Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series

by Shantelle McKinnon

  “Don’t!” I growl, baring teeth. Nathan doesn’t bat an eyelid.

  “Where are we going first?” He asks.

  “To go see someone at court today. I promised.” He knows what promises mean to me.

  “Who?”

  Okay, here goes. “My boyfriend.”

  His eyes harden instantly, and his eyes scan my side like he’s connecting the dots. “No and no.”

  We stare at each other, battle of wills. Something that happens with us surprisingly often. Dad says it’s character building, I’m not sure in what way but fueling stubbornness. I keep staring but try and gauge what I can whack him over the head with in the room.

  “Look, Avalon,” the Doctor starts trying to calm the situation that he probably thinks is going to arise. “I’m sure they’ll understand if you don’t turn up once you explain that you are in hospital and what injuries you’ve sustained.”

  “This might be my last chance to see him,” I struggle to fling Nat’s hand off. But it’s like trying to fling off a truck. The nurse steps forward.

  “I need to change Avalon’s bandages and give her her medication. You can step out please,” she directs Nat a got you now smile. Nat glares at her.

  “The minute I leave she’ll high tail it out of here,” what can I say my brother knows me too well. “I’ll be staying to ensure that doesn’t occur, thank you.”

  The nurse laughs dismissively. “She’s connected to this IV drip, what’s she going to do?”

  “Take it with me?” I say with a question, wondering if that’s possible. “What’s in it anyway?” wondering if it’s essential. Otherwise, I’ll pull it out.

  The Doctor steps forward, “It’s vital that you stay on it, among other things it has an anti-inflammatory added to keep your kidney calm and other medication to get it working again. You can step out while we check her over, she’ll be fine.”

  “No way,” Nat says again, baring his teeth at me this time.

  “I’ll be fine,” I send him a sweet smile, while I’m thinking he should be helping me here. Traitor.

  “Here,” the nurse hands Nathan something in a bag. “These are her clothes, I don’t think any young girl would want to leave the hospital in the provided gown, especially one that doesn’t wear underwear.” She whispers that bit to me with a conspiratorial smile. Like I care.

  “That’s not going to worry her,” he says. “I’ll just turn my back.”

  “I’m sorry?” the nurse sends me an incredulous look. “You cannot be in here while your sister is getting a checkup, I’m sure the last thing she’d want is her brother in here.”

  “Yeah,” I send Nathan an affronted look. “Go get something to eat, see if they have scallops with chicken salt. I won’t be going far with an IV and backless dress on.”

  I smile innocently at him.

  “Going far?” See? He always picks up my wording.

  “Come on, Nat, you can come with me,” I try another approach. “Then bring me right back.”

  “You shouldn’t be leaving at all, Avalon,” The Doctor says. “Were you not listening to the extent of the injury to your kidney? You are a very lucky young girl.”

  I frown, “It will only be for an hour, bloody hell.”

  “Why is he going to court?” Nat asks. And here’s the problem with having Nat in the room with me. He can read me. Least he’s not worried about the boyfriend thing... I think.

  “Fighting,” I say trying not to look away. For the second time interest flares in Nat’s eyes, not the good type though this time.

  “Did he do that?” Nat pointed at my side.

  “No!” I pretty much shout. “That was an accident.”

  “That’s a kick mark,” Nat snarls, eyes like ice.

  “It was an accident, he thought I was someone else when I broke him out of the police holding cell,” the doctor and nurse gasp. “It was all staged, the cops knew and everything. Everyone knew except him.”

  The Doctor and nurse exchange wide-eyed glances while Nathan studies me. I don’t like the decisions he’s coming to.

  “Was he in that food shop last night?” He asks folding his arms. Never a good sign. His brain is ticking over with an idea.

  I stare back at him defiantly. “Yes, he was, and he looked after me.”

  Nat scoffs again. “I know who he is, Av.” His arms tense, always an ominous sign. He will never see this was an accident. And now that he knows it’s Noah I want to see, that it was him who hurt me, Nathan won’t ever open welcome arms... or helping arms.

  “I like him,” I say in a hard voice.

  “I’m sure you do,” Nat replies with a roll of his eyes. “Reminds me of the time you wanted a croc as a pet.”

  “Hold on, boofhead, I seem to remember you wanted that too! Talk about selective memory!”

  “I didn’t try to train it to roll over! Again, I’ve got to be the responsible one here... again and say listen to the Doctor,” he’s crumbling. Whenever he puts the argument on someone else, I’m starting to win.

  “Responsible?” I laugh, suddenly happy that we’ll be out of here soon.

  He gives me a deadpan look. And then I see it. The warning sign. Nathan is itching to let go, I can practically see it crawling around under his skin. It’s not a good thing for Nat to have going on, he gets riled up very easily. Even though I see he may be close to saying okay... if he sees Noah all that itch will come flooding out. And he won’t stay outside. Maybe that his ploy, the sudden show of giving in. Maybe, I’m just leading him straight to Noah. And that’s what he wants. Because one thing I know about my brother is that he will repay my injury tenfold on Noah. And I told him Noah likes fighting, Nat will take that as an open invitation.

  I’m on my own to get there.

  “Everything alright, nurse? Doctor?” A baulky woman, with a bun so tight it makes her eyes tilt like a cat, stands at the door. Straight away I think of that horrid head teacher in the kids’ movie Dell made me watch.

  The nurse, who has nice strawberry coloured hair like one of my fav ponies growing up, shoots a smug smile at Nat. “He won’t leave so his sister can get a checkup.”

  Cat eyes turn to Nathan. And I see interest flare there. So, does Nathan. Nathan isn’t like high school guys that talk about female bodies or whatever, I know he prefers someone like the strawberry nurse’s body type and it’s not the lady’s body that has him gritting his teeth. It’s her blatant interest in him. He hates that. Because he doesn’t trust something that comes on so quickly from looks. He’s been burnt before. More than once.

  “Do you mind not looking at my brother like that?” I say sweetly causing the lady to snap me a sharp glance and the young nurse to turn and gaze at her. She bustles into the room, “I’ll help the doctor, Nurse Emily, you can go about your duties elsewhere. You can just turn around.”

  I turn to look at Nat but he’s nowhere to be seen. Though, neither are my clothes.

  karma

  Noah

  My hands find my forehead again and I lean down toward my lap, frustrated with myself. I’m used to being alone for God’s sake. Feeling alone, wanting to be alone. I shouldn’t be feeling alone alone.

  My father’s voice rings in my head. You shouldn’t be feeling at all. You let it get to this.

  I wish the Judge would just walk out now and give the verdict, put me out of this infernal misery that has wrapped around me. I’m ashamed to admit I’m exhausted, from nothing but the fight I’m waging against myself. After last night, seeing her vulnerable like that, I understand if she decides to stay with her family today. I feel bitter that I want her with me today. That I need her. That I crave to see her just in case, I don’t get to again.

  And that terrifies me, chills me to the bone, not only the thought of having these intense emotions but not seeing her.

  Her phone vibrates in my pocket again, I pull it out hoping that she’s remembered I have it and is texting me she’ll be here.

  Or send me
something that is completely ludicrous but makes sense. Utterly. On every level.

  Seth.

  I can’t read what it says just what it shows on the screen. “Thinking about you...”

  Anger condenses so hot in my stomach that I can feel the heat of it on my breath. My muscles are rushed with an onslaught of blood.

  No one was at the restaurant when I returned last night.

  Another fricken confounding feeling. Relief. The flood of it that poured through me when I realised, passed out against the boxing bag in Tommy’s gym, that if her mother was there and I had acted, I would have never seen Av again. I’d never see outside of a prison again.

  I feel like a tinny in a Tsunami, I want to react one way, but I’m not following through. I’m stopping. Thinking. Feeling. Confused. Stilted.

  And then when I think about what feeling does to me, like now, instead of not caring, I come full frontal to face my dad’s words again. Don’t feel, it makes you weak. I can’t seem to step off this Ferris wheel. It’s only bearable now with her. My life that was once a cold safety zone is in upheaval.

  I look up at the sound of the door to the room opening. Another wave of sensation hits me, making me almost beg for the familiar cold that keeps eluding me. Disappointment. Where is she?

  Part of me thinks that her brother recognised what type of person I was and woke her up to the fact I’m no good. I’m driving myself insane with what if’s, shoulds...

  It’s cruel. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have cared right now. It’s where I always thought I’d end up... maybe, I’d have cared a little if I hadn’t gotten Seth but... for the most part, I would have been fine. Now I can’t help but wish otherwise, that I’d taken another course of action. I pull out the bikini top that has been my constant companion since the bonfire.

  It makes me remember the time she rode up on my car, cut my chin, tattooed stick figures on my back and the time I held her hand in the tent. To give up having that small hand in mine ever again just because I lost control beats on me like nothing and no one else could.

  Sighing, I push it back in my pocket.

  I decide the best course of action is not to feel. Better not to feel anything. For the first time since I can remember I search for the coldness. Invite it, coax it to take over. Relishing the absence of thought that comes with it. The absence of confusion.

  “It’ll be fine, Noah,” I hear Jill say from next to me, obviously reading the change that has come over me. “Relax.”

  She moves slightly, distancing herself, leafing through her folder.

  I try to move my gaze from her but I can’t. She is alive in this moment. She reminds me of Av when she’s riding. I’ve noticed that she shivers every now and then and mashes her lips together to hide her grin. I push Av’s phone into her hand. She glances up eyebrows knitted.

  I can’t bring myself to speak. I tap on it and a pic of Amber appears on the screen.

  “You can give it to her yourself when we’re done here.” She smiles understanding my message.

  I drop my eyes not daring to hope for that possibility. Av would crack me over the head if she saw me do that to Jill. Av believes in her 100%. She would never act like Jill isn’t going to win. I turn back to her and try to give her a hopeful smile. She blinks. Maybe she can see through it. Or perhaps it’s that I’ve never smiled at her before.

  I want to ponder my life if I don’t get put away... my dreams, especially now they have changed, but that seems pointless right now. What dream can thrive in a cell? I must be this way to survive.

  I stare ahead seeing nothing.

  My name is called. I rise, cold and hard. Resigned to my fate. The Judge watches me. He watches me like Av scrutinised the herd of cows just the other day. Shrewd assessment.

  I won’t be walking free, and I already feel the strong desire to be punching something.

  By the time I’m seated next to Jill at the small table in front of the Judge, I don’t hear anything. I’m fighting to keep myself together. It’s pretty bloody sobering realising that you’ve discovered something that makes you happy and it’s about to be taken from you... by your own hand. To me, it cements that I’m a monster. Karma, Jarrod once said, will come to those who deserve it when they least expect it, taking what they most cherish.

  The door opens and I steel myself from swinging around like a fangirl. If it were her, I’d know. Hope still tries to infiltrate my body.

  A hand squeezes my shoulder slightly… quickly. I turn, holding at bay the feeling of intense dislike at being touched, to see Harry. The coldness waivers. He winks and sits behind me next to Avalon’s Pop, who shoots me an encouraging smile. Where is she? Maybe something happened to Outlaw? Or Amber. Or Av herself? She didn’t look good last night. If Harry and her Pop are here, she hasn’t told them not too, hasn’t had a change of mind. Stress crumbles the edges of the coldness. Harry would tell me if something had happened to her, or to her horses, wouldn’t he?

  I twist and almost beg him with my eyes. Willing him to tell me, put me out of some of my misery. He looks calm and nods for me to look forward, to pay attention. Later, his eyes say, it’s all good.

  I can’t concentrate even now that Jill is talking. I’m dead still, but inside I’m fidgeting, moving. Fighting myself. I miss her.

  It goes on, the coldness gaining footholds with every doubt my mind voices.

  Finally, I’m back to being... almost numb.

  The Judge’s mouth is moving. I hear nothing. Feel nothing. I’m ready. I know by the Judge’s assessing eyes he knows what I am capable of. He decided when I walked in.

  Jill nudges me, and I look up to see her nod toward the Judge. “Do you have anything to say young man?”

  My throat is closed, I’m transported back to my ten-year-old self being questioned. I can’t speak. He waits just as they did back then in the small, bleak rooms. All I’m missing is the crayons pushed into my hands. I take a deep breath and settle my need to escape. My hand grips the bikini top. If I talk, I will say the wrong thing.

  “Well then...” Judge bestows on me the same expressions as they did back then. I know what it means, it means they’ll push me somewhere else. To someone else. Through the system.

  The door bangs open and I jump in surprise. Harry coughs. Pop sighs, “Lucky we didn’t bet”.

  The last thing I expect is rolling through the door. A hospital bed equipped with a grinning old lady in a motorcycle helmet, holding balloons, a bottle in a brown paper bag and an assortment of flowers. Swinging on the bed head is the one person that can banish every shard of ice in my body in under one second. Her blue eyes find mine and I breathe.

  “You have arrived at your destination,” the old lady in a hospital bed says pulling off the helmet to reveal a balding head.

  Someone gets up, but before they get a word in, Av leans down conspiratorially, “FYI, don’t get this version of GPS, it has ‘needs’ and takes the long way at every turn to sate them before getting you to your destination. Talk about hours.”

  The old lady holds up her brown paper bag covered bottle in a ‘cheers’ gesture.

  Av rolls her eyes before pushing the bed a little further in and turning, holding a pole with an IV attached to her arm, to go back to the main door. One hand holds her gown shut at the back as she fumbles with the door lock. She pulls over a chair and hooks it under the handle. She gives me the thumbs up. She appears better than last night, but still, something is wrong. My heart is racing. Jill holds me down. My eyes flicker to hers in warning.

  A man gets up spluttering something.

  “Shush,” the old lady says in a voice that reminds me of the one time I ventured into a library. “This is a courtroom, there will be no such nonsense in here, sonny. Sit down and stop interrupting.”

  “Sorry,” Av speaks up in her melodic voice. “I met with a few speed humps getting here. We’ll be quiet. I certainly didn’t mean to cause a drama in the courtroom.”

  Pop chuckles, “Le
ast she’s trying to appear like a model citizen.”

  “Let’s hope it goes her way,” Harry drawls. “Or everyone will meet the real citizen she is.”

  My eyes are following Av’s every move as she slides in next to Pop. I want to hold her so badly, to make certain she’s alright. Rolling her IV in next to her, she gratefully accepts the pair of jeans he holds up with a droll look. “Missed you, kid.”

  Av winks at me as she leans her head on her Pop’s shoulder while tugging on her pants. I smile at her until she gestures for me to turn my attention back to the Judge who is eyeing me with different interest now. His gaze cycles from me to Av. I keep my face neutral.

  “And I thought this was going to be exciting,” moans the old lady. I try not to smile. “Dead boring after that hill I just flew down.”

  Av giggles into her Pop’s shoulder.

  The main door jangles. Av sits ramrod straight and stares dead ahead. Pop raises his eyebrow at her and she tries not to smile.

  The door bangs again. Av ignores the fuss it’s creating and leans forward. “Sorry I’m late, guys. Jill, you look awesome. Perry Mason would be quaking in his shoes if he saw he was up against you. And you, boofhead,” she focuses on me. “Lucky I got here, or you would have shot yourself in the foot the way you appear.”

  “What?” I chuckle, happy that she’s here. “Shit, Thornie,” I gesture to her IV drip. “Are you okay? What happened?”

  I reach for her just as the door is opened to reveal... a blood-covered surgeon, mask and all. Av doesn’t turn. Pop groans. “Already, guys? Not even one day has passed.”

  Av smirks.

  The doctor’s eyes scan the audience until they land on Av, they are a familiar cold blue. His gaze almost freezes off my extended hand.

  “Sorry for the intrusion,” he says, his voice very similar to his sisters as he pulls off his bloody surgical mask. “My appearance often scares my patients right out of the hospital. Can’t understand why but speaking of patients...”

  I risk a glance at the Judge who seems rather amused by the whole series of events. “This will only take a minute, Doctor. I’m sure your patient wants to hear my decision.”