Tequila Mockingbird
Page 7
Trade off reading any of Shakespeare’s short sonnets aloud. After your turn, try to explain—in plain English—what the Bard was actually attempting to say. The person most obviously bullshitting must move to England and open a pub.
Each already-tipsy participant reads a passage from The Bell Jar aloud. S/he who cries hardest must be cut off from alcohol immediately. It is suggested that the group embrace and then gently rock her/him.
FORMULAS FOR METRIC CONVERSIONS
Ounces to grams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
multiply ounces by 28.35
Pounds to grams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
multiply pounds by 453.5
Cups to liters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
multiply cups by .24
Fahrenheit to centigrade . . . . . . . . . . . .
subtract 32 from Fahrenheit, multiply by 5, and divide by 9
METRIC EQUIVALENTS FOR VOLUME
U.S.
METRIC
⅛ tsp.
0.6 ml
¼ tsp.
1.2 ml
½ tsp.
2.5 ml
¾ tsp.
3.7 ml
1 tsp.
5 ml
1½ tsp.
7.4 ml
2 tsp.
10 ml
1 Tbsp.
15 ml
1½ Tbsp.
22 ml
2 Tbsp. (⅛ cup)
30 ml
1 fl. oz
3 Tbsp.
45 ml
¼ cup
59 ml
2 fl. oz
⅓ cup
79 ml
½ cup
118 ml
4 fl. oz
⅔ cup
158 ml
¾ cup
178 ml
6 fl. oz
1 cup
237 ml
8 fl. oz
1¼ cups
300 ml
1½ cups
355 ml
1¾ cups
425 ml
2 cups (1 pint)
500 ml
16 fl. oz
3 cups
725 ml
4 cups (1 quart)
.95 liters
32 fl. oz
16 cups (1 gallon)
3.8 liters
128 fl. oz
OVEN TEMPERATURES
DEGREES FAHRENHEIT
DEGREES CENTIGRADE
BRITISH GAS MARKS
200°
93°
—
250°
120°
½
275°
140°
1
300°
150°
2
325°
165°
3
350°
175°
4
375°
190°
5
400°
200°
6
450°
230°
8
METRIC EQUIVALENTS FOR WEIGHT
U.S.
METRIC
1 oz
28 g
2 oz
57 g
3 oz
85 g
4 oz
113 g
5 oz
142 g
6 oz
170 g
7 oz
198 g
8 oz
227 g
16 oz (1 lb.)
454 g
2.2 lbs.
1 kilogram
METRIC EQUIVALENTS FOR BUTTER
U.S.
METRIC
2 tsp.
10 g
1 Tbsp.
15 g
1½ Tbsp.
22.5 g
2 Tbsp. (1 oz)
27 g
3 Tbsp.
42 g
4 Tbsp.
56 g
4 oz. (1 stick)
110 g
8 oz. (2 sticks)
220 g
METRIC EQUIVALENTS FOR LENGTH
U.S.
METRIC
¼ inch
.65 cm
½ inch
1.25 cm
1 inch
2.50 cm
2 inches
5.00 cm
3 inches
6.00 cm
4 inches
8.00 cm
5 inches
11.00 cm
6 inches
15.00 cm
7 inches
18.00 cm
8 inches
20.00 cm
9 inches
23.00 cm
12 inches
30.50 cm
15 inches
38.00 cm
Source: Herbst, Sharon Tyler. The Food Lover’s Companion.
3rd ed. Hauppauge: Barron’s, 2001.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Loud, slurring thanks to my first drinkers and readers: the Federles (Andy and Marci; Dennis and Debbie; Mike and Lynne), Brian Elliot, Cheri Steinkellner, Christian Trimmer, Karen Katz, and Victoria D’amato-Moran.
Three cheers to Josh McDonnell and Lauren Mortimer on the knockout design and illustrations throughout.
A glass of rosé—even if we’re in public—for Brenda Bowen, agent and all-around chief.
And ninety-nine bottles of beer off the wall for Jordana Tusman, editor and ally. Thank you for getting this book and for getting this book.
INDEX
A
absinthe
Absinthe Shrugged, 61
The Unbearable Lightness of Peeing, 48
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Twain), 60
The Adventures of Sherbet Holmes, 101
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Doyle), 101
Alice’s Adventures in Wonder Bread, 124
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (Carroll), 124
amaretto, in A Farewell to Amaretto, 79
Angostura bitters, 11
A Confederacy of Ounces, 68
Howards Blend, 28
One Hundred Beers of Solitude, 80
Silas Marnier, 85
anise liqueur, in A Confederacy of Ounces, 68
apple cider, in Fahrenheit 151, 97
Are Your There God? It’s Me, Margarita, 49
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret (Blume), 49
Atlas Shrugged (Rand), 61
Austen, Jane, Pride and Prejudice, 18
B
banana, in The Wonderful Blizzard of Oz, 120
Barrie, J. M., Peter and Wendy, 130
Baum, L. Frank, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, 120
beer
One Hundred Beers of Solitude, 80
Remembrance of Things Pabst, 37
Berry Potter, 132
bitters, 11
A Confederacy of Ounces, 68
Gin Eyre, 29
Howards Blend, 28
One Hundred Beers of Solitude, 80
Silas Marnier, 85
Vermouth the Bell Tolls, 84
blackberry liqueur
The Cooler Purple, 24
Heart of Dark Mist, 76
Bloody Carrie, 26
blueberries
The Adventures of Sherbet Holmes, 101
Huckleberry Sin, 60
The Last of the Mojitos, 69
Blue Curaçao, in Moby-Drink, 64
Blume, Judy, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, 49
bourbon
A Midsummer Night’s Beam, 34
Romeo and Julep, 40
brandy
Decline and Fall Down, 56
Gone with the Wine, 98
Howards Blend, 28
The Joy Luck Club Soda, 105
The S(ide)carlet Letter, 42
Brave New Swirled, 21
Brave New World (Huxley), 21
Bridget Jones’s Daiquiri, 39
Bridget Jones’s Diary (Fielding), 39
<
br /> Brontë, Jane, Jane Eyre, 29
butterscotch liqueur, in The Malted Falcon, 88
C
Cain, James M., The Postman Always Rings Twice, 36
Carrie (King), 26
Carroll, Lewis, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 124
The Catcher in the Rye (Salinger), 99
Cervantes, Miguel de, Don Quixote, 133
Champagne
The Adventures of Sherbet Holmes, 101
Bridget Jones’s Daiquiri, 39
A Cocktail of Two Cities, 22
The Count of Monte Cristal, 63
Ethan Pom, 16
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Dahl), 108
Charlie and the Chocolate Fake-tini, 108
cheese
Alice’s Adventures in Wonder Bread, 124
Pizza and Wendy, 130
cherry juice, in The S(ide)carlet Letter, 42
Cherry Poppins, 116
chocolate, in Charlie and the Chocolate Fake-Tini, 108
A Cocktail of Two Cities, 22
coconut cream, in The Wonderful Blizzard of Oz, 120
coconut rum, in Lord of the Mai-Tais, 72
coffee liqueur
Crime and Punish-Mint, 55
Love in the Time of Kahlúa, 19
Coleridge, Samuel Taylor, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, 71
The Color Purple (Walker), 24
Comfort, Alex, The Joy of Sex, 32
A Confederacy of Dunces (Toole), 68
A Confederacy of Ounces, 68
Conrad, Joseph
Heart of Darkness, 76
Lord Jim, 92
The Cooler Purple, 24
Cooper, James Fenimore, The
Last of the Mohicans, 69
The Count of Monte Cristal, 63
The Count of Monte Cristo (Dumas), 63
cranberry juice
Fahrenheit 151, 97
Gulp-Iver’s Travels, 66
Lord of the Mai-Tais, 72
One Flew Over the Cosmo’s Nest, 15
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea Breeze, 90
crème de cassis, in The Sound and the Slurry, 93
crème de menthe, in Crime and Punish-Mint, 55
Crime and Punishment (Dostoyevsky), 55
Crime and Punish-Mint, 55
Curaçao, Blue, in Moby-Drink, 64
D
Dahl, Roald, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 108
Decline and Fall Down, 56
Decline and Fall (Waugh), 56
decorating drinks, 8
The Deviled Egg Wears Prada, 125
The Devil Wears Prada (Weisberger), 125
Dickens, Charles
Oliver Twist, 127
A Tale of Two Cities, 22
Don Quixote (Cervantes), 133
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, Crime and Punishment, 55
Doyle, Sir Arthur Conan, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, 101
Drankenstein, 58
drinking games, 134–35
Dumas, Alexandre, The Count of Monte Cristo, 63
E
eggs, in The Deviled Egg Wears Prada, 125
elderflower liqueur, in The Count of Monte Cristal, 63
Eliot, George, Silas Marner, 85
equipment, 6
espresso, in Frangelico and Zooey, 25
Ethan Frome (Wharton), 16
Ethan Pom, 16
F
Fahrenheit 151, 97
Fahrenheit 451 (Bradbury), 97
A Farewell to Amaretto, 79
A Farewell to Arms (Hemingway), 79
Faulkner, William, The Sound and the Fury, 93
Fear of Flying (Jong), 128
Fear of Frying, 128
Fielding, Helen, Bridget Jones’s Diary, 39
flavorings, 11
Forster, E. M., Howards End, 28
For Whom the Bell Tolls (Hemingway), 84
Frangelico and Zooey, 25
Frankenstein (Shelley), 58
Franny and Zooey (Salinger), 25
G
Galliano liqueur, in The Yellow Wallbanger, 47
games, 134–35
garnishes, 8
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins, “The Yellow Wallpaper,” 47
gin
A Cocktail of Two Cities, 22
Gin Eyre, 29
Heart of Dark Mist, 76
The Lime of the Ancient Mariner, 71
The Portrait of a Pink Lady, 104
The Sound and the Slurry, 93
ginger, in Pat the Tummy, 119
ginger beer, in The Rye in the Catcher, 99
glassware, 4
Golding, William, Lord of the Flies, 72
Goldschläger, in Silas Marnier, 85
Gone with the Wind (Mitchell), 98
Gone with the Wine, 98
Grand Marnier, in Silas Marnier, 85
grapefruit juice
Gulp-iver’s Travels, 66
The Lime of the Ancient Mariner, 71
Rye and Prejudice, 18
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea Breeze, 90
grenadine syrup, 11
Ethan Pom, 16
Lord of the Mai-Tais, 72
to make, 11
The Portrait of a Pink Lady, 104
Gulliver’s Travels (Swift), 66
Gulp-iver’s Travels, 66
H
Hammett, Dashiell, The Maltese Falcon, 88
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Rowling), 132
Hawthorne, Nathaniel, The Scarlet Letter, 42
hazelnut liqueur, in Frangelico and Zooey, 25
Heart of Dark Mist, 76
Heart of Darkness (Conrad), 76
Hemingway, Ernest
A Farewell to Arms, 79
For Whom the Bell Tolls, 84
The Old Man and the Sea, 87
Howards Blend, 28
Howards End (Forster), 28
Huckleberry Sin, 60
hummus, in The Deviled Egg Wears Prada, 125
Huxley, Aldous, Brave New World, 21
I
I Know This Much Is True (Lamb), 129
I Know This Munch Is True, 129
Infinite Jest (Wallace), 74
Infinite Zest, 74
Irving, Washington, Rip Van Winkle, 114
James, Henry
The Portrait of a Lady, 104
The Turn of the Screw, 50
Jane Eyre (Brontë), 29
Jong, Erica, Fear of Flying, 128
The Joy Luck Club Soda, 105
The Joy Luck Club (Tan), 105
The Joy of Sex (Comfort), 32
The Joy of Sex on the Beach, 32
Julius Caesar (Shakespeare), 82
Juster, Norton, The Phantom Tollbooth, 112
K
kale, in Fear of Frying, 128
Kesey, Ken, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, 15
King, Stephen, Carrie, 26
Kundera, Milan, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, 48
Kunhardt, Dorothy, Pat the Bunny, 119
L
Lamb, Wally, I Know This Much Is True, 129
The Last of the Mohicans (Cooper), 69
The Last of the Mojitos, 69
Lee, Harper, To Kill a Mockingbird, 45
lemonade
One Hundred Beers of Solitude, 80
Pear the Wild Things Are, 110
The Pitcher of Dorian Grey Goose, 102
The Portrait of a Pink Lady, 104
The Lime of the Ancient Mariner, 71
limoncello, in Infinite Zest, 74
liqueurs, 10
London, Jack, White Fang, 118
Lord Jim (Conrad), 92
Lord of the Flies (Golding), 72
Lord of the Mai-Tais, 72
Lord Pimm, 92
Love in the Time of Cholera (Márquez), 19
Love in the Time of Kahlúa, 19
The Malted Falcon, 88
The Maltese Falcon (Hammett), 88
Márquez, Gabriel García
&nb
sp; Love in the Time of Cholera, 19
One Hundred Years of Solitude, 19
Mary Poppins (Travers), 116
Maugham, W. Somerset, The Moon and Sixpence, 77
melon liqueur
Brave New Swirled, 21
Drankenstein, 58
Melville, Herman, Moby-Dick, 64
A Midsummer Night’s Beam, 34
A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Shakespeare), 34
Milton, John, Paradise Lost, 31
mint
Gin Eyre, 29
The Last of the Mojitos, 69
A Midsummer Night’s Beam, 34
The Pitcher of Dorian Grey Goose, 102
Romeo and Julep, 40
Mitchell, Margaret, Gone with the Wind, 98
Moby-Dick (Melville), 64
Moby-Drink, 64
The Moon and Sixpence (Maugham), 77
The Moonshine and Sixpence, 77
mushrooms, in Alice’s Adventures in Wonder Bread, 124
N
nonalcoholic drinks
Charlie and the Chocolate Fake-Tini, 108
Cherry Poppins, 116
Pat the Tummy, 119
Pear the Wild Things Are, 110
The Phantom Tolljuice, 112
Rip Van Drinkle, 114
White Tang, 118
The Wonderful Blizzard of Oz, 120
nuts, in I Know This Munch Is True, 129
O
The Old Man and the Seagram’s, 87
The Old Man and the Sea (Hemingway), 87
Oliver Twist (Dickens), 127
Olives ’n’ Twist, 127
One Flew Over the Cosmo’s Nest, 15
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Kesey), 15