Christmas with the Recluse

by Lieske, Victorine E.

  Alexander knew the bracelet she spoke of. He gave that to Sadie on their one-year anniversary. He remembered joking about how it was supposed to be paper, but he knew they’d be together until they were old, so why not jump to the diamonds? His heart squeezed. “They’re real.”

  “Perfect. Then you’ll be able to get some money from it.”

  Why had he asked about the things in the garage? Now he didn’t feel much like eating. Or going to see the show. He sat back in his chair. “Thanks.”

  Charley frowned. “I’ve spoiled the mood,” she said softly.

  It wasn’t her. He didn’t want Charley to think she’d done anything wrong. He was the one who was having a difficult time letting go. “It’s not you.”

  “I know.” Charley pulled out her phone and started tapping on it. “There. I found an app that gives you questions you can ask your date.” Her cheeks turned pink. “Not that this is a date. It’s not. I just thought it would give us something to talk about.”

  He held back a smile. She was cute when she was embarrassed. “Sounds good. Just about anything we can talk about that is different than this would be good.”

  She smiled at him and scrolled through her phone. “Okay, here’s a good one. If you were a hundred years old, would you rather have the mind of a thirty-year-old, or the body of a thirty-year-old?”

  “Body.”

  She gave him a strange look. “Really? I would have pegged you for a sharp-minded kind of guy.”

  He shrugged. “My great-grandfather lived to be ninety-eight and he was still pretty sharp when he passed.”

  “Wait a minute. You can’t cheat like that. You can’t say you’d still be of sound mind just because you had a relative like that. What about all the Alzheimer’s patients out there? What if you got that?”

  “My genetics would beat that.”

  She pointed at him, trying not to smile. “You are such a cheater. The question is either body or mind, not getting both just because of your great-grandfather. What if you had to really choose? Great body with a disease-ridden mind, or a sloppy body with a sharp mind.”

  He chuckled under his breath. She was getting all worked up over this, which was quite amusing to him. It was a hypothetical question. “I guess you’d choose a sharp mind, then?”

  “Definitely. I’d want to be able to have an intelligent conversation.”

  “Even if you had to be in a wheelchair like Stephen Hawking?”

  She made a face. “That’s so not fair. Stephen Hawking wasn’t a hundred years old. He had a debilitating disease.”

  “But his body didn’t work right. And I know plenty of old people who have to be in wheelchairs. You can’t specify how nicely your body ages.”

  She laughed. “Okay, okay. Let’s throw out this question.”

  He held up a hand. “Oh, no. You can’t throw it out before you answer. Do you still choose mind even if you might be in a wheelchair?”

  “I don’t have to answer. You never really answered if you’d be fine being gorgeous but basically a vegetable.”

  He gave her a grin. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

  Her face turned red. “Let’s move on. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

  “That’s the next one? Are you kidding me? That’s not even a comparable question.”

  The server came with their meals, and after she left, he picked up his napkin and placed it on his lap. “I refuse to answer such a mundane question.”

  She had a laugh in her eyes as she looked at him. “All right. You’re right, it wasn’t thought-provoking at all. Let me find something better.” She swiped her finger across her phone.

  “Don’t let your food get cold.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. Eating is one of my favorite pastimes, remember?” She played with her phone a second longer before nodding. “Here’s a good one. If evidence came out of intelligent life on another planet, would it change your core beliefs?”

  He swirled a noodle onto his fork, thinking about her question. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “You believe there are aliens out there?” She put a fork full of food in her mouth.

  “I think there are way too many planets and solar systems to not have more intelligent life.”

  She swallowed. “Interesting.”

  “What about you?”

  “I don’t know. Seems weird to think about aliens. Would they have green skin with large, black eyes?”

  Alexander chuckled. “Why would they have to look like that? That’s something I think people made up.”

  “So, you don’t think aliens have visited earth?” She leaned forward and picked up her water glass.

  “I highly doubt it. Just think of the massive distance between even the planets in our solar system. Can you imagine anything that would carry someone from earth to another solar system?” He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s possible.”

  “I think I agree with you on that one.” She scrolled through her phone again. “How about this one. Would you give up your sense of humor to be super intelligent?”

  “That’s easy. Yes. I’d want to be super intelligent.”

  “Really? Even if that meant you wouldn’t laugh anymore? I think a life without laughter would be so sad. I’d pick the humor, and even though I wouldn’t be super intelligent, I’d be able to laugh.”

  “So, I pick the body and you think I’m shallow, but when I pick the mind, you think I’m a stick in the mud?” He was teasing her, and by the look on her face, she knew it.

  She waved his question away. “You’re such a guy.”

  “But I’m a super-intelligent guy, with a great body.”

  She threw her head back and laughed. “And humble too.”

  Charley continued to ask him questions while they finished eating. When the check came, she patted her stomach. “That was delicious. Thank you for taking me out to eat.”

  “The best part is yet to come.” He stood and held out his arm for her. She hooked her arm on his. He was excited to share the ballet with her, which was an odd feeling for him. He wasn’t sure why it mattered to him, but he really wanted her to like it.

  The drive to the theater took fifteen minutes. Soon they were seated in their chairs. He leaned over to her. “Sorry, I would have gotten us closer seats, but they were all sold.”

  “This is perfect,” she said, her eyes bright. “I love the chandelier and the wood work. This place is amazing.”

  As the music started, he absentmindedly reached over and took her hand, then froze. What was he doing? This was not a date. He had to keep reminding himself about that fact. She was young. And vulnerable, based on what had happened the other night. He should keep his wits about him. He squeezed her hand then let go, hoping that wasn’t too awkward.

  Chapter 15

  Charley had a hard time concentrating on the stage with Alexander sitting next to her. His cologne smelled amazing. He looked even more amazing. It was making it impossible to breathe normally. And her stomach was filled with nervous flutters. Thank goodness he’d let go of her hand. She thought she would melt into a puddle.

  Oh, dear heavens. She had allowed her crush on Alexander to grow. How had that happened? She was trying so hard not to develop feelings for him. But now, with him so close, she knew it was true. She liked him. And not just a little. She liked him a great deal.

  A moan almost escaped her lips and she clamped them shut. What was wrong with her? Why had she let herself get all wrapped up in him? She knew he was handsome. She’s seen that the first day. But holy cow, he was also an amazing kisser. And he had a softer side to him. Sure, he hadn’t been nice when she first came to the house, but his personality had shown through. And now she came to appreciate the moments when he did smile.

  Oh, no. She was in serious trouble. She could not fall for Alexander. He was way too old. She could never actually pursue a relationship with him. Besides, since she was there for work, her father would kill her if he found out what
she was doing.

  She tried to concentrate on the dancers and the music. It really was a beautiful production. Everything she’d hoped it would be. It was just difficult to sit there next to Alexander and not think about the kiss they’d shared. Or the way he smelled.

  Good grief. She needed help.

  After the show, he turned to her. “Did you like it?”

  “It was breathtaking. Really wonderful. Thank you.” She clamped her lips shut before she let a “Mr. Norris” slip out.

  He smiled at her. “Good.”

  By the time they arrived back at the mansion, it was late. Alexander walked with her to her room door. She stood there, awkwardly looking at him. He leaned toward her. “Thank you for helping me remember how much I liked that as a kid.”

  She made the mistake of looking at his eyes, and the memory of his warm lips on hers came rushing back. She didn’t want to think about it. Couldn’t think about it. Yet, here she was, wishing they could share that moment again. She broke eye contact. “You’re welcome.”

  He lifted her chin with his finger and she once again was met with his intense gaze. Was he going to kiss her again? His lips were so close to hers. He came closer and time seemed to slow. She held her breath, waiting for the contact. But before their lips met, he backed away slowly. “Good night, Charley.”

  She was out of breath, and all they’d done was walk up the stairs. “Good night,” she said, her nerves shot. She opened her bedroom door and almost ran inside, shutting the door behind her. She stood for a while, her back against the closed door, her heart pounding.

  She needed to get a grip or she would definitely make things worse between them. She readied for bed, trying to get her fingers to stop shaking. But even after slipping under the covers, she still could smell him...feel him close to her. She lay there, unable to fall asleep.

  After tossing in her bed for an hour, she decided it was stupid to lay there while she was wide awake. She slipped into her swimsuit and quietly stole through the house. She slid open the glass door and stepped out onto the frozen porch. It wasn’t until she got right next to the hot tub that she noticed it was already open. “You couldn’t sleep either?” Alexander said, turning toward her.

  “Man, you startled me.” She wrung the towel between her hands. She didn’t want to get into the hot tub with Alexander, but it would be stupidly obvious if she turned around and went back inside. So she stood there a second, indecision making her toes cold. Finally she blurted, “Do you mind if I join you?”

  “I figured that’s why you came out here in your bathing suit.” When she didn’t immediately hop in, he smiled at her. “Come on in.”

  Her feet were freezing, so she decided it was better to just get in than stand there undecided. The water enveloped her and instantly warmed her. “This was a good decision,” she said after a minute.

  Alexander nodded, looking up at the stars. “I was just contemplating the universe. And wondering if there really is life on other planets, thanks to your question earlier.”

  She settled in and stared up as well. “I wish we could figure out life on this planet.”

  He scoffed. “Isn’t that the truth.”

  “It shouldn’t be this hard. Love everyone. That’s all.”

  “Yes,” he said quietly. “It should be that simple.” He sat up and put his arms on the sides of the tub. “But I think sometimes people have a hard time forgiving themselves.”

  The way he said it, with a tiny break in his voice, made Charley sit up as well. She looked at him. He didn’t return her gaze, but she could see the sadness in his eyes. “That’s true,” she said, trying to feel him out. “I think we all struggle with that.” When he didn’t respond, she shifted a little closer to him. “What is it that you can’t forgive yourself for?”

  His gaze fell to her and she could see the pure anguish in his face. “Sadie.”

  Charley knew the pain of grief. She also knew the guilt that went along with a tragedy like the one Alexander had gone through, but she didn’t know the details, so she had no idea why he would blame himself for her car accident. He never had told her about the night Sadie had died. She put her hand on his. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  He stared out at the dark trees as silence stretched between them. For a moment she thought maybe he wasn’t going to speak, but then he turned to her. “It was four days before Christmas.”

  She almost sucked in a breath but got a hold of herself before that happened. Tomorrow was the anniversary of his wife’s death. Emotions swirled in her, and she steeled herself so she wouldn’t start to cry. He must be dealing with a lot right now. She didn’t know what to say to him, so she just nodded.

  “She called me at work and asked if I would stop at the store and get some milk on the way home. She liked to eat Shredded Wheat for breakfast.” He gave her a sad smile. “I don’t know why. They taste terrible. It’s like you’re eating hay.”

  She nodded again, knowing he just needed to let it out. Nothing she could say right now would help. He had to talk.

  His smile disappeared, and he swallowed. “I got busy and forgot. By the time I left the office, it was after seven-thirty. I often worked late. Sadie hated not knowing when I would get home, but I was trying to grow my company. That was my excuse anyway.” He looked down and shook his head. “If I am being honest, though, I would have to admit we were having issues.”

  Charley knew that could sometimes magnify a person’s guilt. She patted his hand that rested on the side of the hot tub, trying to lend support without interrupting him.

  “Anyway, I went home without the milk, and by the time she found out I had let her down, it was past nine. The store closed at ten. She rushed out of the house, furious with me for forgetting. Her anger probably fueled her reckless driving. She never made it down the hill.

  “I was so absorbed in what I was doing, I didn’t even realize anything was wrong until it was midnight and I went to bed, and she wasn’t there. I checked the house and couldn’t find her. That’s when I began to get worried. When I checked the garage, her car was still gone. I knew the store had closed hours ago, and she wouldn’t have stayed out late just to spite me. I got in my car and drove to find her.” As he spoke, a tear escaped and ran down his cheek.

  Charley was about to speak when he continued. “I knew what had happened the minute I saw the tail lights. I rushed to her, but she was already gone.” His voice choked and he pinched his lips together.

  Charley could feel the weight of his guilt. It made her throat close. How long had he suffered this in silence? Alone? She slid across the hot tub, the water sloshing as she moved closer to him. “It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.

  He put his arms around her and buried his face into her shoulder. “Of course it was my fault. If I had not forgotten the milk, she wouldn’t have gone out.”

  Charley knew the thoughts of ‘if only’ that had circled around and around in her head after her sister died. She understood feeling responsible. But it wasn’t true. And she’d finally realized that it was eating away at her. He needed to realize this too. “We all have those feelings after a loss such as this. It’s not healthy to blame yourself.”

  He clung to her, his arms crushing her to him. “How could I have let her go out alone, on the icy streets?”

  She stroked his shoulders, the steam from the hot tub surrounding them. “Alex, don’t do this to yourself.”

  He shook his head and pulled back from her, his eyes wet with tears. “You don’t know the worst of it.”

  “What?”

  “She wasn’t the only one that died that day.”

  Charley’s stomach dropped. Someone else had been in the car? “Who?” she whispered.

  Alexander swallowed, the pain etched in each line across his forehead. “Sadie was four months pregnant. I killed my son, as well as my wife.”

  A great weight came crashing down on Charley’s chest. She could feel the crushing guilt that Alexa
nder was putting on himself. It swelled in her chest and climbed into her throat, choking her. But it wasn’t true. He didn’t do this. And he needed her to help him through. Charley threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him close to her. “Hush. No. You didn’t.”

  She let him sob as she held him. He needed to get it out. It sounded like he’d never fully dealt with the grief. She closed her eyes and gently stroked his hair until he stopped. “It’s not your fault,” she said, when he was finally still.

  “I know,” he said as he pulled back to look her in the eyes. “Deep down I know that. It just feels like I should have done something.”

  “What happened was terrible. But you have to let it go. It’s eating you up inside. It’s hurting you.”

  “I see that now.” He trailed a finger down the side of her cheek. “How did you become so wise, at such a young age?”

  Charley swallowed, suddenly aware at how intimately they were sitting next to each other, with her in his arms. He was right. She was young. And he was not. She had to remember who she was and why she was there. “Just a talent, I guess,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

  “You’re amazing, you know that?” He stared at her, and her stomach fluttered with the depth in his gaze.

  She couldn’t breathe. He touched her shoulder, his skin feeling amazing on hers. She was powerless to move. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn’t back away from him. The earnestness of his gaze trapped her. She didn’t know what to say to him, so she stayed silent.

  “I’m going to kiss you now,” Alexander said, his voice just a whisper.

  Charley knew she needed to stop it from happening, but she couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Her gaze fell on his lips and she wanted nothing more than to be there, in his arms, feeling the softness of his kiss. “Okay,” she heard herself whisper back.

  Chapter 16

  Alexander knew kissing Charley was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stop himself. She was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. She was insane, and yet she made the most sense he’d ever heard. She was lively and spontaneous. She caught sunshine in her hands and somehow made it come out of her eyes. She was the very breath in him, and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.