. Some were scattered, so I wasn’t completely alone. I wasn’t sure if this would still work, regardless.

  I walked back around the corridor, and back into the hallway area with the bookcases. I paused and slowed my pace. Just what was I expecting to see? Nothing floated, for one. The cat wasn’t around. Nothing felt out of the ordinary. Still, I couldn’t help myself.

  “Are you here?” I whispered. Nothing answered, of course.

  “It’s me,” I tried again. “Are you here?”

  I looked around, and the room and the bookshelves remained normal. I stayed there though, thinking something would come if I stayed patient. As if on some strange clockwork routine Iris walked out from the back hallway carrying a book.

  “Well, hi again,” she said coming into the room.

  “Hi,” I answered, feeling a little on-the-spot. Did this girl ever sleep
?

  She put her book back into the empty slot on the shelf.

  “You looking for something? Some extra books from classes are here, as well as just ones to read.”

  “No,” I said. “That wasn’t what I was looking for, exactly.”

  That same look formed on Iris’s face—the look she got when you were talking about something that interested her. She smirked a bit.

  “You were looking for something last night too, weren’t you?”

  “Well…not really. I just…wanted to get to know this place better. Get to know…all the residents. Not just the living ones.”

  Iris nodded casually. “Yeah. Yeah, you’ve got the right idea here, don’t you? Well, they are here. They are around, filtering in and out whenever they feel like it. They’re not here to scare you or bother you. They’re our Guardian spirits.”

  “I’m not scared,” I said quickly. “I believe in the spirits. I just wanted to see if a particular one was here.”

  Something flickered in Iris’s eyes. A realization.

  “Your dad.”

  I looked at the bookcases, the floor, and the windows.

  Iris came a little closer to me. “You know Sky, that was very touching that you were able to connect with him in your dreams. What a moving experience for you… and for all of us. You made believers out of people. Your dad is with you…but he is only with you.”

  “What do you mean?” I said, puzzled.

  Iris shrugged. “Well, I’m not a spirit expert, but I don’t think his spirit would be hanging around here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, was he ever here in life? Does he know this place? He doesn’t, so I don’t think you will see his spirit around,” she said those words carefully but they still stung.

  “I…I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting to see him, or anything. I just wanted…a connection. Like I did in the visions.”

  “You have had connections. And you always will. He is with you. No one else. Just you. That is unbelievably sacred, Sky. You don’t need to go looking for something that is within you. You just need to continue to be in touch with your own spirit,” she smiled sincerely, and I knew that she understood.