Ruined Promises

by Stefanie Jenkins

  “I need you,” she whispers against my lips. I need her, too. I lift her in my arms and carry her to the bedroom, never losing contact. While every touch, every moment is meaningful between us, this feels different. A moment frozen in time.

  I lay her on the bed and take my place, settling between her thighs. I reach behind my back and pull my shirt overhead as Lexi rakes her nails down my sculpted chest. I love the way she gets lost in her thoughts every time she stares at me.

  I kiss her with everything I have and everything I am. She reaches for the button on my jeans and, once undone, slides her hands down to my cock before running her thumb over the tip, smearing the precum leaking out of it.

  Once we’re both entirely bare to each other, she wraps her arms underneath my arms, and I slowly slide into her. Her head falls back as I am fully seated in her. I take a moment to catch my breath at the immensity of this moment. I begin to move once our eyes connect. We don’t speak the entire time I slide in and out of her but never lose eye contact either. This is so intimate. This woman consumes my soul—wow, could I sound any more pussy-whipped? But it’s true. I never thought I could feel about someone the way I feel about her.

  After her release, I follow right behind her.

  Her eyes are still glassy as I slide out of her, and a slow tear runs down her eyes. I lean down to kiss it away.

  I love you. Those three words are on the tip of my tongue, wanting to be screamed, but I don’t want to ruin whatever this moment was.

  I don’t even remember falling asleep, but I was content just holding her in my arms that I guess I let sleep overtake me. I think about ordering in from her favorite takeout spot for dinner and maybe finishing the conversation that never happened earlier, first starting with what is on her mind, and hopefully ending with I love you.

  I’m thankful I have no other plans for the night other than spending it with Lexi, preferably naked—watching movies, in the hot tub, in the shower, in the kitchen. This will be a stressful week for her leading up to the big event, so the least I can do is take her mind off it and help her relax. I roll over to find the spot next to me cold and empty. I press up on my forearms and look around.

  “Lex?”

  No response.

  I roll back over to get out of bed. I reach for my boxers on the floor when something catches my eyes on the nightstand—a note. Next to the note is the necklace I gave her for her birthday, which also happened to be Valentine’s Day—a heart-shaped amethyst at the center of a sterling silver infinity symbol with diamond accents on each side of the heart. As soon as I saw it, I knew that I had to buy it for her. I know how important the infinity symbol is to her.

  What the hell? I sit up in bed and look around for any sign of her and come up empty. I waste no time opening the note.

  Is this what has been bothering her? I find the first thing I can reach, which happens to be the bedside lamp, and throw it against the wall. What the fuck?

  I grab my jeans from the floor and quickly dress. I race over to Lexi’s apartment, ignoring all speed limits and stop signs. Luckily, I make it to her place in one piece—physically, at least. On the entire drive over here, I replayed everything in my head: her actions, her words, the way she clung to me as she fell asleep in my arms. She knew she was going to leave me? My eyes are burning with tears I haven’t shed.

  My chest gets tighter and tighter, the higher the elevator to her floor.

  I rush to her front door and knock profusely. My hand is balled in a fist, getting tighter and tighter with every pound against the door.

  “Lexi! Lexi, baby, please open up,” I plead. It feels like an eternity until the door whips open in a hurry.

  “Lex—” However, to my disappointment, when the door opens, it’s not Lexi’s emerald eyes I’m met with but Hadley’s blue ones. And for a moment, they look as sad as I feel, but she quickly blinks it away.

  “Ben, what are you doing here?” Does she really not know?

  “Where’s Lexi?” I look around the apartment behind her for any sign that Lexi is here but come up empty.

  “I don’t know. She’s not here. I thought she was at your place.”

  I run my hands through my hair as I spin around. She has to be here. Where else would she go?

  “Ben, you’re starting to scare me a little.” Hadley steps out into the hallway and closes the door further behind her. I want to push her out of the way and search the apartment, tearing it apart, searching for clues—anything to tell me why?

  “Lex?” I shout again. Hadley places her gentle hand on my chest, stopping me.

  “Ben.” The tone of her voice tells me she at least understands exactly what is going on. I know she will be on her side and tell me whatever she needs to. There are no limits when it comes to her or Brynn protecting Lex—this situation I would to be no different.

  “I just need to know she’s okay,” I plead, ready to drop to my knees and beg.

  “I don’t know where she is.” She is blatantly lying to me.

  “Hadley, please.” The tears I’ve been fighting to release finally fall, and I don’t bother wiping them away.

  Tear filled eyes match my own. “Ben, I’m sorry. I think you should go.”

  “I—” I almost admit for the second time that I’m in love with her, but it’s not Hadley I should be telling.

  Hadley’s shoulders sag as she takes in my distraught appearance. “I know” is all she says before she walks back, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze, and closes the door behind her.

  I somehow leave the apartment in a total haze, feeling just as broken as I did the night I received the call alerting me of my parent’s accident.

  I hear the front door close and hug the pillow tighter. I felt the heartbreak in his voice as he shouted my name. It was as if someone took a sledgehammer to the already shattered pieces of my heart.

  I begin to cry again, a nonstop flow since I walked out of his house. Hadley pulls me into her arms. I rest my head in her lap as she strokes my hair in a gentle motherly manner. She has always been the one to take care of us in our group.

  “Do you think I made a mistake?” I ask in between tears. I taste the salty liquid on my lips as I don’t even bother wiping them away anymore.

  She remains silent and pauses her movement. I push up to look my best friend in the eye. Her blue eyes are undecided and questioning her next words.

  “Had?” Her lack of speech makes me start to wonder.

  “All I’m going to say is that you were with Dominic for three years, and I saw the aftermath of what that breakup did to you, and this—” She points to my current state. “—well, it was nothing compared to the heartbreak I’m witnessing right now. That has to mean something, right?”

  Hadley is right, though; the pain I felt witnessing my relationship implode before my very eyes is nothing compared to the pain I feel right now. Ben and I may not have been together long, but he weaved his way through my veins and in my heart. A heart that will never feel complete.

  But this isn’t just about me anymore. I don’t know the lengths or extremes Dominic is willing to go. If he went public with false accusations that I earned my career by anything other than my hard work, it would bring negative light to the company, tarnish the brand that Paul worked so hard to make, and would make success that much harder for Ben. Maritime Media was built on integrity. Everything it stands for would be jeopardized. I can’t let that happen.

  Once was a coincidence, but twice falling in love with my boss—or in Dominic’s case, related to—I get how it would look. The long hours, sleepless nights, and dedication to this company and making sure the job is done not only correctly, but well, would no longer matter. I would be ridiculed, forced to leave the company for my own good. No one would ever hire me. My career would be over. But if my relationship with Ben has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes there is more to live then the perfect job. But can I manage seeing Ben every day and still do the job at hand?

>   I adjust, putting my head back into her lap before I let my tears consume me, and her words stay in the front of my mind as I finally drift off to sleep.

  “Lexi, we need to talk,” Ben whispers while I’m standing at the coffee maker in the break room. It’s caffeine all day every day to beat the exhaustion. I barely sleep—craving his comfort, craving his touch. It’s taken everything I have within me not to run back to his arms, where I belong.

  I have been timing my caffeine runs perfectly for when I know Ben is already occupied, but clearly, fate had a funny way of working just now.

  A shadow envelops me as I am adding the last drop of creamer into my coffee. I don’t have to turn around to know that it’s Ben. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that I can get back to my office in one piece. I know that if I see him, I will fall apart.

  “Lexi, can we talk?”

  I turn around, and my eyes avoid his gaze. There are still a few employees in the lounge, and the last thing we need is to cause a scene.

  “I’m sorry, I’m busy. I have a lot of last-minute work I need to finalize before the big event. Unless it has to do with donations or place cards, I don’t have time for it.”

  I try to brush past Ben, but he wraps his fingers around my arm gently. “Lex.” His voice is full of angst and hurt. Hurt that I put there. Hurt that I feel deep down in my soul. Don’t cry. You can’t let him see you cry.

  I grab my arm from his grasp.

  “Don’t,” I choke out and escape the small room. Surprisingly he doesn’t chase me, not wanting to cause an even bigger scene. Before turning the corner, I glance over my shoulder to find Ben standing there, running his fingers through his hair, like I used to do. His eyes are full of defeat. As if he could sense me looking at him, his eyes lift, but I scurry away and close the door to my office. I relax against the wooden door and allow the tears to fall.

  With every fallen drop, another shattered piece of my heart breaks.

  Every knock on the door has my heart jumping, thinking that it’s Ben for another face-off, but he never shows. I guess he has finally realized I don’t want to talk.

  I am currently drowning my sorrows in a pint of cookies-and-cream ice, cream watching my third episode of The Originals on Netflix, when I hear Hadley’s bedroom door open and her footsteps down the hallway.

  “Okay, that’s it. Get your ass up. I’ve let you mope around for a week, now get up.”

  “Hadley, just leave me alone right now.”

  She stands in front of the television with her arms crossed. She makes a better door than a window because she blocks my view of the Mickaelson brothers on the screen.

  “No.”

  “I don’t feel like going anywhere.” I sulk further into the couch.

  “Well, tough shit. Come on; I let you have your time, and now it’s time to get back up. Don’t make me kick your ass.”

  She lifts her fists to her face as if she’s ready to throw a punch, in two-inch stilettos. I can’t hold back my laughter, but then her stance reminds me of how much Ben loved the Rocky movies and when he forced me to watch a marathon the other week. The smile fades from my face, and I choke on the tears threatening to spill. I don’t even remember feeling this broken when Dominic and I split up.

  “Will this ever get easier?” I set the ice cream down on the table.

  Hadley takes a seat next to me on the couch, straightening out her romper.

  “Lex, I promise it will get easier. Okay? Let’s just go out and get some fresh air. We don’t have to stay late—just a change of scenery. What do you say?”

  A change of scenery? Looking like this? I have only been to the office and back home—and, of course, stopping along at the liquor store to pick up more wine.

  “There’s no getting rid of you until I agree, is there?”

  I look up at her, and she is grinning widely. “Nope. I would then be betraying my duty as a best friend. So come on.” She stands and pulls me reluctantly to my feet. “Let’s go get you hot.” She spanks my ass and shoves me toward my room.

  As much as I hate to admit it, Hadley is right. I need to get out. I need to move on. But how do I move on when Ben still holds all of the pieces of my heart?

  “Now you go shower.” She all but pushes me into the bathroom.

  “Are you going to watch me shower?”

  She checks her reflection in the mirror before leaning against the counter with her arms crossed.

  “Are you going to tell me that you’re going to shower and turn the shower on but in reality, as soon as I leave, you’ll either barricade yourself in your room, refusing to come out, or bolt from the apartment?”

  They both sound like good plans, but damnit, why didn’t I think of them first. No matter what I say, Hadley will most likely be camped outside the bathroom door till I’m done.

  “I’m going to shower,” I say, slowly avoiding my reflection in the mirror because I know I look rough. Enough to scare even Freddy Kreuger away.

  “Promise?” She places her hands on my upper arms, spinning me around to face her.

  “I promise.” I hold my pinky out in front of me and lace hers with mine. We interlock pinkies and laugh. “That was too weird. That was such a Brynn and Cal thing to do.”

  “Okay, I’ll leave you to shower. I’m going to finish getting ready. Knock on my door when you’re ready.”

  “Yes, Mom,” I joke, pushing her out of the room.

  I quickly shower and wrap my hair in a towel along with my body. One of my favorite things about this apartment, besides sharing it with my best friend, is the closet. It is hands down the best thing ever. I search my closet for something to wear. My heart hurts as I pass the dress I wore at the office holiday party where Ben and I got together and the outfit from the night we met. I push them to the back of the closet. Maybe it’s time to go shopping for a new wardrobe. Finally, I settle on a white lace-overlay dress and a black biker jacket with black booties.

  With my hair curled and makeup done, I grab my phone, keys, and a black clutch. I knock on Hadley’s bedroom door, and she swings the door open, wearing an entirely different outfit than earlier. I’m not surprised. Hadley is the type of person to try on multiple outfits for an event before deciding on the right outfit. She’s now wearing dark skinny jeans, black boots, and a purple sparkly top. Long necklaces of assorted sizes are laced down her neck. I lift a few strands with my finger.

  “Umm, excuse me, I’m pretty sure those are mine.”

  She shrugs, closing her door and locking it. “Yeah, well, it’s taken you what, five years for you even to notice, so I’m keeping them.” She loops her arm through mine, and we make our way to the elevator. “I called an Uber while getting ready.”

  “Where we headed?” I ask as the elevator dings on the main floor.

  “I was thinking of Eiffel Park.” I stop in my tracks. When she realizes I stopped walking, she spins to face me. The color has left my face, and then it hits her why I hesitated.

  “Oh shit, I’m sorry, Lex. We don’t need to go there.”

  Would I ever be able to go there again and not think about Ben? Not think about the first moment I felt his hands on me, the first moment his lips touched mine, or the first moment he gave me a mind-blowing orgasm? But more than that, I fell in love with a man who I can never have.

  “No, let’s go. I want to dance.” Dancing sounds like the perfect way to escape my head.

  Two hours and an endless number of tequila shots later, Hadley took a break on the dance floor and is now standing by the bar while I remain on the dance floor. I see her looking in my clutch but blow it off when I feel hands grip my waist and pull me against a hard chest.

  His hands don’t feel anything like Ben’s, his scent smells nothing like him, and I welcome the difference. I let the tequila flow through my veins and the music flow through my soul while allowing myself to get lost in his touch.

  At least for one night, I can feel something other than heartache.


  I try to drown myself in work, but everywhere I go, I’m reminded of her. In the office, I see her around, but even if my door is closed, I remember the times I took her on my desk or against the window. Here at home, I think of the times I held her in my arms in my bed or we laughed while cooking in the kitchen.

  “The End” by Kings of Leon, my favorite band, plays in the background while I stare at a blank screen on my computer.

  My brother strolls into the office, dressed clearly, ready to go out.

  “Still moping around, I see. I don’t know how you listen to this depressing shit.” He takes a seat across from me and crosses his right ankle over his left knee.

  “Fuck off, Asher.” I’m not in the mood for conversation.

  “You two haven’t worked it out yet?”

  “Do you see her around here anywhere?” I wave my hand around to the room, where clearly it was just me before he interrupted me.

  “Wow, what the fuck happened?”

  I lean back in my chair, scrubbing my hands over my face, exhaling loudly. “I wish I knew.” I replay the events of that day over in my mind and explain them and the days since to Asher.

  His brows scrunch as if he is deep in thought.

  “Look, I don’t know if this has anything to do with anything, but that day, I had a friend meet me here. I was running late and gave him the code to get in.” He what? “When I got home, he was walking down the hallway. He had said that he was just using the bathroom, but I don’t know.”

  “Who the fuck is this friend? You didn’t think to mention this before?” I don’t mean to raise my voice, but shit like this could have been important.

  “Dominic Jennings.”

  Jennings? As in Paul Jennings?

  What does he have to do with Lexi?

  As if the devil himself beckoned her, my phone lights up with Lexi’s name.