Hot and Bothered (Sin and Tonic Book 4)

by Athena Wright

“Like a deer in headlights,” he admitted. “It had been with a girl I’d had a crush on forever. It took some fumbling around, but we figured it out. Afterward, I was so worried I’d do something or say something to ruin the moment that I laid there frozen, too afraid to do anything.”

  “Yikes.”

  “It turned out okay,” he said. “We dated for a few months before breaking up. That’s how high school relationships go, you know?”

  “No, I don’t know,” I said. “My high school was girls only.”

  “What, for real?” Evan asked, sounding surprised. “No boys allowed?”

  “I actually liked it, in a way,” I said. “The smartest person in school was a girl. The best athlete was a girl. The entire Student Council was girls. It was kind of great, seeing women in all these important roles.”

  “I guess I can see how that would be empowering,” he said.

  “It didn’t really help me any, though,” I said, lowering my eyes. “I still ended up being under my parent’s thumb. Talk about the opposite of empowering.”

  “It might have taken you some time, but you’ve broken free,” Evan said. “You’re your own person now.”

  My mouth dipped down into a frown.

  “I only had to cut my entire family out of my life for that to happen,” I said.

  “Maybe they’ll come around,” Evan said.

  “Maybe,” I said doubtfully.

  Evan didn’t know them the way I did. He had everyone reason to be optimistic. I had every reason not to be.

  “Why don’t we get cleaned up and have breakfast?” I said. “I think I’ve finally figured out the toaster.”

  “You mean how the bread goes in and toast comes out?” Evan’s eyes glimmered with mirth.

  I pretended to glare and swatted him in the chest.

  “I’ll have you know I’ve made toast at least twice without burning it,” I said.

  “An outstanding accomplishment,” he said solemnly. “An amazing feat, indeed.”

  “Keep that up and I’ll feed you burned toast on purpose,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t want to waste perfectly good bread.”

  He hopped out of bed, letting the sheets slip down to reveal his naked body. Daylight made him seem even more perfect, the sunlight making his tanned skin glow. I almost pouted in disappointment when he closed the bathroom door behind him. I could have ogled him for a couple more minutes at least.

  That was okay, though. I had all the time in the world to ogle Evan. And touch Evan. And kiss Evan. And do a dozen other things that were far more intimate than kissing.

  I shivered as my aching core throbbed a quick beat, remembering how it had felt to have him inside me.

  Evan had been my first. That was such an important milestone. But I didn’t feel any different this morning. Not really. I didn’t have any sudden epiphanies or bombshell revelations about myself. All I felt was a cloud of warm contentment filling every crack and chasm inside me.

  I felt like a brand new person now. I felt… whole.

  It wasn’t like I thought Evan was filling an emptiness inside me or anything. He had buried himself deep into my heart, that was true, but I wasn’t relying on another person to make me feel complete.

  No, it was more like I’d finally discovered a missing piece to complete the intricate puzzle of my life. And I’d done the work to find that piece myself.

  Maybe it was because I’d taken the initiative and gone for what I wanted. Maybe it was because I’d finally found a way to live my life for myself and not for anyone else.

  I grabbed Evan’s discarded t-shirt from the floor and slipped it on. It covered about as much of my legs as the negligee had, which was not very much, but it would do. I liked being surrounded by Evan’s scent. Besides, didn’t guys think this sort of thing was cute? According to rom-coms, anyway.

  I waited until I heard Evan turn off the water to put the bread into the toaster, wanting to get the timing right. I didn’t take my eyes off it the entire time. I panicked and hit the stop button twice, worried the bread was becoming too dark, but both times the surface was still pale and I had to put the bread back in for another round.

  The toast finally popped out. It was the perfect shade. I was quite pleased with myself until I went to get the butter out of the fridge and realized the tub was empty.

  I stared into the container. Had I really put the empty butter back in the fridge the last time I’d made toast?

  Before, I might have groaned and chastised myself. Now, I only chuckled. I had put an empty tub back in the fridge. It was a silly mistake, no doubt from a moment of absent-mindedness. Maybe I’d been thinking of Evan naked in the shower the last time and been distracted. That would make a lot of sense.

  With a shake of my head, I put the empty container in the sink to wash out for recycling and wrote butter on the shopping list Evan kept posted to the fridge. I took out both the jam and peanut butter from the cupboard, not sure which one Evan would prefer more.

  When he came into the kitchen, he was wearing only jeans hanging low on his hips with his hair still a little damp. I took another moment to marvel at his firm chest. I now knew exactly what it felt like to have those muscles under my fingertips.

  “I don’t smell any smoke,” he said. “That’s a good sign.”

  “The toast was a success,” I said.

  “Congratulations,” he said with a grin.

  “Unfortunately, we’re out of butter.”

  “Better add it to the shopping list,” he said.

  “I already did.”

  “Great, we can go pick up some groceries later this afternoon.”

  It was so domestic. A conversation like any husband and wife might have before breakfast.

  Oddly enough, the simplicity of it, the casual way we talked about household needs, made my heart beat faster.

  This was what it was like to be in a relationship. Having a grand passion and explosive chemistry was amazing, of course. But it was this, sharing the small moments together, that really cemented it for me.

  I wanted Evan to be my happily-ever-after.

  After munching on the toast — Evan chose peanut butter, I chose jam — he got out his tablet to work on a piece while I went to go shower and get dressed. We both had to work at the bar that evening and couldn’t just laze around all day.

  As I soaped up my body, I found an ever increasing number of sensitive and sore spots, places where Evan’s fingers had dug into my skin and areas where he’d left a trail of bites and nibbles. When I got out of the shower and wiped off the steam-fogged mirror, I was bemused to see the evidence of our passion.

  Bemused, and aroused. I couldn’t wait to go for that second round.

  Buzzzz.

  I glanced over on the bathroom counter and saw Evan’s phone. He must have forgotten it after he got out of the shower.

  It buzzed again, then again. Someone was texting him in rapid-fire succession.

  I looked at the display to see if it was Mason. Sometimes he texted to ask Evan to come in early.

  But it wasn’t Mason. It wasn’t Lizzy either, or Grant.

  It was a name I’d never seen or heard before.

  Christie.

  My heart thumped a heavy beat in my chest.

  A girl’s name.

  I’d never heard Evan talk about anyone named Christie before, but her name was obviously in his contacts list.

  Why was a girl texting Evan?

  I stared at the phone. Eventually, it stopped buzzing.

  My chest clenched tight.

  There was an obvious explanation for this. Maybe Evan had a sister. Or maybe it was just a friend.

  A sister Evan had never mentioned. A friend he’d never once brought up.

  I knew I shouldn’t have. I knew it was an invasion of privacy. But I couldn’t help myself.

  The text messages were still there. The phone’s screen hadn’t turned off yet.

  I left the phone in place, not to
uching it, as if by keeping my hands to myself it made what I was doing any better.

  I read the messages.

  hey

  what are you doing tonight?

  working?

  * * *

  i’ve got the night free

  can i come over later?

  That was the last message.

  My stomach roiled. I could feel the blood rushing in my ears.

  I swallowed down rising panic.

  This wasn’t what it looked like. Of course not. All I had to do was ask Evan about it and he’d explain. I was sure he would have a totally innocent explanation for those messages.

  He had to.

  With shaky hands and a pained stomach, I dried off and got dressed. I left the phone where it was and went into the kitchen where Evan was hunched over his tablet drawing.

  “Hey, um…” I stopped.

  Evan looked up.

  “Do you—” My throat closed up. I cleared it and tried again. “Who is—”

  A pang of anxiety shot through me.

  What if I called him out on it and he confessed everything? What if he admitted he’d been lying to me this entire time?

  My hands trembled.

  Evan tilted his head.

  “Are you feeling okay?” he asked, looking concerned.

  “I’m fine,” I croaked. “I’m… going to the store. To pick up butter.”

  “That’s great, thanks,” he said with relief. “This illustration is taking longer than I thought; I’m not sure if I’ll be done before work. Do you mind picking up some eggs, too? I think we’re almost out.”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  He flashed me a grateful smile then returned to his work.

  I headed to the living room on unsteady feet. I grabbed my messenger bag from the end table. I clutched the straps so hard my fingernails made half-moon indentations on my palm.

  I went down the front hallway and left the apartment, closing the door behind me.

  I leaned against the doorjamb, using it to keep myself upright.

  My face crumpled.

  My eyes stung.

  I was sure Evan had an innocent explanation.

  But…

  What if he didn’t?

  20

  I returned home much later with the butter and eggs.

  “Is everything okay?” Evan asked from the kitchen table as I toed off my shoes and lined them up in the front closet. “You were out for a long time.”

  “I went for a walk,” I said.

  I had wandered around the neighborhood for hours before I even thought of making a stop at the corner store. I thought the walk might clear my mind. I thought it might help me think things through, that I might come to some sort of conclusion.

  But I’d spent the entire time in a daze, remembering over and over again the words from those messages.

  A girl had asked Evan what he was doing tonight and offered to stay over.

  I tried to rationalize it away. It might have been someone Evan dated before me, someone who didn’t know he was in a relationship now. Maybe it had been a casual thing and she was just checking in? That wasn’t too farfetched. I could see that happening.

  But every time I imagined asking Evan about it, nausea rose up from my stomach, coating my throat and threatening to spew out of my mouth.

  What if all those rationalizations were just wishful thinking on my part?

  If I came right out and asked Evan about it, I risked the possibility of him telling me that all my worst fears were true. That there was another woman. That he was dating someone else. That he was cheating on me.

  I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the thought that Evan had been lying to me this entire time. Just the very idea of it made me want to retch on the spot.

  But perhaps even worse than finding out he’d been lying was what might come after.

  There was no way I’d be able to go back to sleeping in that spare room, to having breakfast with him every morning, to working side-by-side at Sin and Tonic. I’d be back to where I started. Alone, vulnerable, without a place to stay.

  I’d have to go back to my parents. I’d have no other choice. I hadn’t saved enough money for an apartment of my own, not when I would need first and last month’s rent, plus enough money to buy some furniture. And I’d be jobless again. I’d have to go back to living off my family’s wealth.

  I’d come so far. I thought I’d finally found a way to live on my own terms.

  But now all of that was at risk.

  If Evan had been lying to me this entire time, there was no way I could continue living and working with him.

  “You need help putting the groceries away?” Evan asked.

  “No,” I said.

  I walked past him to the fridge to put the food away. I studiously avoided his eyes, just in case he noticed the turmoil raging inside them.

  “Mason asked us to come in early,” he said. “I guess there’s a popular band playing tonight and he’s afraid the crowd is going to get out of control, especially because it’s a Saturday.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Are you good to go?” he asked as he powered down his tablet.

  “Yeah.”

  I knew I was putting it off. I knew I’d have to confront him about it soon. But every time I opened my mouth, I thought of walking back into my parent’s house with my head hung low in shame.

  I couldn’t do it. Not yet. After work, maybe. I’d ask him about it then. If everything went downhill, at least I’d get one more shift’s work of pay before leaving.

  I was quiet on the ride to Sin and Tonic. Evan seemed distracted and didn’t notice. Was he distracted by those messages? He must have found his phone in the bathroom and read those texts eventually. Had he turned the girl down? Had he told her he was in a relationship now? That she couldn’t come over anymore?

  Or was he making plans to see her without me finding out?

  I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to keep jumping to conclusions, but my thoughts kept going around in the same circles.

  There was probably an innocent explanation. But if there wasn’t, I’d have to leave. Could I bear taking that risk right now?

  When we got to the bar, there was a line snaking down the block, fans waiting to be let in for the live show that evening.

  “What band did Mason book?” Evan wondered aloud. “We’ve never had line ups like this.”

  We cut through the line to get inside, ignoring the scowls, grumbles, and protests. There was a guy at the door letting people in one by one, but he waved us through right away.

  “Hey Connor, you helping out tonight?” Evan asked, apparently knowing the guy. He was tall and handsome with hair as dark as onyx.

  “I told Mason this band was pretty hot in the indie scene,” the guy, Connor, replied. “I volunteered to act as a bouncer.”

  Evan clapped him on the shoulder.

  “I think you’re going to end up being a lifesaver.” He jabbed his thumb at the crowd waiting not-so-patiently. “We got tons of death-glares by people thinking we were butting in line.” He cupped his hands around his mouth and called out. “Stop glaring at me, I’m the bartender, okay? You want to drink tonight or not?”

  “Scary crowd,” I said.

  “It can get a whole lot scarier than angry grumbling, let me tell you,” Connor said.

  The whole scene distracted me from the devastating thoughts running through my mind. Now I was curious about the band that had caused such a commotion. Sin and Tonic had live music some nights, but I’d never seen it like this before.

  Evan put an arm around my waist and guided me in.

  “It’s going to be a hectic night,” he said.

  My stomach turned queasy as his hand pressed into the small of my back. Normally his every touch sent my heart racing and my body tingling. Now all I felt was a vague sense of dread and unease.

  I tried to shrug off his hand casually.

  “I’m going to go see
if Lizzy needs help,” I said.

  I scurried away before he could respond.

  The throng was thick and I could barely maneuver around the people Connor had already let inside. I had to wonder if all those people waiting in line would even be able to make it in to see the show. I made a note to look up the band as soon as I found out their name. They had to be good to draw a crowd like this.

  I went to the back kitchen but I didn’t find Lizzy there. I grabbed the cleaning supplies and went back out to wipe down the tables by myself. Evan had taken his place behind the bar and was already busy serving customers.

  The new girl bartender was there with him. She was highly visible, despite the crowd, due to her flaming red hair. The color was clearly from a bottle but I’d never seen someone pull off fire-engine red so well before. It very much suited her, with her pale skin and crystal green eyes. I realized I didn’t even know her name.

  With both the band and the new girl here tonight, I had enough distractions to keep myself from thinking too hard on my Evan dilemma. I could worry about it after work when we went home.

  I decided I had to go introduce myself before things got too crazy. I went up to the new girl’s side of the bar and gave her a smile as I set down a platter of empty glasses.

  “Hi there,” I said. “I’m Alice. I don’t think we were ever introduced.”

  “I’m Reagan,” she said with a crooked smile. “Is it always this busy here?”

  “Not usually,” I said. “I think it’s this band thing.”

  “They must be something to get a crowd like this,” Reagan noted.

  “Hey sweetheart, how’s it going out there?” Evan slid down to my side of the bar and gave me a wink. “How’s the mob of crazy fangirls?”

  “It’s okay,” I said.

  “Do you need more help?” he asked. “I can come out on the floor if you want backup.”

  “I’m good.”

  Evan cocked his head at me, concerned.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  I turned around before he could ask any more questions, and made my way to the far end of the room. I busied myself with clearing tables and wiping them down. I still didn’t take many customers’ orders or do the dishes, but I could at least keep the place clean and leave Lizzy free to do the other tasks.