Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  And getting just halfway through can mean a heartache,

  You only get so far before it can no longer be fake,

  And it can break you in ways you’d never contemplate,

  I’m keeping my head up best I can and am holding on,

  Persevere, endure, show my character off strong,

  Organize and strategize and it won’t take long,

  Get through the day and have a beer and a bong,

  I’ve gotta walk before I run,

  My journey’s just begun…

  Exit Scenario

  “Everybody faces scrutiny, it’s hard to know whether it’s positive or deconstructive feedback. How does anybody have the right to be paranoid over who writes what about them when it’s all true? – if you weren’t so shady, you wouldn’t feel guilty. Journal entries; commenting in a diary how people are treating you and what you have to put up with, chronicling an everyday basis of the upsets and angers, disappointments people face when dealing with others, the emotional and mental manipulation bullshit that some have over you – well, when you write about it – what gives these people the right to bully you, torment you, punish you when it’s the only way you can get your emotion out writing about it? How can these people never feel guilt for taking it out on you for speaking your peace when it’s them it’s the reason why in the first place? They barely ever leave you the fuck alone and when you explode – they beat you back down for not having contained it and slandered them for release. Well I hope like fuck every arsehole I have ever had to be around and with all their bullshit that followed – is forever irritated by some form of haemorrhoid. A like return. I hope sincerely they continue to have as terrible luck as they deserve for taking their shit out on others (and never actually see they’re being difficult and unreasonable). The kind of cunts that always only ever blame others for their misfortune and take everybody else down with them. The kind of cunts that always want to fight and beat the crap out of someone for far less than they deserve. Fuckin’ pisses me off…” – Growlt.

  Enter Scenario

  Lucifer: “Remind me again why I should send you back?”

  Youthra: “There’s plenty more of them than there are of me.”

  Lucifer: “But I quite like your vibe, you’re difficult for me to just release,”

  Youthra: “Yeah, ok, I’ve sinned, but there are heaps more up there that I can bring to you, if you’re worried so much – I’ll seal the deal – you know how, why is it such a big deal?”

  Lucifer: “Trust, let’s say I do send you back – how am I supposed to know you won’t have a change of heart and start ‘do-gooding’?”

  Youthra: “Seriously? You really think God or Jesus Christ themselves are gonna want me after what I intend to do? I can assure you I won’t ascend – I didn’t the first time I’d died…”

  Lucifer: “Look I can’t expect you to understand the risk of this gamble I’m taking, but just don’t forget for one second that I won’t be watching all the while…”

  Youthra: “What do you want me to say? That I love you Satan? I need you Satan? I can’t be without you Satan?”

  Lucifer: “Don’t mock me you little shit! IF I send you back, it’ll be on MY terms alone, you hear me? Time is energy, why let one go if I don’t get more in return? You know what it is you offer, but you had better deliver,”

  Youthra: “All right then, I’ll give you my most sincere and solemn oath that I will; in all my power herald and cavort as much evil and darkness as I can, and inject and pollute as much of the society with it as I can.”

  Lucifer: “Fine. Then it is done. Deliver me all the sinful scum you can gather and return as swiftly as possible, and should ye succeed – I might have a special place picked right out for you upon your return…remember, I’ll be watching, and if you think you can cheat me – you’ll be sorely mistaken and punished accordingly…Don’t fail, now go…”

  (And with that, he clicked his fingers and the scenes around Youthra flickered and blurred, dissolving quickly enough that he felt he was travelling at the speed of light – and then suddenly – he was spitting up dirt, clawing his way out of the ground. He couldn’t tell exactly how long that he was dead for, but he looked as though he should have felt considerably weaker given his semi-skeletal appearance. But, he felt phenomenal…)

  ReSpawned

  Out from the cursed crypts I rise,

  To lead revolt and lethal demise,

  A rottened flesh wrapped reprise,

  An odorous decay to poison the skies,

  It seems that I’ve been second-chanced,

  And now I’ll make those fucker’s dance,

  My Devilution has been enhanced,

  Their screams won’t match my laughter’s’ resonance,

  They’ll rue the day that they’d betrayed,

  And dug me deep my own grave,

  I’ll have my way and make them pay,

  Burden them weight of all my pain,

  I’ll scheme as precarious as vengeance should be,

  Make just their unjust indemnities on me,

  Turn it all on them and make them bleed,

  Have them beg and plead for the end of my nefarious deeds,

  This is the day I’ve been in wait for,

  Devil’s bless have me respawned,

  Glory be to the barbaric gore,

  The lost war the traitors have instore,

  Devil blessed I’m second-chanced,

  And I’m gonna make those fucker’s dance,

  I’m on the hunt to reprimand,

  Their screams, beautifully resonant…

  Exit Scenario

  ““It’s not possible…” said one of the old boss’s henchmen.

  “Oh, you better believe it,” I sniggered sinisterly.

  “How?” he trailed off, and before he could reach for the gun at his holster, I pulled a dagger I had concealed beneath the belt of my torn jeans and drove it through the bottom of his jaw and up through his head.

  He stared, wide-eyed in horror and shuddered terribly – his blood spurting profusely out from the wound – and I caught a quick glimpse of my reflection in his glassy eyes before he fell stiff as a board backwards and landed hard on his back. I crouched over the top of him, looked him in the eyes and said;

  “Tell my new boss your other mates will be arriving soon,” and I retrieved the dagger back out from his skull.

  I stood back up and walked across the yard to the front door of my betrayers’ residence. I stopped as I passed a full-length window – the curtains drawn closed behind the glass – and marvelled at my decaying appearance. I raised my hand and turned it over and back again, looking at the reflection then back to my hand – to and from, really soaking in the sight.

  I then wandered up to the entrance door of the mansion and turned the door knob to find it locked. I raised my leg and bent it then kicked the door in, splintering it so that it barely clung from its’ hinges. The noise of the door being kicked in alerted a couple more of the henchmen on the floor and they came running to stop dead in my presence.

  “Aaaargh,” one of them shouted in disbelief covering his nose from the odour of my rotting flesh.

  “Fuck!” another of them shouted who drew a gun and fired at me.

  “Uh,” I sounded as the force made me stumble back a step.

  “Big mistake buddy,” I said and threw the dagger still in my hand, piercing the one with the gun through the neck. He pulled it out and fell to his knees clamping his hand over his bleeding jugular, coughing and spluttering, his blood running fast.

  His mate picked up the gun he dropped and went to fire, but I was quicker. I pulled a second dagger from my waist and threw it, lodging it in his eye causing him to fall. I ran at them, retrieved both daggers and hastily rushed onward; on hunt for the very one who’d origina
lly ordered my execution.

  I cut down more and more of his men in my pursuit, must’ve been about thirty of them by the number, in the time I’d stormed all the way through the mansion yet, not once did I find the man responsible. I left. And I vowed that I would not rest until I found him.

  And still my search continues.” – Youthra.

  Enter Scenario

  “I’m on the rise. I’m going up, and I’m going to push – and keep pushing until a path shows its way clear through the rough rugged jungle I walk. I’m going to keep cutting and carving – slashing and tearing at my way through the mess until I make it out. I’ll take whatever challenge barricades the path and smash through it to the prize. Clawing, climbing my way through to glory, a victory like I’ve only dreamt and only ever promised to myself silently. I’m going to make these dreams a reality and I won’t stop until I can breathe no longer. When life gets tough – I’m gonna get a whole lot tougher and counter whatever misfortune befalls me. I might be knocked from my feet, might get rushed at, again and again but I vow that I’m always gonna get back up – smile, dust myself off and laugh because I’m not done. I won’t ever be done until I’m satisfied the impression I’d made will last as long as rock or stone or metal. I’m gonna rise.” – Subbau.

  Rise

  I’m gonna be living my life for me,

  I’m gonna be what I wanna be,

  Gonna take every opportunity,

  Gonna rise up and succeed,

  I’m now ready to rock and roll,

  I’m ready to go out, assume control,

  Centred and stable and got full-hold,

  And I won’t quit nor fold,

  I’m gonna give it everything I’ve got,

  And never once cease until I drop,

  Gonna take it right to the top,

  Organise, scheme and plot,

  I’m gonna do what I want to do,

  A quest for success becomes a due,

  Looking positive with a skyward view,

  Gonna stick to my guns on all the way through,

  I’m defining my new path,

  Learning, loving and gaining fast,

  Breaking free of a tormented past,

  Finding my true peace at last,

  Life has really just begun,

  Go and do and make it fun,

  While we’re nimble and still young,

  Something new we haven’t done,

  I’m gonna be living my life for me,

  I’m gonna be what I wanna be,

  Gonna take every opportunity,

  Gonna rise up and succeed,

  I’m now ready to rock and roll,

  I’m ready to go out, assume control,

  Centred and stable and got full-hold,

  And I won’t quit nor fold,

  Exit Scenario

  “I might almost die inside from time to time, but then from the rubble of damage I take under attack – I will cocoon myself and shield myself in a hardened shell (figuratively – theoretically speaking) and incubate, restore the strength stripped of me at whichever crucial time. What doesn’t kill me, will piss me off, leave a scar and harden me up all at the same time. And when I return for retribution, by the time I am ready to recompense – I will have all the ammunition, weapons and tools I need to ascend up to the plate and take back what I lost and more – for the compensation of being temporarily disabled in my endeavours. And when, when I recover, I will be far more than what I was before falling or being forsaken. I will recover, recuperate, restore myself and then I will scheme. I will strategize a much stronger and more meticulous tactic – more vicious, more ruthless than I was prior. And my drive – my ambition, will have an appetite unlike it were before. I will have the thirst, I will have the hunger – and by that time, I’ll never settle for any less than the best that I can achieve. I will rise, and I will be unstoppable.” – Subbau.

  Enter Scenario

  “It’s all about the impression, the impact. Making your presence known and really rocking it whatever you do – wherever you go. It’s about leaving a mark, a cut that lingers and after all is gone, after all is said and done. Who are you to anybody if you never affect them in anyway. Who are you if people don’t know you for something worthy of remembering. Mysterious things are questioned the most – further mystery is what absence is noticed long after whatever it was (that made such a controversy, such a presence) is suddenly gone. Silence – maybe peace for some – others not so much, not for another like myself…

  …an explosive nature virtually implies somebody active in the means of well, taking action. Somebody that won’t let an unjust situation go unrecompensed. Meaning that, where a confrontation is needed, you can count there’s going to be a confrontation. That person isn’t going to stand by and let any means of any sort of trespass withhold. It’s somebody that won’t just settle when there are discrepancies, issues, or some complication impeding on the peace. That person is more than likely going to kick up a dust storm and rage until their point is made. And so be it… Bring it, rule by thunder.” – Arahziel.

  Rule By Thunder

  I’m big, bold, loud and proud,

  An extrovert that really lets it out,

  I tally the bouts, count the rounds,

  And I don’t go down without a sound,

  People know when I’m around,

  Can tell just where I’ve been,

  You just know I’m bound to be found,

  At the centre of the scene,

  People have gotta know when they have no clue,

  And kicking up a ruckus might help them to,

  Make it stick like it’s glued,

  And have an audience with you,

  I’m a peace dooming presence,

  I’m told silence is pleasant,

  But it bores me to depression,

  And back again through recession,

  It’s when people take possession,

  They may soon do a number,

  You’ve gotta teach a lesson,

  Cut loose the roaring thunder,

  People need to know when they have no clue,

  And kicking up a ruckus might help them to,

  Make it loud, make it stick like glue,

  But have an audience round you,

  Best have an audience around…

  Bring The Thunder

  Exit Scenario

  ““fuck that feller was fuckin’ insane eh,”

  “Which one you fuckin’ talking bout?”

  “That fucker with the tatt around his neck, tall blonde cunt – blue eyes, torn raggedy fuckin’ clothes,”

  “Oooohhh, you don’t mean ol’ mate was just here half an hour ago?”

  “Yeah, he’d be fucking great right about now, making us laugh with those dirty but fuckin’ grouse jokes – but also because those cunts over there are eyein’ us off – think they wanna fight man…”

  (The two friends simultaneously picked up their pint glasses of lager and downed each a big gulp of their booze.)

  “Shit yeah, He’d kick their arses,”

  “Be one Hell of a brawl…”

  (off in the distance the young man felt his ears prickle as though he could feel people speaking about him behind him elsewhere.)

  “Fuck, it’s happenin’ again,”

  (said the young man as he reached for his pipe, topped his cone with fresh new Yandi – lit it up and inhaled a long drag of the beautifully sweet, fruity flavoured green.)” – Arahziel.

  Enter Scenario

  “I can be a real handful at the best of times – not too easy to handle amidst people not quite similar to my kind – my type. And for as full on as I can be – as extreme as I am – those who’ve had the patience with me will have deserved by far the best of me when they’ve endured
my worst. I fully remorse for the agony I must cause others – the mental agony – believe me, I repent but should there be any situation so dire that my influence is needed – any instance where my friends are in danger, then I will be there. I have felt gloom probably far heavier than many I’ve known or chanced a meeting with but for all the light shone on me – the best I could do is sacrifice the precious time I have for others, to exact whatever vengeful feeling risen in me for the good of who I care for. I would sacrifice so much more in the hope of fulfilling my moral duty to whatever support from others I have been given. I would do hard time for all who I care about, and for a hardcore reason but still, I feel for as little I have to my name to share – I would still go to extremes for people who still stood strong aside me, where they’ve been patient with me through difficult and incomprehensibly irrational, insensitive, destructive states. That would have just meant that much to me.” – Illsequyrie.

  Scapegoat

  I could never explain how much your respect means to me,

  Except I’d do the time for your crime and you could walk free,

  Because love is the thing to most need to be happy,

  And I could never express to you from me just what it means,

  I want to be the one to take the rap,

  So none of you have to take the crap,

  And I know inside those cells its drab,

  But I would proudly bear the flak,

  I’ve never felt as much warmth from the world in which I’ve lived,