The Hail Mary

by Ginger Scott

  Her brown hair is blowing across her face, and her smile could light up the moon.

  “So, do you want your present?” I ask. This part is like ripping off a Band-Aid. It’s the moment all of the tiny moments leading up to it were about. I’ve almost chickened out on giving this to her a dozen times, even as recently as the drive up here. But fear hasn’t served me very well when it comes to this girl. I think it might just be time for a dose of courage.

  “Okay,” she says, closing her eyes and holding her hands out. She’s mimicking the same thing I did when she gave me a gift for my birthday. I sure as hell hope my gift can measure up to hers. I still have the state championship patch that matches the one my dad earned pinned to my wall.

  I pull the folded paper from my pocket, clutching it one more time, realizing this is it. When I place it in her palm, it suddenly becomes harder to breathe.

  “You…wrote me a poem?” she asks, and it makes me laugh, probably because I’m nervous.

  “Oh, God no. You don’t want me to do that, trust me. It’d be awful!” I say. “It’s a letter.”

  As she starts to unfold the creases, pressing the paper flat against her chest, my heart picks up, faster than ever before, and my body is suddenly on fire, my head a little dizzy.

  I can taste the panic.

  “Wait!” I say, my hands quickly covering the first words on the page. Nolan looks up at me, her eyes…happy. Everything about her face is an angel. I know, despite how absolutely terrified I am, she’s going to read this letter, laugh in my face, and hotwire my Jeep to leave my ass in the woods. It would still be worth it to show this girl exactly what I think of her. She needs to know I think of her—and only her. If she stays, I’ll know she’s mine. But she’ll also know I’m hers. “Wait…you need to know something first. You need to know when I wrote this.”

  “Okay? So…when did you write this?” she asks, her hands trembling now, the letter shaking in her fingers.

  “That night after the winter dance our sophomore year,” I say quickly.

  Pull the Band-Aid off.

  I keep my eyes on hers as long seconds pass, her gaze locked to mine, like she’s looking for proof. She’s still looking for the trick, the gotcha! There’s no trick here, though. It’s just me, being honest…for once in my goddamned life.

  Finally, her head falls forward, and she begins to read the words I wrote a year and a half before, words I wrote when I wasn’t even sure what they meant. I read them while I waited for her in the school parking lot, and over the last week, I’ve read them so many times that I have them memorized, my lips moving along with certain parts when I know Nolan’s reached them.

  She laughs lightly when she gets to the funny parts, but it’s when her eyes flutter, when her fingers wrap even tighter around the collar of her shirt, gripping at it, that I know she’s found the reason behind it all.

  “Tonight, I danced with a girl that stole my breath away,” my lips speak silently, Nolan’s eyes glazing over. As she reads on, I let my eyes go to the letter, my mouth still reading the words along with her silently. “You’re not mine. But what’s strange is it felt like you’ve always been mine … as beautiful as you were tonight, I think maybe you’ve been beautiful all along. And I’m just stupid.”

  I’ve. Just. Been. Stupid.

  When her hands lower the letter, her eyes give way to tears, and I pull her into my arms. Finally, she feels like she’s mine.

  “I guess I knew I loved you then, too,” I say, my heart full and happy, the feeling strange but welcome. “I’m sorry it took me so long,” I whisper, my lips grazing her ear, her heartbeat reaching out from her chest, reaching out for my own.

  “That just kicked the shit out of my scrapbook and the varsity patch,” she says, a small laugh escaping through tears, her hands moving to her face to wipe them away. That scrapbook she made me, the letter she gave me from my father’s varsity year—I knew that I loved her then. So much energy wasted talking myself out of it. So much time…

  I kiss her softly, afraid to kiss her any deeper, afraid I won’t be able to stop. She takes one step backward, our lips part, and her hand is flat on my chest as she pushes away. At first, I think she’s just giving us the space we probably need, being the responsible one. And then her hands reach for the bottom of her sweatshirt, pulling it slowly up and over her body, her hair falling loose in all directions over her bare arms.

  I swallow once, choking down any stupid something I feel the urge to say right now. Now is not the time for clever, and now is also not the time to be a gentleman. Now is the time to wait—the time to hold my breath and talk both sides of my conscience into coming to an agreement about what I think might just be happening right now!

  Her shirt comes off next, followed by the small tight tank top she was wearing underneath. She’s standing here before me, her breasts damned near the most perfect things I’ve ever seen, and all I can think about is how much I want to touch them, touch her, taste her.

  Do not…be an asshole, Reed!

  I wait for permission. I wait while she reaches for me, pulls my shirt up over my head, and slowly slides her bare skin up against mine, her lips leaving a trail of kisses along my shoulder, neck and face.

  That’s enough waiting.

  As soon as her teeth graze against my ear, I reach my hands deep into her hair and pull her face to mine, kissing her hard and rough. And she responds, her tongue and mouth just as hungry as mine.

  This is the single greatest feeling of my life. And my mind races several moves ahead, hoping and wishing. Yet, when I feel Nolan’s hands working to unsnap the button on her pants, something inside me clicks, and my heart surges, those balanced scales in my head warring with one another again, trying to keep me from fucking this up.

  I slide my hands down her arms, gripping her wrists and holding her still. “Nolan, you don’t have to do this, that’s not what tonight was about,” I say. Tonight was about me being honest, about me proving to her that she’s my girl, that she doesn’t have to compete with anyone. And I don’t want to cheapen that, but my God, does her skin feel amazing next to mine.

  “I know,” she says, stepping away from me again. She keeps her eyes on mine, her breathing now heavy, her body quaking. At her final step, she reaches down and slides her jeans from her body, followed shortly by a small pair of white, cotton panties.

  That war happening inside my head—it’s over now. I lost. Or maybe I won. I’m not sure what side of the war is right, and right now, I don’t fucking care. Seeing Nolan stand out here, in the middle of the night, out in the open, completely naked—this is the single hottest thing I’ve ever seen, and it is going to take every ounce of control in my power not to make this end in seconds.

  I move to her slowly, my hands starting at her leg, sliding up along every curve until I’m standing in front of her. When I unbutton my jeans, I notice her body tense, her hands not sure where to go, her breathing picking up pace, filling her chest quickly, then escaping just as fast. I kick my pants down my legs, letting my clothes fall into a pile with hers, and I step closer so we’re touching.

  This is going to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I throw passes to moving targets, take hits from three-hundred-pound lineman that are, no doubt, leaving bruises on my body and brain every time I get punched and pressed to the turf. That shit—it’s hard! But football’s got nothing on this moment right now.

  Nothing has ever been this important.

  And nothing ever will be again.

  I kiss Nolan’s neck, and she shivers. “You’re cold,” I say, her head nodding yes slowly as her eyes close. I sweep her up into my arms, walking us to the tent while my lips find hers again, and by the time I move us through the open flaps on the tent, Nolan begins to move again, her hands circling my neck until her fingers find my hair. I lay her on top of the thick comforter I put down to soften the tent floor, then reach for my wallet, pulling out the condom I put in there because of that li
ttle hope and wish in the back of my mind that this would happen.

  I still don’t know if it’s right, and I’m not sure I deserve to be the guy taking this from her. But fuck me if I’m going to let someone else touch her like this for the first time. The last guy wasn’t worthy of holding her hand.

  Once the condom is on, I move over her, her eyes wide and looking at me for something. I think its permission. I’m going to grant it, I’m going to talk her into this, and I’m going to be selfish, because I want her—all of her—like this. I want to feel her and have her ache for me. And I hate myself for giving in so easily, but I have to have this—have to have her. But I promise to love her long after.

  Yes, I’ll love her. I’ll love her for fucking always.

  “I’ll be slow. And if you want, tell me to stop,” I say, looking at her, knowing if she says so, that I’ll have to do it. I won’t lie to her. And I won’t hurt her. This girl, she’s my reason…period.

  “I know,” she says, a small nod of her head, her voice soft, shaking with nerves. But her eyes aren’t afraid. Her eyes—they’re on fire. She reaches her hands up my arms, sliding her fingers into my hair as she pulls my head to hers, kissing me softly at first, but the need growing with every pass of her tongue. As her hands slide down my neck, to my back and sides, I feel her legs relax beneath me, her hips rocking upward, her stomach meeting mine. The roll of her body is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, ever felt, and I know that even though she’s scared, she also wants this as much as I do.

  I lower myself slowly, reaching with my hand to guide myself in place, then I push into her slowly, stopping to let her body get used to the feeling of having me inside her. Her eyes close tighter, and I can tell it hurts, and my chest tightens knowing that I’m hurting her.

  “I can stop, Nolan. We don’t have to…” I say, not so sure I can really keep my word now, all of my base instincts taking over, my arms threatening to weaken their hold, to let my weight fall fully into her.

  “Reed, I love you. I want this, with you,” she says, her eyes opening just long enough to look into mine, to give me her consent.

  My thumbs graze both sides of her face, my elbows caging her body, my weight held by my tingling arms. I take her bottom lip in-between mine, holding it in my mouth, my tongue tasting her quivering lip as I lower myself completely, falling into her, and her insides squeeze against me. I can feel her body tense, so I wait a few seconds before rocking slowly out of her and moving into her again. With every shift, her body grows more willing, until finally, I feel her hips begin to rock into me again, meeting my rhythm.

  Our kiss never stops, and it only grows more intense as our bodies move together faster. I let my hands slide down her side, gripping the side of her leg and bringing it up around my hip, letting me push into her even deeper.

  As much as I shouldn’t do this, because it threatens to send me over the edge with every new movement she makes, I can’t help it. My hands want all of her. My mouth—it wants all of her. She feels fucking perfect, and I am going to have to do this again.

  This…this isn’t one of those things I can have only once. This is addiction, in its finest form.

  Nolan isn’t my first. But holy shit, nothing compares to the way she feels. Her arms and legs only give into me more, until I finally feel her hands grip at my biceps, her back arching as her breasts beg for me to touch them. I slide my hand beneath her, pulling her hard peaks to my mouth as my hips work slowly, my mind actually counting seconds slowly to keep me from ruining this, from going too fast—from hurting her.

  When I lower my head and pull her nipple into my mouth, sucking lightly, Nolan gasps, her breath a whimper, and like a siren went off, my body reacts. Knowing I’m only seconds away from losing control, I work her breasts with my tongue, sucking on each until they’re hard and raw, and Nolan’s breathing has fallen into a pant. When her teeth dig into my shoulder, her mouth letting out a small cry of pleasure, I finally let go too, everything escaping me in one massive rush, my head dizzy as I collapse next to her, finally falling away and breaking our hold on one another.

  That was selfish.

  What I just did, it was one hundred percent for me. I had to have her, and I will forever be her first. I just took something from Nolan, something that I know I’ve taken from others, but for some reason have never stopped to think about like I am right now.

  What Nolan gave me, she can only give once, and I am not something that will ever go away. I’m a permanent memory. I’ve tattooed myself on her heart and soul. And the gravity of all that—fuck. For once in my life, the weight of a moment isn’t lost on me. And all I want to do now is deserve it.

  Deserve her.

  Rolling to my side, I reach my arm over her, pulling her into me, my fingertips touching the moist skin along her back, my ears content to listen to her breathe. Nolan looks up at me, and that worry—the mark on her face I left there from so many mistakes—is gone. Doubt—gone. Happiness all that is left.

  Present Day

  “I love you, Nolan,” I whisper into the phone. “And I swear to God I always will.”

  I end the call and note the time. I just left her a sixteen-minute message. I rambled, and I went on and on about her body and what it was like to be a teenage boy in her presence back then. Fuck, I see how those high-school seniors look at her now. She’s the kind of woman they write rock songs about.

  I hope she listens to the entire thing.

  I’m now a full two hours behind schedule, not that anyone is really waiting for me. When I called Arlon, OKC’s head trainer, he almost sounded surprised. I think maybe he forgot about my scan. I’m not really a priority, and they have another backup.

  A younger backup.

  Climbing back in the Jeep, I decide to spend a few extra minutes staring at the mountainside where I once promised a girl I’d be hers forever. I’ve done a shitty job at that, I guess—almost snapping my neck and all.

  Glancing up at the clouds that are starting to form, I talk to Trig.

  “You better help me figure this out, man. Just cuz you left doesn’t mean you still don’t have a responsibility to this friendship. Brothers ‘til the end, and I’m still here, Trig. I’m still here.”

  My head falls forward and I ready myself for the mind-numbing drive that lies ahead through some of the flattest parts of this world, taking one last look at the place where the earth is all beautiful and uneven.

  I’m still here.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Nolan

  I had to hide in our bathroom. I was completely alone when I got to Reed’s message, and even still…I had to hide I was so embarrassed.

  Maybe that’s not the right word. I blushed. Embarrassed means shame or regret, and there isn’t a single thing about that time that I regret. It’s because I’m modest, I guess. And hearing him say things about me, that he felt back then…still feels. Well, damn, I guess it made me hot is all.

  Reed was out of reach when I tried to call him, and I know it’s later where he’s at now. I sent him a text. I kept it simple.

  I love you.

  I spent most of the day working with the horses and cleaning the stables. I was able to persuade Peyton to do a little bit of the work, but as I predicted, it doubled mine. I’m glad I missed Reed’s call, though. I would have stopped him from telling his version of our first time, and then I never would have gotten to hear it. I’m glad I did. It makes me love him more.

  There’s a bonfire tonight. It’s funny how this town plans things to celebrate wins way before they’ve secured winning a damn thing. I can attest that they still party over losses too. Those parties get a little rougher, though. I promised Peyton we would go. As much as I give Reed a hard time for being a softy, I’m just as bad when it comes to some things.

  Bryce is planning to go, and the thought of missing it was killing her. If I don’t let her make memories, then she won’t get those phone calls from someone she was with reliving the moment.
She deserves it, even when she messes up.

  My friends have been sitting at the edge of our pool for most of the day, minus the few trips Jason made to run out for more beer. I take the last cold one from the fridge and step out on the patio to join them, a noticeable presence missing from our group.

  “You guys don’t have to come to this bonfire thing. I’m just chaperoning, really. We probably won’t even stay very long,” I say, dipping my toes into the cool water. It’s still warm enough to swim in Arizona, but not without covering my body in chills.

  “I love the bonfire! We’re going.” Becky’s enthusiasm isn’t shared by Sean; I can tell by the flatness in his eyes and forced smile. But he plays excited for her. He’d take her to the moon if that’s where she really wanted to go.

  I lean into my old friend—my first real boyfriend—and whisper-mouth “That’s nice of you.”

  He shrugs and wraps his fingers around Becky’s. My eyes stay on their hands for a little longer than they should. I miss Reed. I hate missing him. So much.

  “I think Micah and I are going to head back when you guys head out. The grandparents have the kids for one more night, and we never get to be in our house alone…” Sienna pauses just long enough for Sarah to corrupt everything she’s in the middle of saying.

  “You guys are going to do it in the kitchen; aren’t you?” Sarah shouts, turning our friend seven levels of bright pink.

  “Oh my God,” Sienna says through the fingers now covering her face.

  “Dude, you totally should! That way every time you’re in there for like…the next month…all you’ll think about is how that one time when you were home alone you boinked on the counter!” Sarah says.

  “I’m sorry…boinked?” Micah says, trying to defuse the attention from his wife. It was a mistake, but I didn’t have time to warn him. I shake my head anyway, though, because I feel it coming.