by C. W. Gray
Justin leaned his head back on Tanner’s chest and groaned. “Fuck.”
“It’s like everything decided to go nuts at once, isn’t it?”
Justin nodded. “Yeah. I planned on telling you once I wrapped my mind around it.”
“I love the idea of having a baby with you, Justin.” Tanner tilted the omega’s face up. “Is that why you want me to move in? If it is, I completely understand.”
Justin’s green eyes softened. “No, you big dumbass. With everything going on and after talking to the guys, I realized I can’t give you up. It would be better for you if I did, but I can’t.”
“Is it because you feel alone now that Rhonda is gone?”
“No. Absolutely not. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I’m lonely without you here. I want you here. I’ll fucking fight for you, Tanner, and for us. I can totally take Ernie out. He’s a teacher and I own a pub, so no problems there.”
Tanner tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help it. “I don’t know. Ernie has those knitting needles. I’m picturing this as an epic battle in an old, black and white Kung Fu movie.”
Justin laughed. “More like Kung Fu Panda.”
Tanner smiled and swung an arm over the side of the bed, digging around in the pocket of his jeans. “Just so you know, I bought this four months ago. There’s absolutely no pressure, but I wanted you to know this is where we’re going.”
He set the ring box on his stomach and opened it.
Justin’s eyes widened and he sat up again. “Oh my god.”
Tanner watched Justin. “I bought it before I found out about the baby and before you asked me to move in. I love you, Justin Ames.”
“Tanner.” Justin’s eyes filled with tears.
“I remember the day we met. I was kicking myself for never making a move on Elijah Wilson, and for being an asshole to him in high school.” Tanner smirked.
“Fucking Wilsons get all the attention.” Justin snorted. “I had wanted you for ages, but did you notice me? No.”
“Then suddenly there was this adorably hot, blond angel right there in front of me. I knew you were mine from the moment I really saw you. I knew that everything in my life was leading straight to you.”
“I’m not perfect.” Justin sighed. “I’m a prickly, moody bastard with baggage and pettiness and a whole host of other ugly qualities.”
“You’re a good man.” Tanner glared at Justin. Why Justin couldn’t see the amazing person he was completely baffled Tanner.
“I guess I’m alright.” Justin shrugged.
“You work so hard at everything you do, whether it’s the pub or helping the Wilsons with their farm. You’re kind and fair to your employees. Each of them adore you and Abel.”
“They’re good workers, so I don’t have to bring out my mean too often.”
Tanner reached out and held Justin’s hand, then kissed his omega’s palm. “You’re a good friend and a wonderful boyfriend. You love me, even when I make you watch The Walking Dead.”
“It’s hard sometimes. The whiny humans need to just focus on killing walkers. Damn.”
Tanner grinned. “You and I are meant to be, love. That’s just how it is.”
Justin picked up the ring box and stared at it for a while. “Okay.”
“Okay? You’ll marry me?” Tanner sat up. “Seriously?”
“Both feet in, right?” Justin’s voice was shaky. “I’m scared, Tanner. I’m so afraid you’ll realize what a mistake you’re making.”
“You and I aren’t a mistake.” Tanner closed his eyes for a moment, struggling to find a way to make Justin see. “You remember the ballgame we went to? Police versus fire fighters?”
“Which one?”
“The last one?”
Justin looked confused. “I remember. You got ribbed from your buddies on both teams.”
“All night, the guys kept telling me they were going to steal you away from me. Fuck, Sheriff McKenzie told me you were too good for a jackass like me.”
“Really? He said that?”
“Yeah.” Tanner cupped Justin’s face. “It’s not just me. Everyone thinks we belong together. That a jackass like me deserves someone as wonderful as you. Yes, the whole town knows our business. They know what you went through as a kid and what a jerk I was as a teenager, but that’s in the past, and the only people that matter care about who we are now. The people that matter want to see us happy together. I want to be with you forever”
Justin kissed Tanner and watched him with sad eyes. “I love you and want us to be happy. That’s all. After Mom’s funeral. After we say goodbye to her… I don’t want to wait to get married. People may talk about us, but I want to be yours now. Mom would want us to be together too.”
Justin took a deep breath. “Let’s go to Vegas. I don’t want a big thing. I just want it to be us. Our day. Can it be just you and me? Will your family care?”
“They’ll understand. They’re in California now anyway.” Tanner felt excitement burn a path through his veins. They were doing this. Holy shit.
“They don’t like me anyway.”
Tanner winced. His parents weren’t happy with Tanner’s choice, but they lived across the country and saw him maybe once a year. It wasn’t their business.
“Their opinion doesn’t matter. I love you and we have plenty of friends and family here.”
“Alright. We’ll get through the funeral, and I’ll deal with Mom’s things. Then we get married.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Fuck. I need a new bartender.”
Chapter Five
The next day, Justin, Grammy, and Ines sorted through his mom’s trailer. Even though the place was clean and neat, there was so much stuff.
“This is pretty.” Grammy held up a pink silk dress.
Justin remembered buying it for his mom a few months ago. She had loved it.
“Is pink too bright for a funeral?”
“Sweetie, if you want her to wear it, then that’s what she’ll wear.”
“She really liked it.” Justin wiped his eyes. “It’s just from Kohl’s, but it’s been years since she had a brand new dress.”
“Then this is what she’ll wear. I’ll look for some shoes.”
“There should be a pair of new heels in her closet.”
“I’ll find them.” Grammy patted his cheek and went back into the bedroom.
“Justin?” Ines sounded uncertain. She was working on the second bedroom while Grammy went through his mom’s clothes.
“Yeah?” He sniffed and wiped his eyes again. This shouldn’t be so damn hard.
Ines held out a wrapped box. The wrapping paper was purple with balloons all over it.
Justin closed his eyes. “My birthday is next week. I can’t believe I forgot.”
“Do you want to open it? You don’t have to, cariño.”
Justin took it and held the box in his hands. His mom’s memory of birthdays and holidays was erratic at the best of times. He only remembered getting three birthday presents from her his whole life.
He took a breath and gently unwrapped the gift. A card sat atop a dark box. Liz Ross & David Westby were written in gold on the top. He didn’t recognize the name.
He set the card aside and lifted the lid. He gasped, covering his mouth. Inside were four exquisite snow globes. Each had a solid, dark wood base, and there was one for each season of the year. The spring snow globe had a cheery blossom tree within it.
He picked it up and shook it. Pink petals filled the globe. “She’s never... I’ve never gotten something this beautiful before.”
“They are lovely.” Ines sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
Justin set the snow globe back into the box and opened the card. Inside his mom had written a note.
Justin,
Today celebrates a very special day! It was the greatest day of my life – the day you were
born. I know we have our problems, but I will never stop loving you. I am so proud of the man you’ve become despite what I’ve put you through. You are so brave and so smart. I wish I had a quarter of your strength and will power. I wish I were worthy of being your mother.
I know I haven’t given you much, but I hope this year will be different. I hope you enjoy your gift. I wanted to get you something you could use all the time, and with each change of the season, you can take one of these snow globes out and then I’m right there with you. I love you, son.
Happy Birthday! – Mom
Justin laid his head on the table and cried. Ines hugged him and murmured in Spanish.
His mom’s words kept running through his mind. She hadn’t thought she was worthy of being his mother.
“She was worthy.” Justin’s voice cracked. “I love her, Abuela. I love her even if she was selfish and took pills, even though she was never able to keep a job and never bought groceries. I love her even though the electricity and water were turned off all the time and my clothes were never new and always dirty. I love her even if she never asked me about school or about how I felt.”
He leaned into Ines and cried. “She was worthy. With all her flaws, she was worthy because she loved me. I can’t not love her. I’ve tried, fuck, I’ve tried. She made so many bad decisions. She was my mom, though. Mine. I love her.”
Justin thought about Tanner. Justin did his best by Tanner and that made Justin worthy. He loved the alpha more than anything, and that made Justin worthy. He was a good person. He had learned from his past and always tried to be better, and that made Justin worthy.
He was worthy. He really was.
“I need to talk to Tanner.” Justin rubbed his face and looked around. “He was right. I’m an idiot.”
“You aren’t an idiot.” Grammy put her hands on his shoulders. Justin hadn’t heard her come in. “You just needed to figure some things out. I take it you understand that your mom loved you and she was trying to be stronger?”
“Yeah.” Justin leaned into Ines. “I love her, and I wish I could have had more time with her. I hardly ever told her that. I hardly ever let myself think it.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Grammy stroked her fingers through his hair.
“I tell Tanner I love him every day and I do love him.” He lay a hand on his abdomen. “I will make sure our baby knows we love them. Every single day.”
“Baby?” Grammy and Ines shared a startled look.
“You’ve been carrying some burdens, haven’t you?” Ines kissed his cheek.
“We’re going to be alright.” Justin looked at his snow globes and grinned. “Tanner and I will be good daddies.”
“We noticed that ring, there.” Grammy pointed at his engagement ring. “We were trying not to be nosy, but that looks like a lovely engagement ring.”
“We’re going to Las Vegas next week. I still need to run it by Abel, but that’s our plan.”
Ines cringed and held her hands to her chest. “I’m trying so hard not to beg you to have a big wedding. I. Will. Restrain. Myself.”
Justin laughed. “Good job, Abuela.”
***
Tanner stood beside him, holding his hand. Grey, Abel, and Caden stood on his other side, and Grammy and Ines stood behind him. The spring rain hadn’t let up and it seemed suitable for a burial.
The funeral service had been taken care of. Grammy’s daughter, Anna, had arranged everything. All Justin had to do was pick out his mom’s clothes and show up.
Most of the town had come. One of the local pastors gave a eulogy. Then they stuck her in the ground. Done.
“Are you alright?” Tanner squeezed Justin’s hand.
Justin didn’t know how he felt. He was mostly numb. “I will be. We will be.”
“Are you up for the wake? If not, we’ll handle it.” Grey wrapped an arm around Justin’s waist.
“Will Auggie be there?” Justin badly wanted some snuggle time.
Grey snorted. “Yes, he’ll be there.”
“Okay.” Justin gave Tanner a nod and they headed to the car.
Once they were on the road, Justin grabbed Tanner’s hand again. “How are you doing?”
Tanner looked sad. “I keep thinking about the baby and how Rhonda would have been so excited. We had plans for your birthday next week. It just doesn’t seem real.”
“I know what you mean.”
Abel had insisted they close The Irish Rose for the day so they could have the wake there. Justin couldn’t argue too much. It was right beneath his house.
Tanner and Justin went in through the kitchen. Albie and Reuben were putting the finishing touches on the food and Grey waited with Auggie.
“There’s my handsome boy.” Justin held his arms out.
“I’m watching you, August Wilson.” Tanner mock glared at the baby.
Auggie just giggled and ignored him.
Justin held the baby close and breathed in the sweet baby scent. Auggie settled his head on Justin’s chest, holding tight to his favorite blankie.
Justin turned to his cooks. “Thank you, guys. You didn’t have to do all of this.”
The men had made a ton of comfort food and large portions of most of the pub’s signature dishes.
“It was no problem,” Albie said. “I’m helping to eat it all anyway.”
Reuben just grunted. He tilted his head to the door and Justin followed him. He knew Reuben wouldn’t be staying. The man couldn’t deal with all these people in his kitchen.
“Friend’s moving up in two weeks.”
Justin’s eyes widened. “The bartender?”
Reuben nodded. “Has a couple kids too.”
“I’ll start looking around for a rental for them.” Justin was so relieved. If Reuben recommended the guy, Justin knew he’d be a keeper.
Reuben’s dark skin flushed. “Mr. Wilson already did.”
Justin snorted and stroked Auggie’s back. “Gramps knows everything.”
The kitchen door opened and Wilsons poured in, Gramps in the lead.
“Boys, get the food out to the buffet table,” Gramps said, snapping his fingers at his children and grandchildren.
They all moved fast to obey him. Justin laughed at them as Gramps started sorting everyone and assigning them tasks.
Tanner shared a look with him from across the kitchen. Justin’s alpha was already eating a small bowl of the pub’s Guinness Beef and Mushroom Shepherd’s Pie.
He turned back to Reuben, then blinked, confused. His cook stood frozen in place, eyes fixed on Ernie. A look of longing covered his broad face, making Justin’s heart hurt.
Reuben shook his head, then hugged Justin and Auggie. “Sorry about your mom.”
The big man slipped out the door before more people could invade his kitchen. Justin watched him go, completely baffled.
“Was that your cook, Reuben?” Grammy was suddenly at his side.
“Uh, yeah.” Justin shook his head. “He doesn’t do well around a lot of people. He’s a sweetheart, though.”
“Hmm.” The spark in Grammy’s eyes didn’t bode well for poor Reuben.
“Don’t scare him off, Grammy.” Abel hugged Justin and Auggie. “He’s the third best thing to happen to the pub.”
“The third?”
“You’re the first best thing, and obviously, I’m the next best thing.”
“You are so modest.” Justin rolled his eyes, then frowned. “Will you be alright while Tanner and I are gone?”
“Absolutely.” Abel smiled confidently. “I’m pulling in a few family members to help out until you’re home and we get our new bartender.”
Abel’s smile faltered, and it was Justin’s turn to hug his friend. “You miss your guy, don’t you?”
“He was so sweet.” Abel’s eyes watered. “It wasn’t a one-night-stand. Not for me.”
“Did you tell him you had to le
ave early?”
“I couldn’t find him. I left a message at the bar, but what if he didn’t find it?” Abel wiped his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m here for you. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to go out there.”
“You can stay in here as long as you want.” Grammy patted his cheek.
“No. Everyone came to say goodbye to Mom.”
Tanner finally reached him and pulled him into his arms. “Do you feel up to socializing?”
“I think so. We can make the rounds, then eat some of this good food.” He handed Auggie to Grammy, wishing he could keep the baby with him.
They started around the room. So many people were there, and they all wanted to give Justin their condolences.
“We’ll take it one person at a time,” Tanner whispered in his ear.
They started working their way through the room of people.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“She was a good woman. You have my condolences.”
“If you need anything, please let us know. You’re in our thoughts and prayers.”
After a while, everything ran together. Everyone ran together.
“Uh, hi.” The man in front of him looked like he was about to puke. The omega was slight, with tan skin and dark hair, and he had a toddler perched on his hip. Justin didn’t recognize him at all.
Justin shrugged. He thought he knew everyone in town, but apparently not. “Hi? I guess?”
His dark eyes followed Justin’s every move. “You’re Justin.”
“Yes, I am.” Justin shared a look with Tanner. This was weird.
“My name is Griff.”
“It’s nice to meet you. Did you know my mother?”
“No. We knew about her, though. When we heard she died, I wanted to come but this was probably a bad idea.”
“What do you mean?”
“My name is Griff Ames. My dad’s name is Joshua Ames.”
Justin paled. His dad’s name was Josh.
Griff looked defeated. “I didn’t want to cause a scene or anything. I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know we were sorry about her passing and that you’re not alone.”
