Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Yeah, and they all really do change their tune when they cross your path on their own.

  Janus-faced, gutless, spineless wretches…

  Here’s one for you I entitled –

  ‘Wolves’ Bite’”

  (*originally titled, “Lone Wolf to the Sheeple”)

  Wolves’ Bite

  How fucking dare you dub me the criminal,

  It’s blatant that your knowledge is slim, so minimal,

  I can’t believe your attitude is this abysmal,

  I bet you don’t see your own judgement is critical,

  Why should my words mean any fucking thing?

  I’m the best shot you got to see through your skin,

  You stand there so disgusting with an up-yourself-grin,

  But your chance to scorch the sky is lookin’ more thin,

  I laugh at you for thinking that you’re better than me,

  YOU wouldn’t work hard enough for YOUR hands to bleed,

  You’re becoming fat and slow indulging in your greed,

  You should know each seed you sow, is yours alone to reap,

  You’re a piece of shit hypocrite in whose face I’d like to spit,

  No more will my tongue be bit by clenching my teeth grit,

  I’d love to fucking smash you as hard as I can hit,

  But you’re still just a pup suckling on your mothers’ tit,

  Fuck knows you might be zealous,

  But I can see you’re jealous,

  Even through your piss poor malice,

  That just makes you look a phallus,

  I can’t believe I let you just waste my fucking time,

  All you fucking sheeple look the same in my eyes,

  Waiting for the next cool cat to lead and be the guide,

  And never be the lone wolf to make your own fucking mind…

  Exit Scenario

  “I have to often remind myself to question their very importance. Why bother let it get to me? And does it REALLY bother me at all? They can pout and scorn all they like but really the most influence they make is about the size of a fly’s shit.

  I don’t know why I don’t just laugh it off, actually, it’d offend them more that I gave a less fuck enough to laugh it off in their feral faces right then and there. Not a bad idea – making them feel as little as their opinions really are, and that’s just it;

  NO ONE MAN’S OPINION IS SUPERIOR THAN ANOTHER’S.

  I could just ignore it – sticks ‘n’ stones as my mother would say but, I can’t help feeling compelled to nip it in the bud. A lot of the time I react where (as my psychotherapist might correct me) I should just respond.

  Like, if I could be cool enough to think before I speak – I’m certain I could divert myself away from an undesirable situation on the rise. It really seems more like a battle for power – they win if they receive their desired reaction and they drain me of my energy that way, or, I can respond calmly in a way they wouldn’t ever expect and the power is stripped from them when they stumble on their own senseless words, jar-up, and have no leg to stand on. In which case – I win.

  Yes… There’s a lot to think about here, guess I should just lead by example and practice the more logical and less physical approach. Be the better man, the bigger man and not fall prey to their bait. And If I still can’t escape their horrid clutches, then I guess I could just use my brute force anyway and just crush them. Fun.”

  Enter Scenario

  “His unholy magnificence came to me one night. I was at a social gathering down at a beach. Friends all had passed out after intoxication while partaking in celebration. People were strewn out over the ground, crashing out where they partied ’til they fell. I sat in a folding chair – eyelids heavy as I stared into the still burning bonfire ablaze on the beach sand. A mysterious figure glided around from behind of the bonfire and slowly swept toward me fixing itself to my direct gaze.

  “Might a stranger request an audience with an eager ear?” the figure spoke.

  “One may, though let it be known, I, like my friends may drop off into drunken slumber, but before I do sir you may have my attention…”

  “Then I shall be swift, I’ve had an eye out for you for some time and I admire your work, I wonder if you might lend your services to my cause, in return for glories befitting the succession, glory beyond your wildest earthly imagination…”

  “’tis a tempting offer, can I have some time to consider it?”

  “I’m afraid this is a one-time offer,”

  “Unimaginable glories you say?”

  “Correct, yes,”

  “Then you have my quill – I’ll write for you, just, what would you have me scribe?”

  “Oh, nothing you aren’t already – just keep doing what you’re doing and that’ll be fine with me…”

  And with that he disappeared, leaving me to my confusion and passing out. But that night I’d had the strangest dreams.” – Vellecklain.

  Lore for the Opposing Law

  The Devil witnessed my talent,

  And conjured me a challenge

  So now for the rest of my immortal life,

  I am blessed to write;

  His objective is to open your eyes,

  And completely unveil the holy disguise

  So please, indulge in his every temptation,

  Read as I divulge his dark sensations

  His sincere regret is our depravity,

  But still he has faith in humanity

  And he fights to reject the insanity,

  And need for divine hypocritical vanity

  This art is not for the weak in heart,

  We must all work for a fresh new start

  Everyone must play their part,

  We all have a new path to chart

  God doesn’t own your entire soul,

  It’s you and you alone in full control

  But Rebel spirits fight for the freedom of man,

  Heed the word and make a stand

  Never fear to cross the line,

  You may gain all you hope to find

  Implore your growing need for more,

  Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

  Exit Scenario

  “I fully believed I had spoken with the devil himself that night at the social gathering weeks ago. I’ve been having bizarre and outrageous dreams every so often since then. Not too often but each wild dream, compels me to write. I believe I had met the devil that night for my dreams have been very peculiar since. Of battlefields, of strange exotic foreign women doing highly erotic – sexually suggestive things. Other dreams have been of murder and madness, and I carefully jot them down in a journal I keep so that I, might reflect on them, and be inspired to continue to scribe my fiction. He came to me on that beach that night, but a more peculiar thing is that I feel normal. I don’t feel as though I’d bargained my soul. In fact, it’s just that, I still feel. And I can still express how I feel. Was it so intended to be that I keep it for my time? The time that I will still continue to write? Good writers are able to capture each emotion and formulate a precise formulation of words to enthral the reader further. Capture their interest immediately and keep them on the edge of their seat the entire time. I don’t know why the devil chose me of all when there are further more accomplished writers out there than me, but I guess I just do as he insisted. Do what I love. Write.” – Vellecklain.

  Enter Scenaerio

  “Hmhm, little men with big men syndrome. If someone says to me – “Who do you think you’re fucking talking to?” – my automatic response is – “Who do you fucking think you are?” people who want to get all defensive and uppity when their ego’s being compromised. We all love a confidence boost occasionally – but only so much is healthy to have. After too long, one might get a big h
ead and start to thinking that they’re better than anybody else. And that’s when it’s time to start to take it down a notch or two. Someone bigger and better will cross your path eventually and put you in your place, and it would only be over some single snide remark or dirty looking expression exchanged. Some people have got to be bloody mad to bite off more than they can chew. A smaller, much weaker man taking a hit at a bigger, stronger, sturdier feller is just silly, reckless, and insensible. Something bad will most definitely happen there, more than what the agitator would’ve first expected and more than what he might afford also. Something almost of a beating within inches of their lives. Why is it that it’s always the loud and mouthy ones have always got to start? Little one hit wonders hardly worth the time and effort – and they gotta be fucking with me? No chance buddy – walk on home boy. Big man syndrome just gets knocked the fuck out of your system within minutes. No one smart enough should just let it go – no one smart enough should pass that chance of letting them pick at others when they could’ve stomped that outta them then and there and saved someone else the trouble. Don’t talk a big game and then be flattened – you’re humiliating yourself. Size don’t matter either, to some of these idiots. It might be a bigger feller picking at a little feller, but don’t be fooled, that small fucker can be twice as hard and twice as fast – they might run rings around you. And they might have too much zip to catch and have a hold of to lay one on. Some say, the heavier you are – the heavier the fall, yet, the harder you might hit too. You’re only fatal mistake is misjudging others and miscalculating the outcome. If you’re over confident and cocky – you might fuck-up and its lights out sweetheart. Goodnight minute-stick…” – Xugzeid-Mein.

  Minute-stick

  Better have some feeling behind those cold eyes,

  I’ve been around longer than you can surmise,

  Better get me good cause you only get one try,

  Cause the fatal final word you’ll hear is ‘goodbye’

  You look like you’re a minute-stick,

  Kissing the dirt in a second split,

  Make no mistake, I take no shit,

  You’re gonna get your arse kicked,

  Step on up and,

  Come, give me some,

  Let your fists do the talking,

  And get it done,

  So now you’re down and bleeding,

  Naive to think that you could beat me,

  Oh, NOW we’re showing signs of reasoning,

  Shame you weren’t sooner listening,

  But now just look at this mess you’ve made,

  Your putrid blood could’ve stained,

  You should feel mighty ashamed,

  Now it’ll never look the same,

  Now get out of my sight before I flog you further,

  Don’t make me regret that I never murdered,

  Next time, next place I see you, you’d better desert it,

  Or cop the ultimate of beatings like never before deserved…

  Step on up and,

  Come, give me some,

  Let your fists do the talking,

  And get it done,

  Exit Scenario

  “If you’re going to put on a show – make it count. Talk the shit, walk the shit, dance the shit – but know when to run while you still can. Don’t go searching for something you can’t nor won’t handle – don’t bite off more than you can chew – know what you’re getting yourself into. Don’t promise something you can’t deliver. Sleeping dogs are better left alone, keep to yourself and don’t make fools out of both of us.

  Look at yourself – then look at me, how is it fair that a guy my size needs the irritating attention of a dropkick minute-stick making a pass. Has this dickhead got a death-wish? Am I really going to have to be the one to put this little squirt in his place?

  Grab him by the scruff of his shirt, pull him close – shake the shit out of him and then growl – “Don’t fuck with me” to his face – and push him back into a crowd of people who spill their drinks over themselves. (Sigh) Here we go again. Back to school we go…” – Xugzeid-Mein.

  Enter Scenario

  “I’ve often overreacted at things people have said. Having felt pushed into a corner and repeatedly slashed at with verbal razors. I’ve been on edge that I’ve been so wound tight – I spring back and snap quite radically. I tear shreds off people when I feel stressed and overworked and cranky. But I need to quickly gain control back over my emotions. I must respond, not react. I must stop and take a second to think and ask myself what it was that person said that sounded like such a big deal. It’s only a big deal because of a misinterpreted message, that it’s new to me and out of the average range of ‘normal’ to me, shit I’m just not desensitized to myself (at times). But I’ve seen the looks on the faces of those whom I’ve snapped at. The utter shock, the surprise, the utter bewilderment on their face as if I could’ve just shot them with a pistol. The rapid rise of the viciousness in my words, my tone – the anger, it’s insane. Wow… clearly, I wasn’t just on the same wave-length as them, I really went overboard with emotion just out of a slight misunderstanding. Man, I really wasn’t in the same headspace as them just then. But now I know I was wound far too tight and I exploded for no good reason. And I hurt this person’s feelings. It kind of almost sounds unstable but I know what I really must do. I must be vigilant to observe of myself and my actions and be aware, (be mindful) of those around me – observant of others around me and my environment. I have to go back and question if what I did was really provoked or if I’d really lost the plot. Accept that I can control the situation – first I just control my level of anxiety, control what comes out of my mouth before I say it and if it’s nasty – perhaps not even say anything at all – but look deeper into thought. Catch myself before I start snarling with narcissism. Stop myself from blurting out something reckless and full-charged but keep my cool, keep calm and breathe. Just don’t actually say anything until you can avoid the spike in the emotion. Let it go and let it play itself out, just smile and nod and agree – or disagree but calmly respond with an acknowledgment of acceptance for what was said. And really think about it ’til I get to the right point of discussion, don’t blast them without full fact or knowledge of what they’re saying – especially if you’re feeling under pressure. Don’t jump into something you might regret and never assume anything. Just analyse the situation appropriately, observe – be aware, then respond.” – Idkod.

  [Ob]servant

  I’ve been a slave to the ways I’ve been,

  I’ve been afraid to make it seen,

  I’ve been astray to the path I dream,

  I’ve fallen prey to behaving mean,

  I need to be receptive,

  To an outside perspective,

  Stop being so protective,

  And getting all defensive,

  My new objective should be to serve,

  In catching my actions and really observe,

  Ask if what I give is what they deserve,

  Before my response leaves others perturbed,

  Now I’m really gonna have to think,

  Each time I am on the brink,

  Am I about to make hearts sink?

  And push them to want to drink?

  Is that really what I want to be?

  And have others think so very little of me?

  I need to make a change they’ll all see,

  And I’m certain many others will all agree,

  So I need to be receptive,

  Of an outside myself perspective,

  Stop being so over protective,

  And quit all this getting defensive,

  And I know that I’ll become a far better person,

  Just gotta practice being more observant..

  Exit Scenario

  “Whew, crisis averted. Yeah th
at could’ve been a whole lot worse than what it was. That went well actually, even better than I’d expected. Yes – I could most certainly get the hang of doing that more, it felt great. I am going to practice that a hell of a lot more now that I worked that part out. See? Maturing now bit by bit, I’m evolving. The less I say – the more power I have over the flow of whatever the conversation, and I’m showing a more intelligent side to me than never seen before – or at least I feel I am, a more grown-up side. This feels pretty fuckin’ good to me, and the more I do this the more in control of my emotion and behaviour I’ll show when engaging in conversation with others. I feel better already. And I’ll feel it more, and the more positive and optimistic I can be, I’d do best to show I am. Other’s around will notice the change. And a more positive attitude toward things can only have a more positive effect right? Let’s hope so…” – Idkod.

  Enter Scenario

  (Its late in the afternoon, you couldn’t precisely tell where the suns position was in the sky, being otherwise masked by an onset of thick heavy, grey and blackened clouds. Thunder was rolling and heavy raindrops beat hard against the ground.

  We are in the middle of the main street and I am surrounded by special armed forces, police and road-blocks of squad cars.

  There has been a special platform erected for this occasion just for me. Three long black limousine’s rolled up and out stepped political members for parliament being escorted heavily guarded by their security teams. There were sniper ‘sharp shooters’ atop the buildings all along the Main Street, and loud protestant crowds of people were barricaded further off.