Falling asleep in Laird’s arms had always felt good, but now it felt amazing. I didn’t have to hide how I felt, and it was shocking what a difference it made. I could snuggle close and nuzzle at his throat, I could hold onto him tightly, I could smile dopily up at him. And Laird… I realized now how much Laird had been holding back. I’d thought that he was affectionate before but that was nothing compared to how he was now. He held me all night like he was a little worried I would disappear on him.
I woke up before him in the morning, and just lay there, relaxed in his hold, and realizing that I didn’t have to hide anymore. I could… just be myself. It wasn’t just that I was getting to show Laird how I felt about him—it was also that I didn’t have to hide anymore. I no longer had to look over my shoulder. I didn’t have to worry about Pete, or about the police or the IRS or someone coming after me for my false paperwork. It was crazy, really. After so much time being afraid, I was a little unsure how to feel now that I didn’t have to be afraid anymore.
I would get used to it, I told myself. I would learn how to be free again. And Laird would help me. It brought a goofy smile to my face.
As much as I would’ve liked to lie there all day, lounging around and possibly making love at some point (and I could call it that now, I could call it the connection that we really felt), Laird had to go into the office and take care of some business, and I had a work shift. I could actually go to work, now. I didn’t have to quit now.
Red gave me the biggest hug when I came in. “Is that jackass taken care of?” he asked.
“He is,” I said. “I’m pressing charges and Laird’s lawyers are going to be taking care of everything. There’s nothing for me to worry about anymore.”
“Good.” Red clapped me on the shoulder. “I was worried I might have to actually replace you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find baristas as good as you?”
“I’m glad that I didn’t have to break your heart,” I told him dryly.
“I’m going upstairs to work,” Laird said, sounding amused.
Without even thinking about it, I turned and put my hands on his chest as Laird’s hands fell to my waist and I kissed him. It was definitely not a work-appropriate kiss—it was slow and deep and a bit filthy. But I figured Red would let it slide just this once.
In fact, when I turned back, Red’s eyebrows had climbed all the way up to his hairline. “So, are you two together for real now?”
“Oh, hush up,” I told him, putting on my apron as Laird headed for the elevator. “You’re far too smug about all of this.”
Red just winked at me. Clearly he felt he had a right to be smug, and given how he had been encouraging me to date Laird for real from the start, I couldn’t quite blame him. I supposed he did have a bit of a right.
And it was a fair trade, in a way. Red got to be smug about how he’d called it and how he’d told me to date the guy, and I got to get off work an hour early so that I could go up and see Laird.
My hands were shaking a little with anticipation as I took off my apron and hung it up. I still felt so nervous. Part of this felt like… some kind of dream that I’d wake up from. Laird was so kind, so sweet, so thoughtful. He protected me, respected me, he loved me. How could he possibly be real? How could any of this actually be happening to me? How could he want someone like me?
But he did, I reminded myself as I took the elevator up. He did, and it was all real.
Finally, I got to have good things. A good person.
The elevator dinged open and I stepped out onto the top floor of the magazine, adjusting my outfit, resisting the temptation to run to the bathroom and check my hair. Laird had never cared about how I looked coming off of a work shift. He had always just liked me for who I was.
There were still people milling around, finishing up their work. Laird was always good about making sure his employees didn’t overwork themselves, although there was an inevitable rush and overtime work when they came up right before a deadline. Most people ignored me, either not paying attention or used to me by now. A couple of people glanced at me and I smiled at them, vaguely recognizing them from having stopped by the office before.
Jack was inside Laird’s office when I knocked on the open door. They seemed to be in the middle of discussing a sports person or other that they needed to interview.
Since Laird was preoccupied, I took the moment to just… stare. I had never let myself stare before. I’d always been scared that it would reveal too much, that I would let myself show my emotions on my face and Laird would realize how desperately in love with him I was.
But now I could look as much as I wanted. Laird’s hair was usually tamed down for work, combed and slicked back a bit, but now a few curls were starting to emerge, a lock of hair beginning to fall down over his forehead. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, and his tie was a bit loosened. Laird always wore these nice suits, complete with a waistcoat (which was apparently the same thing as a vest but you weren’t supposed to call it a vest, for some reason, because it didn’t sound fancy enough I suppose) going into work, especially since he was usually the one handling board meetings or going out to dinner afterwards to handle clients. But as the day went on he got more and more undone, becoming casually debauched, and it made my entire body heat up.
He was so goddamn handsome. That had been the first thing I’d thought when I’d seen him for the first time, staring at me over the counter in the coffee shop, and it still held true. I hadn’t been able to believe at the time that someone so good looking could also be so soft and kind inside. I had never been gladder to be proven wrong.
I leaned against the doorframe, watching as Laird articulated with his hands, his accent making his voice rise and fall like rolling waves. Americans, I had come to realize, had these very flat and monotone accents, including myself. Irish people had accents that went up and down, amazingly emotional and expressive, rising intonations on the ends of sentences that caught your attention and held it. I would never grow tired of Laird’s voice.
Jack paused in whatever speech he was giving to Laird when he saw me, and a sly grin spread over his face.
“Well, I’d love to keep discussing this with you,” he said, “but I think that I should head on back and finish my work up for the day. Looks like you have another meeting anyway.”
Laird looked at Jack, confused, and then his gaze slid over to me and I saw him realize what Jack meant.
“Right,” he said, nodding at Jack, his gaze locked on me.
Jack grinned at me as he passed me, and then I fully stepped into the office, closing—and locking—the door behind me.
32
Laird
To say that I looked put-together as I stepped out of the office was… probably an overstatement. I was pretty sure that I didn’t look indecent, but anyone who paid attention to me could probably tell I’d just buggered Trudie within an inch of our lives. Not that I had any regrets about that. The office was empty at this point and we’d both been quiet.
Trudie stepped up beside me, and I offered her my arm, as I always did. As always, she looked delighted. Right, time to go find some dinner…
As we walked towards the elevator, I heard voices. Talking. What was someone still doing in the office?
I followed the sound to the break area, and found three people drinking coffee and chatting. Namely Jack, my mother, and my father.
Oh, fuck. I had forgotten that today was the day that my parents were visiting. Between Trudie and I confessing our feelings and the whole thing with Pete, I’d completely lost track of the days. Bloody hell. My parents were never going to let me live this down.
“Mum! Da!” I grinned at them, trying to look slightly less like I’d just had sex with my girlfriend, the woman to whom they thought I was married.
Fortunately, my parents looked amused rather than upset. “You forgot that you were supposed to be picking us up,” my father said in a warm but teasing voice.
“Ah… guilty as
charged,” I admitted. “Good thing you knew where to go.”
“And that Jack picked up his phone,” Mum added.
“I’m really batting a thousand on being a good son today,” I mumbled.
My father laughed and pulled me into a hug. “Ach, don’t even worry about it. It’s natural when you’re still a bit of a newlywed.”
Ah. Yes. That.
I looked over at Trudie. Should we tell them right now? While it was still early? Or should we wait?
The thing was, we could’ve kept up the charade. I wanted to marry Trudie for real, so we could’ve just kept dating until I asked her to marry me, since while I was bloody well ready to do it there and then, I didn’t think that Trudie would want to rush into anything. After she had spent years with a man who had treated her like property and controlled her, why would she want to jump right into tying herself to someone else permanently, no matter how much she loved them? No, I wanted to give Trudie time to adjust to being in a proper relationship with me and be sure that this was what she wanted. I didn’t want there to be any doubts in her mind. I wanted to go at her pace.
So we could’ve kept up the charade, and then just gotten married when we were ready, quietly, without any fuss. After all, my parents were usually in Ireland. We didn’t see each other in person too much.
But my mother would kill me if I didn’t have her at my wedding. It was part of why she’d been so hurt when I’d lied about being married to Trudie. When I got married for real I wanted her to be there. And I thought… well, I hadn’t asked her, and I knew that she wouldn’t want anything too fancy, but I figured that Trudie might want a proper wedding as well.
So that only left one option: telling the truth.
“Why don’t we head out for our dinner reservations?” I suggested. “Thank you, Jack, I appreciate it. This is why you’re my best mate.”
“Yeah, you owe me one,” Jack replied, grinning and clapping me on the shoulder. “I’ll see you both later. Keep him under control, Trudie.” He winked at her and then set off.
I gestured towards the elevator. “Shall we?”
Once we got to the restaurant and my parents were asking the server about the specials, I leaned into Trudie, holding my menu up so that my mouth couldn’t be seen. “I think that we should tell them. Since we’re together properly. What do you think?”
Trudie went a bit pale, I think in fear that my parents would be angry with her. But then she nodded resolutely. That was my girl. I was sure that Trudie had no idea how brave and strong she actually was. It reminded me a bit of when I was a kid, and being a brat, as usual, and on this particular occasion, I’d been telling my mum how ridiculous Cinderella was.
“Why didn’t she just tell her stepmother off?” I’d demanded. “Cinderella’s a pushover.”
“That’s not how abuse works,” Mum had said. She’d explained it to me, as best she could, given that I was just a kid at the time. “It takes great courage to stay kind when others are cruel, and to endure horrible treatment. Cinderella waited for her chance to escape. She was brave to go through all of that for so long and to find the right moment.”
Thinking back on that, now, Trudie reminded me very much of Cinderella. Many people would’ve let the things someone like Pete put them through make them bitter or angry. And you couldn’t completely blame them. But Trudie was still one of the kindest and sweetest people I knew—even though she also didn’t take any crap and could sass when she had to. She stood up for herself. She knew her worth. And when the time had been right, she’d seized the opportunity for her freedom, after years of putting up with that fucker.
I was so proud of her. She was possibly the bravest person I knew.
And now, even though she was faced with the possibility of two people she admired becoming furious with her (and with me), she wasn’t flinching.
“All right,” she said. “I think it’s best we be honest. I hate lying to them.”
I nodded and put my menu down to turn and face my parents. “Mum, Da, I’ve got something to talk to you about.”
“You’re pregnant!” Mum burst out, smiling at Trudie.
Trudie immediately flushed bright red and put her face in her hands. I could tell by the shaking of her shoulders that she was struggling to hold in laughter.
Well, given all the fucking like rabbits we’d been doing, it wasn’t a totally mad conclusion to jump to. But it was also completely off the mark.
“Ah, no.” I cleared my throat. “So, when you two lied to the family and said I was married, at first I was just going to show up to the wedding by myself. Explain what had happened. But I knew that nobody would believe you two had lied, and everyone would think I was lying because I didn’t want to bring my wife around, or I was divorced, or something like that.
“So I figured it was much easier just to find someone to pretend to be my wife for the week of the wedding, and then in a few months I’d announce that we had gotten a divorce. I figured that the person would be someone I liked well enough but didn’t have a load of… chemistry with. I didn’t want you all hating my wife and I knew you all knew better than to think I’d married some horrible person, so picking someone to play a harpy was out of the question.
“But then I ran into Trudie, and ended up asking her to play the part, and things… got a bit out of hand.” I took a deep breath, and grabbed Trudie’s hand, our fingers interlinking on top of the table. “I fell for her, for real.”
“You should have seen him,” Trudie blurted out. “He was taking me on tours of the city, to museums and restaurants, and just being… talking to me all about art and everything, it was… how could you not fall in love with him?”
I could feel my chest warming as I listened to her. I knew, now, that Trudie was in love with me, that she cared about me as I cared about her—but it was wildly different to hear about it like this, to hear her talking about how she came to fall for me. I was pretty sure I was blushing like an idiot, and I couldn’t bring myself to mind.
“We only officially got together, for real, a couple of days ago,” I explained, tearing my gaze (which I was sure was adoring) away from Trudie and focusing on my parents again. “But we’ve really been acting like we’re in a relationship this entire time. Neither of us wanted to admit it, that was all.”
“It was hard,” Trudie added. “Figuring out what was real, and what was for the sake of pretending. But we figured it out.”
I squeezed Trudie’s hand, and she gave me a smile that melted my heart.
My parents were staring at us—no, gaping was more like it. I hadn’t ever seen them this shocked. It gave me a bit of a boost to see that I’d surprised them so completely that I’d left them speechless. I couldn’t recall a time that neither one of my parents could think of something to say.
“So you… tricked us,” Mum said at last. “Even more than we thought you had.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
Da gave a short bark of laughter. “Well. I can’t say that we didn’t deserve it, just a bit. We basically challenged him to find a wife and put him in a tight spot, and he wiggled his way out of it! And he got a real girl to boot.”
“Trudie and I are serious about our relationship,” I promised my parents. “We might not be married like we claimed, but I love her. This isn’t casual or just a fling.”
“We can see that,” Mum said, and she seemed to be recovering from her shock a bit since she gave a small smile. “Honestly, you two were so all over each other at the wedding, of course we believed that you were married. You don’t have to say anything to convince me that you really are in love.”
“It’ll take… a bit to adjust to this,” Da admitted. “You did lie to us pretty badly. But I can understand why and I’m not mad.”
“Everything’s the same,” I told them. “Trudie’s just my girlfriend instead of my wife.”
“Of all the people in the world,” Mum said, “of course you would be the one to stumble into a relationsh
ip by having someone pretend to be your wife to fool your family. Only you would get a real relationship out of a fake one—and spend months figuring it out.”
I was definitely blushing now, and Trudie laughed. “You know, when he told me that he wasn’t good with women, I didn’t believe him. Jack told me all these stories but I still doubted them. He was always so kind and wonderful to me! But now that I’m realizing he had no idea I was head over heels for him this entire time and thought I’d actually reject him if he told me how he felt…” She shook her head. “Now, now I can definitely believe them.”
My parents both seemed highly amused by this. “Well, in that case, tell us how you two really met, and how big of an idiot did he make of himself along the way,” my father said, because he had no mercy.
The rest of the dinner passed smoothly—we all had a good time, and I felt anxiety lifting off of me, anxiety that I hadn’t even realized I’d been carrying. The truth was out, and my parents genuinely loved Trudie and were happy that she and I were together for real. I couldn’t think of a better evening than that.
“I’m never going to get over that,” Trudie said as we got back to my place. My parents were staying at a hotel. “Your parents were just… standing there having coffee while we were having sex in your office!”
“Ach, don’t worry about it,” I assured her. “It was adorable how you were blushing, though.”
“As if you weren’t just as bad!”
I pulled her into me, smiling down at her and bumping her nose gently with my own. “Who cares if they knew? Who cares if anyone knows? I love you. And I’m not going to hold myself back.”
Trudie gave me a look that had me melting. “I love you too,” she said, and that was all, but that was enough.
33
Trudie
I woke up after Laird the next morning, which was unusual. I considered lying in bed and snatching a bit more sleep, but… the bed was big, cold, and empty without him. And I would have to get up soon anyway so that we could spend the day with his parents. I was so relieved and grateful that they weren’t angry with me for how everything had gone down. Maybe, in a way, what we did was wrong but at the same time I felt like Laird’s reasons were good ones and there was no lasting damage.
Forbidden First Times: A Contemporary Romance Collection Page 38
