Love Sex Music

by Michelle A. Valentine

  “All right, ladies, take five, and then we’ll run through it again,” Laurie calls out to them.

  Everyone begins to file out of the room, and Drea walks over next to me and bends down to pick up a bottle of water.

  “You looked amazing out there,” I tell her sincerely. “I knew I made the right choice for the lead.”

  “Thanks,” she replies with no emotion.

  Her indifference toward me stings, but I deserve it. I need to find a way to make things less awkward between us. Despite everything that’s happened, we still have to work together.

  “Drea … I don’t want things to be this way …” I whisper.

  Her beautiful brown eyes lock with mine. “Then find a way to fix it.”

  She walks out of the room, leaving me sitting there alone. I toy with the cap on my water bottle. “I wish I could,” I mumble to myself.

  29

  Wtf

  Drea

  Things have changed so much for me since I arrived at the Rawlings mansion. I went from being a girl too shy to sing in front of anyone with non-existent dance moves to a woman who is growing more confident in her own skin every day.

  I sing the last note of the song with every ounce of passion I can dig out of my heart and then open my eyes.

  “Beautiful, Drea,” Mickey praises. “You’ve really captured the emotion and pain in this song. When you sing, I believe you. It’s like you’re telling the world your story through these words.”

  I smile. “Thank you.”

  Mickey turns to address the rest of the girls. “All right, ladies. I believe vocal coaching is complete for the day. Enjoy the rest of your evening since, according to the schedule, you have your first one off since you’ve been here.”

  Everyone has been talking about the free evening Laz planned into our schedule. He’s been very militant since we got here, allowing very little downtime, so this is a welcomed break for everyone.

  “What do you want to do tonight, Drea?” Candace asks as we pack up our lyric sheets and water bottles.

  I shrug. “Not sure. You have any ideas?”

  “Cam has been asking if anyone wants to go to dinner.”

  I laugh. “No, he hasn’t. He’s been asking if you want to go to dinner. The invitation wasn’t open to everyone.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Well, I’m extending it to include you. I’m dying to get out of this place for a while, but I’m not going alone with Cam. God knows what he’ll try on me if we’re alone.”

  “Would that be such a terrible thing? Cam seems like a good guy, and it’s obvious he’s crazy about you. What would be the harm in seeing what comes of a date with him?”

  “We are completely different people. It would never work.”

  “Seems to me like the two of you have a lot in common. Both driven, love to perform, and spend a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring yourself when you think no one is watching.”

  “I don’t spend a lot of time staring at myself,” she huffs and then waves me off dismissively. “Besides, Cam only wants to get in my pants. Guys like him … Once they get that one thing from a girl, they’re ready to move on.”

  I drop my head, and my thoughts instantly move to Laz and how things went down between us. Maybe she has a point. “You’re right. I’ll go with you if you want.”

  She wraps her arms around me. “Awesome! I’ll go let Cam know we’re game to go out. See you up in our room.”

  “Okay. I’ll be up in a few.”

  When Candace darts out of the room, I turn back to pick up my water bottle. I turn to find Annamae leaning one hip against the piano watching me intently.

  Annamea and I have never really gotten along. Ever since the first day Laz had us in the studio, a weird tension has existed between us, so I find it curious she's hanging back to talk to me.

  “Is there something I can help you with?” Even I can hear the questioning tone in my voice.

  “I just wanted a minute alone with you.”

  I tilt my head to the side. “Why?”

  Suddenly, I find myself on the defense because the mischievous gleam in her eyes tells me whatever she's about to say isn't going to be something I'll like.

  “At first, I didn't really see it,” she says. “You know, the whole making you the leader of the group thing. I only saw you as a timid girl who didn't know the strength of her own talent, but now I'm starting to see it. You really are talented.”

  “Thanks, I think?” It's a compliment for sure, but it feels backhanded, and I'm waiting for the bottom to drop out of whatever she's saying.

  “Oh, it's definitely a compliment, and I don't give those out often, but you deserve it.”

  “Well, thanks, Annamae. I really appreciate you backing me up.”

  “Oh, I didn't say I was backing you up. I still think I should be the leader of this group. Laz might not think so, but we all know he's not always right about everything he does, given his history. If he was so smart, he wouldn’t be a washed-up has-been trying to make a comeback.”

  I stand there, staring at her and wondering what the hell she's trying to get at. Insulting me or Laz isn't going to gain her any favor points as far as I'm concerned. “If you feel that way, why voice it to me? Why not voice it to Laz—the person whose opinion matters.”

  She rolls her dark eyes. “That would be pointless, now wouldn't it, seeing as how you have him wrapped around your little finger. But I guess that's what sleeping with the boss will do for you.”

  My mouth drops open, and I find myself at a loss for words.

  Annamea laughs darkly. “Why look so shocked? We all know. The two of you do a shitty job trying to keep your romance secret. Anyone with two eyes can see that you to have a thing for each other. I just didn't know was confirmed until I just read that expression on your face. Now I have two things on you.”

  My eyes widened as my heart pounds against my ribs. “Two things? What are you talking about?”

  She twists her lips as she tries to fight back a cruel smile. “Well, now I have the Laz scandal, but I don't think anybody but Peter will really care about that. He's asked me to keep an eye on things around here. He wants to make sure Laz doesn't mess around with any girls in the group and screw things up. Clearly, I have some good information for Peter now.”

  “You’re wrong.” I fold my arms and do my best to not give her any additional confirmation on what’s going on between Laz and me. I should walk away and stop playing this game with her, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to find out what else she might have on me. “And what do you think is the second thing you have on me?”

  She picks at a loose string on the hem of her shirt and shrugs her shoulders casually. “Oh, not much—only the fact that you have a son.”

  My stomach drops to my feet. That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. “Wha—what are you talking about?”

  A smug smile fills her face. “Don’t play dumb. I got this information from a very reliable source.”

  “H-how do you know about that?” I can’t stop stuttering over my words. Every nerve in my body is jittering.

  Annamea locks her eyes with mine. “Thank your sister for releasing that tidbit of information the night when we were out drinking after our first performance. She may have let it slip that the reason you were standoffish is that you have a lot going on, including the fact that you gave the baby up for adoption when you were sixteen years old and haven’t been the same since then. She wanted us to feel sorry for you, I think, because Candace also says you have always had a lot of pressure on your shoulders. She was trying to make excuses for why you never hung out with the rest of us.” Her grin turns wicked. “Can you imagine the press having a field day with that kind of information if this group makes it big? The lead singer of some major new hot group with dark secrets—the press will eat that up. That’s the type of thing that causes fans to turn against you.”

  I swallow hard. “What do you wan
t?”

  Her eyes harden. “I want you to leave the group.”

  I lift my chin. “What happens if I refuse?”

  She shrugs and toys with a lock of her dark brown hair. “Then I go to the press the moment we make it big and give them enough information for them to go on a headhunt until they uncover your long-lost son. For some reason, I get the feeling you don’t want that secret getting out.”

  This bitch is about to ruin everything, all because her feelings are hurt that she’s not the star of the group. She’s willing to destroy lives over it. Nothing is more important than my son—nothing, and if it means I have to leave the group to protect him, then so be it. I should’ve known this wouldn’t work out for me. Nothing ever does. It was stupid of me to get my hopes up and see a future that clearly isn’t meant to be mine.

  Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I don’t want Annamea to see me as a weak pushover even though she has me by the proverbial balls. “Fine. You want me out? Consider me gone. I’ll do whatever you want if you keep your goddamn mouth shut.”

  An evil smile creeps across her lips. “You really are the smart one in your family. That was a lot easier than I thought. I’ll expect you to be gone before I wake up tomorrow.”

  With that, she brushes past me, clearly pleased she’s getting exactly what she wants.

  I throw my clothes in the bag as tears stream down my face. I can't believe it's over. I was only starting to get used to the idea that it’s okay for singing to be my dream, and now it's done, it's over, and there's nothing I can do about it. Giving in to Annamae in order to keep my son a secret is what I have to do. I'm doing this for him because he's what matters most to me. I don't care what she does to me. She can drag my name through the mud all she wants—and even out my relationship with Laz. I know if Peter discovers our relationship and this group doesn’t work out, it would hurt Laz financially, but he’s talented and will make money some other way. But the damage Carlos could do to my son is something that can screw a person up for life.

  “What are you doing?” I turn to find Laz standing there with a look of confusion on his face. “Why are you packing?”

  I sniff. “I'm leaving.”

  I know he deserves more of an explanation than that, but I can't bring myself to say more than that.

  “I can see that,” he says while stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. “But why? Because of me?”

  I shake my head as I busy myself with folding my shirts and putting them in my suitcase. “Annamae, she knows.”

  He steps up beside me, and his long fingers wrap around my wrist, holding me from placing another shirt in the suitcase. “She knows what, Drea? Talk to me. Let me help you. Whatever this is, you don't have to leave.”

  “Yes, I do. I have to, Laz. I have no other choice. Annamae knows about my son, and if I don't walk away from this group like she wants and allow her to be lead singer of this group, she's going to out the fact that I have a son to the public if we ever make it big. You know I can't have that. You know I can't let anyone know about my son because of Carlos. If Carlos finds him ...” I drop my head and run my fingers across my forehead. “I don't even want to think about what's going to happen if Carlos finds out where he is. I have to protect my son.”

  “Drea, you don't have to run away from this. We can find a way. Just let me think for a minute. Let me figure out a way to make this better.”

  I stare up at him, gazing into his bright blue eyes. The desperation in his eyes is a look I know well because it's a feeling I've had most of my life.

  For the first time since he told me we couldn’t be together anymore, I feel like he honestly cares about me.

  I touch his cheek, his stubble scratching the tips of my fingers. “I don't want to leave, but I don't have a choice. I have to leave this group. I have to leave this house. I can't take the chance of pissing Annamae off and her ruining everything I’ve worked so hard to keep secret.”

  “Please,” he begs. “Don't leave. I can't do this without you.”

  “Yes, you can. You have enough talent in there—”

  “But none of them are you. I need you, Drea …” He pauses for a beat and then stares into my eyes. “I need you.”

  His words reach out to touch my soul. I didn't think I would ever have a shot of finding someone who I loved, but here it is staring me right in the face, and I have no choice but to walk away from it. I could see myself falling so deeply in love with Laz it scares me.

  Tears filled my eyes. “I don’t want to leave.”

  “Then stay,” he pleads. “For me. I’m sorry I pushed you away before. It was a shit thing to do. I was trying to do what I thought was best, but the idea of you leaving … It’s tearing me up inside. Trust me enough to help you.”

  My heart is breaking inside my chest. “I want to, God, I want to, but I can't. Please try to understand.”

  He cradles my face in his large hands. “I’ll find a way to fix this—all of it. I’m not going to lose you.”

  I lean in and press my lips to his while my heart continues to crumble in my chest. I’m unsure of what will happen once I walk out the door, but keeping my son’s privacy is my main priority. What I want is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is my son.

  30

  Fight for Her

  Lazarus

  Everything feels like it's falling apart. At times like this, the old me would have turned to a high to help get through this situation, but I fight the urge because I know if I went back to using, I would let a lot of people down who are counting on me to stay sober.

  Without Drea, I don't think I will move forward with this group. Not saying that there's not talent in The Vixens, because there is, but I don't want to work with Annamae knowing what she's done to Drea. She’s vile, and it’s difficult for me to watch her parade around the house, knowing how she forced Drea out. I can’t get behind someone who is willing to use blackmail to get what she wants. I don’t give a fuck how talented she is.

  “What are you doing out here?” Cam asks as he walks into the garden.

  “Looking for some quiet,” I admit.

  I glance around from the bench my mother came to often when she was first diagnosed with cancer. It was the quiet place she came to reflect and seek peace. I guess I was hoping I would magically find answers here.

  Cam shoves his hands into his pocket. “I figured you and Drea would be shacked up in the pool house since I couldn’t find either one of you this morning. Candace said Drea didn’t sleep in her bed last night.”

  “Just because she didn’t sleep in her bed doesn’t automatically mean she was with me.” I give him a pointed look.

  “Don't look at me like that. I know the two of you have been hooking up for a while now, but I keep my mouth shut because that's what best friends do. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

  I lean back and sigh. “I don't think there will be much to tell considering she just left the group last night.”

  “What? What do you mean she left the group?” Cam plops down next to me on the bench, clearly in shock. “What the hell happened?”

  I shrug as I stare out at the garden, trying desperately to find the peace my mother used to find when she came out here to sit. “She and Annamea aren't getting along, so she felt like she had to leave.”

  I don't want to tell them too much because Drea secrets aren’t mine to tell.

  Cam’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “Well, that’s fucking stupid. Who walks out on a group that’s just getting started over a fight? Maybe this will blow over, and she’ll come back. What happened between them?”

  “I don't know.” I play dumb.

  “Did it have anything to do with Peter?”

  My head snaps in his direction. That catches my attention because, as far as I know, the only interaction Peter has ever had with Drea are the two times I've been present. “No. What makes you think their fight involves him?”

  Cam scr
ubs his hand down his face. “I didn't want to tell you this before, but I found Annamae through Peter. He was adamant this girl be a part of the group and be made the star.

  “After he had met with you that first day about putting the group together, he called me and gave me her information, telling me that he wanted to help out and make this group amazing, and he thought Annamea had some real talent.”

  Wheels begin to turn in my head. “So you didn't find her on your own?”

  “No. But I didn't think it mattered who found her because we were looking for talent. She had it, so I invited her for you to look at. I knew if you didn’t think she had the right stuff to make it in the business, you would cut her. I thought Peter was trying to be helpful. It wasn’t until the night at the bar, after you left with Drea when the girls first performed, that I noticed Peter and Annamea in a heated conversation like they knew each other well. Ever since then, I’ve been suspicious of her.”

  I run my hand through my hair. “Why didn’t you say anything to me before?”

  His mouth turns down into a frown. “I should have kept you in the loop, but things were going so good for you, and I didn’t want to freak you the fuck out until I had found out if something was actually going on. I didn’t want to bring you down with bullshit until I had proof. You know how much I hate the fucking gossip mill. Sorry, man.”

  I nod, knowing he only did what he thought was right. “It’s okay. I appreciate you looking out for me.”

  “I’ve always got your back, Laz. You’re like a brother to me. I would never keep something from you intentionally.”

  “I know. This isn’t your fault.” I pat his back. “Thanks for filling me in. Looks like it’s time I have a talk with Peter and get to the bottom of this shit.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sit in Peter’s office. Every time I come in here, I’m always asking for something. I’m sure Peter is sick of my shit, but my back is against the wall, and I don’t know what else to do. There’s no one else I can turn to in this situation because I don’t want to talk to Pop about it. He doesn’t need the stress, and if Cam is right, Peter’s been keeping shit from me. It’s time to confront him and get the truth.