Desensitizer
Page 12
It doesn’t seem like I’ll escape,
Nor these victims of their fate,
The more I try to pull away,
I’m stricken with ripping, lashing pain,
What the hell did I leave behind to pull me under this sinister bind?
To lose control of my spiritual mind and be sucked back under the grind?
I paid for my past crimes with my life,
I did my time and met the scythe,
Why would I want to do it twice?
I thought my death ensured my resign,
What is dead should eternally lie,
And finally rest to never rise,
Cursed, should be they who obstruct the design,
The end of the line of a ceasing time,
Surely someone’s got to pay,
And they had better well explain,
Why they must call on my name,
To exact their dismay and inflict pain,
Why must it be my duty to exact another’s fury?
Who is it playing jury and throwing it around loosely?
What kind of magic or curse is this?
I should not even exist,
I’m shackled, manacled by my wrists,
Bent to twist to another’s wish,
But just wait until I get free,
My captor’s themselves are going to bleed,
And the stronger their dread, the better I feed,
Their wildest dreams never matched my own deeds,
I’ll find a way to fight my way out, show ’em what I was and am about,
Give them a real reason to scream and shout, show ’em real fear and doubt,
And when they cave, I’ll masquerade,
A ritual to enslave, dancing on their grave,
Cast a nasty shade, torture and enflay,
And for mercy they’ll pray, the mercy, have slain,
And maybe then I may pass on,
When all traces are finally gone,
My destination reached once righting the wrongs,
The plane, the place where I truly belong,
What is dead should eternally lie,
And finally rest to never rise,
Cursed, should be they who obstruct the design,
The end of the line of a ceasing time,
What is dead should eternally lie,
And finally rest to never rise,
Cursed, be they who obstruct the design,
The end of the line of a ceasing time,
Exit Scenario
I must’ve murdered thirty men or more at this point. I can’t appear to roam free in the moments they have no use of me. There are long days between when they have me in action, where i just otherwise feel trapped – held prisoner yet again, against my will – encased in iron chains wrapped tightly around me and trailing off.
I feel very much a prisoner in my own head as my body is animated by some other means. I’m bored of the kills – none are still ever as inventive as I were – but still I am forced to carry out their orders.
I have had a fleeting feeling of hope as the thought once came to me to incite the Lord’s Prayer and test to see if it could release me of this dreadful slavery. And at the time, like any other time –I was desperate enough to try it.
Either I never said it right or I missed something – but the fool in me gave it a go and, nothing happened. It hadn’t made the chains locked to me any the weaker at all, and it didn’t give me the power to locate my captors to have my retribution either.
I guess I’ll just have to be vigilant and watch to see if they slip up. Just one tiny little mistake then, boom – I’ll pounce on them with everything I got, wreak my vengeance for having awakened me from my eternal rest and force me to exact their unspeakable deeds.
Just that one chance is all I need. And until then I’ll plan, I’ll scheme up the perfect tactics to fire down in on them. And they’ll have never before seen such a ruthless rage as mine… I’ll get ’em…
Enter Scenario
“You may call me the ‘Black Priest’ – ‘The Dark Pastor’ – ‘The Sinister Father’ – your ‘Unholiest Preacher’..”
“I host for a Black Mass. We party like we’ve just found out tomorrow ain’t comin’ – party like it’s been cancelled. Orgies? Yes, you can bet your sweet arse there are, consecration for sacrilegious devastation is extremely important. We beg for the Devils’ Bless. We chant the beautiful mystical Angelic language Enochian. We practice and exercise, train the inner beast. We indulge and we aren’t compelled. And above all, we never advance a pursuit without ever first having received reciprocated consensual invitation. We revel in such sensation, such blissful excitement, such joyous ecstasy and the fulfilment these pleasures bring. Here, I have designed a devastation mantra – I call it the carnage invocation. A real ripper for the Anarchists out there. Enjoy,
Ave Satanis!
Rege Satanis!
Shemhemforesh!”
Carnage Invocation
Slip on up through the smoke of a crisis,
Ascend on up Dionysus
I call to thee
Rise
Ascend to me
Glory to the hand of the better man,
Ascend on up Pan
I call to thee,
Rise
Ascend to me
Wind your way on the winds of chaos,
Ascend on up Sabazios,
I call to thee
Rise
Ascend to me,
Where blood is shed under corruption – another may suffer,
Ascend on up Damballa,
I call to thee
Rise
Ascend to me,
Whereupon the deceived unbeknownst mass devastates,
Ascend on up Hecate,
I call to thee
Rise
Ascend to me,
I call upon all infernal names,
Make haste,
Hasten presence; feel the passion,
Our tribute sacramented with flames
Our tribute,
Sacramented to you
In flames.
Exit Scenario
“Come to the call infernal ones! Rouse all the demons and exist this day, claim your casualties, avenge the unjust, Rise to the surface! I strip you of your binds, come and save, serve to your purpose and give the enemy new reason to shudder and tremble. Instil the fear and claim your thrones of this realm. Bless us with your wisdom and courage, endow us with your cunning and strength, receive our tribute and worship, thanks and praise, rise this day. Be free this day – fierce this day, serve us – your beloved, your faithful chain-breakers.”
“Ave Satanis!
Shemhemforesh!
Hail Satan!”
Enter Scenario
“What ungodly hour is this that I am summoned from my rest. There had better be a solid good reason or so help me God – I will unleash a wrath of which the world is still too young to understand – let alone handle. I was enjoying that sleep – and I don’t quite feel as recovered as I should but if I am rebirthed to that earth – then let there be a rage to tremble those most sturdy and steady, in the name of all that is both holy and unholy – I will shake the foundations of those justified in how they treat others. There will be no fucking mercy spared – I will fucking explode!” – Brig.
Chaos Calling
In aimless meander within the dark,
A jagged, ragged crevice in my heart,
Until a sudden consuming spark,
Dawns a new journey to disembark,
Memories and feelings come back clawing,
Long dead contradictions are respawning,
Spat back out from the abyss crawling,
&
nbsp; Summoned to crush the chaos calling,
My manoeuvres, unconventional, yet progressive,
Unavoidable setbacks aren’t worth contesting,
They knew when they picked me, I get messy,
But the job gets done no matter how distressing,
I’d rather pennant recognition, instead of the glory,
That black abyss is one hell of a purgatory,
Shat back out fulfilling Gods’ wrath roaring,
Summoned to crush the chaos calling,
I never would have thought,
My methods would be sought,
To wage a rage in battles to be fought,
’Gainst the disorder misconduct had wrought,
Memories and feelings come back clawing,
Long dead contradictions are respawning,
Spat back out from the abyss crawling,
Summoned to crush the chaos calling,
I’d rather pennant recognition, instead of the glory,
That black abyss is one hell of a purgatory,
Shat back out fulfilling Gods’ wrath roaring,
Summoned to crush the chaos calling,
Exit Scenario
“Fuck that’s painful – crossing over to these’ insects’ world. Chaos rising – you are mine, I come at the call and we’ll dance the dance, I’ll wipe out millions of the minions and fissure and quake the ground – the land they tread upon. I’ll rip fear into them like lightening streaks whipping and cracking through the sky. The thunderous, roaring, booming scream of legion ascending up from the abyss. Thousands of years, millions of souls consumed and combined into one, I will smite all who oppose the very nature I stand for, and they’ll all witness a hatred and loathing like none have ever beared real witness to – I hear you call Chaos – I’m coming!” – Brig.
Enter Scenario
“You’re a fucking idiot!” Euzopherias’ sister spat at him into the phone.
“You think you are so much fucking better than me, but you’re not any fuckin’ smarter I assure you, I fuckin’ piss myself laughing,” Euzopherias spat sarcastically back,
“Oh you laugh? We all fucking laugh at you” she retorted mimicking his sarcasm.
“Well I’m going to go far with my talent and intellect, meet famous and important people and possibly collaborate with them, even trip overseas, and what are you fuckin’ useless fat lazy cunts doing besides dole bludging, getting pissed, gambling, eating shit food and doing fuck all around the house?
“I’ve got a job, mouths to feed, a car and for your information I had a nice place and soon to be another,” she yelled at her brother.
“Soon to be and HAD, because you moved back in with these fuck-heads’ place to get back on your feet, I’m making do, I’m learning cool shit, shit that’ll take me beyond where you useless cunts can go, I’m doing it fuck ya, and look at you lot!” Euzopherias yelled back.
“You’re a fuckin bastard cunt druggo fuck, go earn your millions and go waste it on drugs, piss it away ya fuckin’ dickhead!” she yelled again,
You’re not having any more to do with me or my life or anything or anyone that stems from me from now on, you can go and fuck yourself!” He’d yelled back.
She then hung up on him. What a fuckin’ bitch, Euzopherias thought to himself. Later that night he bought some fortified wine, cranked up some music on his laptop playing Iron Maiden and got into writing another poem. He’d titled it ‘Cry For You… (Nevermore)’
Cry for You.. (Nevermore)
Once upon a time I could cry for you,
But you fight blindly black and blue,
None of them cared that I was disrespected,
And naturally the trauma had me affected,
You don’t see the difference between control and being guided,
You’re oblivious to the lies that never subsided,
It hurt me more to see that they remained cool and calm,
To force onto me all their damaging harm,
And my pain was never shown atop the surface,
Constantly I’d question for their purpose,
Because I was different they could do what they want to me,
And lie and tell me I was family,
No one ever let me feel as though I did belong,
Always quick to show me when I was wrong,
Every one of them were bullies and you became one too,
And you joined in amongst the action of the hell they put me through,
Even through all the angst of my pain and blame and shame,
I was the only one to see I still remained sane,
All the pressure they put on me and logic never made sense,
Why did they want to drain me and make my hate intense?
I’m never going to respect anybody who wants to be so cruel,
And to let them get away with it makes you more the fool,
For as long as my irreparable scars have remained invisible,
I’m finally justified to see their karma makes them just as miserable,
Exit Scenario
…Euzopherias text-messaged his sister telling her a happy birthday, her birthday just four days after that horrid row over the phone. That argument that had infuriated him enough to write ‘Cry For You…(Nevermore) had happened just FOUR days prior to the day marked of her birth, he had hoped he could have put it all behind him and show that he did still care enough to send acknowledgement of her for her birthday.
Weeks and months went by and Euzopherias received no recognition still. Not even when it passed by his birthday and even now. Been a year since. He didn’t apologize; He will not, not now, not ever. They remain to be the same themselves as they were during his imprisonment with them. She was more pissed to hear the part he said about them not being his parents.
After twenty years of not knowing his biological father, fate would have it that Euzopherias would and within those short six to seven years of little time he spent with his father and his father’s family, He began to feel as he’d always hoped and saw that family really could be more than he ever thought it should be.
Euzopherias enjoyed every moment with them and still does. He bets he’s gotta be one of those rare few in the world that got to get completely baked with his grandfather and father. And more than once.
In the short few years and time he’s have spent with his father and his family; Euzopherias felt far more connected, far more appreciated, far more important, and the furthermost comfortable he’d have ever been.
Really accepted. He felt at home, and a hell of a lot more than he’d ever done growing up alongside of his half sister and brother, their father, his wife and her two daughters. There were good times yes, but they weren’t too worth the difficulty through the all too often and extreme hard times.
But it always goes two ways, regardless of how intense the other party insists it goes the one way, theirs…
Enter Scenario
“I’m blowing the whistle and bringing the sizzle. I’m calling the bluff and these cunts are fucked.
They’ve been letting the power get to their heads and are abusing their privileges. Fucks are all huffed up, nose out of joint and just getting away with murder. I want to take this complaint higher. Take it to management – take it to the authorities, high courts. Anywhere for some way to get these bastards off of my back and rightfully in their place. Away and not breathing down my neck. A little discipline here and there is okay but they’ve just been taking it too far. They’re fucking vampires, give the kid a break for fucks sake. The harder you press the more defiant I’m going to become and nothing will change – certainly not the way you want it to. You want to blow it completely out of proportion – I’ll take it further, we’ll get you sorted yet. I have rights and you’re trespassing against me, you’re violating my rights and
you have no right doing so! Get dirty – I’ll just get dirtier. You can shove your compliance.” – Lerkett.
Defiant
I’ll no longer remain silent,
I call you out on the violence,
And I’ll forever be defiant,
In the face of your compliance,
My weapon is that I’m aware,
And I’m not just seeing shit that isn’t there,
You said you were scared but it never compared,
To the toll – the fare you’d expect me to bear,
You underestimate my intelligence and talent
But with due diligence, I accept the challenge,
I’ll taint you with madness, a little taste of my malice,
To live a life of sadness trapped by your old habits,
The muse of my short fuse alight at the abuse,
I suffered, I toughened to fight my way through,
Vindictive hypocrites never handle a lose, act all sore and bruised,
But my very last laugh will ultimately be hysterical laughter at you,
I’ll no longer remain silent,
I call you out on the violence,
And I’ll forever be defiant,
In the face of your compliance,
So shove your compliance,
Just shove your compliance,
I’ll forever be defiant,
And drop the silence on your violence,