Tyrant

by T. M. Frazier

Page 29

  “That’s not true, because I want it to be you,” he said, reaching out for my hand and lifting it in his as if he were studying it. As if he wanted to look anywhere but in my eyes.

  “It can be me. I’ll still be in your life. Just not the way you’re thinking I should be,” I reminded him.

  “Can I assume that he’s coming to pick you two up?” Tanner asked. “Unless you’ve magically learned how to drive recently. ”

  “You should have told me that earlier. I tried to drive my mother’s car and only got the engine turned on before I realized that’s about all I knew how to do. ” I looked at him quizzically. “You’re taking this awfully well, Tanner. ”

  He pulled me in for a hug and rested his chin on the top of my head, pressing my face into his chest. “I love you, Ray,” he said. Tears welled in my eyes. Tanner had been a good friend and I really was going to miss him, but I was ready to stop missing King.

  “Here,” I said. Pulling his ring off of my finger I pushed it into his hand and closed his fingers around it.

  “Fuck,” Tanner said, his eyes glassy. “That kind of makes this all real then, huh? You really are leaving?”

  “I guess it does,” I said.

  Tanner opened his fingers and studied the ring before putting it in his pocket. “Can I ask you a favor? One last thing before you go?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “A kiss. ”

  “Tanner, I can’t—” I started to argue.

  “Just one more, Ray. One last good-bye. Something to give me some closure. ” Tanner looked at me with the big chestnut brown eyes I’d remembered from my dream. I knew why they were the only thing that stayed with me. They were so expressive they were practically arguing Tanner’s case for him, pleading with me to cut the kid a break and just kiss him already.

  “One quick kiss,” I agreed, just wanting to get it over with. I could see his heart was breaking and being a spectator in that sport was adding another layer of guilt on top of what I was already feeling. I had the chance to offer him some closure so I took it.

  “I never thought we’d have a last kiss,” Tanner commented. He took a step forward and cupped my face in his hands.

  “You’re very persistent. And very bossy. ”

  It’s only Tanner. He just wants to say good-bye.

  “They don’t call me The Tyrant for nothing,” Tanner said, leaning in so close, I could feel his cool breath against my cheeks before his lips softly brushed over mine.

  Don’t trust The Tyrant. It was the very last thing Nikki had said to me when she’d come to my window.

  And then it happened.

  At first it was like lightening bolts going off in my brain. Sparks of light zapping on and off like a fluorescent office light struggling to turn on. Then, it was like my brain was a carnival where someone had located the power cord and plugged it back in turning the entire carnival on, lights, music, merry-go-round, and all.

  My memory.

  All of it.

  Tanner pulled away as a very clear memory came bounding into my brain.

  Of a very different Tanner.

  Sammy refused to close his eyes until I read him at least three bedtime stories. He looks up at me with those puffy eyes, rimmed in red, and rubs them with the back of his hand. He is fighting a losing battle with the need for sleep, although he is putting in an admirable effort. After three stories and two songs, my boy has drifted off clutching his favorite blanket, the one with the pattern made entirely of the shadows of different types of motorcycles.

  “Sweet dreams,” I say, kissing him on the forehead.

  After closing his door as softly as I possibly can, I run into Nadine in the hallway. She is carrying a basket of already folded laundry. “Ray, why don’t you go see Tanner tonight? I’ll keep the baby monitor in my room. You two kids haven’t had any time together in a while. Might do you some good to remember that you are actually kids. ”

  “Are you sure?” I ask. She is right. I could use some time just being a kid. Between raising Samuel and worrying over Nikki there’s little time for much else. And I miss Tanner. We hadn’t just hung out in a while.

  “Of course,” Nadine says. “Besides, once that boy’s asleep I could have Marti-Gras out in the hallway and he wouldn’t so much as roll over. ” That is true. He often goes to sleep and wakes up in the same position.

  I thank Nadine and change my clothes, taking extra time to make myself look more like a high school girl, and less like a mom who’d spend the afternoon trying to figure out how Samuel got melted crayons in his hair.

  Tanner and I have plans this Saturday. He just moved into the pool house of his parents’ house. He is going to make me dinner. He promised me all the plans have been made. We haven’t had sex since we conceived Samuel. We are too young, and our lives have become so complicated, that we’d agreed to wait. But I am finally ready and Saturday has been chosen as the day.

  But on the walk to Tanner’s house, I change my mind.

  Tonight is as good a night as any.

  I call Tanner, but there is no answer. I send him a text, but he doesn’t respond. When I get closer to his house I notice the light is on in the pool house. I smile. Maybe he fell asleep studying. I am planning how I could crawl into his bed and snuggle up next to him when I hear a voice.

  An angry voice.

  “What the fuck did I tell you about going to her?” Tanner asks. I’ve never heard him raise his voice, and at first I don’t think it’s him. Creeping over to the side of the house, I crouch down by the corner of the window and peer up. Sure enough, the voice is Tanner’s. He is pacing back and forth in front of his bed, his fists clenched at his sides.

  “You said not to,” says a female voice. I recognize that voice right away, even though it is a mere shell of what it used to be.

  Nikki

  Pushing up onto the tips of my toes I see her sitting on the corner of Tanner’s bed with her head in her hands. She looks even worse than she did when she came to see me the week before.

  What is she doing at Tanners?

  “If you need something, you come to me. But no, you went to her, and I had to hear all about how torn up she is because you turned into a fucking junkie and she can’t save you. You know how much I give a shit about you being a junkie? Zero. I give zero fucking shits. But what I do care about is Ray being upset and making me wait another three fucking years to get my fucking dick wet. ”

  “It’s not like you’ve been celibate, asshole,” Nikki says, looking up at him through a gap in her greasy bangs.

  “No, I’ve had to settle for fucking your nasty ass!” Tanner shouts, rounding the bed to stand in front of her.

  “What do you have for me?” Nikki asks, her hands visibly shaking.

  Tanner raises his hand and with a whooshing sound in the air, his hand lands on Nikki’s cheek forcing her to fall back on the bed. “Are you even fucking listening to me?” he seethes.

  I have no idea who I am looking at. This isn’t the Tanner I know, and he is smacking around a Nikki who I don’t know either.

  Who the hell are these people, and where are my friends?

  Nikki groans but doesn’t say a word. “If you do anything to prevent me from being balls deep in Ray Saturday night I’m cutting you the fuck off. Do you hear me?” Tanner crawls up onto the bed and pushes Nikki down, straddling her shoulders. He pulls a small baggie out of his shirt pocket and waves it in the air. Nikki springs to life when she sees it like she was just given an adrenaline shot. She tries to grab it out of his hands but Tanner pulls it out of reach. “After,” he says, putting the baggie back into his pocket.

  Tanner leans forward and rests his hands on his headboard as Nikki undoes his belt. I don’t want to watch anymore. It’s like a horror movie. But I can’t peel my eyes away. But when Nikki pulls Tanner’s dick out of his pants and wraps her mouth around it my stomach rolls. I turn to the side and heave into the grass.
“What the fuck was that?” Tanner asks. Nikki pulls off of him, but he grabs the back of her head and starts thrusting into her throat. Her eyes water and she gags every time he pushes in. “Did I tell you to fucking stop?”

  Silent tears stream down my face as I witness two people who bear no resemblance to the kids I grew up with—the girl I wanted to be my sister, the boy I wanted to marry someday—destroy everything I thought I knew about them. About our friendship.

  It was all lies.

  All of it.

  “This isn’t fucking working,” Tanner says, pulling out of Nikki’s throat and flipping her around, while grabbing something out of his back pocket. “Let’s see if that snatch of yours has been completely ruined by now, or if it still feels as tight as it did when you were twelve. ”

  Holy shit.

  My entire life is a lie.

  This monster is the father of my child.

  I can’t breathe. My stomach rolls again. Nikki lifts the scrap of fabric that barely covers her ass up to her waist and reveals that she isn’t wearing any panties. Tanner rolls on a condom, grabs her hips roughly, and pushes himself inside her. Nikki cries out and fists the sheets in her hands. “I’m going to teach you a fucking lesson, slut. You need your fix?, You come here and you’re gonna suck my fucking cock for it, take it in the ass like you are now, but you’ll get what you want, and I’ll get what my future wife thinks she can deny me. ”