“So then I was like, dude, seriously!? That’s your pickup line!?” Hannah’s laugh shattered through the wall of my fantasy. Irritated, I broke my gaze with Amber to look at Hannah. She was just staring at me waiting for me to agree with her.
I had no idea what Hannah was just talking about so I responded with what I thought would be a safe answer. “What an asshole?!”
That seemed to be the reaction Hannah was looking for so my cover remained intact. Hannah walked over to her sister, nudged her out of the way so she could get a paper plate and went over to the pizza boxes all the while never taking a breath during her heated re-telling of the package-store-dickhead.
I took a deep breath, let it out slowly and regained my composure. Rule number one of this whole endeavor: Hannah can’t find out. I needed to get myself under control so I could be sure there aren’t any more close calls.
Amber
While Hannah and Tobie got themselves pizza, I grabbed my beer and excused myself to go to the bathroom. I picked the farthest one I could find: mine. Locking the door behind me, I sat my beer down next to the sink. I braced my hands on the countertop and took some deep breaths. Just calm down. That’s all you can do right now. Just calm down. My body was so flustered from the feeling of Tobie’s mouth on my neck that I felt like I might spontaneously combust. How long had it been since a man had made me feel this way? Since Blake? No, not even Blake had made me feel this way.
Blake and I had dated for little over a year. He was an alright guy. He had a good job, a good family, he was “normal”, he treated me nicely. He seemed like a good catch, but something was always lacking our relationship. It never progressed to anything solid. We had moved very quickly in the early stages of dating - sleeping together after only three dates. I didn’t think it would have the impact like it did. I had tried to talk to him about our future, but he would always brush me off or change the subject.
In hindsight, sleeping together so soon set us up for failure. Ever hear the expression “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”? Yeah. That about summed up my relationship with Blake. He wasn’t a bad guy per say, we just never took the time to build a relationship based on anything but sex.
After Blake and I broke up (which was very uneventful. The fact that he wasn’t too torn up about the whole thing was surprisingly sad and relieving at the same time), I took time for some serious self-evaluation. I was twenty-nine at the time and well aware of the fact that I wasn’t getting any younger. Being with Blake made me realize how much I wanted a real relationship. I wanted something solid. Something based on mutual love and respect. I wanted a man who had the same hopes and dreams as I did. I wanted a family. But I also wanted to do things right.
It may sound really old fashioned of me, but I decided that I wanted to wait until marriage before having sex again. I’m not a prude. I don’t mean that I was going to wear only turtle necks and ankle length skirts from now on, but something was nagging in the back of my mind that kept saying, Now, Amber...you know why this is a time-honored tradition… modern times do not necessarily change how human relationships develop. Which is why I had made an oath to abstain from sex until I was married. The last thing I wanted to do was relive the relationship I had with Blake or finally meet the man of my dreams and have him be just another notch on the headboard.
But being almost thirty at the time made that very difficult. Most of the guys who were interested in those things were already taken. What was left were the men who were either like Blake - uninterested in commitment, strangely obsessed with it, or came with a significant amount of baggage. Not that I am against meeting a guy who already has kids, but it’s not my first choice. And I hadn’t found anyone who made me feel differently.
Thinking back to the moments earlier with Tobie though was making me rethink my whole resolve. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep with him, but oh, how I want to keep feeling this way. But I couldn’t. Right? I mean, this was Tobie. If there’s one person I should never feel this way about, it’s Tobie. But damn, if he doesn’t make me feel good. I turned on the cold faucet and splashed some water on my face. It helped a little. I looked up at my reflexion in the mirror. How can this be happening? How?
I decided the most effective way to calm down would be to take a shower. I was gross and sweaty from moving all day anway. A few minutes away from Tobie and shocking my system with cold shower would probably do me good.
Ok, so it wasn’t a cold shower, but whatever. It worked. After washing my hair, using my very favorite soap, and letting the water beat against my back for a few minutes I felt significantly better. I turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in one of my fluffiest towels. I walked into my closet and decided to go ahead and put of some pajama pants and a t-shirt. Tobie couldn’t possibly be attracted to me while I was wearing old worn out pajama pants, right? Right. I needed to take control of this situation. I was the adult here, right? Right. I grabbed the beer sitting next to my bathroom sink and chugged it as fast as I could. Liquid courage.
Then again… there can’t be any harm in a little flirting, right? I mean, really… some practice might be what I need to get myself back into the dating scene. It’s not like it’s going to turn into anything anyway, right? Right. And I’m definitely not going to sleep with him, so… Right. I mean, come on. It’s Tobie for crying out loud. That’s ridiculous. I headed back downstairs feeling stronger. I was in control. Let’s see if we can have a little fun, though.
Chapter Six
Tobias
It was definitely a good thing that Amber left us alone for a while. I wasn’t entirely sure that I could regain full control of myself with her in the same room. Hannah and I sat down at the kitchen table and started eating dinner.
“So what’s your plan?” I asked her, taking a large bite of cheese pizza.
“For what?” she asked, opening another beer.
“For life, dummy!”
“Meh. I don’t know. I’ve got a few interviews lined up in the next few weeks. I’m pretty interested in this one company. They are part of some cutting edge cell phone technology that seems really cool. The other ones are pretty standard engineering companies that have great reputations, but the jobs are typical entry-level positions,” she explained.
Most people underestimated Hannah. Upon first meeting her, most guys just saw her beautiful face. If you stopped there, you’d think that there’s not much below the surface but you couldn’t be more wrong. Hannah had the kindest eyes you’ll ever find and a laugh that fills up a room. She might be one of the smartest people I’d ever known. Not many people can graduate from one of the top engineering schools in the country with a near perfect GPA. Combine that with the fact that she also served as president of her sorority and on the executive council for the student body and you’ve got one well-rounded person and a hell of an impressive resume. Hannah could walk into any job she wanted.
By the time Amber came back downstairs, I was on my third beer and feeling a lot more relaxed. I watched her make her way to the fridge and grab another beer. Beer #2. Good. Poor thing really needs to let go.
The pajama pants she wore had to be at least ten years old. I remember back when Hannah and I would have movie nights in high school. Amber would wear those same pants. She would stretch out on the loveseat with her feet hanging off the edge and the fabric would push up around her shins. I would imagine the feel of her soft legs in my hands. I thought about how my lips would feel planting light kisses along the backs of her ankles and up her silky smooth calves.
Back to real life, I could now see how good those pants still looked on her. The fabric has thinned from years of wear but when she turned her back to get some pizza I could see how perfectly they still formed around her ass. She must not have been wearing any underwear because the fabric just barely fell into the dip at the top of her cheeks. I could stare at her ass for eternity.
Amber turned back around and took a bite of her p
izza. She noticed me looking at her but didn’t panic this time. She held my gaze just as strongly and gave me a small smile. She wiped her mouth with a napkin and came to join us at the table, sitting right next to me and let her leg press against mine.
It took every ounce of self control that I could muster to stop myself from placing my hand on her thigh under the table. I reminded myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that I had plenty of time to make sure that Amber was comfortable around me now that it was becoming clear on how I felt about her.
I hadn’t been lying when I said I was really looking forward to seeing Hannah again. How can you not want to spend time with your best friend? She’s type of friend that I could talk to in broken thoughts and she could fill in the gaps. The type who knew just how to make fun of me without crossing the line.
Conversation between the three of us continued smoothly all evening despite the fact that I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off Amber. Everything about her made me want to pull her close to my body again. I was dying to feel her heat press against me. I was craving the sound of her gasp in my ear when I kissed her neck again. I thanked my lucky stars we were sitting at the table because I don’t think I could possibly hide my unyielding hardness if we weren’t.
Amber’s demeanor had changed dramatically since she came back downstairs. She seemed determined to unnerve me and was clearly enjoying my torture. She looked directly at me when I spoke and played with her lips. Lightly touching them with her fingertips. Sometimes slowly drinking from her beer. Sometimes lightly biting her bottom lip. When she laughed and touched her hand to my shoulder, letting her fingertips brush down my arm after I told a stupid story from school, I about jumped out of my chair to pin her up against the wall. If she kept this up I wasn’t going to be able keep myself in check.
I did my best to stay focused on the conversation instead. We talked about Hannah’s last semester, my plans for finding my own place, and Amber’s new project at work. In the moments that I was able to keep my head clear I was reminded of how comfortable I was here. It’s as if I was sixteen all over again, having dinner at my second home.
Amber
“Morning, Amber!” Hannah chirped as she padded into the kitchen still wearing her pajamas. “What are you doing here? I thought you had to work today…” she gasped loudly, “Are you making pancakes!?”
I laughed at her excitement. “I decided to work from home today. I thought you’d like our traditional breakfast for your first morning back.” I continued to buzz around the kitchen, flipping the pancakes, cracking some eggs into the frying pan with a few slices of bacon.
“What are you so chipper about?” Hannah probed. “Look, I know you’re happy to have me home and all, but dang. You make it seem like this is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. I mean, I am pretty awesome and all… but I didn’t realize you’d be so thrilled to have all my crap taking up every remaining square inch of space around here.”
Any normal person would have taken the hint that I was acting overly excited, but I just couldn’t help myself. I hadn’t felt this good in a very, very long time. It may have just been harmless flirting, but damn. I hadn’t felt that energized in a very long time. My mind drifted… his hard body in the shower… the feeling of his lips on my neck… the look of desire in his eyes when I played with my lips during dinner…
“Amber! What are you doing!? Are you trying to burn the eggs!?” Hannah exclaimed, “Sheesh!”
“Oh, damn, it!” I regained focus and quickly turned off the burner and moved the frying pan off to the side. I grabbed our plates and began scooping the dried, overcooked eggs onto them. Using the tongs, I grabbed the bacon and put it next to the eggs. Thankfully the pancakes were perfectly golden brown and fluffy. At least I didn’t ruin all of it. Hannah grabbed a couple glasses from the cabinet and filled them with orange juice while I finished putting the food on our plates.
“I already made some coffee,” I told her, “there’s cream in the fridge.”
We sat down at the table, Hannah on the side facing into the kitchen and me directly across from her. When our mom was still with us, this was the seat that was easiest for her to get up and get something from the kitchen if anyone needed anything. An extra serving. A napkin. More to drink. Especially for Dad. He worked long hours every day to keep our family comfortable. Mom had always thought of it as her own happy little sacrifice to have her meal interrupted to provide for us. When she died, I had instinctively taken over that role. A flash of sadness came over me as I looked at the empty chair that used to cradle Dad’s large frame. Oh, how I missed them.
Hannah noticed, but was gentler this time when she broke my train of thought, “You ok, Amb?”
I turned to her and smiled through the bittersweet memory. “Yeah, I’m good. Sorry. Was just thinking about Mom and Dad for a second. They would have been so happy to have you home.”
“I know,” is all she said as she stared at her plate. She pushed her eggs around for a moment before she let out a loud sigh and continued, “Look, Amber. I know you always felt like you had to take on the role of parent for me, but it’s been seven years. I’m not saying that I don’t need you anymore, but have you ever thought about taking care of yourself for a change? You know, like dating or something? You don’t have to get married or anything… but maybe just some companionship with someone other than Russell would be good for you.”
Upon hearing his name, Russell’s ears perked up and he stationed himself directly next to Hannah’s chair, wagging his tail and patiently waiting for table scraps. She looked down at his big begging eyes and slipped him a small piece of bacon.
“I get what you’re saying, Han. I really do. And to be honest, I’ve thought about it.” More in the last twenty-four hours than ever. “I thought it was going to get serious with Blake, but it never did. I just don’t want to go through all that again and have it go nowhere.”
“I know, Amb. What happened with Blake was unfortunate but you can’t let that stop you from trying again. You’re a really good looking woman and have a lot to offer. I’m sure there are lots of guys who’ll want to tap that!” She shoves a huge piece of pancake into her mouth and smiled at me.
“Hannah!” I cry but can’t keep from laughing. What am I going to do with her?!
After I got some work done, Hannah and I decided to go shopping at the mall.
“I could really use some decent clothes for my interviews.” Hannah whined, “Everything I have is either t-shirts or looks like I’m trying to pick up a guy at a club. Not really the impression I want to give!”
“Well that would be one approach to leaving a lasting impression!” I laughed.
“Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not like my boobs are hanging out of my shirts all day. I just need something a little more… professional,” she explained as she rolled her eyes at me.
We spent the day together walking from store to store, finding a few things here and there. I paused for a second outside one of those specialty lingerie stores and before Hannah started jonesing me about it. So most of the day was spent with me mostly being her personal assistant as I ran back and forth grabbing different sizes of blouses, business skirts and slacks. But if I was being honest, I was really enjoying myself. It was actually fun to see Hannah growing up.
“So, Amber... are you serious about dating again?” Hannah called from one of the changing stalls.
I knew she’d bring this subject up again. She found it impossible to leave an awkward topic alone. Especially when it came to me. I knew she’s just trying to be supportive but I didn’t exactly know how to talk about this when the fuel that flamed the desire to start dating again had actually been Tobie.
“Um… yeah, I guess… I mean… I don’t know, Han. It’s complicated.”
“It’s not that complicated, Amber. You sign up for one of those dating sites and see what hot, eligible guys start chatting you up. Hand me the next blouse, please?”
I crinkled my nose up and threw the next shirt over the wall of the stall as she threw one back over to me. Something that felt like disgust stirred inside me. The thought of random guys trying to get in my pants. Ugh.
“Wow. You make it sound so exciting. I can’t wait.” I hung the blouse back on a hanger. “Was this one a ‘maybe’ or a ‘no’?” I asked.
“It’s a ‘no’. And don’t avoid the conversation. Are you going to sign up or not?”
“Ugh. Fine. I’ll sign up.” I relented. “This is stupid,” I grumbled under my breath.
“It’s not stupid, Amber.” Apparently I wasn’t as quiet as I thought. “It’s what normal women do to keep themselves from turning into old cat ladies”.
“I’m not going to be a cat lady, thank you very much… I like dogs.”
“Whatever. Just go out and meet someone already.” Hannah stepped out of the stall wearing a very sensible charcoal grey pencil skirt and a sleeveless blouse with a bit of ruffling up the buttons. Paired with some simple black pumps, she would look perfect.
“What do think? Professional enough?” she did a little spin.
“You look perfect, Han! That looks really good on you!” I couldn’t help but beam at her. She really was stunning. Tall, sandy blond hair and piercing green eyes. So much like our dad. We gathered the ‘yes’ items and made our way to the cashier. Hannah went to get her wallet from her purse.
“Oh, no you don’t!” I objected, “There’s no way I’m letting my little sister buy an outfit for her first real job interviews!” I handed the cashier my credit card before Hannah could protest.
“Thanks! I really appreciate that,” she hugged me. “Do you want to get lunch?”
“Sounds perfect. But you’re buying your own food.”
Delicate (Sublime Series Book 1) Page 4
