Discovering Rafe

by Sara Blackard

  With the way she worried, did Piper live with this burn in her stomach all the time? How had she not bit all her nails to nothing and have dark circles the size of silver dollars under her eyes?

  He rubbed a hand down his tired face. He hadn’t slept a wink. He’d lain with Piper well after she’d fallen asleep, just watching her while he ran his fingers through her silky hair. When he’d finally pulled himself away, he hadn’t made it far.

  He’d have to talk to Zeke about purchasing a more comfortable couch in the sitting room upstairs. Rafe shook his head. He could’ve just slept in one of the other bedrooms. There were plenty in the upstairs of the main house they used when clients needed a safe place to stay. A chuckle drew Rafe’s attention across the kitchen.

  “What’s so funny?” Rafe forced himself to relax his shoulders as he looked at Zeke.

  “You, dude.” Zeke shook his head, a smile stretched wide across his face. “So have you always loved her or is this a new development?”

  Rafe straightened, his heartbeat picking up. “I don’t—”

  “I’m not Davis. You can tell me.”

  Rafe shifted his feet and picked up the coffee to keep his hands still. What could he say? That he couldn’t stop thinking about her? That he hadn’t wanted to leave her last night and had spent a bulk of the night wondering what it would be like to hold her tight for the rest of his life? Or how about that his heart finally felt sparked to life after two years of feeling frozen with shame? He couldn’t do anything about it, though. He couldn’t taint her—couldn’t ruin her innocence.

  “It doesn’t matter. Nothing can come of it.” Rafe picked up the coffee mug and took a drink.

  “Why not?”

  “It’s not Davis, well, partly.” Rafe cringed at what Davis would do. “He’d probably kill me, which would be for the best. I don’t deserve her, not after what I’ve done.”

  Zeke’s eyebrows slammed low over his eyes. “What do you mean by that?”

  “Come on, man. You know what I did that last mission. You know how I took that kid’s life. My soul has a black mark that can never be wiped clean. How can I possibly consider a relationship, especially with someone as innocent and pure as Piper, when that shame saturates me?” Rafe slammed the mug down and turned to slink into his office downstairs.

  Zeke blocked Rafe’s escape, his arms crossed over his chest. “You did what any of us would’ve done, Rafe. It was war. You weren’t the one who made that kid a soldier.”

  “No, but I was the one who took his life.”

  Zeke muttered a curse. “You didn’t. The ones who put the gun in that kid’s hands did.”

  Rafe shook his head and tried to get past, but Zeke stopped him with a hand on Rafe’s chest. His eyes burned hot, and he panicked that he’d start blubbering like a baby. He turned his head to the side and blinked to clear his emotions.

  “Zeke, I could’ve neutralized him, could’ve used non-lethal force.”

  “No, you couldn’t have. Not if we didn’t want the entire mission to blow up in our faces.”

  “It did anyway.”

  “But not because of you,” Zeke whispered.

  Oh, shoot. Here comes the waterworks. Rafe sniffed.

  “We’ve all had to do stuff that haunts us in the night. It’s an occupational hazard.” Zeke clapped Rafe on the shoulder. “If there’s something between you and Piper, go for it. We all deserve happiness after all that we’ve sacrificed.”

  Female talking drew both their eyes to the stairs. Sam leaned over and whispered something to Piper that made her smile. The smile didn’t push the tension from Piper’s shoulders, though.

  “Just do me a favor.” Zeke stepped next to Rafe so he could face the women.

  “What’s that?”

  Zeke nudged Rafe and lowered his voice. “Let me be there when you tell Davis. That’s going to be a show I don’t want to miss.”

  Rafe snorted. “No way. I think I’ll just steal her away where it’s only the two of us.”

  That idea burned hot in his stomach as his gaze connected to hers. The tension in her shoulders relaxed, causing the burn to spread like wildfire through his veins. He wanted to ease her worry, help her with the load she carried on her shoulders. He wanted to discover what Piper wanted out of life—not for Chloe or Davis or himself—but what dreams Piper had buried beneath her support of others.

  She walked to him, her hands wringing in front of her. “What can I do to help get ready for when the storm passes?”

  Here he wanted to take her worry away and right off the bat he would have to pile more on. “Pip, the storm isn’t supposed to pass for a few days.”

  “No, Rafe, but Chloe—”

  “Will be safe with Jake,” he interrupted, balling his hands so he didn’t reach out and grab her. “We keep the plane stocked with enough provisions to get two people through a week or more.”

  She shook her head, her eyes wide with fear. How had he never noticed the flecks of gold in the brown?

  “But—”

  “I promise, they’ll be fine.” He couldn’t resist and lifted his hand to push the wet curls from her face that had escaped the messy bun she’d pulled it into.

  She grabbed onto his arm. “Would you listen? I need to see the provisions they have.”

  “They’re basic MREs. Nothing fancy.”

  She stomped her foot and threw up her hands. The action was adorable and so out of character for the sweet, mild Piper. She poked his chest.

  “Rafe Marcus Malone, go get those MREs, or whatever they are, right now.”

  Rafe rubbed where she’d poked. “Tone it down, Bossy Pants.”

  Her gaze speared him as she grabbed his arm. “Please. I need to know.”

  “Why? It won’t change anything.”

  She shook her head and blinked. “I need to know so we can see just how bad it’ll be when we find them.” She swallowed hard. “I need to know that she’s not starving.”

  Her voice cracked, and he pulled her into his arms. He rubbed her back but jerked his hand away when she flinched. He groaned, not knowing where to touch her that wouldn’t hurt. He settled with rubbing his hands down her arms and twining his fingers between hers.

  “Okay, I’ll go grab the packs from the garage. Why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll make you something to eat while you look them over?”

  Relief shined from her face, and Rafe barely stopped himself from kissing her to ease the rest of the worry away. Instead, he led her to the stools at the kitchen island, brought her a mug of coffee, and rushed to the garage where they kept a cabinet full of supplies. He grabbed as many as he could hold, then hurried back into the kitchen.

  “I don’t know which ones they have, but you can get an idea from these.” He dumped the packets on the counter in front of Piper and moved to start breakfast.

  She grabbed his arm and stood. “Thank you, Rafe.” She sighed and leaned closer. “My mind is going nuts right now. Probably would be a blubbering pile of mess, but, with you here, I’m not so scared.” She gazed at him with bright eyes. “I’m so glad you’re here with me. I don’t think I could handle this without you.”

  Purpose fluttered in his chest. He swallowed to loosen the boulders that had lodged in his throat, but they wouldn’t budge. He gave a quick nod, squeezed her hand, sending shock waves up his arm, and distanced himself under the guise of making her breakfast so he could think straight.

  Maybe Zeke was right. Maybe Rafe could put the past behind him and let his feelings for Piper grow. He was tired of pretending everything was okay. Tired of constantly joking to cover his sins. He wanted the joy to be real, not just a front. Maybe in supporting the most giving person he’d ever known, he could tip the balance and cleanse himself of the darkness that had tangled in his soul.

  Ten

  Rafe growled at his screen, pushing back from his desk and digging his hands into his hair. It shouldn’t be this hard to track down one stalker. Whoever this guy was, he’
d hidden his tracks so well no amount of digging could root him out.

  Or maybe the Piper distraction of the last two days was screwing with his normally genius computing abilities. He shook his head. What a mess.

  Hooting laughter sounded from upstairs. He cringed. He should be up there with Piper and the others keeping Chloe’s band members company, but his office had become his hideout.

  After that first morning, he’d had to take a step back. The realization of all Piper could mean to him had him running scared. He didn’t like the feeling—didn’t like that he’d hid in his man cave like a frightened rabbit. He wasn’t a fluffy bunny, for Pete’s sake. He was a wolf or a mountain lion or some other fierce, powerful animal. He’d get himself all talked up, go search her out when the desire to be in her presence became too much to ignore, then find himself scurrying back down to his burrow when just a bump of an elbow, her laugh, or her silky voice would send shivers up and down his spine.

  Stupid Zeke for putting insane thoughts in Rafe’s head. He’d have to come up with an exceptional way to get back at the meddling man. One conversation and Rafe’s world had turned on its head. Who was he kidding? One look at Piper and his world had spun off its axis.

  Now she sat upstairs, entertaining the supposedly super-hot, insanely talented Chet and the other band members while Rafe hid … again. He’d played nice for about two point three seconds when the band members had first arrived at the ranch. Greeted each of them with a smile and a handshake without breaking bones as he squeezed. But when Chet had lingered in his hug to Piper and whispered something that made her head duck and her cheeks pink, Rafe had booked it to his burrow before the jealousy that tinged his vision red erupted into, at best, strutting like a rooster and pecking the competition or, at worse, pummeling the man and throwing him out into the storm that still raged.

  Why had Sam thought inviting the band members over for dinner would be a good idea? They didn’t need to be entertained while waiting for news from Chloe. They were musicians. They could entertain themselves.

  “Rafe?” Piper’s sweet voice jerked his head to where she stood next to him.

  How had she gotten this close without him knowing? He straightened in his chair and rolled his shoulders. His mind had finally turned to mush.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you.” She bit her bottom lip in concern, and all Rafe wanted to do was pull her to him and kiss the worrying action away.

  “You didn’t scare me.”

  Liar. She terrified him, but not in the way she thought.

  She stepped closer, her perfume surrounding him and snapping his senses to alert. He took a deep breath through his nose, filling himself to the brim with the scent that lured him. His body trembled, and he wasn’t sure if he was the rabbit shaking with panic or the wolf anticipating his pounce.

  She ran a hand across his shoulders, causing his muscles to jump. Well, great. Rabbit it is.

  “Rafe, why don’t you come and join us?”

  He shook his head. “Can’t. Not until I figure out who this stalker is.”

  “You need a break. You look horrible.” She chuckled as she ran her fingers through his hair to straighten it.

  The touch stood all his hair on end and rushed heat from his scalp to his toes. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling but also reining his crazy thoughts in, thoughts of locking the door and begging her to take a chance with him and forget the guitarist which bordered on plain dumb. She hadn’t said a word about Chet since that day in Steamboat, and even her greeting when the dude had arrived hadn’t been overly warm.

  He cleared his throat. “I still have some trails I need to track down. Don’t want to stop until I do.”

  She sighed. Her hand trembled in his hair before she pulled it away. His eyes popped open as her tension leaked into the space between them. He grabbed her hand as she brought it down to her side.

  “What is it, Pipster?”

  Piper shrugged and shook her head. “Nothing.”

  Her unease had the wolf in him tossing the rabbit aside. “Piper, please.”

  She lifted her free hand to rub her collar and rolled her eyes. “I’m just being stupid.”

  He squeezed her hand and growled, the very thought angering him. “No, you aren’t. You’re amazing, incredibly intelligent, and so beautiful.”

  Her eyes widened. Shoot. He hadn’t meant to say that last part.

  He cleared his throat and gave her fingers a little shake, hoping to skirt over his slip. “So, Pipstick, what’s got you venturing into the Cave of Manly Awesomeness?”

  She snorted and peered around the room, her shoulders relaxing. He wondered what she thought of the banks of computer screens all running different programs, the whiteboard wall where he scribbled thoughts and equations, and the Mario Kart figurines lined in a race along his desktop. Sweat broke out along his neck at her perusal.

  “Is that what this is?” She smirked, drawing his gaze to her lips.

  She pulled her hand out of his and reached for Princess Peach, twisting the toy in her hand as she leaned against his desk. She shrugged, and her shoulders rose with tension again. What had her so wound up?

  “It’s just that these guys are Chloe’s friends. I’m usually just in the background, a glorified groupie who makes the snacks and gets them gigs.”

  “I thought you and Chet were friends at least. Hasn’t he been trying to get you on a date?”

  Her cheeks pinked, and Rafe wondered why she blushed.

  “Agh, it’s so awkward. He’s nice, a really smart and great guy. Went to college for computers and uses it to make amazing music.” She brought the toy up to her face, turning it this way and that. “But I just don’t feel any attraction to him like that, which makes me feel guilty and like an idiot. What kind of woman wouldn’t be falling at his feet?”

  Rafe’s head became light with her comment and made his tongue loose. “Why aren’t you attracted to him?”

  Her cheeks turned bright red as she peeked at him before gluing her eyes on the toy in her hand. “He’s not really my type.” She sighed and set the toy back in line. “What I want to do is just hide so I don’t have to make small talk and pretend everything’s okay, but that would be horribly rude.”

  “You could hide down here with me.” He wanted her to say yes so badly it had to be unhealthy.

  “I can’t be impolite, not when they’ve gone out of their way to be here to help.” She raised her gaze to his and speared him with expectation. “You could come up with me. I wouldn’t feel so socially inept with you there with me.”

  Rafe’s chest puffed up and lifted him from the chair. Her words made him a giant. They roared every protective cell in his body to life.

  He stepped close, the air between them so thick he was surprised it didn’t push him backward. Slowly, he lifted his hand and ran the back of his finger down her cheek. The motion, and her widening eyes, incinerated his rabbit-like tendencies of the past few days to ash.

  “Let’s go be sociable then.” His words sounded as rough as sandpaper.

  She gulped and nodded. Rafe wouldn’t hide away anymore. He’d take Zeke’s advice and follow the happiness Piper shined into his life. He’d slay all her fears so she could see the beauty she truly was. He slid his hand in hers and pulled her toward the crowd gathered in the living room.

  Eleven

  Piper paced in front of the window in the living room of the ranch house, growling at the blowing snow like a caged tiger. Three whole days and the storm hadn’t let up once. Chloe would be in rough shape when they found them. She had barely enough gluten-free food in those stupid Army packets to keep a bird alive.

  Piper huffed, stopped her pacing, and set her hands on her hips so she wouldn’t wring them. She had to stop thinking about it, had to get her mind off of her cousin’s nightmare, but just hanging around the ranch left her little to do and tons of time to think. She’d already done everything she could regarding Chloe’s music business and had contact
ed the hospital to warn them of the situation. She wished Rafe’s friends weren’t off training or playing in the snow or whatever it was they were doing in the back acres of the property. They had proved great distractions with how they felt a need to tell her embarrassing stories of Rafe and Davis.

  She smiled as she thought about the night before and how it had been filled with laughter. It had amused Piper how her acquaintances in Chloe’s band and her new ex-military friends had merged. Who knew artsy-fartsy and American hero could have so much fun together?

  She’d finally been able to relax and enjoy the mixed company after she’d convinced Rafe to join them. Her shy nature melted away with his supporting presence. It had been the first night that hadn’t been thick with tension since they’d found out Chloe and Jake had crashed. The first night the laughter seemed genuine and not forced.

  Piper tipped her head back to gaze at the faint yellow orb of the sun barely showing through the falling snow. She didn’t get Rafe. He’d been so concerned after the landslide the night they’d arrived, but hadn’t spent more than a minute or two at a time with her since. Then, when she’d asked him to join them, he’d gotten this feral look in his eyes and stuck by her side the rest of the evening.

  She’d tried her best to play it cool, to keep her emotions in check and not fall apart at her missing cousin and her confused heart. Tried to keep from shivering every time her skin erupted into goosebumps when Rafe brushed by her. Last night though, when he led her up to the group … wowzah, talk about tension.

  He didn’t say or do anything too out of the norm. In fact, it was infuriating how normal he’d been, except for the fact that he’d stayed near her all night. Yet, she’d catch him staring at her and electricity would spike through her body whenever his touch would graze her. Her mind spun like the carnival rides she loved so much, chaotically switching between hope and doubt.

  “Piper, you okay?” Rafe’s question turned her from the window.