Always

by Sophie Lark

  “Honestly,” he said more quietly. “He’s in decline. The doctor said they’ll continue to adjust his medication and monitor him, but all they can do is slow the progression of the liver damage. The end result is...unavoidable.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Anika said. “I know how powerless it makes you feel.” She was remembering her mother’s illness, how anything she tried to bring for her—books, ginger candies, a new heating pad—only seemed to bring relief for perhaps an hour. The only thing that could help in any lasting way were drugs, drugs that made her mother unable to speak or even look at Anika.

  “Do you want me to come down?” Anika asked.

  “No,” Marco said. “Thanks for offering, but we’re almost done here. I’m going to drive my father home. I’m disappointed about dinner. I really needed some time with you after the week I’ve been having.”

  “I’ll see you Saturday, though,” Anika said.

  “Thank god for that.”

  It was almost two hour’s drive to the trailhead. Hannah had wanted them all to drive up together, but since Gwen and Blaine were coming as well, nobody had a car big enough to fit everyone.

  Marco said he was glad they’d have a little time just the two of the, before they met up with the others. And he was always interested to drive somewhere new outside the city.

  “I can never believe how big it is here,” he said. “You drive two hours and you’re not even out of the state. In Europe, you’d be in an entirely new country.”

  “America is like fifty countries, really,” Anika said. “Alabama and Oregon are probably as dissimilar as Italy and Germany.”

  “Or Hawaii and Utah,” Marco said.

  “Or Texas and Rhode Island,” Anika laughed.

  They amused themselves in this manner as they passed out of the city, trying to think of the most ridiculous pairings of states.

  “Fratelli strani,” Marco said. “That’s what we would call the states. Strange brothers.”

  “Or sisters,” Anika said, teasingly.

  “Strane sorelle, then,” Marco said. “We need to work on your Italian so you can come back with me when I go to see my mother next.”

  “You want me to meet your mother?” Anika said.

  “Of course! And my cousins. They’d love you. Maybe a little too much. The boys are a pack of hyenas. I’ll introduce you to the girls instead, Guilia and Chiara. Guilia works at a museum in Rome. Chiara married some ugly old billionaire, so she loves when anyone comes to stay. We’ll go visit her just to use her sailboat.”

  They parked in a lot just off the base of the mountain. Because it was a long weekend, the lot was almost full of cars, with plenty of other hikers pausing outside their cars to lace up their shoes, stow extra water bottles in their backpacks, or apply a coat of sunscreen before heading up.

  Anika saw Blaine’s white G-Wagon parked just a few spaces away from Marco’s car. Looking up at the trailhead, she spotted Hannah, James, Gwen, and Blaine already waiting for them.

  Hannah waved, full of excitement. She was wearing pink Nike track shorts, a tank top, and a white tennis visor, with her hair pulled back in a pert ponytail. She looked adorable. Gwen, by contrast, had on 70s gym socks pulled up to the knee and a t-shirt that read “A Woman’s Place is in the House Of Representatives.” Blaine was wearing an old army t, and James had on a pair of shorts that Anika recognized as his favorite hiking shorts from when they used to drive out of the city on the weekends. They looked exactly as they had ten years ago, since they were already ancient back then.

  James wore a backpack like Anika’s, presumably likewise stocked with water bottles and few light snacks. Gwen had her camera bag.

  Gwen was showing James the new lens she had bought as Marco and Anika walked up. Blaine was watching them sourly. Though he had won the battle for Gwen’s heart—for the moment at least—he obviously hadn’t forgiven James for the dual offenses of being handsome and interesting, and two hours in the car together had apparently failed to endear them any further.

  Gwen introduced Marco and Blaine.

  “Oh yes, Blaine!” Marco said, shaking hands. “I’ve heard all about you.”

  “Really?” Blaine said hopefully.

  “Of course!” Marco said.

  Anika couldn’t imagine this to be true in the slightest, but it seemed to cheer Blaine up.

  “Ready to go?” Hannah said to them all.

  Gwen set her Apple Watch so they could track their distance and elevation. Both Gwen and Anika had made this hike before on separate occasions, but it was new to the others.

  They set off up the first part of the trail, which was only moderately inclined and paved for the first mile or so.

  “Feels good to be out in the fresh air!” Blaine said.

  Marco had told Anika he’d been making use of the treadmill in his new apartment building so he wouldn’t be as tired on their next run, and he did indeed seem to have a good amount of energy as they headed up the trail. Gwen, an experienced hiker, led the pack, and Hannah, who did the majority of her Facebooking, Instagramming, and Redditing on the stairclimber, seemed to have no trouble at all trotting up the mountainside. Anika and James seemed to fall into the same complimentary long-legged stride, and for this portion they walked in companionable silence while Gwen showed Marco some of the native plants he might not be familiar with, with Blaine puffing along behind them.

  “It’s a bit steep!” Blaine said as they entered the second mile.

  Gwen laughed, and Hannah said scornfully, “We haven’t even started the real hike yet! This is just the paved bit. Look, we’re coming to the stone steps.”

  The next portion was a series of rock slabs, not as regular as a real staircase, but allowing for a much steeper ascent up the mountainside.

  “Oh...perfect,” Blaine said weakly, eyeing the apparently endless rise of rock ahead of him.

  “Want a little water before we start?” James asked kindly, pulling a bottle from his bag.

  “I’m fine,” Blaine said stubbornly. He doubtless regretted it a few minutes later. This part of the trail had very little cover, and they were all sweating as they clambered upwards.

  Marco seemed determined to impress Anika this time around. He matched her pace doggedly all the way to the top of the steps, where they all paused to catch their breath.

  “How many times have you done this hike?” he asked her, clutching his side.

  “This is my fourth time,” Anika said. “It’s one of my favorites. There’s a lake right at the top. I love a hike that has a destination at the end. A real pay-off, besides a view.”

  Hannah, who was in a silly mood, wanted Gwen to take a photo of her and James sprinting down the trail so she could photoshop in a bear behind them when she posted it later. James agreed to pose for a picture with her, but he wasn’t putting in the dramatic effort Hannah wanted, so she ended up taking that particular shot on her own.

  “Look,” James said quietly to Anika, “an owl.”

  He pointed upward to a half-dead pine tree. Way up near the top, a small brown owl was nestled up close to the trunk, asleep on its branch.

  “How did you see that?” Anika asked in wonder. “It’s the same color as the bark.”

  “What are you looking at?” Marco asked, stepping between them.

  “There’s an owl,” Anika said, pointing up.

  “You a bird watcher?” Marco asked James.

  “No,” James said, “I just know Anika likes owls.”

  James walked away to rejoin Hannah and Gwen. Marco looked after him with an irritated expression. Sensing that he might have an ally, Blaine walked alongside Marco for the next portion of the hike, trying to engage him in chat about authentic pizza. Since Marco was trying to stick as close as possible to Anika, he soon shook Blaine off, leaving him to doggedly plod after Gwen again.

  “How’s your dad doing?” Anika asked Marco.

  “Better,” Marco said. “Much better. He’s been swimming in th
e mornings again.”

  “That’s fantastic,” Anika said.

  “If he’s up to it, we should all go out to dinner together, next weekend or the one after. He wants to see you.”

  “I’d love to,” Anika said. “But remember that the weekend after next is the Red Line dinner for this year’s graduates.”

  Marco grimaced slightly.

  “What?” Anika said. “You don’t want to go?”

  “Of course I do!” Marco insisted. “Anything to see you dressed up all fancy.”

  “It will just be us two,” Anika said. “My father and sister don’t tend to come to anything with the students. Oh, and Gwen and Hannah and Calvin, of course.”

  “I’ll be there,” Marco promised.

  Nobody talked much as they ascended the last portion of the hike, which involved a short scramble over a stretch of broken rock and boulders, and then a traverse across a smooth rock face, not steep at all, and then the final climb to the large, flat basin containing Lake Poheto.

  With the final push complete, they all spread out over the sun-warmed rocks to catch their breath and admire the slate gray lake, ringed round with evergreen trees and lichen-speckled boulders. Anika and James passed out the water bottles and snacks. Blaine devoured his portion in minutes, and Anika kindly gave him her trail mix as well.

  “What a slog,” Blaine said. “But it is pretty, after all.”

  “I’m impressed you made it,” Gwen said, sounding surprised.

  “I can do things!” Blaine said, cheerful now that he only had a descent to look forward to.

  Gwen took a few photos of a moose on the far side of the lake, and an osprey fishing in the water, and the various members of their group as they rested or ate. While the others were still recovering, Hannah became bored and started climbing around on the rocks. She was full of spirits, and a bit impatient with James who was being dull, looking quietly at the water.

  “Catch me!” she called from the top of a boulder.

  When James ignored her, she said, “Think I can jump to that one over there?”

  “Be careful,” James said. “I don’t want to have to—"

  But even before he had finished his sentence, Hannah had leapt to the next rock over. The jump was successful, but as she turned around to crow about it, her foot slipped on the moss and she tumbled backward off the rock.

  They all yelled and jumped up, running over to her.

  Anika was first there, because she was closest. Hannah was laying at the base of the boulder, her elbow scraped and oozing blood, her forehead dirty and twigs in her hair.

  “Are you alright?” Anika asked breathlessly.

  “Of course!” Hannah tried to say, but as she attempted to get to her feet, her left leg crumpled under her and she fell back down again, tears springing to her eyes.

  “Don’t try to get up,” James said, kneeling down beside her with his hand on her back.

  The blood was starting to run down Hannah’s arm from her elbow. Anika saw that James’s face was very white. She remembered that he had a bit of a phobia about blood.

  “What should we do?” James asked Blaine.

  “I’m not sure,” Blaine said, flustered by everyone turning to look at him. “I’m a dentist, not a doctor!”

  “We could call for a medivac or something,” Gwen said. “Like those helicopters that pick up skiers?”

  Gwen was also looking quite frantic, not at all like her usual composed self. For all their differences, the sisters were very fond of one another, and Anika guessed that as the elder of the two, Gwen particularly disliked seeing her baby sister in pain.

  Gwen checked her cell phone.

  “There’s no service!” she cried.

  “Hannah,” Anika said, forcing her voice to remain calm, “are you feeling pain anywhere else, or is it just your elbow and your ankle? Did you hit your head at all, or your back?”

  “N—no...” Hannah said hesitantly. “It’s just my ankle.”

  “Well then,” Anika said, firmly taking charge, “Gwen and I will carry the backpacks. Marco and James, let Hannah put an arm over each of your shoulders, and Blaine be on hand to help her down some of the steeper parts. We can switch off if anyone gets tired.”

  They all agreed to this. Using Marco and James as her crutches, Hannah was able to hop fairly well. On the parts where they had to scramble, Blaine helped with her feet, and they were able to lift, slide, and carry her down the first mile or so.

  At this point, right when Marco began to flag and Hannah was beginning to look a bit sick and sweaty, they met a group of college-aged boys coming up. The group offered to turn back with them, to help get Hannah down to the bottom of the trail.

  No one was proud enough to refuse that help. Switching off between the four boys and the men in their group, they managed to make it back to the parking lot. Hannah even perked up enough to make a joke about her pack of handsome litter-bearers.

  Gwen rolled her eyes. “God, Hannah, please don’t enjoy this,” she said sourly, but Anika could tell she was relieved to see her sister still in good spirits.

  Anika wanted to follow Gwen, Blaine, James, and Hannah to the hospital in Marco’s car, but Gwen assured her repeatedly there was no need.

  “Look at her,” Gwen said, nodding her head at Hannah in the front seat of the G-Wagon, her swollen foot propped up on the dash. “She’s fine. I’ve got James and Blaine to help me—no need for you and Marco to burn the rest of your day waiting with us. They’ll probably just tape up her ankle and send us home. With a nice hefty bill, of course.”

  “Are you sure?” Anika said again. “I’d be glad to come with you.”

  “It’s fine. You guys go have fun.”

  “Alright,” Anika said reluctantly, “but text me later if you’re stuck there and you want me to bring some food or coffee or something.”

  “Okay,” Gwen said, giving Anika a quick hug before she returned to her sister.

  As it turned out, Hannah was worse off than they expected. An x-ray showed that she actually had broken her ankle, and the doctor said they’d better keep her overnight to allow the swelling to go down so they could put on a cast the next morning.

  Gwen kept Anika updated via text, assuring her that Hannah was surviving just fine, and they didn’t need her to bring anything because James had gone out to get proper food, so they weren’t dependent on the hospital cafeteria. She did, however, agree that Hannah would welcome a visit the next morning, since she was already bored of the limited channels on the TV in her room, and they would probably be stuck there until at least noon.

  Marco was disappointed when Anika asked him to drop her off at home. He’d been hoping she would stay the night at his apartment.

  “You don’t really need to go see Hannah first thing in the morning,” he said. “It’s only a broken ankle.”

  “I know it’s not life-threatening,” Anika said. “I just feel bad for her, and I feel a little responsible.”

  “Why?” Marco said. “You didn’t tell her to jump around the rocks like a five year-old.”

  “She’s my employee as well as my friend,” Anika said. “I just feel like I should help take care of her.”

  That was true, and also Anika felt guilty for the resentment she’d harbored toward Hannah over the last few months. It wasn’t Hannah’s fault that Anika still had feelings for James. As far as Anika could tell, James hadn’t even told Hannah that they’d dated.

  The whole thing was a mess. The least Anika could do was bring some bagels over in the morning.

  “Fine,” Marco sighed, pulling up in front of her apartment building. “Promise me you’ll stay over next weekend at least.”

  “I will,” Anika said.

  At that moment, her phone dinged softly where it lay on the seat beside her. A message had come in, with the name clear at the top: James Dawson.

  Marco saw it at the same time Anika did. The color rose in his face, and he opened his mouth to speak, bu
t then shut it again, forcing himself not to say anything. She could see his irritation and his curiosity, but since she had no idea what the message said, she had no intention of reading it in front of him.

  Instead, she slipped her phone into her pocket and leaned forward to give him a kiss.

  “Next weekend,” she promised again, getting out of the car.

  Once she was inside her building, before she took the elevator up to the top floor, she took the phone out of her pocket. Her hand trembled ever so slightly.

  Anika, it’s James, the message read, I wanted to thank you for how well you handled everything today with Hannah. I think we were all panicking for a minute there, but as always you kept your head. You never fail when someone needs your help.

  There were tears on her cheeks. Anika swiped them away, impatient with herself. These were just the appreciative words of a friend. But as compliments went, this one touched to the core of what mattered to her, of how she weighed her own value.

  It was nothing, Anika typed back, I’m just glad she’s okay.

  When the elevator opened on her flat, she was relieved to see that neither Bennet nor Stella were about. She walked alone to her room, her insides churning with turmoil.

  17

  The next morning Anika took an Uber up to Mount Sinai, asking the driver to stop along the way so she could bring a bag of fresh bagels with cream cheese, and a cardboard carrier full of hot coffee.

  She brought four coffees, thinking James might have stayed the night at the hospital or come back that morning, but he was nowhere to be seen.

  “He left last night after dinner,” Gwen said. She looked over to the bed where Hannah was flipping through the magazines Anika had brought to entertain her. “Honestly, I think he was a bit annoyed with Hannah for acting like such an idiot. I mean, he went and got her favorite salad and sat with her through the x-ray and everything, but he definitely seemed testy, and I can’t say that I blame him. This was a new low, even for Hannah.”

  “I’m sure it will blow over,” Anika said.

  “Sure, maybe,” Gwen said, taking a bagel and smearing it with cream cheese. “Though I get the feeling things might have run their course with those two anyway. It always seemed pretty casual on both sides.”