Heartmender

by V. Romas Burton

  I nodded quickly, clutching my cloak around my neck. The beating of my heart had increased with his arrival, bringing warmth to my cheeks.

  "Good," he replied, his breath creating a cloud of white mist in the air. He hesitated, studying me once more before turning back toward the path. "We're going to be late."

  He walked down the path to the snowy trail that led to Nana’s as I stepped in stride next to him. I clasped my hands in front of me, lacing my fingers together and squeezing. Silas had shown me the trick of transferring my fear to my fingers when I had first had nightmares about Schism.

  Glancing over, I watched Silas stare straight ahead, his eyes never diverting from the trail before us. Ever since I'd known him, he'd been Steady Silas, never wavering from his dull, blank personality.

  "I apologize," he said. I sucked in a breath. His eyes stayed fixed on the path. "About earlier."

  I let out the air slowly. "It's okay."

  "It's not your fault.” He paused. "About Lyle."

  The knot in my throat formed again, and I squeezed my hands tightly, not trusting myself to answer. Tears stung the corner of my eyes as the lonely years without Lyle played through my mind. All the birthdays and holidays he wasn’t there for. The empty chair at our table, convincing me he would never return. I blinked in amazement, allowing a tear to fall as I slowly reached up to catch it. Most people had used up all their tears by the time they were eighteen. Once it was their year to trade their hearts, Traders would begin detaching from deep emotion, leaving only superficial nonsense in their hearts. Many said it made the Extraction easier.

  A cold wind froze the teardrop to the tip of my mitten as Silas continued walking. After a few steps, he turned.

  "Addie."

  I glanced up to see him staring down at me. A breath of air escaped from his lips, swirling into another white puff of warmth in the bitter cold night. My heart leapt as the cloud brushed against my cool cheek.

  "You know why everyone loves Schism.”

  I waited for him to continue, wanting to hear someone other than myself say what we all knew was true.

  “Since childhood, we’ve been taught that the only way to live is to surrender our hearts. Even though Schism takes hearts, who knows what trading for an unknown choice really means? Do those people get their hearts back? Is an oasis on the other side of those doors? We don’t know.” He paused and turned away. “But you and I both know that every year, Traders think it’s worth the risk of trading for an unknown choice. Lyle thought so, too. He wanted to trade for a choice, and he got it.” Silas glanced at me over his shoulder. “What you do with your heart is your own choice."

  I paused for a moment, not knowing if Silas knew what I had planned. But after his austere face turned away, I replied, "I know." I let the tear fall off my mitten to the icy ground. "I try to tell myself that, but I'm not too convincing. Especially now."

  Heart Reign always resurrected the memories of Lyle in terrorizing force. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat from the nightmare that Schism was coming for me next. It wasn't until I had gone days without rest that Silas noticed the sleepless nights in my eyes. From then on, he offered to sleep downstairs on the couch. It would always give me comfort knowing he was there, but the nightmares never ceased.

  "You're stronger than you think," he said before trudging down the snowy trail.

  I blinked a few times, my steps feeling lighter as I followed his footsteps in the snow.

  The welcoming orange lights of Nana's oil lamps glowed like stars. I blew out a sigh of relief as I rushed past Silas, only relaxing at the sound of the wheezing wooden steps.

  I looked up to see Nana bundled in her ragged sweater and seated in her rickety wheelchair. The sight of her made my heart heavy with sadness as I remembered the heartache she had endured.

  When my mother and father had died, leaving Lyle and me alone, Nana could barely stand. By various trades of old heirlooms, we were able to get her a wooden wheelchair and help her move into the house she was raised in. Once Lyle disappeared, Nana took a turn for the worse. Her white hair fell from her scalp in chunks, and her arms could barely work to move her wheelchair.

  When Nana had moved back into her childhood home, the emptiness in her life caused her to never leave the front porch. From the market, the townspeople could see her cemented to her chair, staring off into the distance. They began to use her as a lesson to those who would soon trade at Heart Reign, explaining that trading your heart for love was frivolous and ignorant, leading only to a cursed and lonely life.

  Whenever we came to visit, Nana made certain she took good care of Silas. He was the reason these visits had begun. The first few times Silas suggested it, I barricaded myself in my room, not wanting to leave the safety of my home.

  But when I discovered he had been going by himself, I decided to try. I began with small steps toward my front door, Silas leading the way. Many times, the result was the same: the words and images of that day would plague my mind, and I would retreat back to my room. Eventually, I had made it down the steps with Silas guiding me.

  But tomorrow was different. Tomorrow, I couldn’t have Silas guiding my way. I had to stand on my own.

  Chapter 4

  The groaning of the wood beneath Silas's feet refocused my thoughts as Nana slowly reached an arm toward me. Her skin was dull and her hand shook, so I moved closer and gave her a tight hug. Her body felt so cold. I blamed it on the weather.

  "It's past seven," Nana noted, slowly patting my arms still wrapped around her.

  I quickly removed them, swallowing the realization of similarities between myself and the aging woman. Isolated, depressed, alone.

  She looked toward Silas with a resolute stare. "I thought seven o'clock was the time we agreed on, Silas. It's almost eight."

  "Yes, I apologize, Nana," Silas replied from the top of the steps.

  "My food has been getting cold for almost thirty minutes," Nana said, her tone as even and emotionless as Silas’s. "You'll be lucky to get some."

  I gave a slight smirk at Nana's sassiness, but as I looked at their blank faces, it quickly vanished. We could all speak fine, but that's all we ever did. There was no smiling, no laughter, and no happiness. It was another curse cast by Heart Reign and the Extraction.

  Straightening, I cleared my throat and wrapped an arm around Nana's frail shoulders. "I think we can let it pass this time, right, Nana?" I looked back at Silas with a small smile. He blinked twice and cocked his head, the corner of his lip twitching slightly before he looked at Nana.

  Nana stared back at Silas before turning her chair around. "I suppose."

  "Thank you, Nana," Silas said, sliding a look at me.

  "Well, hurry along. Unlike you two, I'm starving." Nana didn't give us another glance as she wheeled herself toward the door. Silas reached over and opened it in two steps while I waited for Nana to go through.

  By the time Silas and I entered the house and hung up our cloaks, Nana had already wheeled herself into the kitchen and positioned herself at the head of the rectangular table. Once Silas and I sat on either side of her, she thanked the Heavens for our food, and we dove in. I wasn't sure how she did it, but Nana's food was always divine. The chicken was incredibly moist with gravy oozing out as I took a bite. The vegetables were cooked to perfection, making me want more, even though I was stuffed.

  "I tried to get your favorite donuts, Addie," Nana said with a grimace. "But it seems they were all out at the bakery. I hope raspberry tarts will do." Her eyes dimmed more than usual at the mention of the pastries.

  "That's okay, Nana. I like raspberry tarts just as much." I grabbed a tart and began munching on its crispy crust.

  "Tomorrow's the big day," Nana said in a more serious tone than I liked.

  I paused, not knowing whether to reveal my plan or not.

  Silas’s fork paused on his plate as well as he waited for my response.

  The topic of my trad
e at Heart Reign had been taboo up to this point. Neither Nana nor Silas had brought it up, so I didn’t, either.

  Since childhood, I had been trained and prepared for Heart Reign. I knew of all the vendors, what they sold, and what they wanted in return. But that was where the problem lay. There was only one vendor I wanted to face, and I wasn't going to give him what he wanted.

  "Yes, it is," I said, placing my tart to the side of my plate, unwilling to lift my eyes from it. I swallowed before knitting my fingers beneath the table. When I finally looked up, I found Silas staring at me.

  "Have you decided what your trade will be?" Nana asked as if she was commenting on the weather.

  Silas’s hand tightened around his fork as his eyes drilled into me. Sweat began to build on my forehead as my heart rattled inside my chest, the veins of my fear squeezing it tightly. If they knew, they would try to stop me. But if they stopped me, my small hope would die altogether.

  Silas’s eyes continued to pierce my own, like they could see exactly what was hidden in my heart.

  "I've thought about it some," I said finally, not even convincing myself.

  "That's good," Nana said indifferently as she lifted a potato to her mouth. "But you won't know what your heart is worth until your Extraction tomorrow."

  Past Traders had escaped Heart Reign by not showing up for their Extractions. Many of them believed in the Mender, a man who could mend and purify their dying, gray hearts. It was a small belief, but it was growing enough that Governor Willow enacted the Extraction law: every citizen of Barracks must have their heart extracted on the day of their Heart Reign. Any opposition will lead to death and their forcibly extracted heart being traded by another citizen.

  My vision blurred at the edges. I didn’t know how to respond.

  Just then, a fork slammed on the table, causing me to shriek and jump from my chair. When my racing heart settled, I watched in bewilderment as Silas mumbled an apology and left the table, slamming the door on his way out.

  Nana let out a small sigh.

  I didn't respond, still overcome with surprise at Silas’s response. Steady Silas just threw a utensil as if he were having a temper tantrum. He had always said that everyone had a right to choose what they wanted to trade their heart for. What had changed? Did it have something to do with his Heart Reign?

  I extended my stiff fingers to allow the blood to rush back in. What had Silas traded his heart for?

  I was thankful for his outburst because I didn't have to lie to the only two people I cared for. I was going to miss them, but they would be better without me.

  "I'm going to go talk to him," I said, slowly rising from the table.

  "All my cooking, gone to waste," Nana mumbled as she rolled toward the sink to wash up.

  I shuffled to the old door. Swallowing, I opened it, forcing myself to release my fear of the unknown. I had just left my own house an hour before. I needed the practice if my plan for tomorrow was going to succeed.

  Squeezing my hands together, I took the first step out. Cold air pierced my sweater, freezing my skin to the bone. I wrapped my arms around my waist and breathed deeply before taking slow, steady steps toward the stairs.

  I looked around, praying to the Heavens that Silas was near. My teeth chattered from the cold as I found him leaning against the trunk of a withered plum tree whose days of bearing succulent delights were long over. With his arms folded over his chest, Silas kept his eyes fixed on the night sky.

  My arms tightened around my waist as I crept down each step. The wood moaned beneath my feet until I made it to the icy ground. Pausing, I gave myself a victory smile. Twice in one day, I had controlled my fear.

  Sucking in another breath, I stared into the void. The walk to Silas stretched beyond my vision, making it appear farther than I knew it was. Anxiety bubbled in my chest, but I pushed it down and continued on. It wasn’t until a throat cleared that I realized I had been keeping my eyes focused on my feet. Forcing them up, I saw Silas standing in front of me. I had begun to think he had walked toward me, but when the tree came into focus, I took a step back.

  "I told you, you’re stronger than you believe," Silas said in an even manner, keeping his eyes focused on the night sky.

  Blinking in confusion, I stared at him before risking a glance over my shoulder and seeing the house behind me. I had done it.

  Allowing myself another smile, I turned to Silas. "Are you okay?"

  "Yes." His voice was sharp. The warm breath from his curt reply swirled and danced in the moonlight. I didn’t know what to make of his tone, so I stood frozen.

  "What are you trading your heart for, Addie?"

  Chewing my lower lip, I wrapped my arms tighter around myself and looked away. Silas was never so direct. "I haven't decided yet."

  He pulled his gaze from the dark clouds and stared straight at me with those brown eyes that knew when I was lying. Letting out a sigh of defeat, he returned to his somber state and said, "Yes, you have."

  The air from my lungs dissipated inside my chest. How did he know? Was he going to stop me? My heart beat faster. He couldn't.

  "No, I haven't," I answered adamantly, balling my hands into fists. But before he could reply, I turned, retreating through the deep snow as I rushed back to the house.

  Throwing the door open, I grabbed my cloak, threw it around my shoulders, and turned back toward the open door. I could explain everything to Nana another time. But now, I needed to leave.

  The wind seemed more bitter than it had a few moments ago as it scraped against my face. I swallowed the knot of fear growing in my throat. I would leave by myself. But as I tried to command my legs to move, they stood still, refusing any steps.

  Disgust at myself crept into my fluttering heart. Who was I to have hope of saving Lyle when I couldn't even find the courage to leave a house on my own?

  Chapter 5

  "Your heart is a valuable thing," Silas said as he walked up the stairs to Nana's home.

  I didn't know how long I had been standing in the doorway, staring into the night, but judging by the pain searing my muscles, I had been clutching the doorknob for a while. I shifted my eyes up to Silas, who stood in front of me, his face blank, as usual.

  My stomach squeezed as heat returned to my cheeks. Where was this feeling coming from? My heart was small and gray, like everyone else's. Why was it beginning to feel like it was overflowing with emotion when it should be dead?

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, feeling the emotion consume every cell of my body. What was happening to me? The fluttering rose from my stomach to my throat as I tried to think of something to say.

  "Addie, did you hear what I said?"

  The feeling didn’t recede when I looked at him. I nodded as my mind wandered back to its previous thoughts on Silas’s Heart Reign. He was the same age Lyle would have been, so his Heart Reign had to be the year Schism came, too.

  Before I could think of a subtler way to ask, I blurted out, "What did you trade your heart for?"

  "May I come inside first?"

  I looked at my hand still grasping the knob of the door, my body blocking him from entering the house. Carefully, I peeled each finger from the worn metal, flexing them as I moved out of the way.

  Silas entered and closed the door before he turned to me. His lips stretched impossibly thin, and his eyes darkened, but he answered nonetheless. "I don't have a heart."

  I crossed my hands over my chest, rocking forward slightly on the balls of my feet. "Of course not. Once you trade it, it's gone."

  "No," he said forcefully. "I've never had one. Not that I can remember."

  I tilted my head, not understanding. How could someone not have a heart? Everyone had a heart, even if it was dying. I waited a few moments before asking, "How is that possible?"

  He ran his hand through his disheveled hair. "The morning of my Extraction, I went to Doctor Magnum, just like everyone else. I went right before Lyle." He paused, drawing in a breath and rel
easing it before he continued. “When Doctor Magnum began the Extraction, he stopped mid-way through my procedure. I remember the confused look on his face.” Silas paused again before striding to Nana’s couch. A small table with various trinkets sat on the end. Reaching out, he grabbed a stone carving of a castle.

  Studying the small structure, Silas rotated it between his fingers until I asked, “What happened after that?”

  His hands stopped, and he placed the castle back on the table. “He called in a nurse and mumbled something I couldn't hear, then sent her away. The next thing I knew, a mask was put over my face, and Doctor Magnum told me to take a deep breath. After that, everything went dark.

  "I woke up the next morning and felt a small lump in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a small gray heart, barely alive." Silas squeezed his hands into fists, staring down at them with a slight furrow in his brow. "I don't know what it was, Addie, but for some reason, I knew that heart wasn't mine. And I couldn't live with myself if I traded another person's heart for my own pleasure."

  I unfolded my arms and laced my fingers together, not because I was scared, but because I was confused. Doctor Magnum was a renowned heart extractor throughout Barracks. The Barracks Conversation had rated him as the number one doctor to see before Heart Reign. He was often flooded with appointments from upcoming Reigners, or so the articles reported. I bit my lower lip, not knowing which story was true.

  If what Silas was saying was true, then this had to have happened seven years ago. Had no one else discovered that he didn’t have a heart to trade? Clearing my throat, I quietly asked, "What did you do with the heart?"

  "I still have it."

  I blinked twice, furrowing my brow as I released my grip on my fingers, extending them slowly. "It's still alive?"

  He nodded.

  "But how?"

  Silas let out a sigh. "I don't know. But it's held on for all these years." Turning to me, he repeated, "A heart is a valuable thing. You need to choose wisely what to trade it for."