ROCK F*CK CLUB (Girls Ranking the Rock Stars Book 6)

by Michelle Mankin

  “It’s beautiful,” I said.

  But it was the view of twinkling lights in the gathering darkness beyond the wall of floor-to-ceiling glass that drew me. Stepping over plush beige carpeting, I moved toward it.

  “You can see all the way to the mountains from here.” I turned to glance at Gale over my shoulder, only to discover that he’d moved to stand directly behind me. “Feels like we’re on top of the world.”

  “That’s how I hoped you would feel here.” He draped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him, my back to his front.

  A rock ’n’ roll king and his queen, his temporary one, surveying their realm. The fanciful notion surfaced like a wish.

  “I feel like I’m on top of the world whenever I’m with you, wherever we are.” I turned to gaze at the compelling man behind me. “Thank you. This is incredible. You’re incredible, but I—”

  “Walking out onstage.” He gripped my upper arms, his eyes glimmering like silvery stardust. “Hearing the roar of a sold-out crowd. Experiencing the rush of adrenaline from fifty thousand fans singing words I penned, it feels like I’m where I belong and like I’m doing what I was always meant to do. But none of it comes close to how right I feel spending just a single moment like this with you.”

  I closed my eyes, squeezed them tight, but the door I tried to close on hoping for a future for us wouldn’t stay closed. Not with Gale holding me and making declarations like those. He not only had the key to unlock my heart, my motivations, and my desires. He was the key.

  “Josephine,” he whispered softly. “Look at me.”

  He wasn’t forcing me to yield. He didn’t have to. His to command, I opened my eyes.

  “Don’t shut me out.” He gave me a firm look. “Don’t throw obstacles in our way. If you do, I’ll only climb over them. Whatever it takes for us to stay together, whatever is required, I’ll do it.”

  “It’s not you. It’s never been you that’s the issue.” My eyes filled. Long before I met him, I’d made a choice that I could never atone for. Gale might think I’d paid the price, but the debt would never be paid, and because it couldn’t be, I would never be worthy of him. “It’s me. I was honest with you about that from the start.”

  “You’re the one I want,” he said, his gaze filled with infinite patience. “You just need to accept—”

  “Don’t.” I reached up and touched my fingertips to his perfect lips. “Don’t say what I did doesn’t matter. Because it does.”

  “It doesn’t matter if you don’t let it matter.” His eyes narrowing, he removed my hand from his mouth and laced our fingers together, plowing through my insecurities with his unbreakable determination. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “In a private world. Up here. Now. Just the two of us,” I said, trying to get him to see things my way. “We can be everything to each other. But it can’t last.”

  “You’re inventing a crisis point for our relationship that doesn’t exist except in your mind.” His brow creased. “What happened in the past doesn’t negate the good inside you, or the good we’ve found together. In fact, enduring what you did only made you a better version of yourself—stronger, braver, and more protective of those you love. You and I have been in the darkest of places. We lost everything that gave our live meaning. But we survived, gaining wisdom, perspective, and insight that we didn’t have before.”

  “I won’t let you be destroyed for loving me, Gale.”

  “I won’t let you dismiss my love, Jo. I refuse to allow you that option.”

  His words and the surety with which he spoke them took my breath away.

  “Seems I might finally be getting through to you.” He gave me a nod. “That’s enough for now. We’ll talk more about this later.”

  He brought our joined hands to his mouth and pressed a kiss to my skin. Warmth filled me, even as a shrill bell sounded, startling me until I realized it was a doorbell.

  His lips curved on one side. “I will have you for my own, babe. Surrender now. You’re my equal in every way, but in my certainty about us, I rule. Might as well capitulate.”

  “Hmm.” I shook my head in disbelief. This was serious. He was usually serious, but his mercurial sense of humor caught me off guard. How could he tease at a time like this?

  “That’s going to be your personal shopper.” He released my hand. “Plus, a hair and makeup stylist, and a masseuse.”

  My jaw dropped.

  “I ordered a bunch of girly shit for you.” His silver eyes dancing, he full-out grinned. “Wish I’d done more. Already worth it just to surprise you.”

  “How? When did you arrange all this?”

  “The suite was reserved before the end of the tour. I’d hoped to take you on a trip with a more northerly route, but going south works too. I don’t care where we go, really. I just enjoy spending time with you.” He tapped my nose. “I called Dolly about the other stuff when we were at the last truck stop. She gave me a few ideas I hadn’t thought of.”

  “I’ll bet she did.” I was suddenly desperate to hear my interfering best friend’s voice.

  “I have to take off to handle a few additional things related to my surprise for later.”

  “This isn’t the entire surprise? Staying here?” I gestured to the suite.

  “Not all of it, no. We’re eating dinner here. It’s going to be formal, and I want it to be special. Unforgettable, like you are. So, don’t give the stylists a hard time about the shoes, the clothes, or any of it.”

  “But I don’t think any of this is really necessary.”

  “It is necessary. You gave me your heart, Jo.” His lips flattened into a determined line. “Count on me to do everything in my power to secure it.”

  Josephine

  WEARING A SILK ROBE that likely cost Gale a small fortune, I paced in front of the glass windows in the suite’s master bedroom. The view from it was as stunning as the one in the living room. The suite was insanely extravagant with its two levels and three bedrooms.

  While Gale was away on his mysterious tasks, I’d been epically primped. Clothing stylist, hair stylist, makeup artist, masseuse, the works.

  My hair was curled and pinned high on top of my head. Instead of a silk ribbon around my neck like I’d worn for the debut performance of Joey’s band on the RFC, I wore a silver-studded black leather bolero from King Baby Jewelry. It was a gift from Gale that had been delivered in a black velvet bag with cool silver lettering. I wore the piece over my locket. It was a banging accessory. If the twins and Carla Middleton, the talented Rock Fuck Club stylist, saw it, they would approve.

  I looked great, and after a sixty-minute hot rock massage, I should have felt great. But I was too jazzed on adrenaline and nerves. Gale was the epitome of all that I wanted, but I had to figure out a way to let him go. But how was I going to carve away the man who already felt like he was the other half of my soul, the better half?

  No answer for my dilemma, I shook my head, and the gothic cross tied to the end of the leather swayed between my breasts, the silver cool against my creamy, lotion-drenched skin.

  Pick up. Pick up. I chanted the words in my head as I held my cell to my ear, pacing by the windows. It rang with no answer, just like it had during the two calls before this one. The first time I’d tried to reach Dolly had been after the hot rock treatment. The second after the hair and makeup artists had finished working their magic on me. The third was now.

  “Hello, this is . . .”

  Dammit. It was her voicemail. Again.

  Hanging up, I redialed, hoping persistence would pay off.

  “Hello,” Dolly said after only one ring. She sounded sleepy. “Jo, is that you?”

  “Of course it’s me. Were you asleep?”

  “I’m in bed.” She paused, and I heard a muffled male voice. “We . . . I wasn’t sleeping.”

  “I called twice.” My brows pinched together. “Didn’t you see the missed calls?”

  “No. We’ve been running all ove
r the place. I’m sorry I missed them.” She exhaled heavily. “It’s been a long, emotional day.”

  “I’ll bet it has.” I sighed too, setting my own problems aside. They were minor compared to what the Enthusiasts were going through. “How’s Jag doing?”

  “Not well. He hardly interacts with anyone. He’s holed up in his room with a pile of Arrow’s things. Sometimes he lets Lin in, but she can barely get him to talk about what happened. He’s completely uninterested in everything, even the remembrance ceremony. I think Lin is the only reason he hasn’t slipped into a catatonic state.”

  “That’s terrible.” I shook my head.

  “It’s wretched.”

  “How’s Ivan doing? And Tyler?”

  “Ivan’s fast-forwarded through the grieving stages straight to mad. He blames himself for the accident, which is crazy, but grief does crazy things to people. Marsha softens his anger some, but she can’t soften all of it. Tyler swings back and forth from stage to stage. Denial. Anger. Sadness.”

  “Are you with Ty now? At the house?”

  “Yeah, we’re all staying here.”

  “Where exactly?” I asked, wondering about the sleeping arrangements.

  “Lark’s on the couch. Lin’s with Jag. I’m with Ty. He just stepped out into the hallway to give me some privacy.” She went silent. It felt heavy. “Or he went to the kitchen to refill his travel mug with Jack Daniels. He’s drinking a lot. Too much, Jo.”

  “Oh no.” I stilled. I’d seen him party hard before. He wasn’t an abstainer like Gale and me. But in all the time I’d known Ty, I’d never seen him drunk. “That’s not good.”

  “I know. I’ve tried to reason with him, but it didn’t go over well.”

  “He’s stubborn.”

  “He’s hurting. He’s angry, and when I point out the problem with the alcohol, he just gets angrier, so I drop it.” She sniffled. “He’s hurting so much. I can’t push him away. Not when he needs me, I just can’t.”

  “Oh, Dolly. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s terrible seeing someone you love hurting and exhibiting self-destructive behavior you can’t stop.” Her voice shook.

  Was she thinking of Ty or me?

  “But somehow you find the strength to be there for them and help them make it through,” she said in a steadier tone. “Tell me some good news. You and Gale alone together, and in Vegas now. That has to be good.”

  “Not exactly.”

  “How do you mean? Is it because of what Barbara told you about having to do another fuck? Is the RFC causing another rift between you and Gale?”

  “That’s a factor, but not a major one. I haven’t even mentioned it to him yet. But, hey,” I said, trying to inject brightness into my tone. “I don’t want to burden you with my troubles. You have more than enough.” I blew out a breath that lifted one of the artful curls that had slipped from its pin.

  “Jo, honey, I love you, and I’m me. If there’s anything I can do to help you, I want to.”

  “I love you too. You’re too good for me.”

  “Now, stop that right there,” Dolly said sternly. “We’re good for each other. We look after each other. That’s what you do when you care about someone the way we do.”

  “That’s the way you love. I’ve learned how beautiful it can be from your example. You’ve shown me so much about loyalty, caring, and kindness. Before you, I only had Joey. My parents certainly didn’t model any good behavior.”

  “I think you knew about love already. I just came along at the right time to remind you.”

  “Maybe. I don’t know. Right now, I feel like I don’t know anything.” I rubbed the center of my chest. Since Art’s call, it had ached constantly.

  I knew deep down that there was no solution to the problem of my past. It would come out—it was only a matter of when, not if—and I had to give up Gale before that happened. When I lost him, the ache in my chest would become a permanent gaping wound, one that would never stop bleeding and never heal.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” she said, and I could picture her brow creasing.

  “A reporter called. She asked Gale questions about me.”

  “He’s a big celebrity, that makes you big news by association.” Her words became rushed as she put things together quickly. “You’re worried about them digging around and discovering your past.”

  “It isn’t only one reporter asking.”

  “Yeah, Carter Besille’s involved.”

  “How did you know?” I asked, my eyes wide.

  “He called my cell, tried to get me to talk to him about you. He’s such a weasel. He asked a bunch of leading questions, but I shut him down. So did the twins.”

  “He called you?” I gulped for air. “And the twins?”

  “Yeah, he and his crew are down here, along with a bunch of other media. Arrow’s death is getting national coverage. The RFC association is mostly a sideline story. But don’t worry, we have it under control. Everyone’s refusing to talk to the media on principle. It’s shameful how they’re trying to turn Arrow’s death into entertainment.”

  “Avoidance isn’t going to work for my situation.” I gripped my phone tightly. “Not with a guy like Besille snooping. If he can get his hands on the paperwork with my name change, all my story will come out. My conviction, who my father is, everything. I think it’s only a matter of when he figures it out at this point.”

  “You’re worried about how all that coming out will affect Gale,” she said matter-of-factly. No question. She knew me and how I thought.

  “The media will vilify him.” My stomach pitched. “They’ll say he’s a fraud and a hypocrite, betraying his wife and son’s memory. All the good work he’s done through AA will be suspect. They’ll say he’s being led around by his dick, fucking someone like me who killed her own brother by driving drunk.”

  “It’s not true. But yeah, some might say shit like that and judge him because of you.”

  “I can’t let that happen.” My eyes burned and I blinked hard. “I just can’t.”

  “Mary said your past would probably come up. I guess we all kind of knew it would happen eventually, but none of us thought it would be this soon. Do you really think there’s something you can do to prevent it?”

  “Not prevent it. I can’t do that. But I can prevent it from hurting him when it does.”

  Dolly let out a frustrated breath. “You’re planning to break up with him before it all comes out. That won’t work, Jo.”

  “Of course it will.” Resigned to my fate, I gripped my phone tighter.

  “Is this Gale Lafleur we’re talking about?” she asked incredulously. “The man who unwaveringly pursued you from the moment he met you, even through your entire season of the RFC?”

  “The Rock Fuck Club isn’t over yet,” I mumbled. Once an RFC girl, always one. Gale had that right.

  Dolly scoffed. “He’s not going to let you break up with him. In stubbornness, you’ve met your match,” she said, and it worried me that she might be right.

  “It’ll work. But I might have to do something drastic, so he won’t want to be with me anymore.”

  “Don’t. Don’t you dare. He’s the best thing that ever happened to you, besides me, of course. And you’re the best for him.”

  “I disagree. I’ve been nothing but trouble for him.”

  “But that’s just it—he thinks you’re worth the trouble. Don’t you see?”

  “Doll, you know I destroy anything good, clean, or right in my life.” Tears pricked my eyes at the thought of my brother.

  “That’s not true. You didn’t lose me, even though you couldn’t love me the way I wanted you to. Or do I not count? Am I not good, clean, and right?”

  “You are the most right, good person I know.”

  “I agree. And you let me down in a way that preserved my dignity, and in the end made our friendship stronger. You’re an amazing woman and an incredible friend, and those are just some of the good qualities I k
now Gale has noted. You’re also a kickass singer. As far as the band is concerned, I might be the one who makes us a family, but you’re the visionary, the driving force, the defender of us and that dream.”

  “Dolly, wow. I—”

  “Gale’s not wrong about you, Jo, and neither am I.” She cut me off, sounding pissed off. “You’re wrong about yourself. But you’re the only one who can fix that.”

  Josephine

  “JO, I’M BACK!” GALE’S voice boomed loud enough to reach the back seats of a stadium. Or in this case, from the entryway of the suite to the furthest bedroom.

  “I’m upstairs!” I yelled, doing some projecting of my own. “I’ll be right down!”

  Undoing my robe, I slipped out of it. I’d remained immobile since talking to Dolly, just standing on top of the world and staring out at the view, trying to convince myself to do the right thing. But with Gale back, I’d run out of time.

  Padding on bare feet over the plush carpeting, I reached the bed and the sumptuous black velvet dress with the high split in the skirt and the off-the-shoulder cap sleeves I’d laid out earlier. As I quickly put it on, I noted lots of clattering and several murmured voices along with Gale’s downstairs. Dinner was likely here.

  With my dress on, I quickly retrieved my sandals from the floor as my stomach grumbled. I leaned against the bed for balance and buckled each of the delicate ankle straps. Standing tall, I smoothed the long skirt and moved to the door, pausing to take one last glance at myself in the wall-mounted full-length mirror.

  Gazing back at me was a goddess in a gown with her hair piled high like an ebony crown. She would do for her rock god, except for the worry that dulled the surface of her expertly made-up eyes. Gale’s acceptance and Dolly’s confidence aside, the truth of my past remained. What possible choice did I have except to let him go? Considering that and the lengths it might take to achieve that feat made my empty stomach twist into knots.

  Don’t be a coward. I shook my head at my reflection, knowing I would do the right thing.

  Dolly was right—I did know a little about love. Enough to know that when you truly loved someone, you did what was best for them, even if it hurt you. Maybe especially if it hurt you. Was there any greater proof of the depth of my affection than to give up the man who meant the most to me?