Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series

by Shantelle McKinnon

  Tina raises her eyebrows as her jaw drops. Minutes go by.

  “You are kidding me?” she finally asks, eyes still wide as saucers.

  My answering chuckle sounds bitter.

  “What’s going on?” Roo leans over the fence.

  Tina drops Banjo’s lead and lifts her arms up like she’s holding sixty watermelons.

  “Av tried to kiss Seth, but he backed out! Can you believe it?”

  For about thirty seconds there is so much yelling and stuff I can’t even get a word in edgeways. Seth? They think I was going to kiss Seth?

  “He must have been sick, Av,” Lucy frowns. “Because he wants you something chronic.”

  “Seth’s got better but still he can be a dick,” Jaime who I didn’t see before crosses his arms. “I’m glad you didn’t kiss him. Although, he’d be so big headed that he wouldn’t fit through the school doors anymore, so there might be a positive.”

  I open my mouth to tell them, but they have started to debate amongst themselves.

  “Seth has changed,” D smiles at me. “Today he carried my bags for sewing from the bus right to class. He didn’t even care when people were staring at him. “

  “Seth carried your bags,” I repeat dumbly.

  “And he gave me a lift home,” D bites her bottom lip as everyone turns to her.

  “He actually apologised to me as well today,” Lucy says quietly. “He called himself an arsehole.”

  “What did you do to him, Av?” Wade scrunches up his face. “Give him a lobotomy or something? An injection of cow drugs?”

  I scoop some foamy sweat from between Cherokee’s leg, we call it Mr Whippy at home - and peg it at Wade. He freaks out and while everyone runs from him like he’s a leper, I think of last night and this morning and I can’t help but smile. The way Seth was looking at Flea. The way the words about Terry basically zoomed out of his mouth before he seemed to even form them coherently in his brain. The way he said ‘I’m in.’

  The way I felt when he said those two words. Like I feel when one of the horses I’ve broken in and sold works awesomely at a show. I just felt so close to him at that moment, I couldn’t help but grin at him every three seconds. I don’t think he knew what was going on with me. He was giving me strange looks. And now hearing that what he did today. I wish I could hug him right now.

  After we’d separated the herds and drove the ones we were keeping into the bigger rested paddock and ate brekkie, I got Seth to help me blu-tak the photos up I printed out on the wall in my bedroom. We cracked up laughing at some of them, like Sam dancing around the fire at camp being a wombat and Sue’s bejewelled Elvis butt.

  I waited for his outburst of rage when I handed him the ones of him, getting hosed, his face as the bull was hunting him and Sam down, photos of Sam, me and him that D and Zoey had taken while we were surfing. The one where I was pretending to be him in the first Naked Chef episode. I had over a hundred photos or photos made from videos and stuff.

  He surprised me, he laughed until I handed him the ones of Noah. His smile turned to a grimace, his brow furrowing as he flicked through them. I don’t think he realised how much Noah popped up in my life here.

  “Has he ever hurt you?” he’d asked, his eyes raking over me like he would find evidence of bruises or something.

  “No,” I had replied with a scoff, since my sleep last night I had gotten a better hold on the perspective I had of last night. “That’s my role in that relationship.”

  Seth had shaken his head, his beautiful blue eyes troubled. I saw his lips repeat the word relationship. He didn’t look at all amused.

  “What is it?” I passed him up another picture, this time of Noah’s tattoo freshly drawn. I still get amazed at my artistic accomplishment.

  “I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I get tired of the whole thing with Noah and wish it would stop, you know? I still fricken hate him for all the stuff he’s done, but I just...” he had let out a big breath of air and pinned the picture up with a bit more force than necessary. “I guess, I just can’t wait for school to be over so I can just get out of here and leave all that behind. To leave a lot of stuff behind. To start over in a way, you know? Concentrate on what I need to concentrate on without having to look over my shoulder all the time. Get to the point I want without having to be an arsehole all the time. You know what I mean?”

  “I’m not sure.” I thought over his words. “If it were me, I’d just try and become what I want to be now when I envision myself as the started over person that I conjure in my brain.”

  He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, waiting for more of an explanation.

  “Ugh, you know. I mean like, why wait until a certain event, a certain time? Why not start to be that person you want to be now? The very least it will do is freak everyone out!” I laughed at his thoughtful face.

  “Start now?” he repeated, staring at the picture of me dressed as an apple.

  “My nan always said a seed has to break open for it to grow big and strong. Sometimes you just need to crack yourself open and show everyone what you have inside.”

  Seth swallowed and seemed to digest that, maybe I should think about putting that saying into practice a little more myself.

  “Why do you think he doesn’t like you?” I watch him closely. His jaw flexes and he sucks in his lips for a second.

  “Mum says it’s cause he’s jealous,” Seth takes the next picture, one that is a still of Amber on the bonnet of Noah’s car. “But I don’t think someone can hate that much merely from jealousy. The things he’s done... I don’t get it. It’s too intense.”

  “Why don’t you ask him one day?” I shrugged, trying to sound like I didn’t know anything. I wouldn’t tell Noah’s secret even under Jap interrogation, but Seth would be so much better off if he understood. It would benefit both of them to move on from their war. They’d make good friends.

  Seth had his turn to scoff. “Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen. Hey, mate... wanna sit down and have a D and M with me. I doubt that I would get within fifty meters of him to ask without getting my head punched in. All we do is fight, Av. It’s who we are and what we do, although lately, he’s stepped up to a level I’m unsure I can even fight against. He’s colder and harder.”

  My eyes found his and I read the truth there. He’s frightened of Noah now. That wasn’t fair, not when he didn’t even do anything. Not when he doesn’t understand what’s at stake. I like fair playing fields.

  “What if I’m there?” I tilted my head on the side as I surveyed the picture of Gwen in the roses, I loved it. If I were there, I would make sure Noah was fair.

  “Shit, Av, that would make it a million times worse,” he grabbed the picture and tacked it up after giving me a huge eye roll.

  “Why? I could tell him to shut up and listen,” I hid the one of me in the roses in my pocket, as Seth surveyed the wall. I could lasso him and get him talk.

  “Tell the mute to shut up,” Seth laughs dryly. “If you were there with me, he’d go ballistic. I reckon half of this stuff he does is to compete with me... for you.” Seth looked at me with those eyes, desperate for me to understand. Instead of gaining any understanding, all I felt was a rip in my heart. I hoped that wasn’t the reason.

  “I don’t think that’s true,” I’d said rather testily. “I don’t need anyone to compete for me, I’m not a bloody wild mare. I’ll make my own damn decision about that stuff.”

  Seth chuckled and patted me on the head, “I know that, boofhead, but all I’m saying is Reed has a thing for you, Av. If you knew him, you’d understand just how much all this,” he gestures to the wall of photos, to the green truck, to the Mooves, the roses, “is out of character for him. He wants you.”

  “He wants a friend, Seth. That’s all. Someone that is not scared of him.” I hoped he realised that he, no matter what bullshit his mother fed him, was a potential candidate for that position. And I realised when I said it that it was just as true as it was
last night, he needs a friend. A true friend.

  “Yeah, he can have a friend,” he had replied darkly, and I had no problems working out that meaning.

  “But why didn’t he kiss Avalon then? Seth never takes his eyes off of her when she’s around!” Roo has her hands on her hips glowering at Wade. I blink coming back to the present. Wade is frantically washing his face.

  “Duh! Because he’s playing hard to get. That will make sure Av really falls for him! That it’s not just a crush thing!” Jaime says exasperatedly like he’s divulged some huge male secret.

  Would Noah be doing that to me? Seth wouldn’t, I know that for sure if I wanted to kiss him, he would be happy to oblige me. Why don’t I want to then? I’m attracted to him; I have fun with him. I love his eyes. I like his new attitude. Maybe... it’s because I can. I come alive with challenges. Always have. But seriously, I’m not even sure why I’m worried about this stuff. I have bigger fish to fry with the horses and the hostel stuff. Plus, I’m not staying here. I’d feel the pain that is slowly dulling in my heart when I got back home and that would not be fun. I want to be home and home like I was last time, not home with pain from missing people.

  “Guys!” I shout making Peanut flinch. “It wasn’t Seth I puckered for...” I trail off as their eyes swing to mine.

  “Here, hold Peanut and use this to scrap the water off,” I hand Peanut to Wade, who’s already sopping and give the hose to Tina.

  “Who then?”

  “Is it someone we know?”

  “Kind of,” I hedge wondering how I will protect his secret. They all stare at me waiting.

  “Noah,” I mumble.

  Sidling between Harry and Flea as they cook BBQ, I nick a potato off the grill and fill them in on last night. I haven’t told anyone else he talked or whatever but them. They accept it and add some point of views that I hadn’t thought of.

  The others are still on about the damn kiss malfunction, suddenly most of them are now pro Seth. D smiles at me sympathetically, she understands it more. They all think Seth is the best option for me to pursue because... these are a few of the reasons I weed out of their scramble of voices, apparently, everyone has reasons. Many of them:

  1) he’s approachable now

  2) I can boss him around

  3) He’s a better person when he’s with me

  4) We look good together - like that should be a reason

  5) He’s geographically closer than Noah

  6) He gorgeous (commented by females only)

  7) Noah scares them... the list goes on... an on... all through the game of soccer, all through the cooking of the BBQ. I grab a snag of the hotplate and wrap it in bread, squirting barbie sauce on it. Harry heaps some onions and potatoes on top. Hmmmm, be still my heart.

  “Guys,” I stand up with the messy sandwich. “You’re starting to scrape the barrel. He has a big shoe size. What in the world does that mean?’ None of you thought any of that good stuff about him an hour ago! It was a feeling that I had for five minutes. It doesn’t mean I’m going to get married and preggers in the twenty-four hours or anything. Relax, people relax.”

  I turn at the sound of a car, Seth. Great timing. Not.

  “No one is going to stop me hanging with you guys, especially since I’ve missed you all over the last week or so, so don’t ever worry about that. Nothing is going to come of it anyway.”

  “Here, here,” Harry lifts his beer. I can tell he finds this stuff amusing. “I hope that’s what I was supposed to say, or would it make more sense if I said hashtag suspense?”

  I shake my head at him. “I’m taking my phone off you at night!”

  “What’s everyone looking so revved up about?” Seth walks over and grabs a sausage off the barbie. Dumping a plastic bag full of laden containers down on the table.

  Sam picks me up from behind and takes a whopping bite out of my sanger.

  “Nothing, and hey, invite yourselves why don’t you?” I grumble, hugging Sam back and going over to open the bag to see what Sue has slipped in the bags Seth deposited.

  “Wicked sausages, mate,” Sam grins at Harry.

  “Made ‘em myself,” Harry jerks a finger at the cattle in the far paddock. “Best beef around.”

  Ruth coughs, “This is from… a cow?”

  Jaime hits her on the back, “What did you think they were made from? Tofu?”

  “No,” Ruth pushes his hand away. “I didn’t know they were from one... I know.”

  “Knew.” Seth winks.

  “You know Harry’s cows personally?” Wade pokes her.

  They argue on as Seth moves in next to me. “I think I can invite myself since you wrecked my living environment by powdering the pav, believe me, I have a right to annoy you for at least twelve nights from what my poor eyes have witnessed.” Seth shakes his head at me. “I still can’t believe you Viagraed the VIPs.”

  “Number three hundred and twelve. Seth is really good at alliteration,” Lucy smirks making everyone laugh.

  “I’m good at more than that, Lucy, come on!” Seth hands her another sausage sanger before plonking down next to me, so close that our sides are touching. Noah would never sit this close. Boy warmth feels so very, very good.

  Sam sits next to Lucy and she whispers something in his ear, from the sinking in my stomach I know she’s telling him.

  He looks up at me. “Seth.” It’s the only word that he speaks about it but it’s probably the most serious thing he has ever said.

  Seth glances up. “Yeah?”

  “Nothing, mate,” Sam smiles at me, the message he’s trying to send me clear in his eyes.

  After eating we tell stories, Sam asks what the worse thing was you ever did to a sibling. Apparently, he shaved his brother’s hair off once while he was asleep. Harry dyed his brother’s clothes neon pink. Seth said nothing as everyone told their stories, but I noticed he moved closer.

  “Do you wish you had a brother or sister?” I whispered to him.

  “I used to all the time, someone to muck around with, someone that could share the heat from the olds, you know? Someone that’s more my level. It would have been better around the house too,” he shakes his head.

  “Hmm,” I murmur non-committedly. Sometimes secrets suck to hold.

  “What’s the worst thing you did to one of your brother’s, Av?” Wade asks grabbing a steak and smothering it with sauce.

  “Umm the worse, God, that’s a hard one. I’ve actually dabbled in the retaliation department a fair bit. We all do. If they didn’t profit from my hair, I’d have lost it in a horrid way a long time ago!”

  Seth groans. Harry chuckles.

  “Once when I was a fair bit younger, I was mega mad at Angus because he separated Nathan and me. Dad said he could start manning up and be acting manager. And that was the first thing he said, ‘Av and Nathan, you won’t be together today!’ Like he couldn’t wait to say it; like he’d been dreaming of spurting that particular set of words out his whole life. Let’s just say it didn’t go down too well because Nat and I had planned this whole day out with Murphy next door. We were going to meet up and do this... stuff.” The stuff, from memory was actually to set up a prank on said brother. “But Angus went and dobbed to Dad like a big sook and we pretty much were forced to do what Angus demanded.”

  I grab a few more potatoes and dunk them in some sauce. Harry pours the rest of his beer over the BBQ food still cooking.

  “It’s probably between the waxing incident and the croc one. I’d say the croc one just wins. Nathan and I have this secret language so before we left, we did some scheming, but as it happened I errr, misread the revenge plan somewhat. I was supposed to meet Nathan near what we call the Croc Swamp after we finished work and plan something together to force Angus to rethink separating us ever again. I, umm, thought he said for me to grab a croc and surprise Angus with it.”

  I pick at the end of the sausage throwing it to Mangles whose been staring at me without blinking for at leas
t five minutes. Mangles catches it midflight.

  “So... I took a chook, which was a bloody mission in itself because Daryl guards those chooks with his life. I had to get the stuff that gets hard on the Ice Cream and run off with it, squirting it in my mouth to get him to leave the area. We aren’t allowed to have much sugar, so I was off my head for a bit after that. Anyway, as I was saying, I misinterpreted the instructions and end up... acquiring said croc. When Nathan rode up and saw what I was doing, he was overjoyed and overexcited, without the aid of any sugar. He helped and we kind of then, um, let it loose in Angus’s bedroom. They can really destroy things when they are in the mood.”

  Everyone gasps.

  It was a hell funny moment when he opened the door, but we got in the biggest trouble ever and even though Dad said Nathan and me weren’t to work together, Angus never said it again. I’m pretty sure I’d heard Nat say that was just the small one, we’d get a huge one next time.

  “How in the hell did you get a crocodile into a bedroom?” Sam asks.

  “It was easy really,” I shrug. “Crocs come out pretty easily on to the bank. I just flopped the chook around and let it lie on the bank with my rope around it. It wasn’t big or anything about two, two and a half metres. Once Nat turned up, we got it trussed up in one of mum’s old sheets and the rest is history. I literally rode Amber into the hallway to pull the croc in; silk slides really easily along hardwood floors. Nat put its feet in Daryl’s weird, knobbly foot mops to muffle the sound of claws. He was laughing like an idiot when we undid its mouth and almost tripped us over in the room because he was so bloody excited. I could have lost my leg that day.”

  My phone starts ringing, I pull it out and see the number is not one I know.

  “Do you know who that is?” I show Seth. He frowns and tilts his head.

  “It looks familiar for some reason,” he says gesturing Sam over. “Sam’s good with phone numbers.”

  Sam takes one look, and his hazel eyes flick to me with a slight edge of panic, “Don’t answer it. It’s the local cop shop. They’re probably after you for breaking that chick’s nose at the show.”