Until Us

by Cristin Cooper

  She sat on the exam table waiting for her doctor while Phillip sat in one of the plastic chairs, holding the ultrasound pictures. “She’s beautiful.”

  Katie beamed. “How can you tell?” She thought so, but she loved hearing it from someone else.

  He sat up straighter. “She’s my granddaughter, of course, she’s the most beautiful girl in the world,” he said proudly. He looked up at her with love in his eyes. “I’m glad you changed your mind. Whatever you need, I’m here. For both of you.”

  She reached for his hand and held it. “I don’t know what happened in there. One minute I knew I was going to find her two loving parents and the next I was looking at the screen at the wiggly little girl, and it was like a damn burst and all the pent up love for her and Eric came rushing through. I want to do this. For me and Eric.”

  He stood and put his arms around her. “I love you, sweetheart.”

  Dr. Johnson, who walked in carrying her file and a worried expression on her face, interrupted their father and daughter moment. “Katie. It’s nice to see you again.”

  Phillip held his hand out to her. “Hello, I’m Phillip Thomas, Katie’s father.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” Her expression turned solemn as she pulled her rolling stool up to the exam table and sat in front of her. “I’m glad you’re here Mr. Thomas.”

  A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. Katie’s voice trembled as she asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “We don’t know for sure, but I just looked at the ultrasound, and I’m concerned.”

  Katie blew out a breath and looked up at Phillip, who stood stoically next to her, running his hand up and down her arm.

  “The fetus is showing a high-level marker and two soft markers for Trisomy twenty-one.” Katie’s hands went limp, and she shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

  She felt Phillip’s body tense next to her. Before she could ask what Trisomy twenty-one was, he asked, “Down syndrome?”

  “Dad…” Her voice broke. That was all that she could say.

  Down syndrome? There had to be a mistake. She had to have looked at the wrong ultrasound. She saw her daughter on the screen, and she looked perfect.

  “Yes.” Dr. Johnson placed a hand on Katie’s knee and looked at Katie, waiting for her to ask questions.

  “Everything is going to be okay, Katie,” Phillip reassured. She nodded, but she didn’t believe it.

  Katie’s throat tightened, but she managed to ask, “What was the high-level marker?”

  “Posterior nuchal skin fold. It’s the distance between the bone of the back of the head and the overlying skin. Keep in mind that 1 in 200 babies will have thickened nuchal skin fold and will not have Down Syndrome.” Dr. Johnson kept her voice level and clear, but she could see how difficult it was for her to tell her this news.

  “What are the soft markers?” Phillip asked.

  “The size of the femur and the fetus has extra fluid in the kidney’s.”

  Her ears buzzed, blocking out all the sound in the room as she tried to process what the doctor said. “What is wrong with me? Why? I…I had a point one percent chance of getting pregnant on the pill and now… What are the chances? Did I do something to cause this?”

  “No, Katie.” Dr. Johnson patted her knee. “We don’t know for sure. I’m recommending getting an amniocentesis. When we get the results back, you can decide where to go from there. When we last talked, you said that you were looking into adoption.”

  “No.” She cleared her throat. “I changed my mind.”

  “Okay.” Dr. Johnson nodded her head. “If the results are positive, we can terminate the pregnancy.”

  “No,” she cried. “No. I… No matter the results, I’m keeping the baby.” She looked up at her dad, whose forehead was creased and had his hand running through his gelled hair. “I already lost Eric. I’m not going to lose her too.” Phillip wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. “I don’t care if she has it. She’s my daughter. She’s Eric’s daughter. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but…”

  “You’re not alone. You have me and Jenny and your mom and Billy. No matter what.”

  Katie lay on her bed with her hand covering her stomach as if she were protecting her daughter from the possible diagnosis. She had a week to worry and consider all the possibilities. What if her daughter had health issues? How would she pay for her medical care? She didn’t dare look on the Internet. It would only make her more stressed. What she should be doing was studying. It was the first day of the new term and she needed to keep up, but at the moment, she didn’t care about school or her grades or getting behind.

  She stared at her phone, wishing she could talk to Tyler. She needed to hear his voice.

  Phillip had stayed with her through the rest of her appointment, including the amniocentesis. Afterward, he brought her home and stayed until she shoved him out the door. He was sweet and caring, but he also hovered over her, making her anxiety worse.

  The phone vibrated next to her head and a picture of her and Tyler popped up on the screen. “Hey.” She couldn’t control her shaky voice.

  “What’s wrong?” How did he always know?

  After she finished telling him about her appointment, he said, “I’m on my way. I should be there in a little over three hours.”

  “No. Stay. As much as I wish you were here, I’m okay and there isn’t anything you can do. Dr. Johnson put a rush on the results and she should have them back in a week.”

  “God, Katie… Are you sure you don’t want me to come? I’m not working tomorrow.”

  “There’s no point, and I don’t want to risk alarming Alexis. Only you and Dad know, and I’d like to keep it between us until I get the results.”

  “Okay,” he sighed. “But I’d like to come with you when you get the results.”

  Some of the pressure in her chest lightened at his words. “I’d like you to be there.”

  Chapter Twenty

  January 2016

  Tyler

  Katie took one more shuddering breath before sleep finally took her. Her tears had left dark streaks down her blotchy red cheeks and he was tempted to wipe them away, but he didn’t want to risk waking her.

  He slid his arm out from beneath her head as he carefully scooted off the bed, where he had been holding her for the past several hours as she came to terms with the positive test results.

  Her daughter had Down syndrome.

  She managed to keep it together at the doctor’s office, but once they stepped into her condo, she broke down. He carried her to bed and stayed there, listening to her cry and put a voice to all of her worries. He desperately wished he could ‘fix it’ and make it better. But all he could do was hold her and listen to her cry on his chest.

  He glanced at her sleeping form one last time before quietly closing the bedroom door. If he could, he would’ve held her all night, but he had several calls to make and a meeting to set up.

  Alexis, Jeff, and Tracy sat in the living room anxiously waiting for an update on Katie. They were already at the condo by the time he and Katie had arrived. Phillip, who had been at the appointment with them, began making calls the moment they stepped out of the hospital, so Katie wouldn’t have to. It was still a surprise to see they had beaten them to the condo.

  They had watched him lift her into his arms as sobs wracked her body. Tracy gently patted his back as he passed. Their eyes met and she mouthed, “thank you.”

  He wasn’t surprised to see them still here. The TV was on, but the volume was low. When he entered the room, Jeff clicked it off and stood. Worry Lines marking his forehead.

  “It’s true? She has Down syndrome?” Tracy confirmed. Her voice was soft and filled with worry not just for the baby but Katie too. She wasn’t even twenty yet and she had so much to deal with. The way she broke down in his arms, he wasn’t sure she would be able to be put back together.

  He nodded.

  “Oh God.” Tracy looked down
the hall toward Katie’s room. “Is she okay? Is the baby okay?”

  “She will be. From what her doctor could see on the ultrasound the baby looked fine. They’ll be doing more ultrasounds to be sure.”

  Alexis held up Katie’s phone. “Bridget and Billy have been calling every thirty minutes. Should I tell Katie?”

  He shook his head and took the phone from Alexis. “She’s asleep. I’ll call them.”

  With as many calls as he needed to make, he was going to be up all night. He already had several texts from his sisters and a voicemail from his mother he needed to return. He assumed Tracy or Alexis had called them to let them know what was happening. He still needed to call Phillip and...

  Jeff interrupted his thoughts. “You’ve done enough today. We’ll call Bridget and Phillip and give them an update.”

  Tracy stood and gave him a hug. “You look like you need some rest. Can I talk you into staying the night at our place?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not leaving.”

  “I didn’t think so.” She squeezed his arm. “There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry. Jeff and I are taking off, but we’ll be back in the morning.”

  She gave him another hug, which was followed by a hearty pat on the back from Jeff. “Thank you for taking care of her and our granddaughter.” If they only knew this was where he always wanted to be…

  Once Jeff and Tracy were out the door, he said goodnight to Alexis, who left a pile of bedding on the couch.

  He sat in an overstuffed chair with his elbows braced on his knees as he stared at his phone. Punching in the number he couldn’t forget, he sent a quick text.

  Tyler: I’m in town. Can we meet for lunch tomorrow?

  The reply was almost instant.

  Audrey: I’d love to, but we’ll have to eat at the café in the hospital. I have several meetings tomorrow. 12:30 okay?

  Tyler: Perfect. See you then.

  Tyler leaned back in the chair and took the first full deep breath since Katie’s appointment. He had been in nurse mode, concentrating on Katie, but now that he was alone, reality began to hit him. He had done enough research on Down syndrome to know Katie was going to need as much support as she could get.

  Audrey walked up to him with a bright smile, looking beautiful as always. He gave her a quick hug then walked with her to the café.

  He hadn’t seen or talked to her since Thanksgiving when she was visiting her parents in Bend. Initially, the conversation felt a little forced. They talked about the weather and updated each other on their families, but once they were seated with food in front of them, she got straight to the point. “So, I’m smart enough to know you aren’t here to see me. What’s up?”

  He wasn’t about to deny it. He needed to get things moving. “A job as a flight nurse has opened up at this hospital. I had a phone interview, but I think it would help my chances if you could give me a recommendation. I need this job.”

  She placed her sandwich on her plate, wiped the crumbs from her fingers then leaned forward on her elbows. “Why?” It was a simple question, but he wasn’t sure how he should answer. He didn’t want to explain Katie and what she was to him or why he felt the need to move closer to her. “When I asked you to move here, you were adamant about staying near your family. You wouldn’t even consider moving to Portland.”

  He held back a grown. “I don’t want to talk about this.” He ran his hand down his face.

  Her brows furrowed and the kind smile she wore earlier was gone. “Well, I do. I think you owe me an explanation.”

  “Fine. I would’ve moved here if you had asked me before you left. But you didn’t. I felt like I was an afterthought and it hurt. I wanted to marry you and you left like I was no big deal.” He pointed back and forth between them. “Like we were no big deal.”

  Her mouth dropped and she began to speak, but he wasn’t finished. “And for the record, I did consider it. In fact, I came to see you a month after you moved here and was prepared to beg you to take me back, but when I showed up at your apartment, I found you standing outside your door, kissing another guy.” He clenched his fists and his face warmed. He wished he could block out the pain of the memory.

  “You came?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

  He didn’t answer. Their eyes met and he could see her pain. She could probably see his. He had no idea how two people in love could mess up so badly.

  “I know I made a mistake by not asking you to come with me or even talking to you about the job beforehand but I guess… I guess I wanted to see if you would chase me. I knew you loved me, but I also know we wouldn’t have been an us if I hadn’t made all the first moves.” Her eyes never left his. “You didn’t chase me.”

  Why hadn’t he chased her? If he cared so much about her, he should’ve done more than let her go without a fight. Looking back now, he could see the signs of it ending. He remembered the first time he didn’t miss her when he was working a twenty-four-hour shift. He thought it was a sign things were good and that he didn’t need to miss her. They talked, but it wasn’t about anything important. They didn’t argue. It was easy and comfortable being with her. He could see now that something was missing.

  She dropped her eyes and played with the food on her plate. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll see what I can do about the job.”

  “I appreciate it.” He leaned back in his chair thankful for the subject change and that she agreed to help.

  As they said goodbye, she kept some physical distance between them but made one request. “If I do this and you get the job, I’d like you to do one thing for me.”

  He swallowed the large lump in his throat, afraid to ask. “What’s that?”

  “Give us another try.”

  He blew out a deep breath. “I don’t know.” He couldn’t deny he still had feelings for her, but not only did he not trust her with his heart, there was also Katie... No matter how much his heart fought it and warned him she could never be his, he cared more about her than any other girl he had ever met.

  She reached for his hand and held it in hers. “One date. That’s all I’m asking.”

  “You’re back.” His mother closed the front door behind him.

  “Yeah. Bridget flew in this afternoon to stay with Katie for a few days.” He bent down to scratch Bubba, who circled him excitedly. “Thanks for watching him.”

  “He’s no problem.” She smiled at the cheerful dog. “So, how is she holding up?”

  He shook his head with a small smile. “She’s going to be all right. I was worried after the first night, but she woke up the next day determined to learn everything she could, she contacted a support group and is looking for the best doctors.”

  “You didn’t tell her you already made a list?” she said with a smirk.

  His smile widened. “How did you know I already did the research?”

  “I know you.” She pinched his arm.

  “After she growled at me for not talking to her first, she said she would take my list under advisement but she needed to do this. I liked seeing the Mama Bear in her come out to fight.”

  “I like her,” his mother said plainly.

  “Me too.”

  He followed his mother into the kitchen and grabbed a handful of cookies out of the cookie jar.

  “A little birdy told me you had a lunch date with Audrey.”

  He groaned. “Mothers,” he mumbled.

  She stuck her lower lip out in a pout. “You can’t blame a mom for wanting her son to be happy.”

  “I know. And yes I did have lunch with Audrey, which brings up something I need to tell you.”

  “You’re moving to Portland.” It wasn’t a question.

  “I hope so.” He never imagined he would ever say those words. He loved living near his family and being in the middle of all the loving chaos, but Katie…

  “Does this mean you are going to try to work things out with Audrey? Her mother said you’re planning on seeing ea
ch other again.”

  He groaned again. “You two need to stop talking. And yes we agreed to go on one date.” He lifted his finger. “One.”

  “I’m glad. On Thanksgiving, when I watched you two talk like old friends, I saw a spark of something,” she said excitedly. That was what he felt. Like he was talking to an old friend not an old lover.

  “Mom...” he sighed. “I won’t deny I care about her, but…” He shook his head.

  “Katie.” Their eyes met, and he nodded his head. “I see.” Her smile fell. “I’m not surprised. If her situation were different, I would think she was the perfect girl for you. She’s family and your sisters adore her, but…”

  Unable to hold back, the words rushed out of him “I know better than anyone that it’s an impossible situation. Believe me. Most days I hate myself for how much I love her. But she’s the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I talk to before bed. There’s no other place I rather be than with her.” His mother blinked up at him and he tried to swallow the growing lump in his throat. He had no intention of spilling his guts like that, but once he started, he couldn’t stop. And all of it was true.

  “What can I say to that?” She gave him a watery smile.

  He shrugged and pulled her into a loving hug. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  February 2016