by Robert Mills
“Not exactly; she got pregnant after our first time together, but she had a miscarriage. Marvin wanted to call it a day after that, but Liv wanted to carry on.”
“And you agreed?”
“Yes, she was so desperate to have a baby, I couldn’t say no. She threatened to find someone else to father her child. I know it was wrong, but I just couldn’t help myself.”
“She must’ve been very persuasive. Were you in love with her?” I nodded. “Are you still in love with her?”
“No, I got over her a long time ago.” As I said this there was a nagging doubt in the back of my mind. Was I really over Liv? I wasn’t sure.
“Did she get pregnant again?”
“She did in the end,” I said. “That’s when the truth came out and Meena gave me my marching orders.”
“So you’ve got another child then.”
“Yes.”
She looked serious. “You’ll be in trouble if they find out. You’re only supposed to have two.” I must have looked worried because she smiled and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”
That night as I was making love to Karina I caught myself thinking of Liv.
This early success seemed too good to be true and as it transpired it was. A couple of weeks after our holiday I called round at her apartment uninvited and was confronted by a large man who told me in no uncertain terms that my presence would not be welcome in the future. I left, fearing that if I didn’t he’d become violent. Later I called Karina and, slightly to my surprise, she answered. She was full of apologies but made it very clear that our relationship was over.
The following week I logged on to Cybermate, chastened but undeterred. Silvania welcomed me and gave me the names of my cyberdates for the evening. They were a less promising bunch than the ones I’d encountered on the previous occasion, but my flagging hopes were raised when the last woman on the list, who was named Zonda, appeared. However, my confidence was at such a low level that my first thought was she wouldn’t be interested in me. I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me a shy little smile.
“Have you been doing this sort of thing for long?” she asked, brushing a strand of hair off her face.
“This is only my second time,” I replied, trying to sound relaxed and confident.
“This is my first session,” she said. “I feel awkward talking to strangers, even when they aren’t really there.”
“I feel the same,” I said.
After her image had disappeared, I crossed my fingers tightly, hoping that Zonda would score me number one as well. In the event I didn’t match with any of the women and went to bed alone feeling dejected. I continued cyberdating for some time afterwards but never met anyone with whom I could have a long-term relationship.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Relations with Meena were far from amicable, but she grudgingly allowed me access to the children every other weekend. I found that I greatly enjoyed spending time with them away from their mother. Richmond had become a rather serious youth, with ambitions to follow his Uncle Tom into the law. Charlet was an engaging youngster who bore a considerable physical resemblance to her mother, but whose personality was more like my own.
The situation eased somewhat when Meena remarried. Her new partner was a successful businessman who had the wherewithal to keep her in the manner to which she’d always desired to become accustomed. My children clearly had reservations about their new stepfather, but their loyalty to their mother meant that they didn’t say too much about him to me. As always, Charlet was more forthcoming than her brother, describing my ex-wife’s husband as a ‘flashy bonker’ on one occasion. I reprimanded her for her choice of language, but couldn’t help smiling when I thought about her description of him. When eventually I did meet him briefly, I found myself agreeing with her assessment.
From time to time I had word of Marvin and Liv, sometimes from the children and sometimes from friends and acquaintances. Liv’s pregnancy proceeded without mishap and our son was named Graydon Marvin Piper. According to Charlet, he was a beautiful baby and grew into a delightful child. During the early part of my solitary bachelor existence, there had been no hint that anything was amiss in the Piper household and it looked as if my cousin and his family were to live happily ever after, but it was not to be.
It must have been almost four years after my departure from Piper and Shaw that their lives started to unravel, though for all I know the seeds of their downfall may have been sown much earlier. I first got wind of it one evening in late October. I’d left work a little later than usual and unexpectedly bumped into one of the technicians who had worked at Piper and Shaw when I was first a partner in the firm, a man in his late fifties called Mario Semprini. He was little more than a nodding acquaintance, but that evening he was clearly in a sociable mood and suggested we go for a drink. He said he knew a good place and led me to a nearby bar. It was one of the nondescript establishments that could be found all over the commercial districts of New Rome. I bought two beers and we settled ourselves at one of the tables.
Mario was a heavily built, balding man whose clothes suggested a lack of interest in his appearance. I’d been told that he lived with his mother in the north of the city and that he generally kept himself to himself. He eyed me over his glass. “You must be glad you got out when you did,” he said.
“Got out of what?”
“Your old company, haven’t you heard? They’ve gone bust.”
“I didn’t know,” I said.
Mario looked puzzled. “I thought Marvin Piper was your cousin.”
“He is, but we fell out. I don’t hear from him at all nowadays.”
My companion raised his eyebrows. “It wasn’t a surprise, mind you,” he continued. “The robot maintenance business has changed out of all recognition. There’s not much room for small companies anymore; the market’s been carved up by the big corporations, like the one where I work now.”
“Have you heard how Marvin’s getting on?” I asked.
“That’s how I know about the company going bust,” he said. “He called to ask if there were any openings at my place. One of the personnel managers asked me what I knew about him because he knew I’d worked for him in the past.”
“I see,” I said. “It’s not easy being an employee again when you’ve worked for yourself. It took me a long time to adjust.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve always been an employee.” He sat back and looked at the ceiling. “I’ve wondered what it would be like to run my own business, but I’ve never seriously considered it. It’s too late now anyway.”
We finished our drinks and went out into the gathering gloom. At the end of the street, we went our separate ways. As my transit vehicle slid smoothly along, I reflected on Marvin’s fall from grace. It seemed to me that he would take it harder than I had, as he was always the ambitious one while I was happy to be carried along on his coat tails.
Over the following months I heard snippets of information about Marvin. The company had gone into liquidation with considerable debts. Their apartment had been sold and Marvin, Liv and Graydon had moved into a small rented flat. Marvin was unemployed for a while but then he obtained a managerial post in a large robotics company. The view expressed by most of my informants was that Marvin would soon bounce back, as he was still only forty-seven and generally considered to be a resourceful businessman. I was inclined to agree with this view.
However, things were to get even worse for my cousin. I heard the news from Charlet when I met her for lunch one Saturday in early May. She was full of what she’d been doing at school when we first met but once we were settled in a small café she leaned forwards and dropping her voice said, “Have you heard about Uncle Marvin and Aunty Liv?”
“Heard what?” I asked, somewhat taken aback, but eager to hear what she had to say.
“They’re splitting up.�
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“Really? Do you know why?”
“No, not even Mum knows, or if she does she’s not letting on.”
My immediate thought was about what was to happen to my son. “What about Graydon?” I asked.
“He’s with Aunty, of course,” she said. “Uncle Marvin’s moved out. I don’t know where he is.”
“Has Aunty Liv been to see your mother?”
“Yes, she looked pretty awful, actually. Mum spoke to her on her own, so I don’t know what they said.”
I told her I was sorry to hear the news. I wanted to ask her to let me know everything she heard about Marvin and Liv, but felt that this might seem odd to her.
Although it had been a major struggle, I had succeeded in banishing Liv from my thoughts by then, but now she was back, haunting my waking hours as well as my dreams. At first I considered getting in touch with her, but this seemed to be fraught with danger. In any case I didn’t have her up-to-date comms code.
I often thought about Graydon as well, the child I’d never seen though I had a picture of him in my imagination. Once I nearly did get to meet him when he was in the care of my daughter Charlet, by then a responsible sixteen year old who was regularly employed as a babysitter by his mother. I’d been due to spend the afternoon with her and she had called to say that Liv had asked her if she could look after him for a couple of hours. My heart leapt at the prospect, but in the event Liv made other plans at the last minute, perhaps fearing that Charlet might bring him to me.
And then three years later I did meet him. I was shopping in a department store in one of New Rome’s many shopping malls when I saw Liv by a shelf that displayed toy spaceships. Beside her was a small boy; he must have been about seven by then, studying the toys with obvious interest. I knew at once it was him. He had Liv’s thick, dark hair and large grey eyes, but his facial features reminded me of Richmond at the same age.
At first I was rooted to the spot, though I wanted very much to go over and speak to them. With considerable effort I overcame my anxiety and walked uncertainly in their direction. Liv didn’t seem unduly surprised to see me and she greeted me with a breezy: “Hello Symon, fancy running into you.” She turned to the child. “This is Graydon. Say hello to your Uncle Symon, darling.” The child turned his head to look at me and said hello without enthusiasm. His attention returned to the display, allowing Liv and I to continue our conversation.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Oh, fine really,” she said. “I can’t complain. I expect you heard about the divorce. Life isn’t easy for me now, but I have Graydon and that’s the most important thing.”
“How do you manage? Do you go out to work?”
“I’ve managed to find some part-time work and Marvin supports us as best he can. He’s doing well in his new job. He’s up for promotion at the moment. He’s getting married again, had you heard?”
“No, I hadn’t heard,” I said. “Is it anyone I would know?”
“No, I don’t think so; I’m not even sure how they met. I haven’t been introduced to her myself, but I’m told she’s very nice.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth.
A faint, sad smile flickered across her face. “No, I’m happy on my own, I mean with Graydon,” she said. “We have a good time together, don’t we, darling?” She squeezed his shoulders but he wriggled to free himself with a grimace. He composed himself and took advantage of her attention.
“Mum, can I have this spaceship?” he asked. There was a calculated, pleading look in his large grey eyes.
“Oh, I don’t know, sweetheart,” she said, “it’s rather expensive.” He looked crest fallen, but appeared resigned to going without the object of his desire. Probably he was used to such disappointments, I thought.
“Liv, will you let me buy it for him? After all I am his uncle,” I said, but I substituted the word ‘father’ for ‘uncle’ in my mind.
“That’s very kind, Symon, but it is an awful lot of money.”
“It’s not that much; I’d really like to buy it for him.”
“Oh alright then, what do you say, Graydon?”
The boy brightened. “Thank you very much,” he said.
The purchase was made and I watched them leave the store. As they disappeared from view I felt an aching emptiness within. It struck me that Liv had seemed somehow different. Perhaps, I thought, she had become a softer, more open person as a result of her trials and tribulations. I felt my heart go out to her and I longed to do something to help her. And then there was Graydon, with his winning smile as he took the new toy in his hands. No parent’s heart could avoid being melted by the sight of such pleasure resulting from a small act of spontaneous generosity. There was no reason for me to deny myself the right to feel a void within because he was not and could not be with me.
I longed to see them again and for weeks afterwards I took advantage of any excuse to visit the same shopping mall at times when I thought Graydon would be out of school and able to go there with his mother. They never came again and I wondered whether Liv had wanted me to see him once to salve her conscience, but not to have the chance to get to know him better. I seriously considered finding out their address and going to visit them, but in the end decided against it. Partly it was because of my fear that Liv would reject me again, but also because I judged that it was better not to reopen old wounds.
Chapter Twenty-Six
About a year later I heard that Marvin had left his job and was helping to set up a new company with robot designers from the University of Europa. Their aim was to develop a new generation of multi-function domestic robots. It sounded a risky venture but I thought that with Marvin on their team they had a realistic chance of success.
When I learned that the company was hiring staff, I decided to visit their office. It wasn’t because I seriously expected them to offer me a new job, but simply an excuse to try and see Marvin so that I could talk to him. My current job was tedious but it provided me with secure employment, a big advantage in the uncertain times in which we were living.
The office was in a large block not far from the city centre and, when I reached the correct floor, I was confronted by a robot receptionist. I explained my business and was asked to take a seat. I was afraid that Marvin might not be in that morning or that he would send an assistant to speak to me but in fact he came out to greet me himself.
“Hello Marvin,” I said, “it’s good to see you again after all this time.”
“You’d better come in,” he said and led the way to his office. Once he had closed the door he said, “I’m sorry I don’t have much time this morning, what do you want?”
“I’d heard you were looking for staff for the new company and thought I’d enquire if you had a place for an office manager.”
“I really don’t think it would be a good idea for us to work together again,” he said coldly.
“No, I suppose not,” I said. “I just thought I’d ask.” He walked towards the door to show me out, so I added, “I hear you’ve married again, are you happy?”
He paused. “Oh yes, Carolla is a wonderfully supportive companion,” he said. “I rely on her a great deal.”
This seemed to me to be a less than ringing endorsement, but I decided not to pursue this line of questioning any further. I continued, “Marvin, you have every reason to blame me for the past, but I was wondering if, after all this time, we could be friends again. I’ve never had a friend like you and I could really do with your support right now. It would mean a great deal to me.”
He thought for a moment and then, turning to face me, he said, “I’d like to say yes, but I’m afraid I can’t. The wounds are too deep. This is very hard for me. I hope you can understand.”
“Of course I understand,” I said. “You have no idea how much I regret what h
appened and I know it was my fault. Can you at least forgive me?”
“Forgive you?” he said, frowning. “How can I forgive you for something like that? It’s hard to think of a more complete betrayal. No, no, if you’re seeking absolution, you’re speaking to the wrong person.”
“I see,” I said.
As I reached the door he said, “I can see now that Meena was wrong for you. I feel guilty that I encouraged you two to get together. It was done from the best of motives though.”
“I understand that. I never blamed you for suggesting I should marry Meena. I made that mistake all by myself.”
“Goodbye,” he said. I offered him my hand, but he wouldn’t shake it.
In the days following my meeting with Marvin I found myself thinking a great deal about my relationship with Liv and its aftermath. Seeing him again had brought it all to the surface once more. Over the years since then I had told myself repeatedly that my feelings for her had died, but I had to admit to myself that I still loved her.
One could take the view that the undoubted sexual chemistry between Liv and I was the inevitable solution to a biological equation and could therefore be viewed merely as a cruel twist of fate. But can we, by the denial of free will, escape our guilt? I rather doubt it. On the other hand it may simply be that we find the idea that we lead totally preordained lives so unattractive that we dismiss it out of hand. Many of the ‘what ifs’ of our lives are probably of our own invention and our so-called ‘crossroads’ are clearly signed ‘no right or left turn’. Nonetheless, accepting the notion that we need take no responsibility for our actions appears to me an act of moral cowardice.
After much thought I decided that the only way forward for me was to make a fresh start. I wasn’t sure what form this should take until I saw an advertisement for a management post on Callisto. My CV was less than impressive, but I was only sixty-one, so I still had a number of years of service to offer a new employer. When the colony on Europa was first established most people preferred to live and work on Callisto if they had the chance. However, by the time I sought employment there it was generally considered to be a less attractive place to live than Europa and this counted in my favour. At any rate, the Jovian Ammonia Corporation took me on to work in their head office in Callisto City. Ammonia was, and still is, a vital part of the Callistan economy. Food is grown in huge greenhouse-like structures, using a hydroponic system, and large amounts of fertiliser are required to achieve this. My new employers provided me with a free passage to my new home so I packed my few belongings and booked my flight.
