by Debra Kayn
Stunned that her mother was leaving again, having only been home a week, she refused to ask why she needed to see a doctor. She wasn't sick.
A clap of thunder contaminated the silence around the table. Taken back to the night her father died four years ago, she closed herself off. It was her fault her father hadn't been home. It was her fault that her dad had died.
"I believe the family who lives on B circle, one street over from you, have a daughter who is twelve years old." Dr. Conner's low voice broke through the terror of her memories. "If I remember correctly, her mother has mentioned in passing that her daughter is going to be babysitting this summer."
Her mother scoffed. "My child doesn't babysit others. That's what nannies are for."
She tried to peek at the doctor from behind her hair. Curious to know if the girl he talked about went to her school. Having never been able to explore in the gated neighborhood, she wasn't aware of another kid her age living close by. And babysitting?
Catching Dr. Conner's dark-colored gaze, she eagerly looked at him. She had so many questions. How had the girl received her parents' permission to get a job? Did she spend nights with the baby she was watching? Alone? Was she scared? Was it fun?
"Twelve is the normal age when parents give their child more independence. It's prudent to growing up and being self-reliant." Dr. Conner put down his fork and picked up his napkin, wiping his mouth. "I can evaluate Katie's maturity level during our appointments."
Evaluate? She glanced at her mom. Evaluate how?
Afraid if she asked, the focus would come back on her. She stayed quiet, wanting to know what her mother thought about Dr. Conner's suggestion on letting her stay by herself.
"I'll see her twice a week like planned. Ms. Gray can come at dinner time and stay in the house until morning because every woman should have someone near at night."
She swallowed, no longer interested in dinner. He called her a woman.
Finally, having someone supporting and sticking up for her, she wanted her independence more than ever.
"What do I do when I'm in a different country, and something goes wrong, or Katie changes her mind and wants her nanny during the day?" Her mother's lips pursed. "I will not come back and baby her. She's not ruining my vacation."
"If Katie changes her mind, she can let Ms. Gray know, and the nanny can stay twenty-four/seven." Dr. Conner looked at Katie and lifted his brows. "Acceptable?"
She nodded enthusiastically.
"Perfect." He tossed his napkin on the table. "Now that I've met Katie and she's aware of her summer schedule, I'll expect her ready for our talk on Tuesday. I'll see myself to the door."
"But..." Her mother stood from the table. "Won't you stay and have dessert?"
Dr. Conner dismissed the offer and walked out of the room. Katie gawked at the bravery of standing up to her mother. She'd never met anyone strong enough to leave her mother speechless. Not even her father had won every argument.
Chapter 2
Katie dug deeper in the drawer, pushing aside a red bra, and finding a black one that was soft and slick. Holding the contraption to her chest, she stepped over to the full-length mirror in the corner of her mom's walk-in closet.
She posed left and right, then fiddled with the clasp until it came undone. Having watched other girls in P.E. when they had to dress, she first put the bra around her ribs. Her arms strained the longer she struggled to hook the two ends together.
Her skin dampened in exertion. She stuck out her bottom lip and blew her hair off her overheated face. At the point of giving up, the first little metal hook slipped into place. Dropping her arms to her sides in exhaustion, she decided not to hook the other clasp. She shoved her arms into the straps and pulled the front over her chest.
Her mom's boobs were huge.
Pressing her hands against the bulging, empty material, she flattened the bra. She chewed on her lip, studying her body in the mirror. Maybe her shirt would hold the foam to her chest, so it fits better. She went back out to the bedroom and grabbed her shirt off the floor.
She wiggled her T-shirt over her head and down her body. Looking at her reflection, she liked the changes.
She jumped in place. Her boobs still moved, but with a bra hiding them, nobody would notice. Feeling confident, she marched around the room and flung herself on the bed, rolling. Every time she tried moving a new way, she felt her boobs. The bra stayed in place.
"Katie?" said Betsy over the intercom.
She crawled off the bed and stood, looking around for a place to hide. The kitchen workers weren't allowed upstairs.
"Dr. Conner is here for your appointment."
Her shoulders curled forward, and she walked to the door. She wouldn't have time to take off the bra. There was no reason why she couldn't wear it. Her mom wasn't home. All the other girls her age had one.
She opened the door at the same time Betsy called her name again. "I'm coming."
Hurrying down the hallway, she ran down the staircase, not worrying about getting in trouble. After three days of having free run of the house during the day, she enjoyed a lot of things she never could with a nanny watching her every move.
"He's in the sitting room, Miss Katie." Betsy led her across the entryway and stood to the side of the open door. "If you need anything, use the intercom."
She stepped inside the room. Dr. Conner stood. Not knowing what the appointment was about or what was expected of her, she waited for him to say something and tried not to pull at the bra.
His gaze lowered, and he raised his brows before pointing to the chair beside him. "Come in and sit, Katie."
She stepped over and sat on the edge, folding her hands in her lap.
He sat down, too, and leaned back. "Did your mother explain to you why we're going to be seeing more of each other?"
She shook her head.
"Well, you can relax. I'm not like a regular doctor. I don't fix broken bones or give shots or make you take medicine." He continued to look at her.
She had a hard time meeting his gaze. He was a stranger, even though he had dinner at their table a few days ago.
"Do you have any idea why your mom would think it's a good idea for us to talk?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"Sometimes, people don't have someone in their life they can confide in." His eyes softened. "They hire me to listen. Do you know what kind of things they talk about?"
She shook her head again.
"Girls your age often tell me about what happens at school, but seeing how you're on summer break, why don't you tell me how you spend the day at home?" He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. "Are you enjoying your independence?"
She warmed, sliding her hands underneath the hem of her shirt, pulling the material away from her upper body. "I like it."
The corner of his mouth lifted. "Have you grown bored yet?"
"Not really."
"Do you miss your mom?"
She looked at him. He was asking a lot of questions.
"Why is my mom making you talk to me?" she asked.
"I hope we can have an honest doctor-patient relationship. To show you that I'm willing, I'll tell you the truth about why your mom wants me to see you." He stood and walked over to the door, shutting her in the room. "Your teachers in the last few years have mentioned you've regressed socially in your relationships with your peers at school and withdrawn from participating in your education. It's been suggested to your mother that counseling will make you more comfortable around others and relieve some of the worries that might be bothering you."
He returned to his chair. Her stomach cramped in an angry ball. She never got in trouble at school. She got good grades, studied for tests, and last year, she even received an award for having excellent attendance during a school assembly for never missing a day in the sixth grade.
"What's regressed mean?" she asked.
"To go backward." His mouth softened. "They're concerned because in
the last four years you've become withdrawn. You don't play with the other kids, don't volunteer answers in class discussions, and seem unhappy. The normal things that make a child your age happy don't seem to bring any joy to you."
Whoever said that about her was stupid. Couldn't they leave her alone? It was probably that dumb boy Reggie who always tried to cut in line in front of her and always complained to the teacher about everything.
"You're angry." Dr. Conner crossed his legs and studied her. "Can you tell me why that upsets you?"
"I'm not."
"Are you excited to go into the seventh grade?" he asked.
He probably wanted to hear how she couldn't wait for a new school year to start. She shrugged. It meant nothing to her. Nothing would change.
"Do you ride a bike?" he asked.
She glanced at him. Everything she said was being reported back to her mom and the school.
Taking back how she thought he was a nice man when he convinced her mom to let her stay by herself over the summer, she crossed her arms. The bulky material of the bra on the front of her chest slipped over her boobs and bunched at the top of her shirt.
She pinched the middle of the bra and pulled it down, leaving her hands in her lap. "I want to go to my room."
"Our appointment lasts an hour." Dr. Conner tilted his head. "If you don't want to talk about school or your mom, why don't you tell me what you like to do?"
She rolled her eyes. Dr. Conner reminded her of the school counselor, asking her a hundred questions when she came back to school after her father had died. Not talking got her out of going to the school office once a day and put her back in the classroom. She never had to return to the counselor.
Good behavior gets rewards. There was a sign in the counselor's office with that saying.
Dr. Conner would see that there was nothing wrong with her.
"I asked you about riding a bike, because of how Sherwood Community has a bike path through the many streets on the hillside and makes a big circle. I see many people riding, walking, and jogging every day. Your house is right next to it, too." He picked up a flat, leather book and put it on his lap. "About two hundred feet from your house, there's a small stream. This morning while I was jogging, there was a mother deer and two of her fawns. Have you ever seen deer in your backyard?"
She pressed her lips together to keep from asking about the babies. Almost every morning, a deer munched off the plum tree in the backyard. She wanted to know if that was the mother deer but refused to ask.
She'd never walked out of sight of her house before and had no idea how long it would take to walk two-hundred feet.
"Maybe while you have time this summer, you can check out the path. It's a good one to ride your bike...if you have one," said Dr. Conner.
Noticing her shoe had come untied, she bent over and tied the lace. Her bike was too small. It was the one that had training wheels that her father removed when she learned to ride a two-wheeler. A long time ago, before everything had changed, the nannies used to take her on the path. But, they'd made her ride back and forth along the back of the property.
She would ask Ms. Gray how far it was to the stream when she came to spend the night at the house.
"I'm going to give you homework." Dr. Conner opened the flat book on his lap. Inside was a yellow notepad like her father used to use when he was a lawyer. "When I come back on Friday, I want you to think of one thing you enjoyed doing when you were younger. If you can tell me, I'll have a reward for you."
But what if she refused to do the homework? She stared at her hands. Maybe he'd stop coming. Maybe he'd punish her. Maybe he'd tell her mom, and she'd rehire Ms. Gray to watch her all day long.
Chapter 3
On Friday, Dr. Conner stood in the entryway, waiting for Katie to give her answer to the homework she was supposed to have done. She wanted to show him that he couldn't force her to talk. He wasn't her parent.
But, her curiosity over what her reward would be won out. He'd already helped her not have a nanny during the day. She wanted to know what he'd give her.
"I used to play in the rain." She bit the inside of her lip and looked down at his shoes.
He wore sneakers and jeans today. She was barefooted because she'd forgotten the time and hadn't expected him to come when she was watching television.
"You mean, run around and get wet?" he asked.
She shrugged. "We played chase."
"Who chased you?"
Her stomach ached. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts.
Dr. Conner squatted in front of her, putting his face in her view so that she couldn't look away. She swallowed, wanting to cry, but she wouldn't. Not in front of him.
"Will you tell me who you played with?" he asked softly.
Her face heated, and she opened her mouth to breathe more air. "M-my dad," she whispered.
It was the first time she'd said his name since her mom punished her for talking about him. Even the nannies had instructions from her mom not to let her tell stories about her dad.
"It sounds like a fun way to enjoy the rain. Luckily for us, it's a warm day, and I promised you a reward for doing your homework." He raised his dark brows. "Would you like to go with me on the path? I'm curious to see exactly how far it is from your house to the stream."
She nodded, coming up on her toes. She was eager to see if the deer and her fawns were still there. Ever since Dr. Conner had told her about the babies, she'd looked all around the backyard and even in the trees that separated the path from the property.
"I have one more surprise for you." He dropped his gaze to her bare feet. "It requires shoes, though. Do you think you can go get a pair on and make it back to me in 60 seconds?"
She turned and ran up the stairs, taking up the challenge. Her heart beat wildly in excitement. It seemed like years since she had anyone around to go places with her.
In her bedroom, she dropped to her knees beside the bed and shoved the bedspread out of the way to look underneath. She found her tennis shoes where she'd kicked them off and pulled them on her feet, not stopping long enough to make sure she put a pair of socks on first.
Scrambling to her feet, she rushed out of the room, down the hallway, and ignoring all rules, ran down the stairs, and came to an ungraceful stop in front of Dr. Conner.
"Ready?" he asked.
She nodded.
He opened the front door and stopped before he let her follow. "If you don't like the surprise, we can still go on the path. Okay?"
She leaned to the side to try and look past him. Unable to see outside, she nodded.
He swung the door open. She walked out onto the concrete walkway and spotted two bicycles in the driveway. One was larger than the other. She skipped out to the smaller one.
The seat went up to her waist. She ran her hand over the handlebars. It was a black and purple mountain bike with knobby tires. She could probably pedal all over the neighborhood.
"Do you know how to ride?" asked Dr. Conner from behind her.
She glanced over her shoulder and nodded, answering his question from the other day, before turning back to the bike. Hoping with all her heart, he was going to let her keep the bicycle, she added, "Yes."
"Excellent." He moved over and toed the kickstand on his bike. "If we ride down the street and turn at the end of the block, we can get right on the path. Why don't you lead the way, and I'll follow?"
She wiped her sweaty palms on her shorts and grabbed the handlebars. Managing to turn the bike around, she stepped over the bar and straddled the bicycle. It was much bigger than her old bike. Probably made for an adult, and she was only four foot ten inches tall.
Gazing down the slight slope of the driveway, she put one foot on the pedal. Almost stopping and telling him she couldn't do it, she hopped on one foot, leery about hoisting her butt up on the seat.
She glanced over at Dr. Conner. He already sat his bicycle and waited for her.
Not wanting to disappo
int him or make him angry after he bought a bike she could ride, she sucked in a big breath and pressed her foot down on the pedal, surprising herself when she landed on the seat, and the bicycle rolled forward.
Wobbling and almost losing her balance, she rolled out onto the street and squeezed the brake handle. She jumped off the seat. Her heart pounded hard enough to break out of her chest.
Seeing Dr. Conner ride ahead, she hurried to get the bike going again. Every second scary and uncomfortable. She'd never ridden on the street with the possibility of a car coming at her, only on the path behind the house on even, smooth ground.
Dr. Conner turned and looked back at her. She kept peddling and made the corner. Having to use her legs more to climb the slight incline, she concentrated on the ground in front of her. As soon as she made it to the asphalted path, she'd relax.
"Go ahead and turn left." Dr. Conner slowed and moved out of her way. "Lead the way."
She continued peddling, riding over the small speed bump onto the path. Keeping the tires on the asphalt as she turned, she almost giggled when she succeeded in getting them there.
She was biking.
Not knowing how far Dr. Conner expected her to go, she kept pumping her legs.
Her hands, tired from gripping the handles, ached. The rubber knobs on the rubber made it impossible to let go. Sweat rolled down her temple. She should've put her hair in a ponytail, but she hadn't expected to go outside. She certainly never dreamed of going to see if the deer was at the stream with her fawns.
"Do you see that bench ahead?" asked Dr. Conner from behind her.
Realizing he couldn't see her face from behind her, she said, "Yes."
"We can stop there."
Riding straight for the wrought-iron bench, she tested her brakes and jumped off the seat, landing on both feet before the bicycle careened to the side. She almost fell before she saved the bike from getting a scratch mark.
Anxious to stand on her own, she toed the kickstand and stood beside it, rubbing her hands. It seemed like she'd ridden miles and miles, and it was the best feeling in the world.
