If You Adore Me
Page 17
Thirty-Three
The girls settled in with pillows on Jackie’s floor. Stella’s stomach hadn’t stopped swishing and whooshing since they’d discovered her secret. She felt dirty and nauseated and didn’t want to be around anyone, but they insisted they had to stay together.
“Why didn’t you tell us back then?” Carissa asked in her nonjudgmental way.
Stella squeezed the corner of the pillow and kept her eyes on the ground. “I don’t know. Embarrassment? Shame? Even though nothing actually happened, I felt dirty, unwanted.”
“What do you have to feel shameful about? It was your miserable excuse of a father who did that to you.” Jackie surprised her with the support without even one snide remark. “Listen, I know we’ve had our differences, but I hope you know that I would’ve been by your side without question. We all would have.”
Stella dared a peek at them all, and she didn’t find the pitying looks she’d expected. “You guys know nothing actually happened. Ms. Horton rescued me. My father went to jail. I turned him over to the police and told them what happened, but thanks to Mr. Strickland having an investigator surrender evidence of fraud and dealing drugs, I never had to testify. I went to live with my grandparents and moved on with my life. It was as if it never happened, and that’s what I wanted.”
“We understand, but now it can be over because the secret is out and you can move on with your life, realizing no one judges you. That was fiction your father planted in your head at a young age.” Felicia nudged closer but eyed the floor between them. “So why are you so angry at Knox?”
“I’m not.” Stella toyed with the fringe on the edge of the pillow.
Mary-Beth moved up next to Felicia. “I don’t understand. Then why did you say you were mad at him for telling us? You sent him away.”
“We don’t belong together. My life is not a good mix with his.”
“You know your father manipulates. That’s what he does. All addicts do that. I know. My mother went to treatment twice,” Jackie said in a low, shameful tone.
They all stopped and looked at her.
“Oh, don’t look so surprised. You were there at the Christmas party at school in tenth grade when she fell down drunk and knocked over the nativity scene.”
“You said she tripped. You ushered her out so quickly, stating she was hurt, that we didn’t know.” Carissa reached out across the circle to Jackie, despite their rift that had closed but not mended completely over the last few months.
Jackie took Carissa’s hand, squeezed it, and then retreated. It was progress. Maybe Jackie wasn’t a fashionista robot after all.
She shifted her pillow under her chest but then redirected attention back to Stella. “Anyway… You obviously fell for Knox. You shouldn’t walk away so easily. I hate to admit it, but that man tamed you, something I failed at years ago.”
“You’re right. And he deserves better than what I can give him,” Stella whispered.
Everyone started talking, saying she was wrong, until Jackie bolted upright. “Oh no, you don’t.”
Stella looked up at her. “Don’t what?”
“You’re pushing Knox away out of some false sense that you’re protecting him. What did your father threaten? Have you learned nothing from all this? Your father has no power over you any longer. We won’t let him. Knox won’t let him.”
Stella shrugged. “He’s better off without me. You know my father is never going to rest until he gets what he wants, which is fame. He’ll take to any media he can to play the father of the woman who snagged Knox Brevard and then twist it for any sick purpose he can for money.”
Felicia toyed with the end of Stella’s hair, as if fixing a wayward curl. “You know, the man Declan—the one with your father—told me your dad has been obsessed with you and your success since he first heard about you being on the Knox Brevard show. He says he’s willing to testify to put him in jail, which means he won’t be able to bother you and Knox anymore.”
“Why are you talking to a convict?” Jackie snipped at Felicia.
“He’s not a convict. The man was only trying to get her father away from his mother. He’d been terrorizing her. Declan thought they were done with him when he went to prison, but then he returned. He’s a good person, only trying to protect his family.”
“Oh, no. Felicia picked up another stray,” Jackie quipped.
Felicia waved her away and smashed the pillow under her to sit up higher, speaking directly to Stella. “He told me that you should go face your father and tell him you won’t let him manipulate you anymore. At least speak to him before you abandon Knox.”
Stella wiggled down and flipped over, pulling the blanket to her chin. “I’ll sleep on it.”
Jackie dimmed the lights. “We all know that means that Stella is done talking, so let’s get some beauty rest. You all need it.”
“Good night,” Felicia said, followed by the rest. It sounded like a rerun of The Waltons, Sugar Maple style.
They all settled into sleep quickly, except Stella. She stared at the ceiling for hours, contemplating facing her father. She knew she needed to, if for no other reason than she’d be able to sleep again, knowing he was behind bars. She slipped out before any of the girls woke up and insisted on going with her. They meant well and she loved them for it, but she didn’t want the company. Despite being upset with Knox, she missed him already. A part of her wanted to do the show with him. Her life felt full of possibilities when he was around, but if she truly cared about him, how could she expose him to her complicated life? If he was anything like her parents, he’d eventually leave for fame anyway.
She walked through town and out the other side, enjoying the spring air. The sheriff’s car parked in front of the station indicated she’d be able to get in this early. Good thing the sheriff’s office and jail were small-town size so there wasn’t a lot of red tape to deal with to visit someone.
Inside, she found the sheriff hunched over the front desk. “Good morning. How are you doing today, Stella?”
“I’m okay. My father still here?” she asked, as if discussing the spring heat wave expected this week.
“Yep. You want to see him? He’s sobered up and quieter than when I put him in the cell. I’d feel sorry for him if it wasn’t for how he treated you.”
“He has that effect on people.” She recalled how many times she’d given him her money from doing odd jobs around town and babysitting because they needed food or he needed a drink.
Her chest tightened at the sight of the door. The sound of the metal slamming shut behind her made her jump. The odor of cleaning chemicals with an undertone of sweat and bodily fluids did nothing to calm her stomach. She hadn’t been in a jail since that night so many years ago. A child with a blanket wrapped around her, shivering in the corner. That was the night she decided to be brave and strong and never need to be taken care of again.
“Hey, you’ve got a visitor,” the sheriff called through the cell ahead.
Stella took in a sharp breath, pushed back her shoulders, and marched to the bars. “Tell me the truth. Why did you come? How did you get out of jail?”
He sat up on his hip, rubbing his head and groaning. “I didn’t mean to cause you any pain, sweet girl.”
“Don’t call me that.”
He looked through his long gray bangs at her and then flipped the hair onto his head. “I came to be with you. I’ll do better. I’ll go back to NA, and we can work in the garage together. You know your grandfather taught me a lot about cars.”
“I told you the garage isn’t mine anymore. The land sold. I’m moving out and moving on with my life.”
“You mean with that man that will only stick around long enough to poison you against me and use you for his show and then leave?”
“That’s you, not Knox.” Did she believe her own words? Knox hadn’t run off when things got tough. He’d stayed and protected her, despite her sending him away. “You haven’t changed a bit. You’re still
blaming everyone else. You’ll never take responsibility for your actions.” Stella backed away. “I don’t know why I came.”
“Because you’re my daughter.” He shot up with a wobble. “You can’t trust anyone but me. I always told you only to trust family.”
“You didn’t have to choose to do drugs and terrorize me again. Yes, you’re family. The father I once knew. But the one who taught me to throw a baseball, slug a boy, and sat up all night with me when I had the chicken pox doesn’t exist anymore. He died when I was a child, and it’s time for me to finally let him go.”
“What are you going to do? Run to the man who will never choose you over his show?” Her father spit his words through the bars.
“No. I’ll take care of myself. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. You taught me that.”
“I know, sweet girl. You’re so strong that you could help me get clean. Post bail and take me to a meeting.” He grasped the bars and pushed his head as far as it could go through them.
“You’re the only one who can get you clean.” A shooting star of realization crossed her mind. The man on the other side of the bars was responsible for his own actions, and he chose time and time again to abandon Stella, but Knox, the man who’d brought the entire town to her aide, had stayed by her side, despite the possibility of bad press.
“You’ll be back when that guy leaves. He’s a loser like them all.”
“No. He’s a hero. My hero.”
Thirty-Four
“Go talk to her.” Lori tossed her bag onto the coffee table in the inn’s parlor and plopped down at Knox’s side.
He rubbed his chest, trying to free it of the ache that hadn’t let go since Stella had walked out of his life. “No. I won’t put her through any more. I told the town her secret. How could she ever forgive me? I wouldn’t forgive me.”
Lori patted his knee. “Yes, you would, because you like her. You like her a ton. I think you’re falling in love with her.”
“Maybe I am. Because there was a time I’d fight for what I wanted. Now, I care more about what’s right for her. And I’m not it.” He pushed up from the sofa and headed out the front door. “I hate to tell you, but you’re going to have some damage control to handle. Drew only has a week left working with us, and then we’re on our own.” He paused at the door, the realization that his decision to walk away from the streaming deal hadn’t only impacted himself, but also Lori. “I’m sorry that I passed on the streaming deal. I should’ve consulted with you prior to telling Bradley no.”
“It was the right thing to do, especially since you didn’t make that decision for selfish reasons. I know you did it for Stella.”
“After what happened with the 916, Bradley wasn’t so interested in working with either of us anyway. From what I’ve heard Stella has been working day and night on his car to fix it.” He shut the door before Lori could provide any more unsolicited advice.
The town had resumed their normal activities, but instead of feeling like an outsider walking down the street, he felt like a Sugar Maplean. He knew names and faces, and everyone waved at him. He liked it. Too bad he couldn’t stay.
“Hey, Knox. You gonna meet for poker tonight at the rec center?” Martin, the town grocer, asked.
A day ago, Knox would’ve welcomed the opportunity to fit into the community more, but not now. “I’d love to, but I have to work.”
Davey shuffled up the sidewalk. “All work and no play makes Knox a duller boy than he already is.” He patted Knox on the back. “Let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
Since when did Davey buy anything for anyone? “Ah, sure.”
Knox didn’t know how to turn the man down. It was such an honor to be invited to sit with him by the town elder who hated all outsiders. “Thanks.”
Knox jogged ahead and opened the door to Maple Grounds, but Davey shuffled past.
“Um, I thought we were getting coffee.”
“We are, but not here. What, you think I’m old and can’t remember where the coffee is? Come with me.”
The owner of the general store ran up the hill ahead of them. Who knew the man could even run, considering he usually walked with a limp and grimace… The woman who drove the school bus ducked behind a tree and then shot across the road.
“What’s going on? Why are we headed up the road toward Stella’s garage?”
“Told ya, we’re going for coffee. Don’t you listen? Turn on your hearing aid.”
At the edge of the side road, Jake came out side on the front porch and waved. It was progress. From what he’d overheard in town, Jake had been seen sitting in his garden twice. Hopefully, he could get Jake to meet him for coffee before he had to leave Sugar Maple.
Knox was worried Davey wouldn’t make it up the hill. To Knox’s surprise, despite the man walking at the speed of a turtle, he didn’t stumble once. “I don’t think I’m welcome at the garage.”
“Why? You paid of the garage rent up-to-date and then some so Stella could stay,” Davey announced.
“Wait, what? How’d you find that out?” Knox scanned the area, waiting for Stella to throw something at him. “You can’t tell Stella.”
They reached the gravel drive, and Davey stopped. “That’s not a good way to start a life with one of my girls. She’s special and you don’t deserve her, but get your butt in there before I have to knock some sense into you.” Davy pushed up his sleeves and held lifted his fists.
Knox stifled a laugh and noticed the commotion inside the garage. Curiosity tugged him across the lot and inside, where he found Drew, Carissa, and most of the town. “What’s going on here?”
Stella stepped out in her white, hip-hugging dress. A knot formed in his throat at the sight of the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. The thought he could never feel her touch, or taste her lips again seared his heart with more pain than a bullet to his chest.
The crowd silenced and didn’t move. She took a deep breath and approached him with wide eyes and stiff posture. “I realize that I’m a private person and I don’t like people knowing anything about me, but I don’t mind them knowing about you.”
Knox scanned the room and spotted a smiling Ms. Horton and Mr. Strickland, Felicia standing next to the man who’d been hit in the shoulder with the crowbar, and so many others. “I don’t understand.”
She crossed the room and took both of his hands sending a zap of pleasure through his body. “I’m glad you told my friends the truth about my past.”
His breath caught. “I thought you hated me…” Knox searched her face for the answer.
“I don’t. I thought I was pushing you away to protect you from my father.”
He puffed out his chest. “I’m not scared of him.”
“I know that. I also know that wasn’t the only reason. I’m afraid that even though I didn’t believe it deep inside, I did push you away because I was scared that you’d care more about fame than about me. It wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to accept my apology, but I wanted the world to know that you aren’t a stranger from out of town meant to hurt me and destroy all the sweetness of Sugar Maple but that you’re a hero. One who should be welcomed anytime.” Stella squeezed his hands tight and took in another long breath. “I realize I’ve messed up. I know you didn’t mean to tell anyone my secret, but I’m glad you did. The pressure of keeping that all these years is finally gone. I feel happy and hopeful, and that’s because of you. You chose me over your show when you called the town together to save me. I mean, that could’ve been front page news tomorrow.” Her voice cracked.
His heart beat like a timpani drum at a carnival. Could she have really forgiven him? Did she still care for him? “You mean more to me than any show.”
“If you want to tell the world about us, we have a set ready to go. We’ll do another special message to your fans, and I’ll help you with whatever show you want to run. Please, just tell me that you forgive me or tell me what I can do to make this right.”
He couldn’t hold himself back any longer, so he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight, kissing her with all the love he could pour into her. A kiss to seal them together. A kiss to tell her how much he cared.
Her body melted into his, as if she fully opened her heart to him, and lowered her wall of fear. He relished the moment. A real moment of true connection with a woman who turned him around, challenged him every moment they were together, and had awoken a part of him he thought had died years ago.
The townspeople of Sugar Maple hooted and hollered their approval. He felt adored. Not from the cheers of a crowd in the superficial way of stardom, but in a real, warmth in your bones kind of way. Because Stella didn’t make him feel lost and alone, but for the first time in many years, he felt alive. Alive and loved.
* * *
The End
* * *
If you would like to continue your journey through Sugar Maple, please click here.
About the Author
Ciara Knight is a USA TODAY Bestselling Author, who writes clean and wholesome romance novels set in either modern day small towns or wild historic old west. Born with a huge imagination that usually got her into trouble, Ciara is happy she’s found a way to use her powers for good. She loves spending time with her characters and hopes you do, too.
Also by Ciara Knight
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