An Ocean Between Us

by Rachel Quinn

‘Italy,’ Niall said. ‘Right.’

  ‘Never mind all that,’ the fourth soldier said. ‘Does anyone fancy an hour of cards before bed?’

  They all did, although Niall needed a little persuasion.

  Chapter 3

  For the next few days Aileen felt an inch taller. At least, she would have done if it weren’t for her bad ankle. And before long that was as right as Leetown rain. The soldier had been right. She remembered his name – Niall – but there was no missing him, only a breaking awareness of just how enjoyable life could be once she was away from the stifling blanket of her family. Niall was a just a soldier boy, one of many men. Whatever anyone told her, she would take her time and pick and choose. Of course, Mammy was quite sure she wanted Aileen to marry a Wicklow man. She’d said so. But she’d probably also said the same thing to Alannah, and she was half a world away on the other side of the country. So, Mammy was good, Mammy was helpful, but she was also happy to let her children make their own decisions. Daddy, on the other hand . . . Well, Aileen didn’t even dare consider telling him that she had her own ideas about what sort of a man she wanted to marry.

  One day when Aileen was fully recovered, the whole family had walked a mile and a half to the local peat bogs, spent an hour cutting out blocks and loading them on to a borrowed cart, and were now getting a borrowed donkey to bring the cart back to the cottage.

  Aileen’s father led the donkey, with her mother close by. Her brothers were walking on one side of the cart, she and Briana on the other.

  ‘We should go in the sea when we get back,’ Briana said to Aileen as they walked alongside. Aileen looked at her curiously. ‘To wash off the dirt and sweat,’ Briana added.

  Aileen looked at the palms of her hands. ‘Sure, I’m not that dirty.’

  ‘I still think we should,’ Briana said, a little more slowly and firmly.

  Aileen was about to disagree because she knew the sea was freezing cold even in summer, but something was wrong. Aileen knew her sister, and she especially knew that look she was giving her.

  ‘Ah, sure then,’ she said, immediately noticing how relieved Briana looked.

  When they got home they all helped load the blocks of peat into the store just outside the cottage door, and Daddy told his sons to return the donkey and cart to the McCoys at the far end of the village. Briana and Aileen said they were going to wash in the sea and left.

  ‘I had to get you on your own,’ Briana said as they crossed the road and stepped on to the grass verge.

  ‘How so?’

  Briana glanced back. ‘Let’s wait till we get down to the sea.’

  They left their shoes on the grassy verge and headed for the water. A cool breeze made them shiver slightly, in contrast to the stillness of the peat bogs, where a breeze would have been welcome. But they padded along, doing their best to zigzag through the sandy stretches and avoid the sharp shingle.

  ‘C’mon and tell me the big secret,’ Aileen said.

  They stopped just before the line of the tide.

  ‘Yer man was asking after you.’

  ‘What man?’

  ‘Aileen Sweeney, you can stop that right now.’ She wagged a finger at Aileen’s face. ‘I can see by the way you tilt your head and look all coy, you know exactly what man I mean.’

  ‘You mean that soldier fellow? Sure, I’ve forgotten all about him.’

  Briana folded her arms. ‘So what was his name then?’

  ‘Ah . . . I’m not sure. I think it might have been Niall.’

  ‘Right, well, the man who might have been Niall but you’re not sure, well, he crept up behind me when I was coming back from the well this morning. Said something a little too bold for my liking, so he did.’

  Aileen’s face dropped a little, her nostrils twitched. ‘He did what?’

  ‘Ah, calm down. Sure, he thought I was you. As soon as I turned around he apologized, said he’d been waiting around the corner from the cottage, waiting for you, and had forgotten how alike we looked.’

  ‘Ah, right.’

  ‘He said I’ve to ask you whether you’ll meet up with him again.’

  ‘I might.’

  ‘You might ? But . . .’

  As Briana hesitated, Aileen broke into a gallop and headed into the sea. A piercing scream came from her as she quickly went in deeper, eventually stopping where water splashed around her knees. She rubbed her hands together in the water then looked up. A seagull banked on the breeze and seemed to squawk at her. She shouted back at it, ‘Holy Mother of God, tis cold!’ and started splashing the water on to her head and neck, wiping away the sweat and dirt.

  Briana appeared at her side and started washing too, preferring a whoop to protest against the chill leaching the very life from her flesh. ‘Aileen will be Aileen!’ she shouted.

  Thirty seconds later, both girls ran back up the beach, shaking their arms in a futile attempt to dry them off. They stopped by their shoes and took a minute to wipe the excess water off their skin. Briana stood behind Aileen, wound her hair into a rope and gently squeezed the tangled mass, letting the water drip between them. Aileen was doing the same to Briana’s hair when Briana spoke.

  ‘So,’ she said.

  ‘So what?’

  ‘So, he wants to see you again.’

  ‘Oh, he does, does he?’

  ‘He does. Today. Ow!’

  Aileen turned her sister around to face her. ‘What did you say?’

  ‘That hurt, Aileen.’

  ‘Never mind your hair, what about Niall?’

  ‘Haven’t I been trying to explain? I told him you weren’t interested in seeing him again, but he said he’d wait for us by the bridge at midday regardless.’

  ‘And . . . when’s that?’

  They both stared up at the sun, high in the sky.

  ‘Oh heck,’ Aileen said. She opened her arms wide, displaying her sodden dress and salty, matted hair. ‘Look at me, I’m a mess.’

  ‘I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.’

  Aileen started to run, leaving Briana to pick up the shoes and chase her across the grass verge, over the road and into the cottage.

  Their mother, busy peeling potatoes, froze for a second and watched them bolt inside and run to the fire. ‘What in the name of all that’s holy is going on here?’ she sang.

  ‘I have to go out, Mammy,’ Aileen said.

  ‘We both do,’ Briana added quickly. ‘We’ve . . . we’ve arranged to meet a few friends from the village and . . . ah . . . we forgot with all the turf-cutting and things.’

  Their mother gave them each a puzzled look, then slowly returned to peeling.

  ‘Mammy, do I have a clean dress?’ Aileen said.

  ‘You need a clean dress just to see a few friends?’

  Aileen didn’t know how to answer that, and her mother continued before she got the chance.

  ‘No matter. You could take a look in the press.’

  Aileen jumped up and went into the bedroom, to the closet she shared with the other four – although Aileen and Briana used most of the space. She heard mumbling from her mother and sister, but didn’t care to worry about that.

  Twenty minutes later, wearing a clean dress and with her hair brushed as best she could – well, as best Briana could – with a brief slap of face powder and a swipe of lipstick, Aileen headed for the bridge, Briana in tow.

  ‘Do you think Mammy suspects?’ she said to Briana.

  Briana giggled. ‘Suspects? D’you think she’s daft? As soon as you went to the press she whispered, “Is it a boy?” to me.’

  Aileen stopped. ‘And what did you say?’

  ‘Relax, Aileen. It’s nothing to worry about. I told her it was a man, not a boy, and she told me to look after you.’

  ‘Ah, right.’

  ‘And don’t say it like that. You know I would anyway. And remember, you’re after telling me how you’re not really interested in this Niall fellow, but when it comes to actually meeting him – oh well, the
n you go off like a crazy thing and fret about how you look and your wet dress and your hair . . . and . . . are you laughing at me, Aileen? Why are you laughing?’

  Aileen’s twitching lips gave way to a loose shriek.

  ‘What is it now? What did I say?’

  ‘Ah, Briana, you’re like an old mother hen, so y’are.’

  They started walking again, Aileen taking long, leisurely strides, a red-faced Briana almost strutting to keep up.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Aileen said as they approached the corner toward the end of the village. ‘I know you’re only trying to look after me.’

  ‘I am. And while I’m being mother hen, don’t agree to meet him again straight away.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Turn him down at first.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because good girls keep them waiting a little.’

  Before Aileen had a chance to reply, the footbridge came into view, and they saw a figure leaning against the handrail.

  Aileen’s pace quickened. ‘Do you have to stay with us?’ she said. ‘Sure, you could go home. I’ll be all right on my own.’

  Briana shook her head. ‘Tis the way. I can’t be leaving the two of you alone – not until yer man’s met Daddy and Daddy says he’s good enough to be courting you.’

  ‘Right. So, just be quiet and pretend you aren’t here.’

  A few seconds later Niall stepped away from the handrail, one hand holding his cap, the other flattening down his dense, black hair.

  ‘So you came,’ he said as Aileen approached.

  Aileen waited until she was closer before saying, ‘I thought I might,’ and swaying her shoulders a little. She looked at the sky. ‘Tis drying and I have nothing else on today.’ She heard Briana tut but didn’t react.

  Niall stepped forward and gave Aileen a kiss on the cheek. ‘And one for the lovely chaperone too,’ he said, doing likewise to Briana.

  ‘Let’s go for a walk on the strand,’ Aileen said.

  They crossed the bridge and started walking slowly along the beach, Niall and Aileen sticking close, her shoulder occasionally touching his arm, while Briana stayed a few yards further out.

  ‘So, tell me about your family,’ Niall said. ‘Apart from the lovely Briana here.’

  Aileen told him about the ones who had flown the nest, the ones who probably should have flown the nest by now, herself and young Frank, and finally the ones who owned the nest.

  ‘So, what’s your da like?’ Niall said.

  ‘You’re wanting to meet him?’

  ‘I might. Depends how yerself behaves.’ He grinned.

  ‘And what about you? No sisters, only brothers, isn’t that it?’

  His grin fell away, replaced by a hint of sourness. ‘Didn’t I tell you? I’m an only child.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Tis very unusual, I know. My da, he . . . ah . . . he died while Ma was with child.’

  ‘You mean, expecting you?’

  He started laughing again. ‘Ah, that’ll be a yes to that one.’

  ‘Sure, I’m embarrassed now. You’ve embarrassed me. I’m going all blushed. Am I going all blushed?’ She covered her face with a hand for a moment. ‘I’m sorry. You’re an only child and your mother was with child and . . . yes, of course. Sorry for being such an eejit. I’m not always like that.’

  ‘I’m sure you’re not.’

  ‘And I’m sorry about your father. What happened to him?’

  ‘Oh, he was a soldier – got killed fighting in the war.’

  ‘Aach, that’s terrible.’

  ‘Sure twas, but I’m grand now.’

  ‘You must miss him.’

  Niall turned to Briana. ‘Sure, your sister’s on top form today, isn’t she?’

  ‘Ah, no,’ Aileen said. ‘I see that you never met him, but you can still miss a person you’ve never met.’

  He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Now, you’re either wriggling your way out of that one or you’re a very deep person.’

  ‘Deep?’

  ‘Complicated.’

  Aileen thought for a moment then nodded. ‘I think I like that. Sure, who wants to be plain and simple? There’s no point in being just the same as all the others. Complicated I’ll take as flattery – as if you’ll be wanting to court me.’

  He stopped walking for a moment to look her up and down. ‘Mmm . . . sure, I fancy giving you a chance, all right.’

  She tilted her head to one side. ‘A regular charmer, so y’are. But I might not even want to give you a chance.’

  ‘Tis up to you if you want to miss out.’

  ‘Ha? Me miss out? Now you’re flattering yourself, mister soldier boy. I have so many admirers I can’t count them all.’

  ‘So, would you like me to court you?’

  ‘Ah, no. Tis up to you to ask me properly. Tis the way things are.’

  Niall took her hand, lifted it up as if it were a delicate work of art, and kissed it. ‘Yes,’ he said, his face now taking on a straight and solemn expression. ‘I’d like to court you, and yes, I’d like to do it properly, so I need to meet your da.’

  The gesture caught Aileen off guard. Here she was, trying to be casual and full of good humour, and he sprang something just a little too serious. Meeting Daddy? Really? Of course, despite the jokes, she wanted to be courted by Niall, but in the back of her mind there was a darker feeling – a fear. Of what she wasn’t sure, but Daddy could be very harsh when he wanted to be. And then there was Briana’s advice to turn him down the first time. She didn’t want to do that. Briana could take her own advice.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said eventually. ‘I’m not sure.’

  Niall frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’ He turned his back on Briana and stepped up close to Aileen, so close that for a fleeting moment the smell of his sweat and the starch of his uniform overpowered the fresh sea air. It didn’t make sense, but somehow Aileen liked the smell. He hooked his head back to check Briana was some distance away. ‘Leave the jokes, Aileen,’ Niall said in a rasping whisper. ‘I don’t know what it is, and I could be wrong, but I think you’re lovely. Sure, you’re a real beauty, but—’

  Aileen filled his pause with a thank you, aware that her voice was wavering, almost warbling, as she felt weak, but also enthused, her head fizzing with excitement but her mouth shy.

  ‘—but there’s something else,’ he continued. ‘You’re different. I mean, in a good way. We have a good laugh, we get on like good friends. And I’d like to meet you again – meet you alone. I can take care of you, best behaviour and everything. What do you say?’

  Aileen gulped. It was serious – at that precise moment it was strangely more serious than anything she’d ever known. This was no longer about having a laugh and a joke, she was being taken seriously as a woman. It felt good, uplifting even – as though her body was about to float off the very sand she stood on. Either that or she was about to faint.

  The only reason she didn’t was probably Briana suddenly shouting, ‘What are the two of yez whispering about?’ from further down the beach, which startled her.

  Or it could have been Niall’s warm smile and honest eyes set in that jet-black frame of hair, or even his hand, quietly strong as it had crept unnoticed around her torso, pulling her closer as they walked on.

  ‘Could I give you a kiss?’ he said.

  She felt the flesh on her face glow warm. ‘Of course not,’ she heard herself say. ‘I hardly know you.’ Then she realized it was said more by instinctive reaction than any conscious wish. It was too early. Good girls left them waiting a little.

  ‘That’s a shame,’ he said, disappointed but covering himself with another one of those winks in her direction.

  Aileen stopped walking, faced him directly, and saw it again: a kindness in his eyes, a depth to his smile she hadn’t seen in anyone before. ‘Ah, go on then,’ she said.

  Good girl or not, what was the harm?

  He took a step closer to her, closer than any man had eve
r been since she used to fight with her brothers – brothers who had only been boys at the time. He raised a hand and she felt the back of his fingers brush against her cheekbone. She had to force a dry swallow and realized her smile had vanished, replaced by a fear that she felt invigorating – a fear of want, a fear of the new. She sensed his forefinger circle the skin on the side of her neck and drift around to the nape. The tender fledgling hairs on the back of her neck bristled with a rare pleasure as he ran his fingertips lightly over them. Then she felt his firm hold, gently pulling her toward him, guiding her lips toward his. The kiss warmed her lips, but moreover sent a tremor throughout her body, weakening it, making her limbs go limp.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he said.

  Her tongue flicked out and licked her lips, tasting where his kiss had been. She needed a couple of breaths before speaking. ‘Grand,’ she said in a broken, fluttering voice.

  ‘Grand,’ he repeated, his eyes lingering on her face. ‘Now, could I ask your da permission to court you?’

  That was twice he’d asked. It seemed impolite to put him off again, and heck, she didn’t want to. And if she wanted to be courted there was no choice in the matter – Daddy would have to approve. It was the way. Briana and everyone else had told her so.

  ‘We’ll see,’ she said.

  ‘Oh,’ he said quietly. ‘But I thought . . .’

  ‘I said, we’ll see.’ And while his puppy-dog eyes were fixed on her face, she winked at him. It was instinctive, bold, and something Mammy would have been shocked to see.

  Niall’s head rolled back a fraction. ‘Ah . . . I see.’ He nodded between laughs. ‘Do you have a wee problem with your eye there?’

  ‘Perhaps I have. It’s such a bad habit. I can’t think where I picked it up from.’

  Niall’s laughter deepened.

  An hour later, in the neighbouring county of Kildare, Niall took the truck back to the compound at the Curragh Camp and headed back to the barracks. At first he ambled, hands in pockets. There were a few greetings from fellow soldiers, including one or two knowing winks. He drew his hands from his pockets, took a few stiff breaths, and in the space of a few steps his amble turned to a confident stride past the canteen toward his dormitory.