by C. W. Gray
“Then why did she keep going back to it? Why did she do something so fucking stupid and dangerous? She could have killed someone else too.”
Tanner hesitated, then told him the truth. “After she got arrested last year, she talked to me about rehab.”
“What?” Justin’s large green eyes were wet with tears.
“I told her about this place I knew of. She talked to them, but didn’t check herself in. She decided she would try therapy first.”
“She did?”
“We talked a lot. When your dad left she was depressed. Then, she had a minor surgery and was prescribed pain pills. They made her feel better. She loved the feeling they gave her, the feeling of not feeling anything. When she decided to go clean, she thought that if she dealt with the depression, she might be able to kick the addiction without going through rehab.”
“I never realized you two talked so much.”
“I’m in love with her son. She wanted to make sure I was good enough for you.”
“Good enough for me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Justin shook his head. “Never mind. So, she went to see someone?”
“Yeah. I know she was talking to Dr. Woodward for the past five months. She wanted to be the one to tell you, so I never said anything. I figured you two would talk in time.”
“She was clean until recently.”
“Addiction isn’t something that goes away, love. Once the pattern is established, it’s always there. She was trying, and she wanted to live, to be with you. That’s what you need to focus on.”
“I don’t know. I need to think.” Justin climbed out of bed and Tanner moved to follow him.
“No,” Justin said, shaking his head. “You need sleep, and I need to be alone to think for a little bit. I’m going to get dressed and drive around. Clear my head.”
“Can I come with? I’ll be quiet. I really don’t want you to be alone right now.”
“I need to be alone.” Justin cupped Tanner’s cheeks. “I love you, Tanner. I just need to think right now.”
He pressed his lips to Tanner’s and the alpha could taste the salt from his tears. Justin pressed another kiss to his mouth. Then another, before reluctantly letting him go.
“I love you, Tanner Jones.”
“I love you too, Justin Ames.”
Tanner fell back to the bed and watched Justin get dressed. “I have today off. I’ll be right here. Alright? If you need something, just let me know.”
“Will you feed Butter Bunny?”
“Of course. I’ll take care of our girl.”
Justin’s eyes shot to his, a stricken look on his face.
Tanner frowned. What had he said?
“I’ll be back in a few hours.” Justin walked quickly and Tanner heard the front door open and close.
Damn it. That hadn’t gone horribly wrong, but it hadn’t gone right either. He jumped out of bed and pulled his phone from his pocket. He had several texts and knew it hadn’t taken until noon for the news to spread.
He texted Caden back.
Tanner: He just left the apartment. He wanted to be alone and process things. He said he’s going to drive around.
Caden: I’m coming over. Grey will stay at his place just in case Justin goes there.
Tanner: He won’t be back here for a while, Caden. He really wanted to go.
Caden: Shut up. You’re my friend, and you loved her too. I know you did. Getting in the car now.
Tanner set the phone aside and closed his eyes. He let the tears fall. He thought about lunches at the diner with Rhonda. They talked about Justin and his plans for the future. He had shown her the ring and she had cried.
He thought of all the times he picked her up from Dr. Woodward’s office. She had seen the woman twice a week for five months. Tanner had paid for her sessions, so he knew she never missed an appointment.
Every time she left the office, she had been a quiet wreak. He would drive her around for a bit before taking her to Honey Buns for a coffee and a muffin. She had loved Zoe’s banana nut muffins.
He knew Justin and she had a strained relationship, but Justin always took care of her. He made sure her rent was paid and she had groceries in her fridge. Tanner’s omega had loved his mom, even though she was far from perfect.
Tanner had loved the damn woman too.
“Tanner?” Caden let himself in the front door.
He wiped his face and met him in the living room. His friend just opened his arms.
Tanner didn’t hesitate. He hugged the other alpha and cried.
Caden held him while Tanner grieved. After a while, Tanner’s mind cleared and his tears slowed.
“Thanks, man. I’m sorry I got snot all over your shoulder.”
Caden smiled sadly. “Worth it.”
Butter Bunny hopped over and sat on Tanner’s foot. “Are you ready for breakfast, B.B?”
He dislodged the bunny and got the dry rabbit food from the cabinet next to the fridge. He rummaged around and grabbed a few baby carrots and a couple leafs of lettuce.
Butter Bunny’s rabbit condo was in the living room, right in front of one of the big windows. The rabbit hopped up her ramp and watched Tanner fill her bowl and set the veggies next to the water drip.
“Grey texted,” Caden said. “Justin just pulled into his driveway.”
Tanner let out a sigh of relief. “I wish he didn’t pull away when he was hurting.”
“Justin is a prickly bugger. I don’t think he had anyone growing up. He’s used to dealing with things on his on.”
“He’s not alone anymore. The look he gave me when he left wasn’t promising.” Tanner dropped into one of the large, overstuffed chairs. “I think he may leave me.”
Caden sat on the ottoman nearby. “I think you’re reading too much into it. Right now, he’s feeling vulnerable. Give it some time before you panic.”
Tanner dug the ring out of his pocket. He opened the small case and showed it to Caden. It was an Art Deco Tiffany and Co. vintage engagement ring. The diamond glittered in the sunlight streaming through the windows.
“Damn.”
“It cost a little over five thousand. I’ll have the loan paid off in two more months.”
“It’s beautiful, Tanner. When are you going to ask him?”
“I’ve just been waiting for the right moment.” Tanner made a face. “With Rhonda’s death, I’m afraid he’ll push me further away. I wanted to be here for him, but he left. I wish I had asked him before now so he wouldn’t think it was just because of his mom.”
He wiped his tears away. “I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“Then you definitely need to give it some time before you panic. I know Justin loves you. He has some fears and self-doubt to work through and now with his mom’s death you need to have some patience. He’ll get there.” Caden grinned. “He’ll love that ring too.”
“David helped me pick it out.” The retired beta was a sweet man with really good taste.
“The man knows his jewelry.” Caden stood up and patted his shoulder. “Get some sleep, Tanner. I’m going to go downstairs and see what I can do to help open the pub. It’s already ten.”
Tanner shook his head. “I’ll help. I can’t sleep right now.”
If he couldn’t hold Justin while he grieved, then Tanner would make sure Justin’s beloved pub ran smoothly.
Chapter Three
Justin didn’t realize he was at Grey’s house, until he put the car in park and got out. His head was a whirl of emotions and thoughts.
Caden, Grey, and Abel were Justin’s best friends. When they met, all four of them were a mess, so they vowed to help each other turn things around. So far, they had done well by one another, but Justin hated needing help. He hated needing anyone.
His friend waited on the porch. Grey hugged the post and watched him with tear filled eyes.
Grey’s two dogs
and miniature pig sat beside him, looking almost as concerned as their human.
“Justin.” Grey pulled him into a hug as soon as Justin got to the top of the steps. “I’m so sorry.”
Justin leaned into him, taking a deep breath of his familiar scent. He loved Grey so much. Before they had met, friends were something Justin never expected to have. He knew people around town and had a few acquaintances, but he hadn’t known what friendship was until Grey and the others.
“Where is Auggie?” Grey’s youngest was six months old and he was Justin’s favorite.
“He’s taking a nap, but he’ll be happy to give you some snuggles in another thirty minutes.” Grey answered. “Come on in. Caden is keeping Tanner company, and Abel skyped me. He’s waiting to see you too.”
Justin felt guilt shoot through him. He hadn’t thought anything about leaving Tanner. He hadn’t thought about Tanner at all, only himself.
Grey gently shook him. “I know that look, Justin. There’s nothing to feel guilty over. Come on. Let’s see Abel.”
Grey tugged him into the warm cabin. Grey’s laptop sat on the coffee table, and Justin and his friend sat on the couch.
Abel’s worried face filled the screen. Palm trees and a beach hut were behind him. “Justin, sweetie. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s... I’m alright,” Justin said, blinking away his tears. “I’m processing everything.”
“Tell me about your vacation. Please.” He leaned his head against Grey’s shoulder when the other man wrapped an arm around him.
Abel made a face. “Don’t worry about that. I’m sorry I can’t be there. I checked flights, but the earliest is tomorrow morning.”
“No,” Justin said, voice firm. “You will stay there for the rest of the week like you planned. Now, tell me about the beach.”
“Justin.”
“Tell him, Abel,” Grey said softly.
Abel sighed. “Truthfully it sucks. I miss home.”
“Seriously?” Justin snorted. “You’re on the beach, staying in a private, luxury resort, and you miss Maine? It’s raining, Abel.”
“I like the rain.” Abel pouted. “Ernie is embarrassing too. He just sits on the beach and knits. He knits. At the beach. Surrounded by hot men.”
Ernie shoved his brother over and his freckled face appeared on the screen. “Don’t listen to him, Justin. He’s the embarrassing one. Every night he insists on sampling each beer the bar or restaurant serves like he’s at a wine tasting. He takes a sip and swishes it around his mouth before spitting it out and describing it.”
Ernie stroked his chin. “This one has a deep, mahogany taste with a touch of coconut.”
Justin and Grey laughed, bodies shaking against one another.
“I never said that,” Abel said, trying to shove his brother out of the screen.
“A few days ago, he spit beer all over the server then told him that it tasted worse than swill.”
“It was disgusting.” Abel made a face.
The brothers finally settled on squishing together so Justin could see them both.
“I had to apologize for you. That was embarrassing.” Ernie’s face turned sly. “Last night he met an alpha. The man is a bartender here at the resort.”
“Abel.” Justin gasped, sadness lightening for a moment. As playful and wild as Abel was, he seldom dated and he never did one-night stands.
“Tell us.” Grey’s eyes danced as he clapped his hands.
Abel groaned. “Really, Ernie? Did you have to tell them?”
“Yes.” Ernie nodded, face serious. “He didn’t come back to our hut until this morning. It was his first walk of shame.”
“I don’t even know his last name.” Abel covered his face with his hands. “He is so hot, though. Big and muscly.” He looked up, eyes all dreamy. “So yummy.”
“I can’t believe it.” Justin shook his head.
“I couldn’t resist him. His smile melted me into a puddle of goo.” Abel shrugged and grinned.
They laughed at Abel and teased him a little longer.
Justin smiled softly. This was what he needed. A break and a bit of silliness.
“Justin, we’re coming back tomorrow.” Ernie brushed a strand of his red hair from his face, his eyes sympathetic.
“I’ll be alright.” Justin leaned on Grey again. “I’m just so mad at her right now. God, it hurts so much, but at the same time I just want to smack her.”
“I don’t blame you,” Grey said. “It’s okay to be mad and miss her both.”
“She made a bad decision.” Abel sniffled and wiped his eyes. “That doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her. It doesn’t mean you don’t get to mourn her.”
“I think Tanner is going to leave me.” Justin bit his lip and watched his friends’ reactions.
“Huh?” Ernie exchanged a puzzled look with Abel. “Where did that come from?”
“He puts up with so much from me, but this is too much. Who wants a broken-hearted omega?”
“If that omega is you, then Tanner does,” Grey said bluntly.
“I’m pregnant,” Justin said bluntly.
“Holy shit,” Abel said. “I leave for one week and you’re life goes crazy dramatic!”
“What did Tanner say?” Grey kissed the top of Justin’s head.
“I haven’t told him. He’s going to leave me. He has to leave me if he wants to get anywhere in his career. This town won’t elect a sheriff that’s hooked to me.”
“Okay. Hold on.” Ernie frowned. “Does Tanner want to be sheriff? Sheriff McKenzie isn’t planning on retiring for a while.”
“He hasn’t said,” Justin admitted. “It’s the natural progression for his career, though.”
“Stop.” Abel shook the screen. “You need to just still your mind for a minute. Justin, you’re pregnant and your mom just passed away. Don’t fill your head with reasons to run from the one person you want the most just because you’re upset and afraid.”
Justin’s mouth dropped open. Damn, was he doing that?
“He’s right.” Grey hugged him close. “You’ve had one foot out the door since you started dating Tanner. Right now, your world is changing and you’re scared. Don’t make a decision you’ll regret.”
“Give Tanner the benefit of the doubt.” Abel smiled softly. “That man adores you, and you should let him make his own decisions.”
“I’m not good enough for him.”
“If you don’t want him, I would be happy to take Tanner off your hands.” Ernie tiled his head and eyed Justin through the screen.
“Back the fuck off, red!” Justin’s words surprised him. The pain at the thought of Tanner with someone else was excruciating. “Oh. Damn it.”
“It’s too late to back out, isn’t it?” Ernie grinned. “You love him, and you’re not going to let him go, are you?”
“No.” Justin shook his head.
“Then there’s no sense in even contemplating leaving him.” Abel nodded and fist-bumped Ernie.
“What if he leaves me? I’m really not good enough for him.”
“Justin, do you think Yeo is good enough for Caden,” Grey asked.
“Yeah. They fit perfectly.”
“Yeo’s dad is a monster. He tried to kill Yeo’s papa.”
Justin swallowed, thinking about Yeo’s papa, Dean. “Yeo isn’t like his father. He’s a lot better than him.”
Grey framed Justin’s face in his hands. “Then why should your mom’s addiction define you?”
“I... I don’t know.”
“Are you ashamed of her?” Abel’s tone was gentle, but his words cut Justin to the bone.
As much as he hated the drugs, he didn’t hate his mom. On one hand, she was neglectful and selfish when she was high. On the other hand, when she was sober, she was kind to others and always thought the best of people. He always wished he was more like that.
“I am,” Justin answered in a sma
ll voice.
“I know she hurt you with her carelessness.” Grey hugged him again. “Would you do that to your child? Would you ignore them, forget to feed them?”
“Never.” Justin lay a hand across his flat abdomen. He would be there for his baby.
“Your persistence, intelligence, and kindness is what defines you.” Abel grinned. “Though the kindness part is still kind of new.”
Justin snorted. “That’s the truth. You have no idea how hard it is to not hate you all.”
Grey cleared his throat and glared at Justin. “The point here is that you are your own person. Your mom will always be a part of your past. Her behavior helped shape you, but it does not make you who you are.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just making excuses.” Justin shrugged. He would need to think on this.
“We are right,” Abel said. “So, problem one is solved. You will stay with Tanner and trust him to make his own decisions.”
Ernie nodded. “If you don’t, I’m taking him. Keep that in mind, Mr. Ames.”
Justin stuck his tongue out at Ernie. Tanner was his, damn it.
“Problem two might take some time,” Grey said. “I don’t know how to make this better, Justin. When my parents and brother died, I just shut down. It took time and meeting you guys to get to a place where I could deal with it.”
Justin shoved his face into Grey’s shoulder. How could he miss her so much already? How could he miss her and be so angry at her at the same time?
“What we can do is be there for you.” Abel sniffed and hugged Ernie. “We’re coming back tomorrow. That’s that.”
“I miss my alpacas and sheep, so it’s not just for you.” Ernie gave him a stubborn look. Justin had a feeling they would be home soon whether he liked it or not.
“Caden is taking care of the pub, and I’ll help you with funeral arrangements.” Grey stroked Justin’s back. “You aren’t alone.”
Justin smiled into Grey’s shoulder. He really wasn’t alone anymore. He never really had his mom, but he had his best friends. He had Tanner.
The front door swung open, startling Grey and Justin. Together, they watched Harper run in, Rue perched on his hip. Harper and Grey’s son was a pudgy and adorable toddler. Grey’s alpha was adorable in a whole other way.
