Ruined Promises

by Stefanie Jenkins

  I look back over my shoulder as Cal presses the Down button to find Ben still staring at us. His tense features have softened, and a part of me wants to give him reassurance that I haven’t moved on. But he was the one who set the boundaries.

  The elevator dings, announcing its arrival, and Cal places his arm on my lower back, guiding me inside.

  As the doors close, I turn to Cal with my pointer finger, poking him in the chest. “You know you’re buying lunch, right?”

  He throws his head back in laughter. “Actually, lunch is on Hadley today.” He steps away from me, his back and foot pressed up against the wall. “It was another stipend for getting me to agree,” he admits, holding up Hadley’s bank card.

  I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t believe my friends were all behind this ridiculous plan. When this plan backfires in our faces, I hope they will help clean up the mess.

  I snatch the card out of his hand. “Well, in that case, I think we should have the best lunch of our lives.”

  When the elevator doors open, I extend my hand in front, allowing Cal to go first. “After you, lover boy.”

  He nods his head before exiting. Once we are both in the main building lobby, he extends his elbow to me. “Shall we, darling?”

  We find a close-by restaurant and enjoy a fabulous lunch on Hadley.

  What the hell was that? No, more like who the hell was that? Lexi never mentioned a man in her life. Were they together that night? Is this new? They must be serious enough for him to come to her office.

  Why the fuck do I care? She is my employee. Of course it doesn’t matter.

  I try to immerse myself with work, but I find myself looking at the clock constantly. I figured by staying busy, time would move faster. Trust me, it didn’t. What did I think would happen when I shut down all possibilities with us? Of course I would have to see her with someone else. That doesn’t mean that it hurts any less.

  Jealousy is getting the best of me—and that is something I don’t do.

  An hour later, I hear her voice in the hallway. When I glance out my door, I see she returned sans her male companion and has already dropped her belongings in her office, heading toward the copy room. I get up from my chair and follow her. Is it a good idea? Probably not, but when it comes to Lexi Baker, I never listen to my conscience. I softly close the door behind me, closing us into the small room.

  Lexi jumps, gripping the papers tighter in her hands. “Oh fuck,” she shouts, clutching her chest that is heaving up and down. “Sorry, Ben, you scared me.” Once composed, she tilts her head, staring at me. “Are you okay?”

  I walk forward, a man on a mission, and cage her in, her back now pressed against the copy machine. The only sounds filling the room are our heavy breathing and the printing of whatever brought her in here.

  “Did you enjoy your lunch?” My entire body is tense and my tone clipped. I played it off earlier when I met him, but being enclosed in this room with her after my jealousy festered, I can’t hide it.

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “Cal seems like a nice guy.”

  She nods. We are so close I can smell the cinnamon of her gum. “It drove me crazy seeing his lips on you.” I can hear her gasp as she sucks in a breath. Ben, what are you doing? “I remember what those lips felt like, tasted like.” I drag my thumb over her soft lips, and I feel my cock stiffening in my pants. “It’s like it’s engraved in my brain.”

  I need to put space between us before doing something neither of us can take back. I leave her staring blankly at me with her thumb brushing over her lips, wondering what the fuck that was. A shocked expression laces her delicate features. To be honest, I am thinking about the same thing.

  Asher has been bugging me to let him set me up with someone. Maybe it’s time I take Asher up on his offer. Lord help me when I am turning to my brother for women. But we are never going to get through this if I can’t get Lexi out of my head. What is that phrase they say? The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? Lexi has clearly moved on, why can’t I? This is now the second moment we’ve shared in just days where the lines we’ve drawn have been blurred in a moment of weakness. Each passing moment has me questioning everything, and my walls begin to crumble. Doing what I just did was wrong and stupid.

  When I return to my office, I close my door and send Taylor an email asking to not be disturbed for the rest of the day. I shoot Asher a text, giving him the go-ahead to set me up. I can guarantee that whoever he sets me up with will be beautiful—the perfect distraction. My brother doesn’t associate with women who, as he says, “are less than an eight.” I roll my eyes as I hear my brother’s words replay in my head. Of course, I’m not a pompous asshole like my brother; looks aren’t everything. I’m not looking for someone to marry; I’m looking for someone to help me rid myself of the five-foot-three spitfire who has embedded herself in my head and my heart.

  I open the large glass door to Marina Grill. My brother was more than happy to set me up with someone, and here we are three days later, walking up to meet my blind date.

  I am looking down at my phone through my text conversation with Asher to recall the name of the woman I’m meeting when I walk directly into the back of someone.

  “Ooof,” the voice in front of me says softly, and I hold her arms to settle her. A jolt of electricity shoots through my body.

  “I’m sorry, I should have been paying more attention and not looking down at my phone. Are you—” Before I can finish asking if they are okay, she spins around, and I lift my eyes to meet familiar green ones.

  “Ben.”

  “Lexi.” I scoff. Of course, of all the people I run into here, it’s the woman I am trying to get over and is the main reason behind why I agreed on this date in the first place. I place my hands in my pockets, unsure of what to do with them. “What are you doing here?” I ask and instantly regret my choice of words; what does one do at a restaurant? Embarrassment covers my features, and Lexi must notice because the corners of her mouth turn upward in a soft smile.

  “Well, Marina Grill does have the best seafood tacos.” I smirk at her response because that was precisely why I chose this spot for my date tonight.

  “So I hear.” The other night when Lexi and I were going over this year’s winners, she mentioned that they had won this category for the last five years.

  “Are you here alone?” She looks around.

  “I’m meeting someone here, actually.” I rock back and forth on my toes.

  “Oh.” We haven’t discussed what happened the other day in the copy room, and I am forever thankful. It was a lapse of judgment on my part. Had I not walked out when I did, there was no telling what would have happened next.

  “Are you meeting your boyfriend here? What was his name, Cal?” A loud giggle leaves her mouth, and her hand quickly covers her mouth. As if she can sense my concern, she removes her hand and waves me off.

  “I’m sorry. No, he’s not meeting me. I’m just picking up a to-go order. But I should be honest.” There she goes again, nibbling her bottom lip, something I’ve learned she does when she is nervous. “Cal—”

  Cal what?

  Lexi grows quiet, and her eyes dart to someone next to me. A soft touch on my arm forces me to break my gaze with Lexi. I turn to find a tall, blonde, slender woman staring at me. “Ben?”

  “Yes.” I try to remember the name that Asher had told me. I ran into Lexi before I had found her name.

  Luckily, she helps me out, introducing herself. “Vanessa.” I take her hand in mine. While they are soft and delicate, they don’t send any jolt of electricity through me. “Wow, the photo Asher sent didn’t do you justice.” I shiver as her eyes roam up and down my body, however not in the good kind of way. It’s different from when Lexi does it. Shit, Lexi.

  When I face her again, I see the smallest hint of hurt in her eyes, before she shakes it off. Vanessa awkwardly loops her arm through mine. It’s a little forward, especially after moments o
f meeting for a blind date. Would I be more interested in this date had Lexi not been standing here? And what was it she was trying to say?

  Lexi is the first to break the silence, offering an olive branch. “Hi, I’m Lexi.”

  Vanessa gives a brief wave instead of taking Lexi’s hand in front of her. Lexi brings her hand back and wipes it down her pant leg as if her hand had something on it, and that was why Vanessa didn’t take it.

  The hostess approaches us and looks back and forth between the three of us. “Table for three?”

  I turn to Lexi. “Would you care to join us?” I ask, knowing very well how much of an asshole that makes me sound.

  A strangled sound comes from Vanessa beside me. Lexi looks down at her fidgeting hands. “Oh, no, my order should be ready at any minute.”

  “Order for Lexi,” the hostess calls, saving us both from this conversation.

  Lexi turns. “Right here.” She signs the ledger and accepts the large white bag with the Marina Grill logo in blue on the side.

  “It was nice to meet you, Vanessa. Have a good evening, Ben.” Lexi’s eyes linger a moment longer, and she gives a warm smile.

  I glance over my shoulder to see her doing the same as she exits. Lexi is the first to break eye contact, and it makes me feel like an even bigger jerk in this entire situation. I could quickly run after her, but I don’t. Seeing the hurt in her eyes fills me with regret for ever agreeing to this date.

  “Sir, if you will follow me, I’ll show you to your table.” The hostess extends her hand, leading the way.

  I place my hand on Vanessa’s lower back and follow the hostess.

  I find myself zoning out throughout our meal. Vanessa is funny and beautiful; she’s just not Lexi. I hate myself for evening finishing that statement in the company of someone else, someone I should be giving a chance. Yet, I am counting down the minutes until this date is over and comparing the differences between the woman in front of me and the woman I let slip out of my grasp. Conversation with Lexi has come easy, even if it’s as simple as joking over the coffee machine in the break room.

  I am leaning back in the chair with my fingers slowly and softly tapping on the white linen. “Would you like any dessert?” the waiter asks, glancing back and forth between us.

  Vanessa says, “Yes,” at the same time, I respond, “No, thank you.” And now I’ve lost count as to how awkward this date could go. Has it been that long since I’ve been out in the dating world, or does it just have to do with the company?

  “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just that I have a long day of meetings tomorrow that I have to prepare for.”

  Vanessa doesn’t try to hide her hurt and pouts a little, hoping I’ll change my mind. A grown woman whining is not becoming or attractive to me. After an uncomfortable goodbye, where I go to kiss her goodbye on the cheek and she goes for my mouth, we finally go our separate ways. I don’t promise to call her again, because I didn’t want to lie to her. I’m sure she is already on her phone with her friends complaining about how horrible the date was.

  I set my phone and wallet in the cup holder once back in the safety of my car. I hesitate starting the vehicle and end up leaning back on the headrest and closing my eyes. I reach for the phone and pull up a new message. I scroll through the names and land on “Lexi.”

  I haven’t used her number since we exchanged them the other week. Lexi thought it was best to swap contact information the night before we were supposed to be meeting at the potential venue for the Best Of party. She had used the words “in case one of us is running late.” I took that as a step in the right direction, that is until her boyfriend was mauling her in the middle of the office.

  I begin to type out a message.

  Me: (draft) Hey, I’m sorry about earlier.

  And then delete it and attempt another message.

  Me: (draft) I hope your dinner was delicious.

  And go about deleting that one as well.

  Me: (draft) …

  I stare at the blank message and think better of it. It’s one thing to offer her to join my date and me, but to text after hours about non-business-related items, I might as well be unzipping my pants and pulling my dick out for her to take.

  I sigh, running my hands over my face, and toss my phone on the passenger seat. I’ll just talk to her tomorrow. That is the right thing to do. I pull out of the spot and head home. Another night… alone.

  I glance down at the display screen on my phone reading 10:43 a.m. as the line to Lexi’s office continues to ring. Where is she?

  I hang up the call and decide to dial Taylor’s extension.

  “Yes, Mr. Harrington.”

  “Taylor, do you know if Lexi had any meetings all morning?” I ask, trying to keep my voice neutral.

  “Umm, let me check.” I sit back in my chair, my muscles tense while I wait.

  I can hear her breathing and gum popping through the phone, which leaves me feeling slightly uncomfortable, and I am just about to suggest that she can call me back once she finds out the information when she clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Are you still there?”

  “Yep, I’m here.”

  “It looks like Ms. Baker called out sick today.”

  Sick? She seemed fine last night. Was it the food? Was she embarrassed by our run-in? Why am I still on the phone with Taylor while having an internal debate? “Oh, okay, thank you, Taylor.”

  “No problem. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “That’s all. Thank you.” I could have easily asked for her to retrieve me Lexi’s address, but then she might get suspicious. Taylor is a nice girl, but I have heard her gossiping in the break room before, and the last thing we need is her gossiping about Lexi and me.

  Wait, why do I want her address? Get your shit together, Ben. Nothing good can come from going by her house to check on her. Yet here you are pulling up her HR file and writing her address on a sticky note.

  I tap my fingers meticulously on the wooden desk, staring at the small piece of paper as if it were a flame too hot to touch. Then again, if I cross this line and do something with the information on this sticky note, I’m clearly playing with fire. Fuck it.

  “Going somewhere, Mr. Harrington?” Taylor asks from my doorway as I shrug my coat on.

  “Yes, I have to run some errands. I’ll be back later this afternoon,” I respond as I hit the out of office button on my phone.

  “Of course, sir.”

  “I’ll see you later,” I say as I pass her, headed out of the office.

  On the way over to Lexi’s place, I stop by the small grocery store down the street and pick up a container of chicken soup and ginger ale. I can recall how my mother always stocked up on these items when Asher or I were sick. It’s the least I could do.

  I find myself looking up at the ten-story apartment building in front of me.

  I grip the brown paper bag of essentials in my hand as the elevator rises to the sixth floor. When the elevator dings, alerting me of its arrival, I don’t move. What am I doing? Too late to turn back now. If she’s too sick to come to work, I’m sure she’s too ill to go out and grab things like what I come bearing. I quickly hit the Door Open button as the doors begins to close and exit the elevator. I search the numbers on the doors, looking back and forth between each side until I find 6F. Here goes nothing. I knock on the wooden door and wait.

  I place my ear on the door and quickly scurry away as I hear shuffling coming from the other side. The door swings open, and my breath is completely ripped from my lungs at the vision in front of me. I’m not sure what to think when she looks this beautiful sick as she does every day. I take in her appearance—black leggings hugging every curve of her body but covered up by an oversized cream-colored sweater hanging off her shoulder, exposing a black strap. I’m unsure if that is another shirt underneath or maybe her bra. I divert my eyes away from that part of her body.

  She quickly adjusts herself to cover the revealed flesh and grips
onto her door. “Ben,” she shrieks in surprise, “what are you doing here?” I watch the curve of her neck bob as she swallows thickly, clearly nervous and thrown off by my arrival.

  I bring my hand to my mouth, clearing my throat. “Yes, well, umm,” I stutter, which I never do. “Taylor said that you had called out sick, and I was in the area, so I thought I would check on you.” Her eyes narrow as she decides whether she believes my lie or not.

  “You were in the area? How did you know this is where I live?” she asks with a smirk forming on her lips. Lexi clearly sees right through my bullshit. “And you brought groceries?” Her eyes drop down to the bag in my right hand. I move side to side on my feet and bring the bag to balance in front of me.

  I exhale and decide to confess. “Okay, so I wasn’t in the area. The truth is, yes, Taylor mentioned that you had called out sick, and I figured with you being a workaholic, you must be potentially on your death bed for you not to show up to work, and I guess I just wanted to check in on you.” I glance down at my feet, nervously. I am not used to the lack of confidence I seem to portray when I’m in Lexi’s presence.

  “Oh.” There’s a look of surprise on her face as she purses her lips together. “Well, that’s very nice of you.” She glances behind her for a moment, and when she turns to face me, her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth. “Would you like to come in, then?”

  Stopping by is one thing. Bringing her groceries is another. There is no turning back once you enter her apartment. My conscience is pulling me back by my tie in the opposite direction, yet I find myself nodding and responding with “Sure.”