Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Assume Control

  Twist your mind, contort it,

  Closer to mine, morbid – sordid,

  Drop the madness, bare it, flaunt it,

  I absorb it – I applaud it,

  Now I know we’re similar,

  Let’s plan something sinister,

  There’s chaos to administer,

  Come, closer, listen up,

  Some tones have got to change,

  Some zones have got to break,

  We all know it’s high-stakes,

  We’ve gotta grow the ranks,

  Gotta take over and assume control,

  Do it for the better and by the whole,

  Claim us back what they’d stole –

  Dig ’em out their resting hole,

  Too long our future has not been in our favour,

  We all know we need a saviour,

  But we can all each raise our rapiers,

  Raid in the chaos, plunderous behaviours,

  Twist your mind, contort it,

  Closer to the morbid – like mine, sordid,

  Drop the madness, bare it, flaunt it,

  I absorb it – I applaud it,

  Gotta take over, assume control,

  And do it for the better and by the whole,

  Claim us back what they’d stole,

  Dig ’em out their rotting hole.

  Exit Scenario

  “There are criminals out there that have successfully gained important roles. And these criminals haven’t ever – nor ever will see outside life from inside the bars. They’re just too clever. My only advice to them is, live it up while you can because someday, someone’s gonna stray across your path and fuck you worse than you’ve done to countless others. And they will be as cunning and clever as you. Live it up while you can. Our path, the anarchists’ path requires delicate steps and considerable amount of contemplation. We must accept that when we rebel – we will be rebelled against and must tactfully counter it where-fit. Anarchists must be ‘paranoid’ in order to avoid carelessness. They must consider the consequences and be at peace with it when it comes back around. Be proud of what you can manage to achieve and where others may plot and trespass against you – so shall you devise against and repay indebted respects, similar respects.

  Revel in the chaos,

  Ave Satanis,

  Assume control.” – Privisctine.

  Enter Scenario

  “I have always had a fascination with Crows and Ravens. A fascination considerably comparable with the Pagan God Odin. Some say they’re considered an omen, but I have always loved seeing these carrion birds. Skittish as they are – I’ve tried to approach them many a time but to no avail. I’ve always wanted to draw so close as to caress their down to try to get some idea of what they feel like, but I bet its marvellous. I’ve wondered how silky their feathers might feel as they glisten in the sun, they gleam. I feel close to them, I really, really like these birds. One day I sat outside enjoying my first coffee for the day and saw through the fence – on the nature strip before the road – a crow watching me. And it was this moment in time that I had felt unease for the very first time, gazing in the direction of the bird and staring to its eyes. First time I had ever felt unease, I loved these birds.

  I had never felt this discomfort before. I’d enjoyed every encounter with them; only, this time I wondered whether it be of the emotion I was consumed with momentarily. Facing a perilous situation and as sensitive as I generally am, whatever the universe presents me with – the discomfort with this bird felt very much like a dark omen to me. A signal to proceed with a caution amid these current times and events. And for the first time upon sensing this with the bird I favoured before others, I was inspired to scribe this piece. ‘Black Bird’.” – Mortezzo.

  Black Bird

  Black bird watching from beyond the fence,

  What do I await yet to commence?

  Might you be the omen of a consequence?

  A premonition of a force to change events,

  Black bird with your eyes that pierce,

  Your demeanour stance ever fierce,

  The formidable stigma still over leers,

  The haunting, the warning still sin sears,

  Black bird that stares me deep,

  The nexus subject of my lost sleep,

  A sinister shadow hind of me creeps,

  The silence as mine alone to keep,

  Black bird of much mystery,

  Why do you lock eyes with me?

  Do you see my scarred history,

  Or my corrosive clinging misery,

  Black bird I see you’re scorning,

  And wonder of what you’re warning,

  Do I hold tight through the storming?

  And tighter still through further mourning,

  Black bird with your call so coarse,

  I feel I know what you endorse,

  Your very sight stuns my voice hoarse,

  And that is when I must remorse,

  Exit Scenario

  “I received this as an omen of caution and accepted it as sincerely and seriously as I felt it. And as I felt it was a such sign from the universe – I did proceed with as much caution throughout those times and events. As much as I was capable of doing so. I feel I got by it all right – after taken heed of this ‘gesture’. I felt I was granted a safe passage through but felt appreciative and grateful I was forewarned – and sensitive enough to pick up on it in the first place. I pay attention, always attentive, but contemplate my next strategy around it. I thanked and praised the universe (yes, as mad as it sounds) and expressed my appreciation of it, appreciation for this apparition of prudence.” – Mortezzo.

  Enter Scenario

  “The body; an organic construction consisting of cells and matter with physical mass and electrical currents that animate. A vessel, a vehicle powered by something immortal. Energy, a spirit – the soul. It is divine when we connect with other living breathing beings. Personalities each individual has and the vitality of life. The body by which mortally lives inhabited by something psychic – that after years of sciences can prove a real physical thing. Energy linked to a cosmic web that we have only dreamt of for thousands of years. That by taking Christ’s words – God is in everything – literally, even in us – that we can be influenced by such energies to do the most radical, mysterious things we do – and on occasion, the rare miracle. Our bodies are expressive, driven by the animating spirit within us. We must embrace it, connect with it, and in turn – connect with the rest of the universe. Our energies all return to that spiralling, cycling web one day, and we need to feed it the best we can, in spreading what differences we can make while living for good. Really fulfilling ourselves, so that when our energies return to the cycle, we return fully charged and wait again for return. Another chance at another life in another time. Reincarnation – some may call it, another turn.” – Towltku.

  Body Temple

  Tamper not with my inner workings,

  Something insidious is inside lurking,

  A façade you’ll find rather irking,

  Otherwise frightfully disturbing,

  I may haunt upon impression,

  My body a temple exacting expression,

  The outer, a shell of an inner reflection,

  The step midway between dimensions,

  This body of coursing energy,

  In its’ own, a mortal entity,

  Vital, the battle of indemnities,

  Vigil, the watch of lethal enemies,

  My body temple a haunted mansion,

  This flesh suit vessel a funny contraption,

  Live and learn by our actions,

  Evolution, the spirited soul expansion,

  The souls beneath the skin,

  Except
for death, release is slim,

  And there’s no point going arguing,

  Against what force had locked you in,

  Live your life completely out,

  Find out what the fuss is all about,

  Living reason to scream and shout,

  Expressing and expelling all doubts,

  My body temple a haunted mansion,

  This flesh suit vessel a funny contraption,

  Live and learn by our actions,

  Evolution, the spirited soul expansion,

  My body temple a haunted mansion,

  This flesh suit vessel a funny contraption,

  Live and learn by our actions,

  Evolution, the spirited soul expansion,

  Exit Scenario

  “I have no regrets with the marks of tattoos or piercings or scars over my body. I’ve always felt freely expressive with my emotions and I’ve felt I should’ve had the right to freely express myself with my body. I’ve felt about as aged as my experiences have made me. Probably more so than some of my peers from school. A good percentage of the age groups I spent time with were just a little to quite a lot older than I. I was always eager to listen to them, their experiences, stories, lessons and more; felt like a lot of the time – that was the age I wanted to be, the age I’d prefer to be. And I don’t know if that, I wanted to be taken seriously was part to do with it but it was a perk. Having people around me of a similar mind who’d make as much sense as I’d tried to speak of it myself, to people who just had no idea – and wouldn’t ever get it. Being surrounded by intolerable buffoons who thought so little of me but never did any better themselves was somewhat of a silent hell for me, and I at least wanted to separate myself from the crowd a good lot of the time – and think to myself – I could be somewhere better, I could be somewhere better. I’d tried all manners of things to distance myself from the imbeciles. Tattoos were a good one – smoking, and a bad attitude – and the look to go with it all. It didn’t stop it though, just made it worse – made it easier for them to feel better about treating me like shit. I would cringe at the sound of their voice I was so fuckin’ pissed off. Not too long in I felt I was being inhabited by an otherworldly figure. A separate voice in my head and the occasional flash of his image out the corner of my eye… he said he was my older brother – everybody else said he was me…” – Towltku.

  Enter Scenario

  “One might wonder what energy he feeds something he often thinks about. A gift of good energy your way if, in prayer, you apologize for your poor behaviour towards others but offer God condolences with having him send your strength out to others, some sort of energy to heal them or put things right. Apologize silently out to the universe for having caused a disturbance somewhere along the line that may cause an ill effect to rift out and possibly return a like degree. Pouring all your heart into the prayer asking forgiveness and guidance – strength and a quick wit to catch yourself before you say or do something that you might regret. Humility of sorts, before now it was secret and sacred to me to practice this. Asking for the knowledge to flow to me in some way or another to know better and practice it better, consistently, daily, and be a superior me than I have been prior. Show I can be different when not allowing a smart-mouth get the better of me – remaining calm, cool, in charge and in control of my emotions, that I won’t break no matter what they do – an invoked violence from some boofhead and invitation to a chaos I don’t need nor want. Exercise some control over myself that I don’t snap and snarl a vicious unnerving negativity that my agitators never expect coming. No – I don’t want that. Never liked it when it went that way. The energy I feed what entity I beg forgiveness and reconciliation from, give thanks and praise – then, I will eventually see some recognition of the universe. I am sent signs – signals that I remember I had previously enquired about. Whatever power I put focus to returns it back – a same respect – good or bad. And most of the time I know when I’ve just been revealed a revelation. And forces all over are battling for my affections. My energy. Every side knows what benefit there is in my focus and each side is in competition for my faith. I just really only wanted a balance I want both or all sides to work in synchronicity with each other. Not battle for the entirety of the focus. Harmonically, harmoniously synchronized and not fight against every angle of the opposite. Balanced. I want to mediate the change. And maybe it’s all in the way that I still have much to learn and much, much yet to give, repent and reconcile a connection with the faiths I’d lost contact with for some time. It’s never easy and it really hasn’t been – not for me, and for those who think it is – guess again, I know better and no it hasn’t been, who are you kidding? You know jack all.

  On occasion I’d tried to end it, on the brink of madness and agitation – I’d made attempts on myself…they’d failed. Yet the marks of my attempts still show. I still do feel from time to time there is no escape and regardless of how bad I want to change – there are difficult times still where I cannot change the way of the interaction between myself and strangers. No matter how bad I want things to change and try to change them – strangers want to remain belligerent, cold, cynical, negative. I fire up so quick it makes it worse and I still have trouble catching myself before I say something stupid – feeding it back to them. No escape and no salvation – because though I know better – I lose patience trying to be calm and cool with others when they can’t seem to have it to show me. And the energy cycles back around. I feel as though it’s some kind of purgatory and I can never transcend it. I can’t get beyond it and I lose count of all the years it’s been since my loved ones surpassed me in this life and passed on, yet I remain here still, cursed. Yet to make up for something, yet to prove either side – or the more beneficial one for the cause – that I am completely theirs and not the others’. Both or all entities want me for themselves, slander me, curse me, slam me, have it in for me for not being so decisive so fast and picking their team, their side – and this purgatorial life of mine is soon a hell. A hell I never pass beyond…” – Arahziel.

  Cursed In The Name Of Death

  Have you ever wondered what it’s like?

  To be denied to die?

  To longingly yearn that ride in the hearse,

  Yet still wander aimlessly, cursed,

  God would know I’d benefit the devil,

  So, I’m kept locked to this level,

  I am never to transcend,

  For my failure to submit to repent,

  Try as I might to take my life,

  My attempts denied every time,

  Some may say that I am blessed,

  But I know I’m cursed in the name of death,

  Closer, upon examination,

  Some might see an abomination,

  Scars, evidence, of my attempts

  To provoke my own sudden death

  I conceal my appearance wherever I roam,

  Have many an acquaintance but remain alone,

  Drowning deep in my guilt and grief,

  Never released, never relieved,

  Eternal life? Eternal something,

  Nil acceptance settling for nothing,

  How would anyone think this is bless?

  To be cursed in the name of death…

  Destined to exceed all life,

  Watch others all around me die,

  Only fools would care to think this bless,

  But I know I’m cursed in the name of death…

  Exit Scenario

  “I must still have much to learn and I must still have to make the choice and take a pick of the who or what I must follow and remain true to. Prove my worth and prove my faith is entirely loyal to them. I feel almost as though I betray myself having to relinquish my intelligent thought to a lesser being to control. Lesser in the sense they feel they should have the right to be above me, control what I do and have no regard
for my well-being. Lesser still, to not take too seriously what sensible logic I may share. Familiar to me of past experiences with what life I’d known long before any of this came to be. I’m forbidden of an afterlife and in some ways of a choice and the freedom to do what I desire. To rest and forget the miserable monotony this endless life of mine comprises. I’m slaved to show a loyalty to some entity to deny me an absolution and way out. False hopes where I am less able to entertain a fantastical ideal reality, the false belief things might one day be different – no matter that there is never any proof against it. How could the power I serve not want any better for me nor want to allow any better for me? How is it that control is any better a method? How don’t others see blackmail for compliance for a manipulating control be better than the blatant laziness to do REAL good? No reaching beyond an explanation as to why where the answer’s just a ‘NO’? SLOTH. Gods’ sin ultimately – or what we see within all humanity some way or another…condescending…” – Arahziel.