I brought a steaming mug of coffee over to the table and clearly saw that Mum had been crying. ‘What’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing,’ I said to her gently.
She wiped her eyes. ‘I went to the hotel to see your father yesterday. I thought we needed to talk, and it’s proving impossible with him there and me here. But when I walked in, I saw him in the restaurant having lunch with… her.’
‘Oh, Mum.’ I moved to the chair next to her and rubbed her arm. ‘I’m sorry. Did they see you?’
She nodded. ‘I just walked straight out. He called out, but I couldn’t bear to answer him. They looked so happy together. And it made me realise that this is it, you know? That he really is actually going to leave me.’ Then she leaned against me, and for the first time in my life, my mum cried on my shoulder. ‘I feel weak for being upset because he’s cheated on me, and I should be furious, and I am but I’m also sad too.’
‘Of course you are, and that’s okay,’ I said. ‘He’s been your husband for thirty years, of course you’re going to be upset. That’s not being weak. But if you want to cut up his suits, I fully support that.’
She smiled a little through her tears.
‘Are you going to leave him?’ I asked her when her tears had grown quieter.
‘I think he’s already left me,’ she replied, and my heart broke for her. She sat up and used a tissue and sipped her coffee. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Beth.’ She squeezed my hand.
‘What were you and John talking about?’ I asked then.
‘Just about David. John has worked for us for twenty years; he knows everything about us, Sally too, and often they have been the only people I could talk to.’
‘I’m sorry, Mum. I should have been here.’
‘I should have been there for you, too. But I’m hoping that now we will be?’
I nodded. ‘Definitely. What will you do about Dad?’
‘I’ll talk to him when I’m ready. I know that I will be okay. I have things I want to do now: I have you and Izzy, I have friends, I have the village to save.’ She smiled a little. ‘I have been drowning a little bit in self-pity but I’m not going to do that any longer. And I’m not going to drown all my sorrows in glasses of gin any more either. When I think about your grandmother upstairs, it puts things in perspective, you know? We only get one, short life and we need to make the most of it.’ She gave me a look. ‘I told your grandmother that I forgave her last night. For not telling me you were pregnant, for making you feel as if you had to run away. I know she was wrong. She tore us apart, but in a twisted way, she thought she was doing the right thing, and I know how hard it was for her to finally admit the truth. I couldn’t bear to see her so ill and so worried that she had destroyed our relationship. She’s my mother. I told her that I forgave her, and I think it brought her some peace.’
I swallowed. ‘I’m sure it did.’
‘If there is anything you want to say to her, don’t leave it too late. That’s all I’m saying. Bitterness, anger, regret… don’t be like her: let go of it, Beth. In the end, they only hurt us and not the person they are directed against.’ She got up then. ‘I better go and see to her. Thank you for listening.’ She bent down and kissed me.
After my mum had left, I sipped my coffee in the silence. I didn’t know if I forgave my gran. You could say that everything had worked out in the end but, at the time, it could so easily have gone the other way. And even so, my heart had been broken and I thought I was all alone when I wasn’t. It was hard to even contemplate letting her off for that. But then I thought of her in bed, in pain, slipping away and I couldn’t help but feel pity. And compassion.
Was my mother right?
Would letting go not only help her but me too?
* * *
‘How are you?’ I asked Gran when I went up to see her that evening.
‘Oh, just fine,’ she replied, with a wave of her hand. ‘Are you ready to open the trail again?’
I nodded. ‘Everyone seems to love it but I’m not sure it’s actually done much to help Glendale. The council aren’t budging on their rents or changing their minds about the library.’ What with that, Mum and Dad at breaking point, and April, things at Glendale seemed a lot bleaker all of a sudden. I sat down by her bed and tried not to look sad; after all, she had things much worse than I did.
‘But you’ve got everyone to think about the village and to try to fight to save it. That’s something.’
‘Maybe.’ I hated feeling dull, it wasn’t my nature – I preferred to just get on with things – but I had to admit, there wasn’t a whole lot to smile about.
‘And you enjoyed making the trail, didn’t you?’
‘I loved it.’
‘You really should be focusing on that, Beth. What are you going to do in the new year when you go back to London? I worry you’re just going to go back to your old life, but you won’t be happy.’ She looked quite fierce then – some of the old Gran coming up to the surface again. ‘Please, promise me, that you won’t do that.’
‘I don’t want to but it’s not easy changing your life, Gran.’
‘Of course it’s not,’ she snapped. ‘But that doesn’t mean you just don’t do it. Right? When have you ever shied away from doing something hard?’ She gave me a sharp look. ‘It isn’t like you to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You need to decide what you want and go after it.’
I smiled at how animated she had become. ‘I will try.’ I thought of Drew then but pushed that thought away.
‘Hmmm. Well, make sure you do. Now, off you go and open up that trail and have a nice night. Turn that frown upside down as my mother used to say.’
I rolled my eyes, but it was nice to see Gran with some of her spirit back. I said good night and then went back downstairs, knowing that she was right and feeling sorry for myself wasn’t something I wanted to do for much longer. I just wasn’t sure how to turn things around yet.
Outside in the garden, Mum, Sally and John were with Izzy at a table filled with teas, coffees and cakes, welcoming everyone who wanted to see the trail. We had planned to open it each night until Hogmanay and then take it down. There were already a bunch of people coming into the garden, and one I recognised. I smiled as she walked over.
‘There you are,’ Heather said. She peered at me. ‘Are you okay, Beth?’
‘Just overthinking about things, I guess.’
She frowned. ‘Well, that’s never good, is it?’ she lowered her voice. ‘Is it about Drew?’
‘Partly,’ I admitted. ‘And the village, and my gran, and my parents and what will happen when Izzy and I go back home. The whole lot, to be honest.’ I turned to look at the banner floating in the breeze, the bright lights of the trail beyond it. ‘Do you ever think about the things you missed out on?’
Heather nodded. ‘It’s funny you say that; my dad gave me a brochure for Inverness College the other day. They have a lot of classes for adults there. I’d been going on to him about how much I’d enjoyed making the banner and the leaflets for the trail and how I’d missed designing things, drawing, all of it – I used to love it so much but when I came home after uni, and had to get a job, I just put all of that to one side. Now I’m wondering whether I should go back to it.’
‘That’s a great idea!’ I cried. ‘You definitely should do that. You are really talented. I’m sure you could find a part-time job while you did it. You should go after your dream, it’s never too late.’
Heather smiled. ‘And what about you and the dreams you gave up?’ she asked me, pointedly. ‘It’s not too late for you either, you know.’
‘I have really enjoyed working in the garden since I’ve been back,’ I agreed. ‘But I’m not sure if there’s anything I could do about that in London. I do sometimes think about what it would have been like if I had done my degree… but it wasn’t meant to be.’
‘Just don’t discount it now. Maybe we can both go back to school.’
I laughed. ‘God, remember
our school days? I really hated it there. If it wasn’t for you, and Drew, and all our friends, I probably would have never even turned up.’
‘And speaking of Drew – what about him and April?’
‘I think he’s going to marry her.’
‘Oh my god, no, really? Can’t you tell him how you feel?’
‘I can’t. It’s too selfish. After everything I did… how can I do that? He loves her, not me, and I have to accept that.’ I looked across the lawn then as Drew and April arrived with Rory.
‘It’s Hogmanay soon, anything could happen,’ Heather said.
‘Perhaps a midnight kiss with a certain someone?’ I asked, teasing her.
She rolled her eyes. ‘I have no idea who you’re talking about.’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘Anyway, shhh, they’re coming over.’
‘Hi, guys,’ Drew said when the three of them walked up to us. ‘You two look deep in conversation, are we interrupting?’
‘We were just talking about the Hogmanay party at the Glendale Arms,’ Heather lied smoothly. I looked at her: she hadn’t mentioned that. ‘You’re coming too, right?’ She put her arm through mine and squeezed it. I was glad she was there. ‘It’s a costume party and I’ve had the best idea what we can go as.’
‘Why am I suddenly feeling nervous?’ I replied, shaking my head.
Chapter Forty-One
I had planned to make an early dinner, before we opened up the trail again, for Sally as she was going down to London to spend New Year with her family. It was a strange swap for us – usually Izzy and I would see her at the party Emily had at her small house each year – but we would be at the Hall instead. Izzy, of course, begged me to include Drew, which meant April too, so I also invited Rory and Heather. The more people between me and April, the better.
When everyone arrived, I was in the kitchen, Sally, Mum and John at the table, Christmas music playing softly in the background. Izzy had rushed to answer the door when the bell sounded, and she returned with our guests.
‘Mum is making stew,’ Izzy said when she came in. ‘I have no idea what it will be like.’
‘Charming,’ I said, over my shoulder. ‘It will be delicious.’ I had used one of Sally’s recipes, so I was hopeful. ‘Are you keeping an eye on the potatoes?’ I asked her pointedly, so she quickly ran back to the Aga to check. I left the stew cooking to say hello to everyone and poured out wine for all.
‘How’s it all going?’ Drew asked my mum as he sat down. She had a notebook out on the table and she and Sally and John had been brainstorming ideas for the village.
Mum sighed as she closed the notebook. ‘We’re running out of ideas as to how we can compete with the development company. We have people who want to run businesses on the high street again, but the council won’t budge on the rent costs. Even if the council does want to be seen to be upholding the community, they say they’d have to move resources from other services if they helped the shops. What if we’ve done all this for nothing?’ She gestured outside where you could just see the lights of the trail trying to twinkle through the rain.
‘It definitely wasn’t for nothing,’ Drew told her firmly. ‘You have brought the village back together, and even if we fail, I think everyone is passionate about trying to save Glendale, and we will think of another way to do that, I’m sure. Don’t be downhearted by all that you’ve achieved, because you’ve done more in the last couple of weeks than most people could do in a year.’
‘You’ll be changing careers and becoming a motivational speaker soon,’ I teased him. I was worried, though, like my mum – it did feel as if we’d hit a huge roadblock with no way to navigate our way around it.
‘Drew is right,’ April said, eagerly. ‘Giving up is the last thing you should do.’
‘Any ideas as to what we can do instead?’ Mum asked with an arch to her voice.
I hid my smile. ‘Right, it should all be ready in a minute.’ I left the table and went over to drain and mash the potatoes. I heard them all still talking about the village and hoped someone might come up with an idea we could use. I didn’t want to give up on saving the village, but it was starting to feel impossible. I thought back to what Gran had said about me not getting down in the dumps but doing what I wanted. It was easier said than done, however.
Izzy came to join me then. ‘It smells good,’ she said as I pulled the large pot of stew out of the Aga.
‘See? Oh, ye of little faith,’ I replied, nudging her with my elbow.
‘I just remember the lasagne incident, that’s all,’ she said, referring to the burnt mess of pasta I made us one Saturday night. In my defence, our oven seemed to cook things twice as fast as any recipe instructed. We’d had to order a pizza that night instead and Izzy hadn’t been able to stop laughing. I hadn’t tried to make it ever again.
I was relieved that everything seemed to look tasty tonight, not wanting any of them at the table to witness a culinary fail. ‘Take the green beans over, would you? And remember I swore you to secrecy about that lasagne.’
Izzy grinned. ‘I’ll take it to my grave, Mum.’
We served up plates for everyone and joined them back at the table, where we all tucked in. I noticed Mum was eating much more, which pleased me, but April picked at it, evidently not enjoying it. Everyone else seemed to, though, so I just ignored her. I was beginning to wonder what Drew saw in her, apart from her looks. They seemed very different, but maybe I was just reading what I wanted into that.
‘I was thinking we should do something big for Hogmanay on the trail,’ John said. ‘It’ll be the last night – let’s go out with a bang. How about we put on a fireworks display?’
‘Everyone will be at the party at the Glendale Arms though,’ Heather said, taking a sip of wine.
‘They could all come back here for the countdown maybe,’ I suggested, liking the idea. I got up to put the dessert in the oven – Izzy and I had made a big apple pie – and saw that Drew had followed me.
‘Just getting April some water,’ he said, going to the sink. ‘Your family had a big firework display the Hogmanay we were together, do you remember? You and your mum had had an argument about what you were wearing, so you refused to come down and we watched the fireworks from your bedroom window, didn’t we?’
I remembered it well. It had been our only one together and at midnight, I had wished that every new year would be seen in with Drew by my side. I avoided his gaze, knowing I couldn’t let myself get sentimental about it. ‘Mum wanted me to wear this hideous dress she had bought me, and I just wanted to wear jeans. She still hates that I refuse to dress up.’
‘But you seem to be getting on much better now?’ He filled up the glass and leaned against the counter as I put the pie in the oven.
‘We are. I think that now we know the truth about why I left, it’s been better. And I’m older now, so not so stubborn,’ I replied with a smile. I stood up and looked at my mum at the table chatting with John. ‘She’s had a lot to deal with recently, and I hope that having me here has helped a bit.’
‘Of course it has. She’ll be sorry to see you go.’
‘Like Rory will with you,’ I said, looking across at him. He nodded and was about to say something else when April called out his name.
‘Your food is getting cold!’ she called, straining to see what we were doing.
We both went back to the table, and April narrowed her eyes at me. I just smiled at her.
‘I was just saying to Iz,’ April said, brightly, turning pointedly away from me towards Drew. ‘My sister used to have red hair, but she dyes it blonde like mine.’
My head turned sharply in her direction. Was she saying my daughter needed to dye her hair?
‘Izzy’s hair is beautiful,’ Drew replied, coldly, to my relief. He nudged Izzy who was next to him. ‘It has magical powers, right, Iz?’
‘Right,’ Izzy agreed, smiling up at him.
‘Oh, yes, it’s gorgeous,’ April said, q
uickly, her cheeks turning a little pink. ‘I was just saying she could if she wanted to when she’s older.’
‘Actually, Iz,’ Heather said, breaking into the conversation. ‘Your hair has given me inspiration for my Hogmanay costume,’ she said to her. I threw her a grateful smile. Across the table, April’s eyes were on her plate. She looked like she might cry but it was hard to sympathise with her. ‘I need to pick your brains about it.’
‘Okay,’ Izzy agreed, seemingly oblivious to the tension around her.
‘When do I get to know what I’m wearing?’ I asked Heather.
‘On the night. Me and Iz have got it covered.’ She winked at Izzy who giggled.
The back door opened then and we turned in surprise to see my dad in the doorway. ‘Oh,’ he said when he saw everyone at the table. ‘I came to collect some things,’ he said, and ducked his head, walking past us briskly and out of the kitchen.
Mum stood up. ‘Excuse me,’ she said, following him out. I really didn’t want her to have to deal with that on her own, so I followed her, apologising to everyone as I left the kitchen. I found my parents in the hallway, facing one another angrily.
‘You can’t just turn up when you feel like it,’ my mum said to him.
‘This is still my house!’
‘Well, actually, no: it belongs to my mother, but that’s beside the point. You’ve moved out, David. You can’t just come and go when you feel like it.’
‘I just came to get some things, not to start World War Three,’ he replied, wearily. He noticed me then. ‘Beth, we don’t need a referee.’
‘I just came to see if you’re all right,’ I said to my mum.
‘I’m fine,’ she said with a nod at me. ‘David, you’re either part of this family or you’re not. You’ve chosen to leave, so we need to do this properly. You need to call before you come here again.’
My dad stared at us, a little dumbfounded. ‘Caroline—’
‘I think we need to call this what it is – a separation. So, we should do it properly. Go and get what you need now but, in future, we can arrange if you need anything from the house. And I know you suggested we celebrate Hogmanay together but we’re having a fireworks display on the trail and I’m sure you will think that it wouldn’t be right for you to be seen at that by your… company,’ Mum said, faltering a little on the word, no doubt thinking of Dad’s mistress. She spun on her heels and walked back into the kitchen. I kind of wanted to applaud her but obviously I didn’t.
Coming Home to Glendale Hall Page 21
