Necromancer's Dating Service (Magis Luminare Book 1)

by J M Thomas

  He laughed again, downing his second shot of the whiskey. “I believe we ‘ave a relic on our ‘ands.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked with a grin of my own, sneaking the last fry from the tray.

  Aeron pointed his index finger in my direction around his glass’s rim. “You, when you’re not finkin’ about it, ‘ave a whiff of the country about you.”

  “How’d you figure that?” I tried to hide behind my food. It didn’t work.

  He wagged the finger again. “‘At’s bait.”

  I wagged one of my own back at him. “And you have a whiff of London about you, sir, until you want no one to understand you. Then you reek of it.”

  Aeron threw his head back and laughed. “I was right! I should ‘ave seen you coming.” His guffaw trailed off, the heavy rain’s drumroll of thick droplets pounding the window in a dangerous, natural song. The wind blew great swaths of liquid across the glass like someone had tossed a bucket full of rainwater at the panes. The sound washed my mind clean.

  The warmth of the liquor spread across my limbs, weighing down my eyelids. Scenes from the day replayed through my head. I was barely conscious of Aeron moving around behind me, of our glasses being set in the sink, of him returning to his chair and breathing deeply. I registered that those things were happening, but they held no significance.

  I relaxed like I hadn’t in months. As soon as I realized this stranger intended me no harm, I noticed he had a protective streak hidden under barbed glares and wide-eyed silences. He’d better watch it, because folks would figure that out and use it against him.

  Tonight, I enjoyed it with the deep satisfaction that I wasn’t the only one on guard against the darkness. I was safe in this most meagre of castles with a scarred ruffian for a fellow guard. I’d been the only watchman on the walls for too long.

  The storm outside couldn’t harm me, the worries of the job couldn’t touch my weary mind. Tomorrow’s work would bring its own problems.

  But tonight… tonight, within the stillness and safety of these walls, I could finally sleep.

  Chapter 10 – They Look

  I awoke to a rhythmic buzzing followed by Aeron’s “Oh, shit.”

  As I registered where I was, morning light streamed through the tiny window, the blinds muting the rays before they could penetrate the room. Aeron rose from where he’d somehow managed to sleep curled up on his side in the chair. He stretched out, his back popping with the movement.

  “Good morning,” I said with a groggy smile.

  “Yeah.” He fixed me with a frown, as if he didn’t quite recollect what I was doing here. Shaking his head, he woodenly hobbled off to the restroom and shut the door behind him. The shower creaked and groaned before the hissing drumroll of water sounded through the thin walls.

  Only then did I register that I desperately needed to use the restroom. Since there was only one bathroom and he was currently in it, I wasn’t about to interrupt. There was nothing to be done but wait and maybe do something to pass the time.

  Not washing dishes—there was enough running water happening at once for my bladder. I tidied the coffee table, taking papers to the kitchen table to add to Aeron’s pile, reshelving books, and wiping up crumbs.

  Thoroughly pleased with myself, I dusted the blinds with a damp wash rag before raising them. I’d wiped the small window mostly clean as well when Aeron finally returned from the bathroom. He wore a clean pair of faded jeans and a stretchy, sea green athletic tank the same brand as the one from yesterday.

  It was a good look. I glanced around at my tidying up, waiting for him to register that something had changed.

  Aeron squinted at the light streaming into his living room, seeming to register the window’s existence for the first time at that moment. I couldn’t wait for him to wake up enough to register that it'd been cleaned. He’d have a heart attack. But first, I had business to attend to.

  He wasted no time taking charge once I got back from my turn in the restroom. “We best be gettin’ a move on, since the shop opens at nine, and we need to be cleared out ’fore all ‘at… what’s this, then?”

  He took three steps to clear the distance between himself and me, snatching up my finger. It throbbed as he put pressure on it.

  Since I’d expected his outburst to be about the state of the room, I jumped a little at his sudden, quick stride right at me. After a second’s confusion, I relaxed a bit. “Oh, I stabbed it with my pet cactus by mistake, being a clutz.” I examined the swollen, bright red spot. It really should’ve healed up by now if it was going to on its own. “I’ll pick up some antibacterial cream to put on it.”

  “Pet… cactus. You were petting a cactus.” He blinked a couple times, as if it was far too early in the morning for him to connect the dots. “I’d like to meet this cactus.”

  It was clearly far too early in the morning for me, too. Since nothing was making sense anyway, I went along with his sad attempt at a joke. “I mean… we can swing by the office, and I can bring him out. Actually, if you want, you can have him. I got him because his former owner didn’t have a window in his office.” I frowned. “As it turns out, neither do I.”

  “I can promise not to drown ‘im.” Aeron pulled on his shoes and jacket, before eyeing the coffee table. He squinted, then cocked his head.

  Yeah, apparently it’s too early for absurd things, like the coffee table being clean or Aeron cracking dry jokes. I smiled a little to myself, trotting out to my car to get my makeup and crap so I could look presentable at the office.

  When I opened the car door, it hit me that no one at the office would care if I went the extra mile to look my best. Well, I suppose I’ll be doing it for myself, then, I thought with a sassy smile as I headed back to the apartment to claim my few minutes in front of the tiny mirror.

  We grabbed some fast food on the way to our first stop. Apparently, Aeron had a connection at Wachenta’s only magical enchantment shop. Aeron insisted on getting his own food, though he’d supplied mine last night.

  “But it’ll make us even!” I protested. “I hate owing people one; let me get it!”

  He fixed me with one of his withering glares. “I will say this one time. If a bloke does somefing from the kindness of ‘is ‘eart, ‘at’s on ‘im. You shared your car with me, ‘elped around my place, and ‘at’s the kindness of your ‘eart, innit? Let’s not keep score between us.” His gaze softened, a hint of a smile tweaking the corner of his lip. “Besides, I’m not that good at maths.”

  I couldn’t help but grin, until I saw the name of the shop on his phone’s map. Betwixt, the curiosity shop of horrors, home site of my worst date of all time. “I am not going in there.”

  “Why not?”

  I veered into the slow lane to let another driver pass. “Because the owner is a creeper.”

  “You been there before?” Aeron raised an eyebrow.

  “A date brought me there. Apparently, he was trying to exchange me to the shop owner for some kind of death potion. He went to jail.” I shuddered at the memory. “The owner... detained me in the store, and I had to give a report to the police afterward. It was a whole mess.”

  Aeron grunted quizzically as he took in my words. Then, his expression slowly grew into a grin that betrayed him into a laugh.

  “What?” My thumb tapped an impatient rhythm against the steering wheel. “What’s so funny?”

  He let out another laugh. “I can’t believe I missed that shit. The look on ‘is face!” Aeron’s thick shoulders shook as he chuckled and gasped for air. He sobered at my apparent tension. “Look, it’s not like I don’t believe you, orright? ‘Cause I do.” He shook his head as he laughed again. “‘E gave you the collywobbles, probably caught you in ‘is magic carpet trick.”

  He barely got the words out around his snickering. “But I’ve got business in ‘at shop, wiv ‘at bloke, and I’ll get to the bottom of it. You can come along, and I won’t let any ‘arm come to you. Maybe he can help with yo
ur little website.”

  I pulled up in the farthest parking space from the door, weighing my options as Aeron got out and left me to my decision. “Fine,” I said to nobody in particular, then I grabbed my hoodie from the trunk.

  Donning it and throwing the hood as far over my face as it’d go, I followed him inside. Keeping my head down and most of me covered by the shelves, I pretended to browse. This time, I didn’t touch anything. That was one lesson learned.

  “Lyons!” The shop owner greeted Aeron with his lean arms flung out, his easy grin spreading just as wide. “How’s the prowling? Good for your pride?”

  “This bloke’s jokes, ain’t ‘e?” Aeron laughed and embraced the tall, lanky man, exchanging a cheek kiss in greeting. “I ran into a bit of your ‘andiwork the ovver day, one of your callin’ flutes, at Ormsby’s place and fought I might pop round.”

  “Oh yes, how is she? You know, I called that one the Pied Pipe, and it works better than any other calling devices on the market!” He shook his head. “Too bad I’m sold out at the moment, though.”

  “Aww, I fink she’ll be orright.” Aeron gave a squint. “Did she ‘appen to tell you what she wanted it for when she picked it up?”

  The shop owner seemed to cool a little at the question, sliding back around the other side of the checkout counter. “As a matter of fact, she didn’t. Why do you ask?”

  “Oh, no reason.” Aeron leaned his elbow on the counter as if looking for gossip. “I also ‘eard tale you ‘ad some unusual business in ‘ere a while back, involvin’ a beautiful young woman.”

  Beautiful? I nearly choked, barely able to keep my head from popping up and giving myself away.

  “Yes!” The shop owner’s dark eyes twinkled with his excitement at the prospect of telling his story. “She’s a true blind! I’ve been looking everywhere for her, but I don’t know her name. It’s one of those things you dream of, but never expect to happen to you.” His hand flew to his forehead dramatically. “I have my own Cinderella mystery, but with no glass slipper!”

  “You’re pullin’ my leg. There’s no way, mate!” Aeron leaned his elbows on the counter with keen interest.

  “What, you think I’d say something like that without testing it? Oh no, the fact that she casually walked right up to my warding seal and tickled it on the back wasn’t enough!” He pantomimed my action from that day as if this was some grand play he’d witnessed on Broadway, not me idly browsing in a shop.

  Aeron’s slow straightening wasn’t lost on the man. He got quiet with alarming quickness.

  “You drew blood.” Aeron’s voice suddenly held a dangerous, cold matter-of-factness.

  “Just a nick, Lyons. A little ‘whoops, sorry!’ And caught it with the cloth.” He spread his hands in what was probably meant to be an innocent gesture, though Aeron clearly wasn’t buying it. “I didn’t go violating the directive; calm yourself before you come over the counter.”

  Aeron’s voice lowered to a growl. “I don’t give a fuck about your directive, Fleming. But you get one look at ‘er, and decide what she needs is slicin’ up, that’s some watchlin’ bullshit...”

  “Oh, don’t be dramatic, Lyons. The color doesn’t suit you.” Just like that, his smile was back on. “But that sea green, on the other hand... “ He clicked his tongue. “Nice. Brings out your eyes.”

  Aeron hadn’t backed down, but his shoulders did relax. “Distract all you want, ‘Ugo. I fink you owe this girl an apology.”

  “Of course I do!” He sprang up on his toes. “She dashed out before I could beg her forgiveness. I could hardly sleep for days wishing for the chance to apologize. But you wouldn’t believe it, Lyons! That one drop powered my entire defense fence for weeks!”

  Aeron let the silence fall between them for a few awkward seconds. “And what would you say if I ‘appened to ‘ave met this person?”

  “You’re kidding me!” Fleming rose to his full height. “Aeron… please tell me you’re not kidding me right now…”

  I took that moment to step up and lower my hood. “Apology accepted this once. But I still don’t trust you.”

  “Of course you don’t, dear!” Fleming held out his hands toward me, then cupped his face between them as if he was afraid his cheeks would melt and slide right off his skull. “Lyons! You found her!”

  “She’s interviewing necros to design a dating website or some such tripe.” Aeron waved his hand dismissively, but the twinkle in his eyes told me he was enjoying the dumbfounded expressions on Fleming’s face. “Well, gwan then, you owe the lady.”

  Hugo leaned both his elbows on the checkout desk between us. “What would you like to know, dear? Anything. I’ll give you my deepest, darkest secrets!”

  I didn’t want to know his deepest, darkest secrets. In fact, I barely wanted to forgive him at all. But, if I was going to get his words in my notebook for my design ideas, this was my chance.

  I squinted at him, trying desperately to recall what was on my list of questions. I finally gave up and pulled my notebook out to go down the list. “Hugo, right? What is it that you do, exactly?” Calm it, Celeste. Data now, feelings later. You didn’t ask anyone else with that tone.

  If he picked up on my rawness, he didn’t indicate that it bothered him in the least. In fact, Hugo’s enthusiasm only seemed to ramp up with an opportunity to talk to me. “I run this shop! There’s always something new to inspire me, and all kinds of people come through my doors!”

  He gestured at the shelves, stuffed to bursting with merchandise. “I also enchant items that might be of use and sell them to those with need and ability. I keep a few things on hand and do custom work as well.”

  Hugo seemed to remember something, his whole face lighting up. “Oh! I wanted you to have this!” He picked up a pair of tongs from a pencil holder. There were no pencils in it, but a feather pen and a few colored markers spilled out onto the counter. “Wait here, please.”

  He returned with the same seal I’d looked at the first time I’d come to this shop, placing it in my hands with tremendous flair and a deep bow. There was an odd look on his face, and Aeron’s had gone a wrong shade of ashen as I turned the beautiful figure over and over. It was still just as beautiful as I remembered, with the spots across its back that gave it charm and character.

  “We got off on the left foot, and I am terribly, abhorrently sorry!” Hugo clasped my free hand in his and pumped it enthusiastically. “My name is Hugo Fleming.”

  “I’m Celeste.” I kept the last name off, remembering that he’d been trying to locate me since the last time. Being found, for whatever purpose, didn’t sound terribly appealing to me.

  “Ah! A splendid, beautiful name. Wise that you didn’t share the rest of it.” Hugo released me to clap his hands. “I see you’ve picked up a thing or two already. Clever girl!”

  His compliments weren’t buttering me up any more than they were Aeron, but his warmth and excitement were so genuine they were contagious. Hugo believed in the full intensity of how true they were, and that I could accept. “I’m working on a dating service specifically for necromancers. Do you have any ideas as to how we could serve the community?”

  “Community?” Apparently, this was immensely funny, as both Aeron and Hugo looked at each other and burst into laughter.

  “My dear, there isn’t much in the way of community in this business.” Hugo snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up. “Ooh! A brilliant thought just came to me! One could simply hold up their phone and swipe right if you dig, swipe left to bury!” His grin went unanswered. “Get it? Dig? Bury?” He let his hands drop from holding an imaginary phone in the air, deflating in mock defeat.

  “Boo, hiss.” Aeron couldn’t quite wipe the smile off his face as his elbow rested on the counter.

  Hugo gave a cheeky smile. “Call it ‘all’s fair in love and death!’ Oh, I could do this all day. What fun! What other questions do you have for me?” He plopped his hand on the counter in eager anticipation of more banter.
>
  “Shop proper’s about to open,” Aeron reminded. “We can’t do this all day.”

  “Let me think about it,” I replied, still not sure how much of what I was planning to do with the server I was ready to reveal to this guy. “If I have any other questions, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

  “‘E’ll be right chuffed. Come along, Lessie,” Aeron offered, steering me toward the door, signaling that we were done, even if I wasn’t finished with my list. To Hugo, he casually added, “You wouldn’t ‘appen to ‘ave digits for ol’ Schmitty, would you?”

  Hugo’s eyebrows shot into his forehead. “That’s quite a request, especially from someone who doesn’t ask boons.”

  Aeron shrugged, raising both palms in a “what can you do” gesture. “Gotta get the lady ‘er necros.”

  Hugo’s eyebrows lowered, his words slow. “I could detain you both, pending guild confirmation that you haven’t practiced, Lyons. Don’t even try it.”

  Aeron’s smile froze. “And I promised the lady no ‘arm would come to ‘er. That I would see to it personally.” He spread his fingertips on the table. “Do you ‘ave the number, or not?”

  Without taking his eyes off Aeron for a second, Hugo wrote out a number from memory. “Consider this my debt paid.”

  “I don’t do debts, eivver,” Aeron said, coolly. “But I’ll accept this and offer my fanks.” He gave a slight bow, tucking the paper into his pocket. “Until next time.”

  A thought occurred to me as I turned the little figurine in my hand. “Thanks for the seal!” I said, waving it in the air.

  As I half-expected, Hugo shied back from the object. Aeron ducked as if I’d swung a lit firecracker. That confirmed my suspicions—they were definitely afraid of what it would do if it touched them. I had to decide if I’d give Aeron a little tap with it sometime, just to see what was up.