by Robert Mills
The look on his face as he said this told me that this bolt from the blue had wounded him deeply, but he remained in control and barely raised his voice. I knew it was pointless to ask him to let me stay, so I said nothing. After he’d gone, I did as I’d been instructed and left the office discreetly, unnoticed by the staff. This suited me well because I knew that, even if they didn’t know the reason for my departure then, they soon would.
I wasn’t well placed to seek employment elsewhere, but I managed to find a post as a manager with a small office equipment company, at a much reduced income. I’d had the good sense to take a small apartment in an area where rents were relatively low and so I was able to make ends meet. Nonetheless it was a lonely and depressing existence. When the money from the dissolution of the partnership came through I was able to pay off most of my debts, but I knew I’d have to spend wisely in the future. The exception was the loan on the family home, and Meena and the children had to move to more modest accommodation.
Chapter Twenty-Four
So I was alone again. For many weeks I thought about Liv almost constantly, reliving the times we’d spent together over and over in my mind. I had decided, as a matter of principle, that I wouldn’t contact her again but after a month on my own I cracked and called her from work in the afternoon, when I imagined that she would be on her own. I almost hoped that she would block my call and when I first heard her voice and saw her face I was unable to speak for a moment or two.
“What do you want?” she said crossly.
“How are you?” I said in a faltering voice.
“I’m fine; I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be calling me in the circumstances.”
“Why not?”
“I would have thought that was obvious.” She sighed. “I admit all this is partly my fault, but you have to face the facts, you were unfaithful to Meena. I’m sure I would have done the same in her situation.”
I tried to keep calm. “Liv, I don’t think you’re being entirely fair. You asked me to make love to you and you are carrying my child. Doesn’t that give me some rights where you’re concerned?”
“Now, Symon, I made it clear from the start that this was, well, a sort of business arrangement. I enjoyed having sex with you, of course, but I was never in love with you or anything like that. I never said I was. You must admit that. I was aware that you were getting involved, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I did consider finding someone else to help me, as you know, but Marvin wouldn’t have liked anyone else to be our child’s biological father.”
“He wasn’t exactly thrilled when he found out it was me,” I snapped.
“True, but you must admit you went behind his back.”
“You didn’t want him to know. You said he didn’t want us to try again, that he’d given up on the whole idea.”
“He had, but you could have told him about us if you’d wanted to. You chose to deceive him.”
“How can you be so detached? I thought it was men who sowed their wild oats and moved on without any commitment. Women are supposed to be more responsible. Women are supposed to be faithful and true, but I suppose that’s just another humping myth.”
“There’s no need to swear. I can tell you’re upset and I understand how you feel, up to a point. I’ve said this before, but it seems I’ll have to say it again: I’m not going to leave Marvin for you, so you’d better get used to the idea.” The screen on my wrist tablet went blank.
Gradually, very gradually, I adjusted to my new circumstances. At first I imagined that I wouldn’t be alone for long, but I hadn’t taken account of the passage of time and the way in which my face and body had changed with the years. I soon discovered that I was no longer considered to be an object of desire by the opposite sex, at least the younger, single members at any rate. Girls that I wouldn’t have given a second look at in my youth treated me with contempt when I approached them.
No matter, I thought, my male friends would offer me companionship while I sorted myself out and adjusted to my new circumstances. Wrong again. My ‘friends’ were mostly married and seemed reluctant to associate with one of their number who was now at liberty. On the rare occasions that I met their wives, I could sense their palpable unease in my presence. Before long I concluded that there was something about me that seemed to repel and unnerve almost everybody.
At first my reaction was to retire within myself. I’m pretty self-sufficient by nature and I retreated into a cocoon of work, sleep, food, alcohol, psychotropic cocktails and home entertainment. It seems amazing looking back, but after a while I reached a point where I resented anything that interrupted my new self-centred lifestyle. But for the fact that I could access my favourite shows at any time on my smartscreen, I would probably have stopped going out, except to go to work. My apartment was small and highly automated, so it needed little maintenance. This meant that I was able to indulge myself in simple pleasures. Despite having a kitchen that could produce a limited repertoire of meals with minimal human input, I developed a liking for cooking. One of my special treats at the weekend was to prepare lunch and consume it with liberal amounts of wine. Then I would take the remainder of the bottle to my armchair and watch a holo-film to while away the afternoon.
After a while though my solitary existence became increasingly irksome. In a desperate attempt to make new friends, I exploited the only talent I had and joined the New Rome Cricket Club. I was rather rusty at first and cricket in microgravity is a very different game. Bowling requires a rather different technique and it’s possible to hit a normal cricket ball much further than on Earth. To overcome this latter problem, a hollow ball with holes in it is used. There are only two cricket grounds in New Rome, because acquiring a large enough playing area is prohibitively expensive. Regular matches against teams from other cities on Europa are held, both home and away. In time I managed to secure a regular place in the team, but compared to some of my fellow players, I found that I was at best mediocre, not the star of the first eleven as I’d been at school. Worse still, I found that I had little in common with my fellow players and so the main aim of joining the club was not achieved. In the end I gave up and returned to my solitary way of life.
As I watched more and more holo-films, I noticed that in quite a lot of them older men, some considerably older than me, seemed to be irresistible to much younger women. Why, I wondered weren’t younger women drawn to me? On reflection, I decided that the movies were made by older men and were an opportunity for them to see their fantasies acted out on the screen. On the other hand ageing actors were often seen with gorgeous young women on their arms in real life. This, I reasoned, was because they had three things that I didn’t, namely wealth, power and celebrity.
I might have continued like this indefinitely but for the problem that had dogged me since the first stirrings of libido in my youth: I needed a woman. Of course I could indulge in virtual reality sex but although huge improvements have been made in this technology, it just isn’t the same as the real thing. I needed real skin against my skin, the warmth of another’s body close to mine. I considered looking for a prostitute, but couldn’t bring myself to run the risk of being seen leaving a brothel or bringing a strange woman into my apartment. After my experience on Ganymede, I was also uncertain that I’d be able to perform in such circumstances. The humiliation of failure was just what I didn’t need. I remembered what Mike Sinha had told me about the sex robots that his company had developed, but even the most basic model was far too expensive for one with my limited means. Despite my growing need it was more than a year before I found a way out of my isolation and frustration.
Finally I decided to try looking for a partner through ‘cyberdating’ or ‘virtual speed dating’ as it’s sometimes called. This involves encounters with the holograms of men and woman who are seeking a companion of the same or opposite sex, which are limited to five minutes each. At the end of th
e process each participant selects three of the people they had just ‘met’ and ranks them in order of preference. If there is a match, contact details are provided to both parties and it is then up to them to decide if they want to meet. It was a chance to use the social skills I had honed as a young, single man and I thought that it would allow me to get a reasonable idea what my prospective partner was really like.
I selected a site called Cybermate, which described itself as ‘a place where single people over the age of thirty can meet others in similar circumstances’. The charges were modest and it was made clear that I didn’t have to actually meet any of the women if I didn’t want to. I duly signed up and made a credit transfer in the amount specified.
I logged in for my first session feeling the same tight knot in my stomach that I’d experienced on my first day at school. I was confronted by the hologram of an attractive woman with blonde hair who introduced herself as Silvania. I couldn’t help wishing that she was one of the cyberdates, but I reminded myself that she was just a computer-generated image.
“Hello Symon, welcome to Cybermate,” she said. “Tonight your cyberdates are Karina, Barbie, Samina, Rakel, Graziella, Candy and Cate. Remember, at the end of the session you must list your three preferred dates in order. If they pick you too, you could be going on a real date in the near future. Good luck.”
The image vanished and after a brief interval a slim woman with dark hair and large brown eyes appeared. “Hello,” she said, smiling in an encouraging way. “I’m Karina, what’s your name?”
“Symon,” I said and then I racked my brain for something appropriate to say.
Fortunately Karina came to my rescue. “You been on your own long?” she asked.
“More than a year,” I said. “I can’t say I’ve really got used to living alone.”
“My last partner left me last month. I suppose that makes me seem like I can’t be without a man for long; sad isn’t it?”
“Not at all; I would have liked to meet someone sooner, but I just didn’t know how to go about it. Were you married long?”
“Oh, I wasn’t married to him. I left my husband five years ago. I’ve had a few relationships since then, but nothing that lasted long.” Despite the obvious concern about her apparent inability to sustain a long-term relationship, I was pretty sure by the end of the encounter that Karina would be in my top three.
The others came and went: Barbie was overweight, Samina was a mousy little woman with an irritating laugh, Rakel was painfully thin, Graziella was a bore and Candy was wearing rather odd clothes. After Cate’s image had disappeared there was a pause during which I rated Karina and Cate one and two on my list. Reluctantly I added Barbie as number three.
Then Silvania reappeared. “Congratulations, Symon,” she said, “you have successfully matched with Karina. Her comms code is 897654390287650987. Thank you for allowing Cybermate to help you meet the woman of your dreams.”
I contacted Karina straight away and arranged to have dinner with her the following evening. I went to bed well pleased with my first foray into the world of cyberdating.
We had arranged to meet at a city centre restaurant at seven thirty. I arrived on time and took a seat on the side of the table that afforded a view of the entrance. I ordered a cocktail and waited. At ten to eight, I was beginning to think that I’d been stood up, but then I saw Karina in the doorway, dressed in tight-fitting trousers and a low cut top, and smiling in my direction.
The evening passed off well enough. I made only an occasional contribution to the conversation, but this didn’t matter because Karina launched into a lengthy monologue whenever the conversation faltered. By the end of the evening I knew all about her job, her family and her taste in music and films, but she knew very little about me. Before she climbed into a transit vehicle to go home, she invited me to lunch at her apartment the following Saturday. Then she kissed me on the cheek and was gone.
I looked forward to our next meeting and such was my eagerness that I arrived at her apartment early, clutching a bottle of wine. She invited me in and asked me to sit in her living room while she finished supervising the preparation of the meal. I don’t remember what we ate, but we did consume a bottle and half of wine, which kept the conversation flowing easily. Afterwards Karina suggested going for a walk and I readily agreed. Our route took us along one of the city’s walking tracks, a facility devised to encourage the generally sedentary population of New Rome to take exercise. We passed a number of other walkers on our way and I was pleased to note that some of the men gave Karina admiring glances.
Back at her apartment, she made a light meal and we watched a holo-film. By the end it was getting late, so I said that I should be making a move.
“You can stay if you want,” she said, in a matter-of-fact sort of way.
And so my period of enforced celibacy came to an end. Lying beside her afterwards in her small bedroom, I felt an enormous sense of relief. My performance, I realised, had been barely adequate but she had proved to be an active and imaginative partner. I remained awake for quite some time glowing with satisfaction long after the deep, rhythmic pattern of Karina’s breathing indicated that she was asleep.
The following week I arranged to meet Karina for a drink, but she didn’t show up. Her comms devices were set to answer with a ‘Karina unobtainable’ message when I called to try and find out what had happened to her.
The following morning I woke early and called her again. This time her face appeared on my screen. “Where were you last night?” I asked. “I waited for you for over an hour.”
“Sorry, sweetheart, something came up,” she replied without a trace of regret in her voice. “Do you want to come round to mine later? I’ll try and make it up to you.”
This was an offer I couldn’t refuse. Karina seemed pleased to see me when I arrived and gave me a glass of wine to drink while she finished off the dinner. After the meal she seemed to be in a reflective mood.
“I was talking to my friend Belsa at work today,” she said. “She’s a funny girl really; been out with quite a few men she met on Cybermate. She never sticks to any of them for long. I don’t know what her problem is. You know what she told me? She’s been having this thing with one of her neighbours. He’s about twenty years younger than her. They have an agreement. She doesn’t tell anyone they’re at it and she only goes round to his when he says it’s alright. It’s weird, but somehow I find the idea rather exciting. What do you think?”
“It seems odd to me,” I said. “Is she attractive?”
Karina shrugged. “She’s kept herself in good shape,” she said, “but she’s no beauty. Still, it’s not about looks is it really? It’s about chemistry. It’s the same with us. You’re not exactly handsome, but for some crazy reason I fancy you. Is it time for bed?”
I wouldn’t wish to imply that my relationship with Karina was only about sex. In fact we spent a lot of time talking together and I really enjoyed her company. A couple of months after we met we went on holiday together. On the first evening Karina suggested that we program the kitchen in our rented apartment to produce dinner so that we wouldn’t have to go out. After we’d finished eating we sat at the table with the remains of the wine, and I was suffused with the warm glow that follows good food consumed in ideal company. Karina, however, looked rather serious.
“I’ve never asked you this before,” she said, “but I can’t help wondering why you broke up with your wife. You strike me as an easy person to live with.”
“Thank you, my darling,” I said. “I could say the same about you.” There was an uneasy pause. I was conscious that Karina had been extremely forthcoming about her own marriage and its shortcomings. Clearly it was only right that I should offer some, at least superficial, account of my own. “To be honest, Meena and I just weren’t well suited,” I said. “I was aware of it from the beginning, but I thought we would grow
together in time. The folly of youth, I suppose.”
She frowned. “Symon, you were married a long time. Something must have happened to make you split up.”
“I stayed with her because of the children, I suppose.”
“You said they were still young when you separated.”
“I would have hung on until they were older, but… well… I had an affair.” I studied her face for a reaction.
She raised her eyebrows. “Wow! Who with?” she said.
“My cousin’s wife actually.”
“Surely not Marvin, the one you talk about so much?” I nodded ruefully. “I suppose that means I won’t be meeting him then.”
“Yes, Marvin. I’m afraid you’re unlikely to be making his acquaintance. We haven’t spoken for a long time.”
I must have looked worried because she continued, “It’s OK, love, I don’t mind. That’s all in the past now.” After a pause she added, “I hope you didn’t mind me asking. I was just curious really.”
“I don’t mind talking about it,” I said, although this wasn’t strictly true.
“I’ve got to say I’m surprised though,” she continued. “I had you down as the cautious type.”
“I am cautious by nature,” I said, “probably too cautious at times. My affair with Liv was the most reckless thing I’ve ever done.”
“How did it start?” I’d hoped that I wouldn’t have to go into any more detail, but clearly Karina’s interest had been aroused.
“Actually Marvin asked me to sleep with her to try and make her pregnant. They couldn’t have children, you see.”
She screwed up her face. “That’s a bit weird,” she said. “You mean to say that he asked you to sleep with her and then objected when you did?”
