Awakening

by A.C. Deen

  When I was sixteen, I was outside doing chores on the farm. It was early September and we were experiencing a heat wave. It was the kind of heat that makes it hard to breathe. I was digging up potatoes in the field when I began to feel dizzy. I could see spots before my eyes. I had been working very hard and assumed the heat was getting to me. I sat down and hoped that I would start to feel better. I hung my head down between my knees and took some deep breaths. I looked up. There was a young blonde girl standing before me. She had the face of an angel. I lost consciousness. When I awoke, my life was changed forever. I never saw the young girl again.

  You must be wondering how I can live around normal people without causing them harm. It all comes down to patience and practice my dear. Self control takes time. I worked hard for over a year before I could be around people. I sincerely hope that with my guidance your acclimation will be much quicker.

  When I was your age, I lived on a farm with a lot of animals. I used them to my advantage to curb my insatiable hunger. You however do not have this luxury and will have to be a bit more creative. I am sure that by now you have already procured your first meal. I hope that it wasn’t of the homo-sapient variety, but don’t stress if it was. We all have our moments of weakness. As I’m sure you’re well aware, the woods behind the cabin are full of deer, rabbits, squirrels, and birds. Go hunting and have a feast. Use your stealth, cunning, and strength. These are the only weapons you will need. Your senses are all heightened. You can see, hear, and feel exponentially better than you ever could before.

  Ellie, you must find the restraint inside of you to only take what you need. Listen to the animal’s heart and stop drinking before it’s heart stops beating. Your conscience will thank you. Hold on to your compassion. Don’t let it get lost in the chase.

  Love always,

  Grandma Lenore

  There it was written on paper. This really was real. I wished that my grandmother was home so I could talk to her. I had two days to get these urges under control. I had two days before my mom would start to worry about me. I turned around from the counter where I was standing. I stared up at the cuckoo clock by the door. It was almost midnight. The deer would surely be resting in the thicket by now. I pulled my long hair back into a ponytail and headed for the door.

  Chapter 5

  I can do this I kept telling myself. After all, what choice did I have? I walked down the lane and stared up at the sky. It was a pitch black, perfectly clear, starry night. The air felt crisp on my face. If I could have taken a deep breath I would have. I peered into the forest and stepped into the trees. I began to walk. I could control every bone in my feet to create incredibly silent steps. The farther I walked the denser and darker the forest became. How would I find my way back out of here? I should have left a trail of breadcrumbs. It was too late for that now. There was no turning back.

  I continued to walk. I started to feel a force arise from within me drawing me to the left. It was strong and I couldn’t control it. It pulled me faster and faster until I came upon a small clearing. I looked around and then I saw them. It was a mule deer and her fawn. They were so beautiful resting in the tall grass. Their bodies were cozily nuzzled up against one another. My mind was telling me that what I wanted to do was wrong. The desire in my gut however was not going to take no for an answer. In the blink of an eye I was right beside them. I grabbed the mother. She was strong, but I was much stronger. The fawn rose quickly and dashed for the trees. My teeth pierced her warm flesh and I drank. Time stood still. I knew that I had to stop. If I didn’t stop I would be taking the lives of both the mother and her nursing fawn. I concentrated, listened to her heart beating, and then I stopped. I released the deer. With a grunt she dashed off into the woods after her fawn. I stood up. My hands were shaking and bloody. My mind was racing. It all happened so fast, but I did it. Grandma was right. I was strong. Maybe I was even stronger than her. My body was telling me to chase after the deer and her baby, but I could control it. I walked back through the forest. I didn’t get lost. My feet knew exactly which way to go. Once out of the forest I stared up at the sky. The northern lights were out, whispering secrets to one another. It was so beautiful.

  Chapter 6

  I went inside the cabin and sat down on the chair beside the door. It was my grandpa’s chair. He sat in it every day to put his boots on before he went outside. I let my hands hang at my sides. I could feel the dried blood caked under my fingernails. I got up and wandered down the hall to the bathroom. I propped myself up against the sink. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked at my pale face and blood streaked jaw. I guess the whole no reflection thing was just a myth. I turned on the water and washed the blood from my hands and face. I opened the medicine cabinet and took the nail brush down from the top shelf. I ran it under a stream of warm water and then rubbed it against the familiar pink soap in the soap dish. I proceeded to scrub my hands and under my nails. The water turned pink as it combined with the dry blood. I scrubbed until I felt like my skin was going to come off. My hands were perfectly clean but I felt tarnished. I rinsed off the nail brush and went to place it back on the shelf. There, was another piece of paper, folded into quarters, in the spot where the brush had sat. I must not have noticed it before. It was another letter.

  Dear Ellie,

  I hope that your hunt was successful. I’m sure that it was. My faith in your abilities never wavered for a second. I want you to know just how proud I am of you. Make sure that your hunger is always well satiated and soon you will be able to return home. It takes a lot of willpower to exist around normal humans, but I know you will find the strength.

  Now, let me tell you a little more about me. A few years after my transition, I took up a job at an infirmary. It was the wartime and there were many injured soldiers needing attention. By working in a medical setting I was able to procure an adequate amount of donated blood to keep my needs under control without harming anyone. While assisting the physician on his rounds one day, we were given a new patient. The patient had fallen ill during a tour overseas and had to be returned home. He had developed a disease of the blood. The doctor told him that he had very little time left to live and that his disease would surely be the death of him. Over the course of the next little while I spent the majority of my free time with this patient. I grew very fond of his stories, his sincerity, and kindness. I could feel myself falling in love with a man that I knew I would most certainly out live. One night as we sat on his hospital bed he told me how much he had grown to care for me and always looked forward to the time we spent together. He held my hand and and pressed his lips against it. He pulled me into a warm embrace. He kissed me tenderly as tears tumbled from his eyes. I could feel them against my cheek wet and icy. I hugged him tightly and buried my face into his neck. Then it happened, I couldn’t control myself, I bit him and drank. It took every ounce of my strength, but I managed to stop myself before causing him too much harm. Before I could speak to him, he fainted.

  Ellie, the patient I’m speaking of is your grandfather. I ra----//

  I stopped reading right then and there. I thought I was going to be sick. My own grandmother seduced my grandfather and then kept him around all these years so he could be her own personal blood bank? I crumpled the letter and threw it against the wall. How could she do this to him? How could the woman who has played such an important role in my upbringing be such a monster? I guess I’m no different. I was a monster now too. I kneeled down on the ground and grabbed the letter back. I smoothed the wrinkled paper flat against the parquet flooring. I started to read again.

  Ellie, the patient I’m speaking of is your grandfather. I ran out of the infirmary and went home terribly worried. I hoped that he wouldn’t remember what I had done to him. The next day I returned to the infirmary to begin working my shift. The doctor called me into his office. He wanted to show me something that he was referring to as an absolute miracle. He showed me the results of a blood test that he had just taken fr
om your grandfather. All of the disease within his blood was gone. The doctor advised me that he would run some more tests but it was looking like the patient was going to pull through. I couldn’t believe it. I rushed to your grandfather’s room. He was sitting up and eating his breakfast with a vigor that I had never seen in him before. He was excited to see me. He didn’t remember what had happened the night before beyond our kiss. He was certain of two things though, he knew that he was feeling better and he knew that he loved me.

  Over the years your grandfather’s sickness would return and each time I would drain some of his blood and he would become healthy again. I reckon it is the venom in my teeth that keeps curing his malady. To this day your grandfather doesn’t know my secret.

  I love you so much Ellie and I miss you dearly,

  Grandma Lenore

  I couldn’t believe it. She wasn’t a monster after all. She saved my grandpa’s life over and over again. I’ve never seen anyone look at someone the way my grandpa looks at my grandma. It’s the purest love I have ever witnessed. I hope to find something like that myself someday. I folded up the note and got up off the bathroom floor. I walked down the hall and back into the kitchen. I placed the letter on the kitchen counter next to the first one. I turned around and looked at the clock, it had just passed four o’clock in the morning. I was exhausted. I exited the kitchen and went back down the hall to the spare bedroom, where David and I used to sleep when we came to visit during the summer. I laid down on one of the single beds. It was lumpy and the old springs creaked under my weight. I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

  Chapter 7

  I awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and optimistic. It must have had something to do with my grandma’s letter. I felt so thankful that she was able to help me through such a difficult time. I wished she could be here in person. I counted on my fingers, there were only six more months until she came home. I would have to figure things out on my own until then. I felt confident that it was time to go home, but not without breakfast first. I had no problem finding a meal and releasing it afterwards. I locked up the cabin, got in my car and headed back to town.

  I turned around the corner of our block and pulled into the driveway. The lights were on in the house. I hoped that my mom had checked the mailbox and found my note. I felt so nervous. How would I ever be able to live with myself if I hurt the two people that mattered the most to me? I had no choice. I couldn’t just take off again and disappear. They would be devastated. I got out of my car and walked up to the house. I unlocked the door and stepped inside. My mom was sitting at the kitchen table sipping her coffee and reading the newspaper. She told me that she had found my note and hoped that I had had a good time at June’s house. I hated lying to my mom. She was my best friend. We always told each other everything. I guess things had to change. I told my mom that June and I had stayed up so late talking that we had forgotten to sleep. She told me to go upstairs and get some rest. As I was climbing the stairs I could hear her voice from the kitchen telling me that I wouldn’t be able to stay up all night once university started. I had forgotten all about university. How would I explain to my mom that university was no longer an option for me, not right now anyway. I couldn’t fathom being around that many people at one time and still remain in control. I could hardly stand to be near her. My body wanted me to hurt her and that made me feel sick. I was trying so hard to suppress my feelings.

  I shut my door and paced back and forth a couple of times. I could hear my brother breathing from the room beside mine. He was asleep. He’d probably spent another night staying up late playing video games on the computer. I stopped pacing. I focused my senses on his breathing. I could feel the pang in my stomach. It was so strong. I opened my door and stepped into the hall. I padded down the hall and into his room. I tiptoed over to his bed and gently perched myself on the edge. His breathing was labored and his heart was racing. He must have been having a terrible dream. I reached over and placed my hand on his leg to comfort him. He arose with a jolt and snapped at me, wondering what I was doing in his room. He started to whimper and told me that I was hurting him. The gentle touch of my hand on his leg had turned into a fierce grip. I didn’t even realize it. I pulled my hand away. I told him that I was so sorry and that I had only woke him because I could hear that he was having a nightmare. He told me to get out. I went back into my room and collapsed onto the bed. Maybe I shouldn’t have come home so soon. Maybe I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. I had to keep trying.

  Chapter 8

  I spent the next few days slowly building up my tolerance around my mom and David. I tried my best to act as normal as possible. Each day I would allow myself to spend more time with them to test my strength. When I felt overwhelmed I would lock myself back in my room until I felt it was safe to come out again. Things were progressing smoothly more or less. I’m not certain as to why, but I actually had more difficulty spending time around David than I did my mom.

  One day I decided it would be a good idea to try leaving the house. I had been going out through my bedroom window during the nights to hunt, but I hadn’t left the house during the day yet. My mom had been bugging me to rejoin the land of the living and get some fresh air. Those were her words, not mine. It was Saturday. I thought a nice jog around the block might be doable. It was early in the day so there weren’t too many people around. I laced up my sneakers and headed out the door.

  I started to jog. The warm autumn sun felt so nice against my cool skin. The day was sunny, but subdued by the familiar haze of harvest. I turned around the corner and was feeling pretty good about myself. I had already passed one fellow jogger and was even able to nod a friendly hello. I maintained a slow jogging pace, so as not to appear unnatural. I rounded another corner. At the far end of the block I could see a man walking his large black dog. As I got closer the dog started to growl, then the growl turned into a whimper. The man was concerned and knelt down to comfort his dog. I knew the dog was crying because of me. He knew I was a strong predator. I jogged past them and the rest of the way home. I went into the house and back up to my room. Well that went okay, I suppose. I guess being a dog owner in the future was out of the question for me. I was more of a cat person anyway. I wonder if cats would be frightened of me as well.

  I went downstairs to see what my mom was doing. She was baking banana bread. I walked over and grabbed a spoon. I stirred the batter while she added the ingredients. I took this opportunity to tell her that I was not ready to start university in the fall and that I hoped she would support my decision to defer a year. She was not happy with my choice but agreed on one condition. I had to find a job and contribute to the household finances. I agreed, but wasn’t sure what type of job I could do. I was determined to find something. I knew how difficult things were for my mom.

  Chapter 9

  I sat down at my desk, grabbed a pen, and began to write out a list of jobs that had minimal face to face interaction with other people.

  Potential Jobs for a Darwin Finch

  Night Janitor

  Telemarketer

  Graveyard Shift Security Guard

  After Hours Shelf Stocker

  Truffle Hunter

  I mulled over my list. None of the options particularly appealed to me except truffle hunter. Unfortunately my knowledge of wild edible fungi was nonexistent. I picked up my pen and drew a big X through the job list.

  Mom had brought me the newspaper to check out the classifieds. I flipped to the job postings. I scanned the page. And there it was, the perfect job for me.

  ###

  Believe it or not, I managed to secure the job from the paper. A couple of weeks after applying, I had an over-the-phone interview and was hired on the spot. My new job title was Sterilization Technician.

  I began working for a local clinic sterilizing medical equipment for four hours every evening, three nights per week. It wasn’t a glamorous job, but it provided me a copious amount of time for introspection
. Best of all, I wasn’t a risk to anyone else.

  Chapter 10

  Months passed and I was feeling a lot more confident with the new me. I could control my hunger. My acquired skills became more acute with each passing day. I could hear occurrences from blocks away. I could see better than a hawk and my night vision also improved. My speed increased. I would practice all of my talents while hunting. I mastered the gifts bestowed upon me. Sometimes I would walk past The Spark and watch Jonah from outside the window. The mere sight of him would cause such intense feelings to arise within me that I would have to leave. I had mastered being around everyone else, but I still couldn’t handle being around him. I needed more practice.

  ###

  It was the last Tuesday in February. I was happy to have a night off from work. Regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jonah. I had been watching him for days, slowly building up my tolerance. It felt impossible. I knew I had to face my greatest weakness head on. Jonah had such a strong power over me when I was a human, and now that I was a vampire, it was even greater. In order to avoid other possible customers, I would walk to The Spark near closing time. Jonah would be alone. I wouldn’t have to deal with other people distracting me. I thought back to how poorly things turned out the first time I tried to see him. I was hopeful that it would go better this time, but I still had my doubts.

  It was a quarter to nine. I left my room and went downstairs. I put on my winter jacket, hat, scarf, mittens, and boots. I felt a bit ridiculous as I couldn’t feel the cold, but thought it would be best to blend in. I left the house and began to walk. The snow crunched under my boots. The night was clear and the moon was full with a bright moon dog encapsulating it.