Falling

by Katherine Cobb

“I do, honeybuns,” Jaime said.

  I poured myself a large gin and tonic and returned to the living room. Jaime followed after draping herself across Reese and kissing him.

  Most of the tiles directed a player to drink or draw a card. Like Monopoly, there was a corner square no one wanted to land on. Instead of jail, it was a bar, and you had to roll a seven or eleven in three turns to get out.

  A few turns later, my blue game piece landed on a corner instructing All take three drinks. I raised my drink. “Woo-hoo! Everybody drinks!”

  Jaime passed GO first, earning her a Pink Elephant card containing a tongue twister to be recited three times to advance. “Theophilus the thistle sifter while sifting a sifter full of thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Victorious. Ha!”

  “Not quite. You need to say it twice more,” I said.

  After playing the game for an hour, we were well on our way to getting blitzed, and no one could successfully repeat any of the tongue twisters presented on the cards.

  “Let’s get some blow,” Mary said.

  Jaime pointed at Mary. “You read my mind.”

  “I’m in,” I added, making my enthusiasm clear.

  Jaime called Reese over, since he had the connections. “We want to get some coke.”

  “Great minds think alike, baby. I just spoke to Don, and he’s got plenty. I’m taking orders.”

  I chipped in the twenty bucks in my wallet and Pete threw in another thirty. Tez was broke as usual, but since he’d brought the weed, no one cared.

  “I need to stop by the automatic teller,” Mary said, referring to the new device installed outside her bank that dispensed cash twenty-four hours a day.

  “You mean the coke machine,” Pete joked, garnering laughs.

  Reese and Mary were gone and back with the drugs in short order, and the party kicked into high gear. Everyone huddled around the massive square coffee table in the living room, using different glass sections to prepare their cocaine. Pete and I split a half-gram. He chopped up the blow with the razor blade and scraped it into lines. Using the blade, he severed the straw Reese provided in half, and used it to snort a line up each nostril. He passed the straw over to me, and I bent down and sniffed the powder up my nose. It was easier this time, much to my relief, and I didn’t mind the numbness in my mouth after rubbing the powdery remains on my gums. It felt kind of good.

  Pete let me chop the coke and form it into lines the next round. I got the hang of it after an awkward start.

  The chatter in the room grew louder and more intense. Exhilaration kicked in, my heart beat faster and I felt the same thunderstruck-like energy surge I had the first time. My alcohol buzz evaporated, like it never existed.

  I leaned back on the sofa, taking in the scene of huddled heads, sporadic laughter and shining eyes.

  Reese glanced at us. “Good blow, huh?”

  “Excellent,” Pete said.

  I shrugged. “I’m no expert, but I feel like I could do anything right now. Run a mile. Repaint my bedroom. Write a short story in ten minutes.”

  Reese chuckled. He leaned over and placed a Police album on the turntable. On cue, Tez came air-guitaring out of the kitchen and into the living room, scrunching up his face during guitar licks in perfect synchronization with the music. With his long hair and ratty jeans, he looked like a bona fide rock guitarist.

  As Pete talked with Reese. I speculated how long we would last. His behavior threw me. He acted jealous and controlling one minute, super sweet the next. The romantic in me wished we’d last forever. I envisioned myself as Anna O’Reilly and snuggled closer to him.

  The evening flew by, another night of sex, drugs and rock ’n roll, as we were fond of saying. The cocaine sped everything up, not just my heart rate, and I lost track of time.

  The clock chimed once. “Oh crap! It’s one o’clock?”

  Jaime checked her watch and nodded yes.

  “I’m late!” I jumped up, running to find Pete.

  We fled Reese’s and Pete drove me home in record time. I got out of his car, shut the door noiselessly and crept to the front door. Poised to insert my key in the lock, the door flew open.

  “Get in here. Now!” my father demanded.

  “Sorry, Dad,” I said. “I really am. I didn’t realize how late it was. Once I did, I came right home, I swear.”

  “That’s unacceptable, Anna, and not an excuse.”

  “I know. It won’t happen again.”

  “Do you have any idea how worried your mother and I have been? You’re over an hour late! We were about to call the police.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  “Where were you?” my father asked, his dark eyes narrow and beady, boring into mine.

  “With Pete. And our friends.”

  “He should know better. So should you. I’m disappointed in you and too angry to talk any further about this tonight. Go to bed. We’ll discuss it in the morning.”

  I walked into my bedroom, changed into an oversized cotton shirt and slid under the covers, knowing sleep would elude me. I was so wired! My heart raced, my mind exploded with thought after thought, and now it was coupled with anxiety over being in trouble. I picked up my journal and started writing, anything to expend some energy. Hours later, when the birds began their morning songs, I finally passed out.

  The next morning, my father gave me a stern warning about my behavior and said if happened again, I would be grounded. He added that if Pete couldn’t return me home on time, I could kiss dating him goodbye.

  Inwardly, I seethed. My father had no right to dictate whom I dated or be so harsh. True, I missed my curfew, but only once in my entire life! Not a major infraction in my book. I hid my irritation, enduring his tedious lecture so I could go back to sleep, or at least my room.

  §§

  Christmas Eve, my parents allowed me to attend the O’Reilly’s annual holiday party. When I arrived, the first floor was packed with guests. Pete deftly steered me around, introducing me to various relatives. Zigzagging through the crowd, the abundant holiday trimmings filled me with good cheer. Realistic faux garland hung across curtain rods and the fireplace mantle, and bountiful bowls of holly peppered with gleaming ornaments graced several flat surfaces. An enormous Christmas tree crowded with decorations and festive colored lights stood in the corner of the great room. Pete guided me to the ample buffet lining one side of the dining area, and we filled our plates. Mrs. O’Reilly had outdone herself all the way around.

  Pete’s parents surprised me with gifts—an attractive navy blue sweater plus a book about modern art. It left me embarrassed I’d only brought them a tin of assorted homemade goodies. Janie gave me a scented bath and lotion kit, and my present to her included coloring books and a giant box of Crayons.

  Pete took me outside to a private corner of the deck for our gift exchange. I gave him a bottle of the popular Jovan Musk cologne, a green athletic-type shirt that would complement his eyes and a framed photo of us.

  I leaned close and whispered, “And as discussed, I’m also here for your sexual amusement.”

  “My dirty mind is filled with plenty of thoughts about that since you showed up in that sexy red dress, believe me.” He smiled mischievously and pulled a small box from his shirt pocket. “Merry Christmas, Anna.”

  I unwrapped the gift, finding a small blue velvet case. My eyes widened. I gazed at Pete, but he gave nothing away. I took a breath and released it slowly. I flipped up the top of the case. Inside was a 24-karat gold necklace with two interlocking hearts containing a small diamond. I’d only been kidding about diamonds for Christmas, but I wasn’t sorry he’d taken it to heart. I threw my arms around him, touched by his romantic gift.

  Pete circled my neck with the delicate chain and closed the clasp. I loved the weight of it against my skin. I turned to face him and under the moonlight, we shared a meaningful kiss.

  I spent Christmas Day at home with my family
. My mom’s parents drove up from San Diego. I was especially fond of them, especially my grandmother with her old-fashioned expressions and sardonic wit, and grateful they joined us for the holiday.

  The Trapanis threw a spectacular Christmas, and this year was no exception. I raked in a bonanza of gifts, including a new pair of skis and a Kodak Pocket Instamatic camera, both of which I really wanted. Hands down, my favorite present was still my hearts and diamond necklace. I planned to never take it off.

  A bounty of food flowed throughout the day from our holiday breakfast to the midday appetizers and snacks to our traditional dinner of standing rib roast, mashed potatoes and gravy plus an assortment of vegetables simmered in their own sauces. My mother outdid herself by creating a Buche de Noel, a scrumptious chocolate cake rolled into a log shape with real meringue mushrooms. The red wine flowed, too, even into my glass.

  I enjoyed the day, especially my brother. Now that we didn’t see each other often, we actually liked hanging out.

  §§

  Mary threw a party on New Year’s Eve after her parents took a trip north to deal with a family crisis. I arranged to spend the night, which meant I could stay up late and do whatever I wanted. That turned out to be drinking booze as if it were Dr. Pepper.

  Buzzed from several Screwdrivers, I faltered on my way out of the bathroom, catching myself against the wall. I made it back to the kitchen, where a rowdy game of quarters was in progress. In a heated battle between the sexes, both teams cheered and shouted as players attempted to bounce their coins into the center glass. The girl’s team scored on its turn, making the boy’s team chug their drinks. The boys answered quickly. Between the taunting and guzzling contests, they more than entertained us spectators.

  Pete tugged my hand and led me, stumbling, downstairs into a guest bedroom. He wanted sex, but I wasn’t in the mood, more interested in going back upstairs where the laughter filtered through the ceiling. He begged, doing the full puppy eyes routine. I didn’t relent. He turned pushy, almost angry.

  I gave in, letting him get his rocks off. I merely went through the motions. He finished, and I told him I’d meet him upstairs, excusing myself to use the bathroom.

  I locked the door and a well of emotion hit me. The isolation I’d lugged around since my experience with Alec flooded over me like a tidal wave. Why did I have sex when I didn’t want to? Why did I let boys use me? Was Pete using me? What was happening to me? “Who are you?” I asked my mirrored reflection. I let the tears gush with big heaving sobs.

  The weeping ebbed until the last few hiccupping whimpers escaped my throat. I took a deep breath, straightened up and pushed my sadness back into the recesses from which it came. I rejoined the party, putting on a fake happy face.

  When the last person left at two in the morning, Mary and I cleaned up the littered beer bottles and overflowing ashtrays, filling four jumbo-sized trash bags. Our friends were such slobs. We changed into our sleepwear, put our feet up and each lit a cigarette, something I did rarely and only when Pete wasn’t around.

  A knock at the front door startled us. Mary opened it to find Reese and Jake. Her elation at seeing Jake return was obvious.

  What are you guys doing here?” I asked.

  Reese held up two six-packs. “We’re here to party!”

  Uneasiness twinged in my gut. “It’s hella late.”

  “Come on. Don’t be a lightweight!” Reese set one six-pack on the table and handed Jake the other. Mary shot me a grateful glance as she and Jake headed downstairs to her bedroom, which only increased my unease.

  “Where’s Jaime?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest, painfully aware I wore only my nightclothes in front of a known playboy while my boyfriend slept in his own bed half an hour away. It didn’t sit well.

  “At home. She was tired.” Reese cracked open a beer and offered me one.

  Against my better judgment, I took it.

  “Those are cute little PJs you got there, Anna. Are those little hearts?”

  Despite matters, I laughed. “Shut up.”

  “Want to play quarters?”

  “God, no! I don’t even want to be drinking this beer.”

  “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

  “Hiding from yours.” I slid one of my legs underneath my butt.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” He sat down on the other end of the couch.

  “It means you’re here without Jaime and that makes me nervous. She’d be pissed if she knew, and super mad if she finds out.”

  “She’s not going to find out. She never does.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know how you do it. How do you get out of every slippery situation you get yourself into?”

  “My irresistible charm.” He smiled broadly. “And luck.”

  “How many times have you cheated on her?”

  He shrugged. “Honestly? No clue.”

  “Reese, that’s awful! Why are you with her if you can’t be faithful?”

  He shrugged. “I love her. Now let’s change the subject because this kind of talk isn’t going to help me get laid tonight.”

  I glanced at him out of my peripheral vision and guffawed. “You think I’m going to sleep with you? In your dreams!”

  “I think you’re beautiful. I always have.”

  I stammered, caught off-guard. “Um…thanks, but I’m in love with Pete. And you’re with Jaime.”

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.” He inched closer, putting his hand on my thigh.

  “Neither do you,” I countered while removing his hand. I shouldn’t have said that. Now I was flirting.

  “Just one kiss,” he begged.

  “No. You stay right over there, where it’s safe.”

  Reese kept the pressure up and even tried to kiss me once, but I stuck to my guns until he backed off. We talked until Jake reemerged forty minutes later, and they left.

  Mary prattled on about Jake’s looks, his expertise in bed and how she wished they would become a public item, but it made me sad. How did she not see he only used her for sex? I told her about Reese coming on to me, and she was surprised but not really shocked. We were all getting accustomed to his behavior.

  Now four in the morning, we turned in. As I tried to sleep, I prayed Jaime and Pete wouldn’t find out about these post-party visitors. It would look bad. Very bad. Neither Pete nor Jaime trusted Reese. I would never tell, but that only made me feel like more of a liar.

  28

  Jailbreak

  The dreary winter months flew by between schoolwork, cheerleading and hanging out with my friends. Pete and I held steady, but he still weirded out on me sometimes, showing an irrational jealous streak or being mean for no reason. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with him. The rest of the time he treated me like gold.

  I hated cheering at the basketball games, and the girls on our squad felt the same. Forced to cheer from the stands rather than the gymnasium floor limited our movements and ability to do it justice. The ball constantly changed hands, challenging us to keep up and making us change cheers mid-chant from offensive to defensive. Add to that the schedule was packed and the games long.

  By season’s end, the Titans didn’t have one victory to their name, suffering the worst record in Skyline basketball history. I shed no tears when it ended two months later. Not allowed to cheer for any other sports, my rah-rah duties were on hiatus until it came time to teach the incoming hopefuls for next year’s squad.

  My worst problem was now on the home front. My parents expressed concern Pete and I were “too serious” in our relationship. As some warped remedy, they imposed a few restrictions, like limiting the time we could spend together and even monitoring the length of our telephone calls. My resentment for them built, activating every rebellious bone in my body.

  My mother poked her coiffed head in my bedroom door, motioning for me to hang up.

  I wanted to flip her off. “Pete, sorry, but I have to go.”

  “
The old battleaxe ordering you off the phone?”

  “You got it.”

  “See if you call me later, babe.”

  “I’ll try. Don’t hold your breath.”

  “I love you.” He was trying to get me to say it back in front of my mother.

  “Rrrr rrrr rrrr.”

  Pete chuckled as we hung up.

  My mother pursed her lips. “That call was longer than what we discussed. Don’t make this more difficult than it already is.”

  I fumed. “You’re the only one making things difficult.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “It probably seems unfair, but your father and I know what’s best for you. That’s all we’re thinking about.”

  “I’m old enough to know what’s right for me, Mom. I’m not eight.”

  “Do you hear yourself? Do you think if you walked out the door right now you could support, or even take care of, yourself?”

  “I’m sure I could manage,” I quipped.

  “I know you think you’re in love, but you’re too young to really understand what that is.” She said love with overt sarcasm.

  “I am absolutely, one hundred percent in love, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”

  She rolled her eyes, uncharacteristic of her. “Watch your mouth, young lady. I’m still your mother, even if you think you’re all grown up and ready to be on your own.”

  I glowered. When she turned around and walked away, I stuck my tongue out at her back. I reached up with my leg and kicked my bedroom door shut.

  I paced the floor, racking my brain about how I could escape the prison my parents had erected around me. I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to move out, but that stretched forward as light years away.

  I know! I’ll sneak out. That’s what my friends did. I had been too chicken to try it, plus our hardwood floors creaked in certain places. With my bedroom down the hall from my parent’s room, it seemed like an impossible mission. But maybe not.

  Running away was an option. Leave my ungrateful, irrational, prohibitive and unreasonable parents and show them I could make it on my own. Or maybe Pete and I could leave together. That sounded romantic.