Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection

by Sofia T Summers

  Well, she was lucky she was adorable when she said stuff like that. “Sounds like a plan.”

  I wanted to kiss her, but I was already blurring the lines so much for myself, and I didn’t want her to get too uncomfortable. We were friends now, or so I liked to think, although I’d never asked her because it’s kind of immature to ask someone, “hey, we’re friends, right?” But I was fairly sure that we were friends, and on top of that we were sleeping together, but not together romantically. And softly kissing someone while you sat and watched the sun rise with them wasn’t something you did with someone you were only friends with, or just hooking up with.

  Liam would’ve laughed his head off if I told him about this. So would Jack. Of course I, the man who was so bad at talking to women and had never been in a serious relationship because of it—the man who never knew when a woman had a crush on him or was flirting with him—of course I alone would stumble into this total quagmire of a situation. What were we to each other? I wasn’t sure. And I was terrified to ask, in case I turned out to be the only one who was feeling anything deep.

  Instead of kissing her, I just sat there with her, and we watched the world wake up. I got some coffee—not as good as mine but it would make do—and we set out.

  I had grown up in Dublin, and I loved it here, knew all the fun historical places and the stories behind them. I liked to make each place I lived really my own, and I’d done that in Chicago, but I’d learned how to do it here first. Trudie was just like she had been back when I’d first taken her around the city on our first not-dates, wide-eyed and eager to learn and see everything.

  Most of what I showed her was more in the area of museums, and history, but I would definitely take her to a pub for lunch. I wanted her to get the authentic experience. Pubs in Ireland weren’t anything like bars in America. You went to a bar in the United States in order to get properly plastered. You went there to find someone to sleep with. We had bars in Ireland, but then we had pubs, and pubs were a lot more like your neighborhood living room. The same people came every time and you would get together to watch sports, do quiz nights, and just sit after work and have a laugh. If you wanted to pick someone up you had to go to the kind of bar that would have that sort of crowd, otherwise you’d find yourself sitting in a pub with a bunch of people who didn’t want to talk to you, and were busy in a fierce competition over who had more knowledge of Harry Potter.

  “And while you’re here,” I told her, “you’re going to try a Guinness.”

  “If you say so,” Trudie said, laughing.

  The look on her face when she tried it was priceless. “Not a fan?” I asked, as I watched her face scrunch up like she’d swallowed an entire lemon.

  “Not a fan,” she admitted, sticking her tongue out and shaking her head for a second like a dog trying to shake the water off its fur. She took a big gulp of water and I took her Guinness, downing it.

  “I’ll get you a proper whisky instead,” I told her.

  Trudie grinned. “Now that’s more my style.”

  I really did want to drag her back home to Liam’s and get her into bed, enjoy her while I still could, but I found myself putting that off as we walked around the city together. Trudie was just so in love with the place, and I wished that I could show it to her in Christmas time when it was covered in snow, or in autumn with all the beautiful colors, or high summer, when it was warm and everything was green, in bloom, and you realized why this place was called ‘the Emerald Isle’.

  Shame, really, that I wouldn’t get to do that. The more time I spent with her… well, you’d think it would be enough to get my fill of her, but instead it just made me want to spend even more time with her. It made me think of more things that I wanted to do with her, more activities that I wanted to experience with her.

  Was this what being in love was like? Nobody warned me it was going to be so bloody painful.

  When we finally got back to the flat, it was dark out. “It’s beautiful here at night,” Trudie noted.

  “You should see it during the winter holidays,” I told her. “When everything’s lit up even more with Christmas lights. Or during St. Paddy’s Day when everyone’s losing their minds.”

  The day after St. Patrick’s Day was a bank holiday, which was a good thing since mostly everyone was hungover from the night before. Except the strict Catholic people who wanted the day to be a serious religious holiday and got to feel smug since they were the only ones not clutching at their heads over a toilet bowl in the morning.

  “I’d love to see it,” Trudie said, and her voice was so soft and earnest, I almost blurted out that I’d take her here all the time if she’d let me.

  With some effort, I managed to swallow the damning words down.

  Instead, the moment we got inside the flat, I kissed her.

  Trudie made a surprised noise against my mouth, and I wondered if perhaps my kiss was too tender, too full of emotion, and I was giving myself away. But then Trudie pushed up into my mouth, kissing me back, and I figured that my emotions had, thankfully, gone unnoticed.

  I pulled her into me, determined to take my time with this, after the last few frantic times we had done this. Not that I minded our frantic times, those were hot as fuck, but I liked taking my time with her too. I liked worshipping her.

  We moved upstairs slowly, pressing each other up against the walls, our hands roaming like it was our first time all over again and we were discovering the curves of each other. I peeled Trudie’s clothes off slowly and she did the same with me, the two of us laughing into each other’s mouths when we fumbled with the buttons and zippers.

  I wanted to press her down into the bed, to take my time and get my mouth all over her, but instead Trudie climbed on top of me. Sometimes she liked to take control and I didn’t begrudge her for that. I was happy to hand over the reins.

  We kissed again, slowly, grinding against each other, my cock sliding along her slick folds, shuddering at the sensation, the tease of it. A couple of times the head caught against her entrance, not quite going in, and I groaned. I pulled her up, got my mouth on her breasts, sucking and nipping, and Trudie keened, writhing in my lap. She was so responsive, it made me wonder about whatever previous partners she’d been with. I was furious that there had been those in her past who hadn’t fully appreciated her and hadn’t taught her all about the pleasure that was to be had in bed.

  But it didn’t matter in the end who she’d been with—I was with her now, and I wanted her to feel overwhelmed. I wanted to be the best she’d ever had, I wanted her to walk away feeling like she’d never find another like me.

  My hands slid down to her ass and ground us together. Trudie gasped. “Please,” she whispered. “Please get inside me.”

  She didn’t have to tell me twice.

  I wrapped my arm around her lower back and moved into her slowly, taking my time, savoring every inch of her that I felt clenching around me. Every time I did this it felt like a revelation. I didn’t even have words for it.

  We moved slowly, in sync, in a way that we hadn’t been able to that first time. Not that the first time we’d had sex had been bad. Far from it. It had been a bloody revelation. I’d known, after that first time, that I would never be able to really want another woman, even if a part of me had tried to deny it. But it took practice to get to know each other’s rhythms in sex, to really know what each person wanted, and now, we were at that place.

  “Good girl,” I praised, as Trudie used her leverage to fuck down onto me, clenching around me in steady waves. “You’re so beautiful, God, I can’t even believe it.”

  I knew that I said that a lot, but it was true. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, and I still couldn’t believe that she could want me, when she could clearly have any man that she wanted. I drove myself into her again and again, shifting until I found the angle that made her shake and sob my name. I loved how she said my name, like it was all that she knew, the only word she could speak.


  It was bloody difficult, but I held out, fucking her until she came, and then fucking her until she came a second time. I wanted to see her, wanted to watch her face as she orgasmed—knowing that I’d done that to her. When I finally came myself, she had her arms around me and was kissing me, encouraging me, and all I could think was I love you.

  If only I could say it.

  25

  Trudie

  Just like yesterday, I got up early to watch the sunrise.

  It was beautiful. It really was lovely here, and I knew I was going to miss this place. More than that, I was going to miss the inability to come back. Oh, sure, after I got my own place, got through college, found a new job, bought furniture, all of that… I was still young. I knew that someday, theoretically, I could come back and visit Ireland again. But it wouldn’t be the same, would it? I’d just be thinking about Laird the whole time. I didn’t want to come back here just for no reason. I wanted to come back here with him.

  Part of me never wanted to leave. Not just Ireland, but this fairy tale. This existence where I had this wonderful man to call my own, where I got to spend days either just sitting quietly with him, or exploring the area, or making love in bed. It was the kind of relationship I had yearned for but never gotten.

  The rest of me knew it was folly to dream about this. I had only just gotten out of my relationship with Pete and I still could have to deal with him at any moment. I had to be careful. Once I got the money from Laird—as much as I felt like a mercenary in taking it—I could consult a lawyer and make sure that I was never bothered by Pete again. I could ensure that everything I’d done to get away from him would be permanent.

  But until then… and was it really good to want to get into a relationship so soon after leaving such a heavy and abusive one? I hadn’t even been able to get therapy yet. I knew that I needed therapy, that was pretty damn obvious, but I couldn’t afford it, and was it fair of me to be with someone when I had yet to work through my trauma?

  And maybe… maybe I was just clinging to Laird because I felt so safe with him. Maybe I was feeling like this because he was the first person who had been truly kind and thoughtful towards me. Maybe if I’d had more time, if I’d gotten therapy, if I was standing on my own two feet, I wouldn’t be so drawn to him. Maybe this wasn’t really the love that I thought it was.

  Maybe I was deluding myself.

  The thought made me sad, sadder than I wanted to admit, but I couldn’t deny that it also had merit. Didn’t matter, really, did it? Laird was going to be finished with me once we got home. I hoped that we could keep being friends. He seemed to truly value me as a person and I didn’t want to stop seeing him. On the other hand, maybe not seeing him anymore would be the best thing. I’d go cold turkey and I could get rid of these pesky emotions and all the confusion that was coming along with them.

  “It’s kind of chilly out here, isn’t it?” Laird said from behind me.

  His Irish brogue got stronger when we were here. I loved it either way, soft or strong, but I thought it was amusing that it was thicker when he was home among other Irish people.

  “Got any ideas of what do to about it?” I asked, turning to look at him. He was wrapped up in a warm knit sweater, looking like he had no plans for the day. He also looked incredibly cozy, and I wanted to bury my face in his chest.

  “I was thinking I could start up the kettle, get a fire going, and we could spend the day in? Relax, watch some movies?”

  “Sounds lovely to me,” I said, and I meant it. I was in too contemplative a mood to be a good companion for wandering around the city today.

  The fire was wonderful, and the tea was delicious. Laird pulled me into him on the couch when I tried to sit on one end, cuddling me. “You’re freezing,” he observed. “Do you just leak warmth?”

  “I’m from New Mexico, remember?” I pointed out. “I’m not used to trying to keep warmth in. Usually I’m overheating.”

  Laird chuckled, and silence fell. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. Or if I should say anything at all. Maybe I should just stay quiet.

  I wanted to ask him about his thoughts on what we were going to do when we got home. I wanted to ask if he still wanted to see me, even just as friends, or if there was something else he had in mind, if he felt like we needed some time apart, if he wanted a ‘break’ from me.

  Laird cleared his throat, and I braced myself. Here it came. He was going to ask me if we could not see each other for a bit when we got back to Chicago.

  “So, my parents want to come back home with me and visit for a few days,” Laird told me. “Not right away. But in about a week. Do you think… I hate to ask this of you but could we keep up the charade just while they’re visiting? It’ll be too quick to say we’re getting a divorce when we’ve been acting so happy this whole time.”

  Acting happy. Right. I had genuinely been happy, but Laird had only been acting. He had been pretending. I felt vaguely ill.

  But I nodded, because what else could I say? No, let’s reveal the whole scheme to your parents and upset them? No, you’re already breaking my heart and I don’t want to damage it any further?

  “Sure,” I managed, trying to keep myself sounding normal while a lump was forming in my throat. “I can do that. You just keep me posted.”

  Laird nodded, and I turned away, settling my head against his shoulder so that he wouldn’t see as I struggled to keep down my tears. Tears! Like I was a teenager! I was such a mess over this. Clearly I needed a few days to get my head on straight again. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get home. I couldn’t wait to get out of Ireland, and be alone again.

  26

  Laird

  I hadn’t seen Trudie since we got back to Chicago and I dropped her off at her place. I could’ve stopped by, but I didn’t want to be creepy or make her uncomfortable. I could also have called her or texted her, but again… we had just spent all this time together and she had seemed to need a break. And it was fine… just, getting back into the swing of things at work, making sure nothing had fallen apart in my absence, and dodging Jack’s pointed questions.

  And Jack was not looking to be easily deterred. My first day back at work he was in my office, grinning like a loon.

  “So?” he asked, plopping down into the seat across from me like we’d had a meeting scheduled. “How did it go?”

  “It went fine,” I told him, organizing my papers. “They all fell for it, my parents apologized, everyone saw the error of their ways, and they adored Trudie.”

  “Of course they adored Trudie,” Jack scoffed. “Everyone loves Trudie, it’s impossible not to.”

  “Is this your way of figuring out if it’s okay to ask her out?” I asked him. “Because I hate to break it to you but I’m pretty sure she sees you as an older brother type figure.”

  Jack laughed dismissively. “I’m not interested in her that way, and you know it. Stop deflecting.” He leaned forward. “So? What happened. How’s it going. Did you finally tell her that you like her?”

  I had never told Jack about my feelings for Trudie. Not when I first felt them, and certainly not later on. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Opening my computer, I set about transferring the money to Trudie. This would set her up with a whole new life. I had no idea that she wanted to go back to college and finish her degree until she told my mom about it. This money would help her to get out of that co-op and find her own place. There was so much more to getting your own house or apartment than people often realized—there was insurance, buying furniture, decorating, setting money aside to pay taxes, and so on. Trudie would’ve had to wait years to find a place of her own without this money, especially with wanting to get a degree, and finding a better job could be hard, too, on top of all of that. I knew that it was good to give her this money, to give her this freedom.

  But I didn’t want to give her this money because I had paid her to be my wife. I wanted to give her money because she was my wife, and I
could give her whatever she wanted, and she never had to worry about anything. She could go back to school, get a degree, get any job that she wanted. Do whatever she liked, be whoever she wanted, because she was taken care of the way she deserved.

  Giving her the money also reminded me that this was a business transaction, and I’d been the idiot who’d put sex into the middle of it. I’d muddied the waters. How could I have been so stupid? If anyone found out, they could claim that I had paid her for sex. Trudie could even claim that if she wanted to, if she was a less good-hearted person.

  My own personal frustrations with the situation, however, didn’t mean that I was going to renege on our deal. I had made her a promise, and Trudie was depending on this money. And dammit, she deserved it. She deserved a good life. I just wanted her to have that good life with me.

  “Sure you don’t,” Jack replied, obviously not believing me.

  “Nothing happened Jack, I’m serious.”

  “Look, whether something happened or not, did you tell her how you feel?” Jack spread his hands wide and raised his eyebrows. “You obviously care about her, man, and I’m not talking about just as a friend. You’re in love with her. It’s written all over your face. And I can’t think of a better person for you to be with. I think that you should go for it. Date her for real.”

  “After all that we just went through?” I responded. “No way. Absolutely not. It’s messy enough already.”

  Jack shrugged. “Then take some time off and go back at it later. Give the two of you some space. But you like her. And you should go and get her.”

  He stood up, and his tone softened. “Think about it, okay?”

  I nodded at him, trying not to be snarky again. Jack was my best friend. Yeah, he could be an annoying bugger at times but he was doing this for my own good, because he thought that it was what would make me happy. I appreciated him for that.