Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series

by Shantelle McKinnon

  My vision narrows to slits, “What are you talking about, D?”

  “Okay, I was going to tell you later... I heard Amanda bragging on Friday that... that is was her that sent Noah’s crew the photos of you and Seth.”

  I had my suspicions, to be truthful I hadn’t really thought about that for ages... my mind tosses things around. Thing is, as we all know, I don’t like to back down from challenges, at all. And to me, that was a big one. That’s messing with more than my feelings. I stalk around the shop for a moment halting in my tracks when I spot something I had no idea how I could’ve ever missed.

  I feel a slow and malicious smile spreads across my face. I can’t help but chuckle at the irony of ‘seeing’ the thing I teased Seth about ions ago, here, in this shop. If Nat were here, he would say, ‘Avz, fate is calling your name, baby.’

  This time I listen to his voice.

  Shuffling the costumes away I drag it out.

  “Oh my God!” D exclaims from behind me. “You’re not using that for your Christmas card idea, are you?”

  I laugh. “Nope... but I’m definitely going to be putting it to good use.”

  The owner comes around the end of the aisle. “That sounds really kinky when I see you holding that! I’ve had the Mega V for ages! If you want it, you can have it! I’ll be glad to get rid of it, especially since I don’t swing that way!”

  After paying, D helps me drag the large bags and the ‘Mega V’ back to her stall. People stop and stare; faces aghast.

  “That has to be the most embarrassing thing to carry in public ever,” D coughs behind her hand. “Wade will definitely have a coronary with that going in his car!”

  “What the hell!” Tina screams as I shove it beside her. “That’s... gross and... and disgusting, Avalon!”

  Wade and Jamie even step back, their faces contorted. Lucy looks at me with a slack jaw.

  “Hide it!” Ruth gasps throwing a towel at me. “No one will come near here!”

  “Where in the world are you going to put that?” Lucy recovers first.

  I chuckle evilly, all while waggling my eyebrows, “I’m going to grace school with my presence one more time.”

  squaw

  Avalon

  “Argh Nathan, this is the exact reason I didn’t ring you yesterday!” I growl at him while I mix gravel into the cement. Harry bites his lip and tries to busy himself out of the conversation by drilling holes for me in the PVC pipes to wind the screws into. We’re making bending poles so we can practice with Cherokee. Wade thought he would give me some payback on the ride home buy taking me hardware shopping. Little did he know.

  Nathan laughs, it’s not a nice laugh. It’s one that bodes ill. The one that tells me that he’s already arrived at a conclusion about the whole thing. “You didn’t ring me because you damn well know you shouldn’t be fraternising in a serious manner - and yes, I call it serious, Av, because I know you. I know what it means when you avoid me. It means you don’t want to discuss it, and you’re steaming ahead anyway. Back out of it, Av, before it gets too deep. I warned you about this.”

  I roll my eyes, “I’m not too deep, Nathan. It’s bloody dinner, not an audition for some triple X-rated movie! And please, have a little faith, mate, I’ve had dinner with tons of blokes.” I pull the cake tin toward me. Harry chokes back his laugh; I peg a screw at him. Outlaw wobbles over and sniffs the offerings, bestows on me the most unimpressed look a horse could ever give and then turns his angular bum at me.

  “Av, you can’t count dinner in the hall with the hands or your brothers. Nice try at being woman of the world and everything. Not. This guy wants more than to line up next to you to get the edible top layer of Daryl’s mash... he wants to stake his claim.” He’s got that why did Dad let you go voice happening.

  I can only hope Noah stakes his claim, I smile internally.

  “What did you just say to yourself just then?” Nathan asks, deadpan.

  This is why conversations based on ... weird... topics do not go down well with Nathan. My brother knows me better than I know me. And I can’t lie either, I have to put the truth in a roundabout way.

  “Did I tell you about mum’s request?” I try to change the subject. Better than lying.

  Harry fully cackles, Outlaw flicks his sparse tail and smacks him right in the face with the whole six strands. I shoot him a smug smile. Amber blows out her nose at Outlaw’s sudden movement, she’s lying in the sun but that doesn’t stop her pinning her ears back and snaking her head toward him. Outlaw rewards her by closing his eyes on the whole thing.

  “Don’t change the subject,” Nathan grumps. “I’m telling you to be careful, Avster. You may not get in deep, but I can put a damn bet on that he will. God, just… bloody hell, you have no idea. You’re meant for something more and I won’t let anyone stop you getting there. On top of that, we miss you. I miss you. Frank is on a bloody warpath. Jord is so freaked out that Frank will destroy the car contraption he’s working on he’s whipped up another remote Volditort thingo and Frank won’t even bat an eyelid at it. I punched it this morning because I forgot about it when I walked outside. Fricken boof left it right outside the door. He’s extra quiet, Frank’s gone destructive. Dad’s stressed. And Pop...” he trails off suddenly.

  “What about Pop?” I ask frowning, taking the PVC pipe from Harry, I shimmy it into the cake pan full on cement and let the PVC pipe rest in Flea’s hand.

  “Nothin’. Look, Av, just be aware when you go tonight, okay?” He sounds tricky and resigned at the same time. I talked to Pop yesterday and he didn’t say anything. Maybe Nat is trying to make me worry or something. But Nat isn’t a guilt giver, he’s a tell it straight guy. He doesn’t beat around the bush.

  “What?” I falter, sensing a trap.

  “Yeah, basically I’m saying have your ‘teen experience’ like Dell is right now nagging the shit out of me to encourage you to have - I’m not by the way, I’m just saying that to Shut. Her. Up –” I hear Dell giggling in the background. Nathan grumbles at her, I can tell he’s taking it easy on her due to her being pregnant. Dell will milk that like nothing else. Nat is always weird around pregnant things.

  “Enjoy Avz, because truth is... when I come, you know I’ll kill him anyway,” Nathan’s voice becomes smug. I’m sure Nathan would like nothing more than a good hit out right now. He told me that Dad has been mega stressed the last few days. If it doesn’t rain, we’ll need to do something about the loan on the other land to keep the money for bringing in feed. The extra head we have around from the ban are really making a dent. When Dad is stressed, which is not often, we all pull together and we get through it... thing is though, we aren’t altogether. My heart gives me more pain than my side for a minute. Flea ruffles my hair with his free hand. I smile at him.

  “Maybe Noah will come back and work at the station,” I half joke, wishing I could pack everyone up and bring them back. “I had him preg testing today.”

  I hear Flea and Harry exchange a hushed joke.

  “Tell me you’re joking, Avalon.” Nathan is back to agro. “Tell me you’re not entertaining that please, because Chook, that will only end up with your heart getting broken.”

  I swallow, thinking my heart couldn’t take much more pain, but I don’t think Noah would deliberately hurt me. But Nat is right, the station is not a walk in the park.

  “Dude, calm your farm. It’s just dinner for crying out loud. Repeat for the dummies… it’s just dinner! I have to eat; heaven knows how many times you’ve literally force fed me.” I hold the phone between my shoulder and ear so I can scrape more cement into the next cake tin. This one happens to be a big heart.

  “You can’t compare those things, Av, plus all this just makes me believe you kissed him,” Nathan states lowly.

  “Umm, maybe, but so? You’ve kissed girls before, you big boofhead and no one shoved a cattle prod up your clacker to do it!”

  “That’s different. You know it. I’ve seen you. No one real
ly wants me, wants me. They just like to dance with the devil to say they did. Yours is different, because you are you.” Nat says that matter of factually, there’s no bitterness in his tone.

  But I hurt on his part.

  It’s true though, I’ve seen the girls. The more serious ones go for Jordan, and the other more daring ones try to get lucky with Nathan. Nat always makes sure they get the full devil experience, they leave screaming... finally understanding they’ve bit off more than they can chew. Generally, I wait around the corner to trip them over. I hate them so much for him, the way he secretly half hopes. It hits me then, maybe I like Noah because he is so like Nathan in some ways. I really want Nat to find someone that... hold on a second... my mind thinks quickly. No one has heard of him around here.

  I squeal in excitement forgetting everything else.

  “Gees, thanks, Slug Guts,” he snorts. “Full of feeling for my plight, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, matter of fact, I am. I can’t wait until you get here. It’s only a week now!” I’d jump up and down, but the volcano in my side might erupt for good.

  I hear Dad’s voice in the background making Nathan sigh, “I can’t wait either. Gotta go, enjoy tonight, Av. Wear the zombie costume, so you know he’s not after you for your looks.” Nathan is serious.

  “I won’t be eating then, gees. You should see it! It would put Daryl off eating any animal flesh for the rest of his life, or us from even beef farming, it’s from a full-on movie! If I wear that we’ll get kicked out of the restaurant.” I chuckle imagining me in it. “And I actually want to eat at one, you know?”

  “Wear one of the other costumes then, I dare you” I can hear a tight grin in his voice.

  “Ok,” I giggle, entertaining the idea. “Love you.”

  “Love you too and send me a photo in whatever you choose,” he chuckles like he’s just thrown a colossal, harvester sized spanner in my love life. Like the costume will turn Noah off.

  I lose time while pimping my bending poles. I bought a few brightly coloured enamel sprays from the hardware and some masking tape. Amber is munching on hay beside me, Outlaw eating his (ran through a mulching machine) slowly increasing in size ration with all the stuff in it. I’m sure if he could shoo away Peanut from his he would; free of medicines.

  The dogs are curled around each other, one watches me with one eye in case I move off suddenly... or throw something. I feel content, lost in the world of horse fantasy land. I have decided to go back to that hardware and make some cavaletti from the copper’s logs they have there. I start to daydream about the spreads I’ll finally jump on Outlaw, the way it will feel with all that power underneath me, the way it will look when I glance down at the ground we cover. I’m pulling the spiralling masking tape from the last pole to reveal the aqua colour twisting down over the purple when I hear his husky voice behind me.

  “I didn’t realise I’d said we’re joining the local Indian hunting party for dinner,” he’s leaning against the shed door as I turn around, his biceps bulging against his chest as they cross. He wears a crooked smile and a grey T-shirt. The colour of those eyes right now tempting any piece of Harry’s grass to wither in complete and utter envy. “I surrender, Pocahontas. Have your way with me.”

  I laugh as his eyes widen on my face. I don’t do anything by halves. I’m decorated with a couple of stripes on my cheeks, forehead and chin, completed with a mixture of shoe polish and some half dried out paints I found in Harry’s kitchen junk drawer. The best bit is my eyes though, we painted a Zorro like mask across them in red and outlined it in black, my eyes are wild! They looked especially fierce in the photo I sent to Nat. I even plaited my hair in two long braids. Flea spent an hour untangling it, we had to use horse brushes and detangler to get the dreads out, I’m pretty sure the last time I brushed it was when I got Outlaw. It was nice just to sit and talk.

  “I haven’t scalped anything in a while, take a seat, Gringo,” I point to a hay bale. He blinks and then smiles. That smile. I wonder if there will come a day when it doesn’t make me smile in return. A day when I will get tired of seeing it. Of the fluttering sensation it causes to shoot in all directions of my body.

  “So, you didn’t scalp Seth,” he narrows those mesmerising eyes, like even saying Seth is parallel to drinking a shot of Round Up straight.

  “What?” I chuckle, throwing Mangles an old hoof off-cut he has been eyeing.

  “I saw him earlier,” Noah stays leaning against the door, watching me like my body is going to tell him a secret. “I think he might let you off the hook now, I made out like he was too tough for me to take on with his skinhead.”

  “What?” I repeat. Then cross my arms. “You’re joking, right?”

  Noah’s eyes glint with a dash of humour. “No. And it took a hell of a lot of effort to let him be and act like that. Now I think of it, it was somewhat stupid of me. I should want him angry at you all the time. Save myself some worry.”

  Mangles trots back and drops the crescent of hoof at my feet. Alby lifts one foot ready to chase the next throw.

  “That’s awesome that my presence has had a positive effect on your acting skills!” I wink at him, causing him to huff.

  I lift the chief’s headdress off, “As thanks, you can go as chief if you want.”

  Noah chuckles and takes the headdress from my hands. I stretch my neck this way and that, not feeling its weight until now. I watch his arms as bunch delightfully as he raises them to place it on his head. His eyes glint colour of lime flesh. I swallow audibly when he grins at me.

  “Do you want the rest of the costume?” I almost dance around him, pleased to have a dress-up partner. It would really give Nat a shock to see someone else ready to dress up and be seen in public with me.

  Noah shakes his head with a rueful grin. “As much as I’d love to tonight, I can’t. Not where I hope you’ll go with me.”

  I raise my eyebrow. “And you say women are cryptic, huh?” I take the long-feathered headdress from him and place it on a hook inside the shed. “I have to wear this, though,” I smooth my hand down my native American Indian female costume. It’s so pretty, Harry took some photos of me riding Cherokee in it. Of course, I decorated him too. I didn’t have to chase Harry’s chooks around until they dropped a feather, thank God. I reckon Daryl would just know I was annoying chooks somewhere on earth and disapparate here. I lucked on finding a Kookaburra feather on the ground. “My brother dared me, I’m pretty sure so that you might freak out and leave me alone.”

  “It would take more than that, Thornie.” Noah smiles pulling me to him by my shiny plaits.

  “What about a zombie one? Huh? Would that put you off?”

  He shakes his head, “Nope.”

  “Damn, I was thinking of wearing that one tomorrow night to dinner with my mum and her friends,” I grumble wrapping my hands around his waist. His lips find my hair, then work their way down to my ear which he lips. They hang around there until I move closer, I can feel him smile against my jaw as he trails tiny kisses toward my mouth. His body trembles.

  It’s like his lips have been dipped in a concentrated whack of that secret secretion stuff boys have, because they wake me up like nothing else and quicker than a takeoff for a barrel race. My hands somehow sneak up the back of his shirt to run over the wedges of muscle. He draws back and although he backs away, his green eyes flash between a warning and a smoulder. I try not to give him a sheepish grin but there’s no stopping it.

  “What? I like backs,” I say unapologetically.

  “I’ll keep that in mind next time I want to get my way,” he kisses me on the forehead lightly but his fists clenched together. I can see the fight. “You ready to get out of here, ahh, what do they call Indian women?”

  I take his hand and skip next to him. “Not squaw! I think they may get called that, but the men get called Braves, that’s not fair in my world. It sounds like the women are like sqwarky chooks or something. I’m going to google it in the car.” />
  I yell out to Harry and Flea that I’m leaving and jump into his car. He starts it but doesn’t move.

  I can hear him breathing like he’s working up to saying something, so I started to google Indian women.

  “Av?” he says, his voice sending shivers down my spine. Men should be required not to talk for years... then again, maybe not.

  “Mmm?” I say trying to appear absentminded so he won’t feel pressure. If he asks me to go out with him, I’ll just say, ‘I’ll see where you take me to for dinner first before I answer that’.

  “In all the excitement, I forgot that I was living in the real world, I know I was going to ask you two questions tonight and I still will, but different ones. But I want to ask you another one. Is that okay?” he sounds vulnerable and resigned causing me to glance up at him in consternation.

  I nod.

  “Will you tattoo me tonight?”

  I smile, ignoring the feeling he’s trying to save these memories for a different reason. “These hands are made for drawing, kid.”

  Personal hot water bottle

  Avalon

  I unconsciously reach for the CD player as we move, Nathan and I always have music going in cars. I expect Noah to flick my hand away but I’m lucky, he’s busy reversing down the driveway. I stifle a chuckle at why he’s reversing, I guess he’d rather that than risking Harry’s ire if he chucked a U-ey and drove over Harry’s sparse, dry grass.

  Noah’s head snaps around in surprise as music floods the car, I raise my eyebrow that the song is from a CD not the radio. “What band is this? I’ve never heard it before?”

  He studies me for a moment, a small frown creasing his forehead. “The Maine,” he says finally. “I picked up by chance when I went... uh... looking for another CD once.”

  He narrows those luminescent eyes as if waiting for me to tease him. Truth is, I’m not in that type of mood. My body is killing me.

  I go to open my mouth to say, good band, but he throws a warm hand over my mouth. “Because I bought a CD and talk to you, doesn’t mean I’m going to drive around singing the ‘black man bit’ to that get into my car song.”