Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series

by Shantelle McKinnon

  What the hell have I missed?

  Kelsey’s mum, Tonya, is leaning forward, Luke is staring at Avalon with undisguised desire (she must have dosed him up), Samantha is barely containing her glee and Rowan looks thoughtful.

  “Isn’t there something else you would rather do with your life, Avalon?” Tonya asks. “I mean you are a very pretty girl. If you were taller you’d definitely be classified as model material. We are so happy that Kelsey will walk for Victoria’s Secret next year. Wouldn’t you want to do that? It’s every girls’ dream!”

  Avalon bestows an arched eyebrow toward Tonya. “It’s not my dream and I wouldn’t walk for a cause that is secret, if I do anything I want to let people know why the hell I’m doing it, that it means something to me and by the way, looks don’t have anything to do with causes or beliefs or doing something about them.”

  “Fingers, it’s a lingerie brand and they are talking about a fashion show.” I fill her in.

  Kelsey giggles, “Fingers? That’s a cute nickname! Victoria’s Secret is not just a brand, it is an icon. The Victoria Secret fashion show is the biggest event for a model ever. It puts you on top of the list. To walk down that runway in Victoria Secret lingerie is huge. Wouldn’t you do it if you could? You get a ton of coverage. It’s worth a mint that way.”

  “Doesn’t interest me,” Avalon studies Kelsey for the first time. I wonder if she sees what I do. Apparently not, because her examination only lasts two seconds. “Congratulations on achieving your dream.”

  “Thank you,” Kelsey grins. She turns to me and beings telling me of her modelling jobs before asking why I call Av Fingers.

  “Because she cut off some guys fingers,” I reply casually.

  Kelsey almost loses her cool and chokes on the iced tea she’s been sipping on.

  “You’re kidding?” She gasps, appalled.

  “Nope, you wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley,” I face the table again, they are still at Avalon.

  “Is it because you’re lacking in the height department?” Tonya asks in this voice that says she must believe Avalon is conscious of her small stature. “There would be photography or editorial jobs out there you could audition for, sweetie.”

  “I do not lack in any department I give credence to, so no, it’s not my height. It’s merely because I don’t care about it,” Av states clearly. “Walking up and down in lingerie won’t help anything I care about, will it?”

  “It helps my bank account,” Kelsey giggles. “Which I most definitely care about.”

  Luke moves in closer sensing his chance. “So, you would never consider doing anything like that?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying, I’d bloody ride a bull up the main street of Sydney in a meat bikini and a headband fashioned from tomatoes if it helped Australian farmers. I don’t believe all that bikini and bra stuff does any good for society except give them unrealistic expectations.” No one answers for a few seconds totally envisaging what Av just described would look like. She taps something into her phone, clearly annoyed.

  The food arrives and I think we all are hungry and want to keep picturing that image. Avalon cuts a tiny piece of steak and places it slowly in her mouth. Odd for a girl that can eat as much as me.

  Kelsey is the first to find her tongue, probably because she has never seen an actual real-life bull before and only nibbles her salad, “I’ll give you five thousand if you do it.”

  Av’s eyes flick up from her untouched plate, a hot molten blue.

  Luke chimes in around a mouth full, “I’ll match it.”

  Tonya joins in, “If it makes the media, I’ll give you another five!”

  “Dude, I’ll just give you five for thinking of that!” Rowan laughs, clearing underestimating who he’s dealing with.

  “Twenty thousand if I do it, for ten minutes. I need three weeks to break my ride in. Do you agree on this?” Avalon pins each speaker in turn. “I will donate all proceeds to Australian farmers in need.”

  Silence reigns even with the live music playing. It was clear no one but Samantha and I believed there was any chance she’d even consider it, let alone puts terms across.

  “I agree,” Kelsey nods. “I can’t wait to see your outfit.”

  “As I don’t know you, and it involves a lot of work, could someone please write up an agreement and all sign it,” the voice of command wakes Samantha up from her daydream of dollar signs, and as Tonya writes the agreement up and passes it around to be signed, Samantha resumes her attacks.

  “Avalon, I do think school has done you some good, you added that amount up correctly. I feel like going outside and seeing if pigs are flying. She’s not good with maths,” she turns to Luke like it’s funny. “But she will do anything for a beast. She’s probably wearing that angel costume because she thought some bellowing, stinky beast whispered it in her ear.” She laughs at her own jibe, missing the coldness creep back into Avalon’s face. Probably all the wine she’s been guzzling.

  “Really?” Kelsey asks. “You get that close to them? They seem rather large and scary on TV.”

  “They are,” I laugh, winking at Av who doesn’t smile back. All those toxic darts flying her way must be starting to poison. “Big. Av took Sam and me out getting wild bulls. It was awesome, something I will never forget.” I hope she will remember and laugh. She doesn’t.

  “I would love to know why you are wearing that costume, Avalon?” Mum asks in her probing doctor-patient mode.

  Luke stretches his arm behind Avalon, “I think it looks fricken awesome.” She leans forward from his touch, sending him a sideways look reminding me of her horse.

  “What and why I choose to wear something are no business of yours, I don’t ask you why the hell you’re wearing what you are. Just because I’m younger doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show me the same courtesy,” Avalon stares at my mum directly in the eye. I can’t even do that. My mouth goes dry.

  “I was only asking because you tell such wonderful stories,” Mum smiles around the table, clearing trying to backtrack.

  “I could tell some real scandalous ones,” Av replies without smiling. Mum shoots dad another look. Dad frowns, clearly perturbed. Avalon is simmering. I’m half expecting the tablecloth where she’s gripping it to flame up.

  “So,” Rowan tries again to calm the tension down. “Your mum tells me you would be a great match for my Luke.”

  Av looks straight at me. I’m torn. I want her because she makes me feel and I want Kelsey because she makes me see what I’ve always wanted is right there.

  My phone beeps. Avalon. Friends, no matter what?

  I nod, that may be the best way to for a while. See what happens. And even if nothing happens but her friendship, I can still see her. She can still be in my life and so could Kelsey. I can’t lose Av.

  “My mum doesn’t know me, wouldn’t know how to match me if I was part of a two-piece puzzle that she held in both hands and sorry, I have a boyfriend,” Av says watches me with an assessing gaze.

  Samantha rolls her eyes, “You’re right, Jen, she’s such a gifted storyteller.” Yet, I can see in Samantha’s eyes she’s not happy with how this is going, it was her, in my kitchen, that said Avalon doesn’t lie. My stomach drops, surely, she can’t mean Noah but hell who else?

  Av shrugs and turns to Luke, “Sorry if you thought this was going somewhere other than friendship.”

  Luke’s expression is nice and whatever to Av as he says don’t worry, but his eyes turn stormy toward his mother. He likes Avalon. A lot.

  “So, who is he?” My mum asks Avalon.

  “So many questions,” Av replies eyes cold. “Yet the answer remains the same. None of your business.”

  “That’s enough, Avalon,” Samantha demands lowly, but when Av turns away and studies her plate again, Samantha seems annoyed. I’m still stuck on the boyfriend bit.

  “Frank,” Samantha begins with a knowing smirk. Frank? I forgot about him. Maybe Noah isn’t with her ... maybe
I can’t be because of Frank. Maybe seeing Kelsey again is fate. Friends.

  Av turns very slowly to her, teeth ground together, “Don’t you dare ever mention his name.” She says it so quietly that I only just make it out. Her hands are shaking.

  Samantha’s eyes glint with malice as she turns to the table. “Avalon has a beautiful singing voice, it’s one of the few acceptable things she is good at. She can sing anything, but once and only once has she made up her own song, a song for Frank.” She gestures to the live band. “Go and sing it for us, Avalon.”

  Whatever that whole exchange means it affects Av like nothing else. I’ve never seen Av drag in deep breath after deep breath. Mum joins in, “I’d love to hear it Avalon, please sing it.”

  The whole table starts on her, except me, begging to hear the song. Samantha sits back with a victorious smile on her face. Av’s hand finds its way to her chest where she clutches herself. I’m not sure what to do when I see Av scrunch her eyes close. She looks so small across the table even in that costume. Her words slam into me, she’d come for me even if I were in the jaws of death and I’ve sat here and let her get hammered.

  I’m about to get up when she abruptly stands, her chair slamming back to the floor. I catch a glimpse of her eyes, brilliant azure as she turns toward the stage.

  Samantha and Mum have their heads together, whispering amongst themselves. Mum glances over at me and gives me the thumbs up towards Kelsey.

  The band stops while Av talks to them, walking to the microphone while a low beat starts to play. Oh no.

  1* Ella Mae Bowan – I’ve got a feeling – watch it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQvsayJsl7Q

  on and off

  Avalon

  Deep breaths aren’t working, and neither is telling myself after 800 mega ones I would be free of this damn viper nest.

  While this group of people talk around me, sending the occasional arrow my way, I try to think of other things so I can remain polite. It’s Henry’s day after all and I owe him a dam good attempt.

  Hard doesn’t cover this self-imposed mission though, my mum always gets beneath my skin somehow, tonight is no different. And when she’s under, she starts to slice relentlessly. This guy is okay, I guess if you like that stuff. He’s like a dog that is all over you and the second you sit down is on you, licking, pushing, won’t leave you alone no matter what. I mean if he were a dog he’d have a better chance with me because dogs just want your company or food... no hidden agendas. I like dogs you have to win over... horses too. Dell is right, I like horses and people who have walls. I amuse myself for a while wondering why. I end up deciding it’s because you have a stronger relationship at the end and maybe because they don’t want a relationship it means they have none of those hidden agendas.

  Mum’s little snides are starting to irritate me, a lot, and it’s not helping that I feel so strange. Inside my head, I feel these weird fluttering sensations and every now and then I experience this thing like someone’s broken an egg on my head and it’s dripping down to my temples where it begins to hurt. To pound. Then that all disappears to this lightheaded, nauseous sensation.

  I’m literally starving yet I can’t eat, my stomach feels like I’m about to go into labour and birth a full-grown bull elephant, but I can’t. The pain is getting worse, so much so that I have to close my eyes to bear it at times.

  My mum sends another salvo, tripled by Jennifer and the other mum. I grind my teeth. Henry believed there were angels because there were people he had met in his life that changed him, made him a better person and for them to be like that he said they must have met someone that inspired them. Like a chain event of goodness. He said that he was changed by a person, that no matter what was thrown at them smiled and looked out for others. My progress tonight pretty much dooms me to the knowledge I’m no angel. On the outside, I’m trying but inside... I’m all writhing, angry snakes. I’m trying for Henry to be nice and calm and all those things... but the real me wants to let loose.

  Seth is mesmerised by this girl, who seems okay, she obviously likes him. I’ve really missed him, and half hoped that we could have sat together and teased each other, anything. Just lean on him, feel his warmth. The mothers are happy with their interest. I hope he’ll just accept Noah. Those two need to learn to get on with each other so their ‘sibling’ can enjoy both of them when I find him or her.

  My phone beeps... Jordan. I called him to find Nathan before, when Nathan didn’t answer for the billionth time.

  You ok chook?

  No. With mum >:( that should sum it up Can’t get on to Nat :( That will say even more.

  Deep breaths and have a triple of something super strong ;) You can get through it, chook. Nat’s around, he’ll catch up with you soon x

  I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. I don’t drink without Nathan... ever. I rarely do anything without Nathan. I give myself a kick up the butt for being a sook and sit up straight and talk to Luke for a bit. He’s got a lot to say about himself, surfing and where he could show my around. I keep losing interest as my head throbs.

  My phone beeps again. Noah. I smile thinking of him.

  I’ve grown horns, Thornie!!! Come help me ;) I grin thankful for his distraction as envisage what he’d look like and how I’d love to be with him right now.

  I’ve grown wings ;) says a lot about us, huh?

  Leathery ones? Yes. I could imagine that (suits you muhaha)

  I raise my eyebrows; someone is still in a playful mood. Pity I’m not.

  I wish so I could have the accompanying pitchfork and shove it up all these dreadful mothers’ buttholes

  Mothers?

  X 3 and they all have fangs and scales. Mum, Jennifer and this other lady, the mum of this guy they’ve sat next to me.

  I press send and gulp, realising I probably shouldn’t have sent that. I’m so agro that I didn’t think about what Jennifer’s name might make him feel. I feel even worse now.

  Where are you?

  Ummm I type thinking shit, he’s got his court hearing tomorrow I can’t have him doing anything to her. In the city somewhere.

  Are you trying to hedge? Av... >:(

  Yes Err. No

  Tell me, Thornie. I’ll come get you.

  And that statement makes me cave, the thought of climbing in his lap and sleeping where I feel safe is too much. I came to dinner, I sat and ordered, I talked to the guy and smiled. That should be done. I figure by the time he gets here it should be over. I tell him.

  Unfortunately, as I tune back into the table, I honestly don’t think I can take much more of these women’s jabs. Sharp pains in my side make me grip the table, my mind transports me to where I feel best, to where I’m lying on Frank’s back reading Harry Potter, the shade dappling the pages. I can smell him, feel the coarseness of his hair, smile at the careful movements he makes to keep me safe. Amber is grazing after a roll always keeping close. The herd moves slowly and peacefully under the hot sun. I imagine Nathan bolting over the dry ground to beg me to swing off a rope on the excavator he conveniently parked on the edge of the dam and have a competition to who can land in the tractor tyre inner tube. After that, we will sit and think of pranks to play on Angus.

  Dad and Pop who would ride down and tell us stories, and Dell who would play with my hair and share her special secrets with me. Jordan would be working on something getting agro at the dogs that weren’t at the dam with us and things must be bad because I even add Daryl in the story, and his terrible food that keeps me healthy and alive, his advice and little mantras are well and truly stuck in my brain. My heart hurts so much, I hurt all over.

  “I’ll give you five thousand if you do it.” The girl says and my eyes flick up to her face, as I remember what I said about riding up the main street of Sydney on a bull for Aussie farmers. She looks genuine. Just as I was when I said I would do it.

  “I’ll match it.” Luke says knocking me with his elbow. Pain makes me wince as I tighten my sto
mach muscles to move from his touch. I can see why Amber doesn’t like to be handled by other people. It doesn’t feel right.

  The other mum joins in, “If it makes the media, I’ll give you another five!”

  “Dude, I’ll just give you five for thinking of that!” Rowan laughs like it an easy thing to do, like I’d do it just for fun. Pulling a cow into the city would make the poor thing feel like I am now, it’s not really a laughing matter. If it were Frank it’d be okay, he wouldn’t really care, as long as I was reading to him.

  “Twenty thousand if I do it, for ten minutes. I need three weeks to break my ride in. Do you agree on this?” I spear each potential donator with a you bloody better be serious glare “I will donate all proceeds to Australian farmers in need.”

  In the proceeding silence I realise the song the band is playing, “Right here waiting for you,” and I want to go home more than ever. My head is full of weird flutters and my stomach expands even more.

  “I agree,” Kelsey nods. “I can’t wait to see your bikini.” My eyes snap to hers as I detect a note of something in her voice.

  “As I don’t know you and it involves a lot of work, could someone please write up an agreement and all sign it,” I don’t smile, I can’t.

  “Avalon, I do think school has done you some good, you added that amount up correctly. I feel like going outside and seeing if pigs are flying. She’s not good with maths,” Mum with one of those smiles that reminds me of Scar on the Lion King. “But she will do anything for a beast. She’s probably wearing that angel costume because she thought some bellowing, stinky beast whispered it in her ear.” She laughs, and I feel the coldness of a dislike pour through my veins, eclipsing the pain. Henry was always nice to Mum, always. He doesn’t deserve this. But then if I go at her, I’m not trying for him. My jaw sends a line of pain to behind my eyes.