A Pinch of Moonlight

by A V Awenna

  ***

  This is proper weather, thought Demi, emerging from the lane, the ruined tower on its motte to their right. The moonlit glamour of the previous night had evaporated. Sunlight revealed the patchy grass and cowpats that carpeted the field, and the Saturday afternoon motorway traffic was grumbling through the cutting up ahead. But the sun was high and hot in a near-cloudless sky, and despite the cars the light was clear and golden, colouring everything to its best advantage.

  Blackbird was sitting on Demi's shoulder but he wasn’t saying much, just giving directions, and telling her not to look down so much or he’d fall off. But she had to look down – the ground was minging with piles of horse shit and bunny poo, molehills and thistles. Her trainers would be ruined if she wasn’t careful; there was nothing as normal as a path or a pavement anywhere. She really hated the country. It was okay to look at from a distance, but why all this mud? It was ridiculous, there was a motorway going all the way to London up ahead, but they couldn’t put a simple path through this field – all it would take was a bit of concrete.

  Blackbird was taking them to the wooded hills beyond the motorway, where Aelwen was waiting for them. The tree-witch was going to test Demi’s magical abilities, and teach her some spells - if she was good enough. Demi was nervous as hell – what if she turned out to be as talentless as some of those losers you saw on TV, and Aelwen refused to take her on?

  There was a stile up ahead. Stupid things! If there was a way of getting over a stile which had any style, she’d never seen it – and trying to get over one with a grumpy fairy on her shoulders was a nightmare. She struggled over as if she had 3½ legs, Blackbird gripping the roots of her hair and hissing like an angry cat. This had better be worth it.

  At least dumpy Heledd had to make an effort to get over the stile, but her super-athlete cousin Vicky had no problems. It really wasn’t fair that Vicky was both clever and sporty. Demi wasn’t dumb, but she was fairly average at everything at school. What if she turned out to be average at magic, not a witch at all?

  But then, she was the one who could sense the moonlight, could smell magic, and no-one else had a sparkling moon-shadow like hers. She risked looking down at her daytime shadow without moving her shoulders. It looked the same as any other shadow, and the sense of magic had gone.

  As they crossed the footbridge over the motorway, Demi felt Blackbird tremble against her neck. Was he afraid of the traffic roaring beneath them? Weird to think there were things she understood better than him. Even had he been man-sized he wouldn’t have had a clue how to drive, whereas she was already pretty good behind the wheel – something she kept from Vicky, obviously.

  There was a kissing gate at the other end of the bridge, thankfully, and once she’d got through that, Blackbird pointed out a group of trees on the far side of a huge patch of sticky mud.

  ‘Is there’, he said, ‘where Aelwen is waiting.’

  ‘How in hell do we cross that?’ she demanded, and was horrified when Blackbird suggested they go straight through, jumping between dry patches.

  ‘Is okay, I did it, even this small,’ he told her, but she insisted there was no way she was going near it.

  Heledd pointed out a way around – the boggy patch was in a dip ahead of them, but if they turned right and stuck to the higher ground there was a stile which led onto the old road which ran over the hill to Caerphilly. There was a big old house on the road, and there seemed to be a path beyond it which came out on the far side of the dip.

  ‘Bloody stiles! Why didn’t we just go along the hill road in the first place?’ Demi grumped.

  ‘With a fairy on your shoulder? I don’t think so! You know what our neighbours are like.’ Vicky retorted.

  ‘That’s true,’ Heledd said. ‘Did you know, Vicky, that when you got your nose pierced, Mrs Watkins told my mum she was worried you’d become a drug addict.’

  ‘The evil cow!’ Vicky replied. ‘A couple of years back, when Demi had a bad breakout of zits, that old bat was dropping heavy hints she thought Demi was a glue-sniffer.’

  ‘As if!’ Demi snorted. ‘What does she think this is, the 1970’s?’

  ‘Can you imagine if she saw us now? We’re going to have to be really careful.’ Vicky shuddered.

  ‘Sorry Blackbird,’ said Heledd, ‘I don’t think this world is ready for you yet.’

  It didn’t take long to reach the road. There was another stile to get over, but at least there was no-one else about. As they passed the house, set well back with a well-kept front garden and plenty of parking, they realised it was a retirement home.

  ‘Golden Grove,’ said Heledd. ‘Let’s hope it’s as nice as it sounds.’

  It was a handsome building with a tacked-on reception and administration wing, a large sunny conservatory, and a sheltered garden with wide, flat pathways and raised beds. It was still lunchtime, so the garden was empty of people, but full of bees and butterflies dancing on the air as they walked past, following the lane to the fields.

  ‘What’s up with those trees?’ Demi asked Blackbird, as they came out into the meadows. ‘They seem to be fading in and out!’

  ‘Is a cloaking spell, an old one. Maybe you can help mend it – is your first test,’ he replied.

  Demi hoped they were good teachers. The bright sunshine was nice, but she couldn’t feel any magic in it.

  Soon they reached the group of trees, which Heledd named, claiming they were all important in Celtic philosophy – willow, holly, hazel and oak, with wildflowers scattering the ground between them. Blackbird directed them to a place where they could squeeze between two hazels, then, as Demi had to lean over to make her way through, he climbed into the branches and led the way as they ducked, crawled and wriggled through the green to a dappled clearing where a spring bubbled up from the rocks.

  There, standing in a patch of sunlight, was Aelwen. She had a weird posture, leaning into the sunlight at an angle no-one with a skeleton could manage. Her skin was dry and brown as bark, and she seemed to be as much plant as human. Her face was kind of unfinished, as if she’d got confused in the act of re-creation and decided to ignore those human features which would have been superfluous. She had eyes – small, brown and acorn-like, behind leafy eyelids. She had a mouth too – or at least, there was a lipless gash in her visage where a mouth should have been. No nose, no ears, and a cap of leaves like a short bob. Her shape was basically human, but she was at least nine feet tall. Demi wondered if anyone had seen this creature crossing the fields in the moonlight the previous night.

  Aelwen beckoned Demi towards her with a strange gesture, more growth than movement. She put her hard, dry hand on Demi’s cheek and tilted the girl’s head upwards, looking deep into her eyes. Faint images swept across Demi’s mind, but she failed to grasp them.

  Demi turned to Blackbird, who was watching from a branch nearby.

  ‘Is she trying to talk to me?’ she asked him. ‘I got a picture of moonlight, but that’s it.’

  ‘She’s asking if you can feel any magic now,’ Blackbird replied.

  ‘You can read her mind?’ Demi asked.

  ‘Yes. But I’m Fairy, this is normal for us. Most humans not so good. And she don’t speak your language, so she got to talk with pictures.’ He paused a moment, as if listening to something. ‘She says she can’t pick anything up from you – your mind won’t hold still. Try to get a clear memory of what happened last night.’

  Demi tried, but Blackbird told her the pictures she created just didn’t last long enough for anyone else to grasp them.

  ‘Too much sugar and E-numbers!’ Vicky opined. ‘You don’t need me for anything, do you? I’m going to sit down for a bit. Coming, Hel?’

  But Blackbird asked if Heledd could pick up any of Aelwen’s thoughts, and to Demi’s annoyance, they found Heledd and Aelwen could communicate with brief touches of emotion.

  Blackbird was impressed. ‘It was Heledd who sai
d to dance last night, wasn’t it? Stay with us Heledd, you could be useful. Vicky can go away.’

  Vicky shot the fairy a filthy look before going off to the far side of the grove, and climbing onto the low-hanging branch of an oak.

  ‘Can you feel any magic?’ Heledd asked Demi. ‘It’s such an atmospheric spot.’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ she replied. ‘It feels different in here from outside, weird but in a good way. But it’s totally different from how I felt last night. Last night I could feel the moonlight flowing through me. If there’s any magic in here, it’s outside me, and I don’t know how to use it. Standing in the moonlight last night made me feel – powerful, I guess. I’m not getting that now. This place just feels really old.’

  ‘I feel like we’re outside time. Like I could step out of here and be in the Age of Saints, before that tower was even thought of.’ Heledd turned to Blackbird. ‘Is it something to do with the cloaking spell? Is that why this place feels so numinous?’

  The fairy just looked confused.

  ‘Even I don’t know what that means!’ Demi laughed.

  ‘It means how this place feels – magical, sacred, with a special atmosphere.’

  Blackbird nodded. ‘That spring can take you to Annwn – my home world.’

  ‘You’re from Annwn!’ Heledd was awestruck. ‘I love the stories of Annwn. One of my friends is working on a paper which links all the mythical Underworlds with the current idea of Multiple Universes.’

  ‘Like in ParaWorld?’ Demi asked. Everyone looked confused now, so she explained it was a TV programme. ‘They use that quantum science stuff to travel between parallel realities,’ she added.

  ‘Celtic myth is full of stories of people using sacred pools to travel between our world and Annwn,’ Heledd said. ‘No wonder this grove feels so special if that spring is a portal.’ She approached the water, but Blackbird warned her away.

  ‘Be careful,’ he told them. ‘None of you is ready for Annwn – it’s a dangerous place for outsiders.’

  Heledd asked Blackbird why he’d left Annwn.

  ‘Got things to do here. Can’t talk about them.’ Blackbird’s tone of voice made it clear this wasn’t something he was prepared to discuss. He changed the subject. ‘There are crystals in the trees which keep the cloaking spell working. Aelwen wants to know what you can do with them. I will bring one.’

  He climbed into the branches, then returned moments later with a clear, colourless crystal slung across his back. Maybe five centimetres long, it was shaped like a short, fat pencil.

  He offered it to Demi, and asked what she could sense from it.

  ‘It feels like it’s humming between my fingers. And when I look through it’ - she was holding it in front of her gaze, rotating it slowly - ‘it doesn’t just break up what I see, it puts fiery rainbows around everything – well, everything that’s alive.’

  ‘Good. See if you can use it to power a spell,’ Blackbird said.

  ‘How on earth do I do that? Can’t you show me?’ Demi asked.

  ‘Is too big for me. Might burn me up. Try to connect your mind with the magic in the crystal – was in the full moon last night, so should be fully charged.’

  He made it seem so obvious, but all Demi could do was look at the images in the crystal, and try to direct the rainbow colours into her eyes. How on earth do you link your mind with a piece of sparkly rock? She managed to throw a ray of deepest blue into her eyes, which gave her a brief flash of what she’d experienced in the moonlight, but just couldn’t hold on to the feelings. She tried again, but just got dazzled.

  ‘Is this really do-able?’ she moaned. ‘Can’t you just teach me some magic words instead?’

  ‘Silly girl,’ Blackbird said, ‘Vicky’s right, your mind isn’t still enough. You need to learn to think quiet and deep.’

  ‘I think he means you need to learn to meditate,’ said Heledd. ‘Don’t pull faces, it doesn’t mean you have to go all New Age. A sensible breakfast and a good night’s sleep would have helped. Vicky, come and help us. You must know some good breathing exercises with all that freediving you do.’

  The three girls sat cross-legged in the glade, and Heledd taught Demi to focus on the here and now – the scents of the damp earth, the light dappling through the leaves, the bubbling of the spring, birdsong and the rustling of the greenery.

  ‘Feel the ground supporting your limbs,’ Heledd intoned. ‘Feel the grass beneath your hands.’

  It was excruciating – like being dragged into an old ladies’ yoga class. Demi didn’t know whether to laugh or gag. But at least no-one she cared about was watching – no-one except Blackbird, who seemed to be going along with things. So she let herself be led by Heledd’s voice, and soon she began to feel different. She stopped fretting that the ground was dirty, or how stupid she looked, and felt herself start to focus.

  When Heledd told her to close her eyes she was sure they were about to play a trick on her, but Blackbird seemed to sense her reluctance and told her to obey. Vicky took over then, teaching her cousin the techniques she used to control her breathing and heartbeat while freediving.

  Demi let go of worrying about the outside world. She realised she had been clenching her fists and teeth, and relaxed them with a loud sigh.

  Blackbird spoke, in a low murmur. ‘Gather yourself into your heartbeat. Be your heartbeat. Now let yourself drift to the place where your magic lives.’

  That was it! That place in her brain which had glowed and rung like a bell the previous night awoke once more. And deep in her guts something tingled. She could feel the magic in the air – nothing like the previous night’s moon magic, but a gentle golden hum. Slowly she opened her eyes, and holding the crystal in a shaft of sunlight, she connected. Colour filled up her world and flowed through her senses, lighting her up from inside so she blazed like a star. She was reaching out, ready to let go of herself and become one with the universe. She was a singing golden flame, consuming the banal and transforming it to magic. She was - the colour and light faded, and she came back to herself. What the hell was all that hippy stuff? Vicky’s hand was blocking the sunlight – Demi could see it through the crystal, bent and shaded by the facets.

  ‘You were well gone then,’ Vicky scolded. ‘You didn’t even hear Blackbird calling you.’

  Demi lowered the crystal and turned to Blackbird, who was regarding her, concerned.

  ‘Crystals are too powerful for you,’ he stated. ‘You need to make your mind stronger. If you can’t make your own magic you must learn to use the crystal, but don’t let the crystal use you.’

  ‘I can make my own magic, I’m sure I can.’ Demi protested. ‘I can feel it inside me now.’

  Blackbird looked dubious, but there was another image from Aelwen – fleeting, but clearer this time, of a ripe red berry.

  ‘Okay, try this,’ Blackbird commanded. ‘Make this berry red and sweet, good to eat. Is already happening slowly – give it some sun magic, and make it happen quicker.’

  She touched the twig he indicated, and with the crystal in her other hand channelled sunlight into it, watching delighted as the berries swelled and reddened. But when Blackbird reached out to take one, it was overripe and burst, covering him with sticky goo.

  Demi laughed without thinking, but stopped when she saw the look on Blackbird’s face. He said nothing, but turned his back and slipped into the greenery.

  ‘Blackbird, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you. Sorry, believe me. Come back!’

  There was no response, but Aelwen placed a stiff dry hand as kindly as she could on her descendant’s shoulder.

  ‘Why don’t we take five?’ Heledd suggested. ‘Have some chocolate and something to drink.’ She called out an apology to Blackbird and invited him to share food, but there was not a sound from the bushes. ‘Come on,’ she whispered to Demi, ‘He can’t have gone far. Let’s hope he calms down in a bit
. You’ll feel better after something to eat.’

  But Demi wasn’t hungry. She felt sick and hollow, convinced she’d never see Blackbird again, and it was all her fault.