The Land Where Sinners Atone

by Mason, V. F.

  He doesn’t know the words mercy or compassion, and the only thing he craves is your blood, and that’s never enough.

  No matter how much she has hurt me… I could never atone for what I have done.

  At least in her eyes, since I’ve committed the greatest sin by betraying her for someone else, just like all the other people in her life, according to her.

  And I finally realize I never will, so what’s the point of prolonging the inevitable?

  Dark clouds continue to gather in the sky. A lightning bolt flashes again before the pouring rain starts to fall, the heavy raindrops hitting the car with loud slaps, and I turn on the windshield wipers. It’s still almost impossible to see anything around me, but it doesn’t matter.

  Finally, in the distance, I see the end of the guard rails and press the pedal harder, almost bumping the speed to one hundred fifty. I let go of the wheel, extending my hand through the window to the rain, a slight smile appearing on my face.

  Too bad everything in this life couldn’t be washed away with the rain. Maybe then the outcome of my destiny would have been different.

  Just a little farther and I reach the cliff’s end above the ocean. The car flies from it, sailing down into the ocean as the sky booms with thunder.

  And when it finally happens, my laughter is the one echoing inside as the tears stream down my cheeks, because it’s finally over.

  With my death, I free myself and everyone else from this nightmare once and for all.

  Hoping that, instead of hell, I’ll go to the land where sinners atone.

  The car plunges into the water, floating for a second, but sinks quickly due to the open window through which water fills the car. I gulp air into my lungs, thinking about my daughter and Zach and how sorry I am for leaving them like this.

  But it’s better for Emmaline that I die, because, for her, Zachary is her dad and I’m just a stranger.

  No one misses strangers, right?

  If I wasn’t in the water, tears would be streaming down my cheeks along with the sobs shaking my body.

  I swing my head to the side, though, when something grabs my hand. I open my eyes wide to see Zachary, who pulls me from the open window. I struggle in his hold, but he is relentless.

  My hip bangs painfully on the car as he manages to get me out and then pushes me toward the surface. I want to shout in frustration at him. Why did he have to come and save me? Doesn’t he understand it won’t end until one of us and Lydia are dead?

  The thoughts of her falling from the cliff soon, though, make me swim up, that and how Zachary probably can’t hold his breath for much longer.

  Zach and I both gulp for breath when we reach the top, and then he barks at me, “Swim to the fucking shore!” We swim for a few minutes before I end up crawling onto the sand, coughing loudly, spitting out water, but Zachary doesn’t give me a long reprieve.

  He flips me to my back and checks on me, his hand trembling all over my form. “Are you all right?” The water drips from his hair and on me, and I’m not sure where I find the strength, probably from the adrenaline flooding my blood, but I push him away and shout, “Why did you do that?”

  “Why? I should have let you die?”

  “What other choice was there?” I scream at him, not caring how each word hurts my throat as it burns. I sit up on the sand, trembling all over. “She will never stop!”

  “Then sacrifice me!” he fires right back, and I open my mouth to argue when I blink at the beach, noticing that the cliff wasn’t very high and no car followed me. Should we have felt it back in the water or heard it by now?

  Only then do I spot a small road leading from the cliff to this beach and shake my head in denial, saying, “Lydia.”

  “Is right here.” Her voice sounds from behind me, and Zachary goes stone-cold. His jaw clenches while he fists his hands, and with dread, I turn around, sitting up on my knees to face Lydia holding a gun pointed at me. “I knew he would save you. Ask me how.” Zach takes a step toward her, but she wiggles the gun in her hand. “Nah-ah, brother dearest. Not unless you want me to shoot her.”

  “How?” I do as she says, too afraid she might pull the trigger anyway, too caught up in her memories.

  “Abusers always seek their victims, nothing on this earth is powerful enough to keep them away. Just like my mother, you chose him.”

  “Like she chose your dad?”

  “Daddy was a bad man. But he taught me how to recognize his kind and rid the world of them.” Some serial killers indeed do hunt those who did the same deeds as their abuser, but Lydia has done nothing to help the world get rid of them.

  Not that I can say any of this in the current situation.

  “After Zach married and called her sweetheart all the fucking time, I couldn’t stand it. So one day, I burned my hands. I remembered how Daddy said they were not muscled enough. That’s when I met you, the kindest person I’d ever seen. You sat with me and talked to me, because one of the doctors suspected self-harm, even though I claimed I just touched the hot pan. I didn’t expect the shrink to be so good.” My brows furrow at this, because I never remembered seeing her before she came to get me released from prison. If it happened before the accident, shouldn’t I at least have recognized her? “I wore a medical mask and sunglasses. I couldn’t have people speculating about a King harming herself. Wouldn’t fit the image.” She flips her hair back when the blast of the wind covers her face. “I thought you would understand me, Phoenix. Sebastian didn’t deserve you.” She briefly glances at Zach. “That’s when Angelica became mean to me, so I decided to end it all.” She chuckles, although it lacks any humor. “I thought I would free us all from abusers. And what did I get in return? Nothing! You fell for Zachary!” She screams the last part, pointing the gun at me. “And I’m so tired of opening up everyone’s eyes to their deeds.” Her eyes water. “Why does no one ever listen to me?” She presses her hand against her chest, hitting herself with a fist. “To my pain and my heartache? Everyone ignores it. I deserved better than this!”

  “You did,” Zachary says, sliding a little closer while Lydia frowns, focusing her stare on him. “What happened to you was bad. But Phoenix never betrayed you. Your anger should be directed at me.”

  “She wanted to marry you. And she protected you!” she shouts. “I hate you, Zachary. Because of you, Daddy kidnapped me all those years ago. It should have been you who lived all those nightmares.” Tears fall rapidly down her face. “It should have been you who drove that car. And you even took Phoenix from me!” She points the gun at me again. “So, I’m going to take back what you stole.”

  Everything happens as if in slow motion.

  Lydia fires at me, but Zachary’s body blocks me from the gun. Several shots echo in the night, one by one, and then I see a man coming from the shadows toward Lydia, grabbing her from the back and disarming her, pressing her on the sand while she shouts.

  I jump up from my position, running around Zachary to examine how much damage she’s done, only for a scream to tear out of my throat when I see him.

  No.

  No, no, no.

  Epilogue

  “We all wish for happy endings in this life.

  Some happy endings have bittersweet feelings to them though.

  Usually when life doesn’t go as you’ve planned…

  And you’ve faced a few losses on the way.

  The only thing keeping a person going during this difficult time is love…

  Love that has the power to make you hold on and withstand anything.

  Even the most unbearable and heartbreaking pain.”

  Phoenix

  New York, New York

  15 years later

  Phoenix

  “You guys suck,” Emmaline exclaims, adjusting her graduation cap on her head and flipping her hair so the dark locks fall freely down her back and glisten in the sunlight streaming from above on this beautiful spring day.

  Ian and Wyatt—identical twins with
black hair and the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen, almost like the clearest of emeralds found in the mountains—share a look and shrug, not caring much about my daughter’s displeasure. “You have to make up your mind, Em,” Ian says, and her jaw drops open as she places one hand on her hip and wiggles the other at their clothes.

  “Make up my mind? You both are wearing jeans and leather jackets to my graduation ceremony!”

  Wyatt rubs his chin and asks with confusion, “But didn’t you say wear something nice?” He motions up and down his chest. “These cost a fortune, one of the best that we have in the closet.”

  She blinks in disbelief. “I meant to wear a suit. You have several of those!”

  “A suit.” They both say at the same time and chuckle, nudging each other’s shoulder while Emmaline groans in frustration and shifts her attention to me.

  Oh no.

  I should have expected this but was too slow to catch up, and now I won’t be able to escape the line of fire.

  “Mom!”

  Ian says, “Hey, that’s not fair. You can’t involve grownups in our conversations.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says me,” Wyatt replies with a grin and then winks at the girls passing by who giggle loudly, and I shake my head at him. One of these days, this boy is going to be a womanizer.

  And God help us all then.

  “We’re just in time for a fight.” An amused voice from behind makes me turn around to see Sebastian walking toward us with Felicia and their ten-year-old daughter, Daisy, who rushes to us with a loud squeal.

  She plasters herself against Emmaline, wrapping her hands around her middle, and cranes her neck back to meet her sister’s gaze. “You look so pretty!”

  My daughter smiles, ruffling her hair, and replies, “You are pretty too.” She steps back and grabs her hand, allowing the girl to twirl in a circle, showcasing her perfect white dress with gold sandals that match her blonde locks perfectly.

  “Hey, Aunt Phoenix,” she greets me, blowing me a kiss before she jumps to the boys, and Ian catches her in his arms where she giggles loudly. Then she points behind them. “There is ice cream.”

  The twins once again glance in unison at Felicia. Sometimes, it astonishes even me how much in sync with each other they are, almost like one body separated into two halves. Combined with their identical looks and moods, they make one scary yet fascinating team for everyone.

  And fiercely protective of each other—if you hurt one, you better be ready to face the other.

  It doesn’t help they are both exceptionally smart too and sneaky, not that they can ever lie to me.

  Or fool me into believing one or the other is in front of me.

  “Go ahead.” Felicia nods, and the boys walk off as she leans toward me and hugs me. “How are you?” She drops her voice down to a whisper. “Happy to have a kid graduate?” She frowns. “I think I will be bawling my eyes out when the time comes for Daisy. I should buy some handkerchiefs in advance.”

  Sebastian and she married three years after Lydia was charged with several murders. Due to her unstable mental state, she was put in a psychiatric ward for life with no chance of appeal or parole. They transferred her to prison several years later when, with medication and therapy, she was stable enough to be moved there.

  The King family was so shaken up with what she did plus Zachary’s….

  I shake my head, blocking away the painful memories that still rip my heart in two.

  The whole family mourned for several years, not believing how their sweet girl turned into a cold-blooded murderer. It took me a long time to convince them all, especially Olivia, that it wasn’t their fault, and dwelling on what ifs wouldn’t help them. Yes, they should have gotten her to therapy all those years ago, instead of sighing in relief when she said she didn’t remember anything. When children are in pain and suffering, we should help them, instead of protecting ourselves from their truths that have the power to destroy us.

  However, a sense of guilt wouldn’t have helped her, so instead, I told Olivia that the only thing she could do for her daughter was to be there for her.

  And that’s what the entire family did, visited her every month and didn’t leave her in the depths of despair alone and without love.

  What Lydia did… those were horrible and despicable things that no one should ever do, and there is no justification for them. Killing an innocent to numb your own pain is never the solution; allowing the darkness to consume your life isn’t one either.

  The one who needed family, though, was the little girl still living inside her who waited for her family to come and find her when the whole world crumbled apart. Where the abusive monster took advantage of her weakness and shattered her spirit.

  And that’s what she finally got, even if she got those things in a way no one expected.

  The patriarch of the family, Anthony, never wanted to hear about her or visit her, not that anyone expected that.

  How could they, after what she had done to him?

  Even I could never go, despite my profession and compassion. I refused multiple times when Olivia wanted me to evaluate her mental state. Just seeing her broke disgusted goose bumps on my skin, bringing me back to that rainy day where life separated into before and after for me.

  Anthony’s words from a long time ago still ring in my ears as he spoke them to Olivia, who cried silently, sitting on the couch.

  I won’t forbid you from seeing her, but God, don’t ask anything else from me. Ever. You don’t speak her name in this house. As far as I’m concerned, she doesn’t exist for me. My son, Olivia. She shot my son. I will never forgive it.

  Despite all this, their marriage stayed as strong as ever with all their grandkids regularly visiting them and having a great time, even though Anthony walks with a cane now after having an operation on his hip. According to him, he was injured when he tried to practice Emmaline’s ballet move, but she denies it.

  Knowing both of them well, I feel like the truth lies somewhere in between.

  A chuckle slips past my lips, thinking about their bond that only got stronger through the years. He doesn’t mind calling her his favorite grandchild. “Since she was accepted to Julliard, I won’t have much time to miss her. For now, she plans to stay at home.”

  Felicia laughs. “Yeah, I’d be surprised if she lived anywhere else.”

  Sebastian nods at me, patting his wife on the back gently before he walks toward Emmaline, who snaps a photo on her phone but stills when she sees him close.

  They both shift uncomfortably as he finally speaks. “Congratulations, sweetheart.” Then he gives her a box with a bow on top. “I wasn’t sure if you needed those, but it seemed like a good choice at the time.”

  Standing still in silver heels, she puts her phone inside the pocket of her purple pencil dress as her silky graduation gown is blown back by the wind, and then she opens the box.

  She gasps before taking out a pair of matte-black pointe shoes and presses them to her chest while Sebastian explains. “I know you go through those quickly, since you exercise till your toes bleed.” He frowns, clearly not happy about this. “But I wanted to give you those as a lucky charm maybe? You can wear them during exams or whatever you guys have in this dance school.” When he finishes, his ears are red and he clears his throat. “I’m very proud of your accomplishments, sweetheart. I want you to know that.”

  “My God, Dad, thank you.” She hugs him close, and Felicia sighs, wiping away her tears, as she always has those while looking at them.

  “They are super cute together, aren’t they? Ever since we told her the truth.”

  One might think Felicia should feel resentment toward my daughter. After all, it came out of the blue for her, not to mention having me always in her face. But nothing but joy fills her voice, and I think that’s because she loves Sebastian so much, and she knows how important it is to him.

  His hands tremble when he pours whiskey into the glass, only to curse under h
is breath and gulp the alcohol from the bottle, getting up swiftly and spilling some on the floor. “How could you have kept it from me?” Anger slashes over me, but he raises his hand to shut me up. “I’m sorry. I know it’s my fault. God, I have a daughter,” he whispers and drops back on the couch, covering his face with his hand while the bottle probably digs into his skin. “And she is almost four.”

  Unsure how to react to the distress and shock in his words, I decide to reassure him and maybe put an end to his misery. “I had to tell you about this; it’s your right. You don’t have to be part of her life. According to the papers, she is Zachary’s daughter, and she—”

  “She’s my baby, Phoenix. How could you think I wouldn’t want to be a part of her life?” He laughs bitterly. “Don’t answer that one either. Your distrust is justified too.” A beat passes, and then he says, “How do we tell her the truth?”

  Exhaling a heavy breath, I lock my hands together on my lap and reply honestly, thinking only about my child and not the agony my ex-husband must experience. “When she is old enough to understand it. I don’t want to hurt or confuse her.”

  He nods, swings the bottle to his mouth, and gulps it greedily. “That’s what we’ll do then.”

  Emmaline found out when she turned sixteen, and to our surprise, she was very understanding about it, although she asked for some time alone to digest it all in her head. It took her one year to fully come to peace with the information, and that’s when she started calling him Dad, albeit still super awkwardly. She requested to change her surname to Hale-King shortly after that.

  “I know you wanted me to go to law school.” Emmaline leans back and adjusts her cap once again. “So it means the world.”

  Sebastian huffs, holding the box under his armpit. “I merely suggested that you think about the future.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Please let’s stop this conversation before we fight again, okay?” Sebastian hugs her one more time before stepping away and coming back to us as she waves to someone in the crowd then motioning with her head to the building. “You guys need to go inside. Grandpa and Grandma are already there waiting for you all. Uncle Charlie and Nathan are there too.” I smile, remembering the couple who must have been the most hilarious people on this planet for the amount of jokes they can dish out in the most uncomfortable situations. Charlie finally popped the question eight years ago, and Nathan accepted, although he still travels a lot due to his work.