by E. L. Todd
He returned the embrace but it wasn’t as warm as it usually was. “I feel like I lost my son…”
“He’ll come back. He just needs time.”
He pulled away and nodded. “You should get going.”
I wish I could make this better but I knew I couldn’t—not right now. “It’ll get better. I promise.”
***
Cayson and I sat side-by-side on the couch. He rested his hands on his thighs and didn’t touch me. He seemed a little tense with the doctor sitting across from us, staring at us like specimens under a microscope.
I eyed his hand then took it in my own. I hated the lack of affection we showed. It didn’t feel right.
Cayson glanced down at our joined hands but didn’t pull away.
The doctor made a few notes. “I understand why you’re here, and I think it’s great that you’re here. Most couples who seek professional help repair their relationships.”
“We definitely want to be together forever…at least I do.” I moved my thumb across his knuckle.
Dr. Young watched me closely. “Cayson already told me what issues he’s having when we were alone together. What’s your response to his feelings?”
I wasn’t surprised Cayson told him everything when I wasn’t around. “Regret. Nothing but regret.”
Dr. Young continued to stare at me.
“I wish I had trusted him from the beginning. I saw that letter and fixated on it so much that I didn’t listen to a word he said. When he explained why he didn’t tell me himself I immediately took that as a sign of guilt. I should have had more faith in him despite the evidence…I’m so sorry and I’ll always be sorry.”
Dr. Young rested his fingertips on his lips as he considered my words. “You seem very sincere, Mrs. Thompson.”
“I am…from the bottom of my heart.” I stared at our joined hands.
He turned to Cayson. “Do you forgive her? Unless you forgive her you can never carry on with what you had before. The second you do, and truly mean it, then you’ll be okay.”
Cayson moved his hand in mine but didn’t pull away. “No…not yet.”
His response burned me.
“That’s okay,” Dr. Young said. “These things take time. Cayson, do you want to make this relationship work?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “I love my wife very much…despite what she did to me.”
I squeezed his hand.
“That’s a very good sign,” he said. “I think you guys should spend time together…go out to dinner and talk…in time you’ll be able to let this go and move on. I really believe that.”
“I do too,” I whispered.
Dr. Young turned his eyes on me. “It’s very important you give him all your patience. This can only happen when he’s ready for it to happen. Take things slow and don’t expect anything.”
“I understand,” I answered.
Dr. Young made a few more notes. “I’m optimistic for both of you.”
Cayson looked out the window, seeming bored with this conversation.
“I’ll see you in a few days.” Dr. Young shut his notebook and put his pen down. “Work on gaining Cayson’s trust back. He needs that to continue forward in this relationship.”
But I had no idea how to do that. “I understand.”
***
Cayson walked me to my car in the garage of PIXEL. He hadn’t said anything on the walk so I wasn’t sure how he felt about our discussion. He kept his hands in his pockets like usual.
When we got to my car he stared at it. “I don’t think you should be driving anymore.”
“Sorry?” What was he talking about?
“Your stomach is pretty big now and it’s really close to the steering wheel…if you got into an accident that could be bad.”
“Oh…I always drive carefully.”
“And the roads are getting icy and your car isn’t made for that.” He kept talking like he couldn’t hear me. “I’m going to pick you up and take you to work every day.”
“What?” I blurted.
“I feel more comfortable driving you in my truck. It’s a four-wheel drive so it’s more controllable on sleek streets. And when you’re in the passenger seat your stomach isn’t directly next to anything.”
I thought that was totally unnecessary but I wasn’t sure how to tell him that when we were so strained. I couldn’t afford to push him away. “That’s so far out of the way for you, Cayson. Why don’t we just switch cars for the time being?” That was a reasonable compromise.
“Your stomach is still close to the wheel.”
“I can get a ride with my father.”
“No.” He said harshly and didn’t give an explanation. “I’ll pick you up every morning.”
I loved any excuse to see him but that was a lot of extra work for him. “You’re going to drive half an hour to pick me up every morning? And then drop me off again?” Was I the only one who thought that was a little insane?
“I don’t mind. It’s only for a few more months. You’ll go on maternity leave soon then we won’t have to worry about it at all.”
“Okay. I can make you breakfast every morning. You know, as a thank you.”
He smiled. “That would be nice. I don’t have home-cooked meals very often anymore…”
His words made me sad but I tried not to think about it. “You can come over now and I’ll make a pot roast.” That was his favorite so I knew it would be tempting.
He considered the offer quietly.
“You know, just dinner,” I added. “I don’t expect you to stay afterwards or anything.” I didn’t want to put any pressure on him. While I wanted something physical to happen between us I knew I couldn’t rush it. All of this had to be done his terms.
“Well…that would be nice,” he said. “I’d love to come over.”
“Great.” I tried not to seem too excited. “I’ll see you there in half an hour.”
“Okay.”
***
I set the table and we ate across from each other.
Cayson kept his arms off the table and ate with perfect manners like always. Even when it was just he and I he stuck to his etiquette. He glanced around the kitchen and dining room. “Everything looks the same.”
“I haven’t changed anything.” I hardly did anything around the house because I was too depressed to even vacuum.
He eyed the frame on the center of the table. It was Cayson and I on our wedding day. “You look so beautiful. I still remember every detail without looking at a picture.”
I felt the warmth fill my cheeks. “Thanks…”
“I guess it’s not surprising that I knocked you up.” He chuckled to himself. He’d been doing that a lot more lately, which was a good sign. He was never that relaxed before.
“Yeah, and I’m glad it happened. I was really disappointed when it didn’t happen the first time…even though we weren’t trying.”
“Yeah, me too,” he said. “I think we should have another one right away.” He continued to eat like he didn’t say something profound.
Unexpectedly, the tears filled my eyes. His words meant so much to me. He believed we would fix this and find our way back to one another. I tried not to cry and I blinked my eyes quickly to dispel the moisture.
Cayson looked up and spotted the look on my face. “Skye…I’m sorry. What did I say?”
“No…these are happy tears.”
He still didn’t understand.
“You said we should have another child right away.”
The confusion disappeared when he finally understood. “Oh…I didn’t realize what I said.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you have faith in us. I want to be what we were again, so much that it hurts.”
His eyes watered slightly. It was almost unnoticeable. Only I could see it because I knew him so well. “Of course I do, Skye. My love for you can never be shaken, no matter what happens between us. Sometimes I wish that weren’t the case. But what I want
doesn’t matter. You had my heart the second it started to beat. I don’t have a choice.”
My hand moved across the table and found his.
His fingers interlocked with mine.
We stared at each other without saying anything. Heartbeats of silence passed. The silence echoed around us but the quiet didn’t bother either one of us. Just being in the same room was enough to heal our aching hearts. We were still in this together—forever.
Chapter Sixteen
Sean
Cortland glared at me vehemently the second I walked in the door. “If this is going to be a problem, I’ll just work somewhere else. If I lose my retirement, then whatever. I’ll figure something out.”
“I just want to talk—”
“I don’t want to talk to you. I’d much rather punch you—again.”
“Then punch.” I sat in the chair across from his desk. “Beat me to a pulp if that makes you feel better. I’ll do anything to fix this relationship. Anything at all.”
“I’d rather beat you to a pulp and continue to ignore you.”
“Well…baby steps, right?”
Cortland didn’t look amused. “This isn’t funny, Sean.”
“I never said it was.”
“Get out of my office.”
Technically, it was my office. Every office in the building was mine. But being a smartass wouldn’t get me anywhere. “Skye and Cayson are working on their relationship.”
The anger left his face. “What?”
“They are doing marriage counseling and trying to rebuild their relationship.”
“That’s great…” His eyes held the depth of his emotion. “I guess my son does listen to me after all.”
“I’m glad they’re working it out. And if they can work it out, so can we.”
Cortland released a sarcastic laugh. “That’s a slippery slope there, Sean.”
I wanted to scream. “You slept with my wife.” I hated bringing up the past but I was desperate. “You slept with my wife and hid it from me. If I can forgive you for that then you should be able to forgive me for this.”
“Sean, that was twenty years ago and you weren’t even together at the time.”
“She was still mine.”
“I didn’t even know who you were.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I barked. “We became good friends and you still didn’t say a damn thing to me. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to let that go and accept you as a real friend? Cortland, it was damn hard. Now, let this go.”
“It’s not the same thing and you know it,” he said darkly. “This is my son, my baby. There are totally different rules here.”
“I said I was sorry. And I’ll say it again.”
He shook his head like he wouldn’t budge. “My son is the one who deserves your apology.”
“And I’ve apologized—a thousand times.”
“I’m sorry, Sean.” He didn’t look sorry at all. “I’m on my son’s side on this one. If and when he forgives you, then I will too. But not a moment sooner.”
That was pretty much a deathblow. “You know I love Cayson.”
“You sure have a weird way of showing it,” he jabbed.
I sighed in irritation. “I’m sorry. I don’t see straight when it comes to my kids. It’s hard for me to be objective.”
“And I don’t see straight when it comes to my kids either.” He looked like he wanted to murder me. “I raised my son into the finest young man the world has ever seen. You should be grateful he chose Skye, not the other way around. I love Skye with all my heart and think she’s a wonderful human being, but Cayson has been nothing but noble, admirable, and nothing less than perfect for her. I’d like to see that turned around for once.”
I tried not to let the anger rise. “Skye was confused at the time…I assure you she treats him well.”
“Well, when my son is happy I’ll start believing that. Now get out, Sean.”
“Cortland, we’ve been friends for—”
“Over twenty years. Yes, I know. And despite all of that, you hurt Cayson.” He pointed his finger at me. “And that’s unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself, Sean Preston.”
“I am.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I really am. Somehow…I think losing Cayson is worse than losing you.”
For the first time, Cortland’s venom disappeared. He regarded me with a somber expression, like he actually believed my sincerity for once.
I rubbed my temple and sighed. “I really do care about Cayson and respect him. I’ve always loved him like my own since he could talk. It’s just…when it came down to him and my daughter I chose Skye. I realize I shouldn’t have and I’m not making excuses. It’s just…I know I fucked up and I wish he would understand how much I hate myself for it. I want him back in my life. I want that father-son relationship we once had. Losing him is punishment enough.”
Cortland played with a pen in his fingers. “I believe you, Sean.”
I turned my gaze back on him, feeling the hope increase in my chest. “Then you forgive me?”
He shook his head. “What I said still stands. When Cayson forgives you, I will forgive you. I have my son’s back on this one—through and through.”
Chapter Seventeen
Cayson
Slade walked through the door without knocking. “Hey, brother from another mother.” He grabbed a beer from the fridge like always then plopped down on the couch. “I’m going to be a father. Can you believe it?”
I smiled. “ A great father.” I was glad he was excited for the baby rather than terrified. I knew better than anyone that Slade had his insecurities. They might come later when Trinity started to show.
He pressed his palms together like he was praying. “Please don’t give me a girl.”
I laughed. “What’s wrong with a girl?”
“Boys.” He took a long drink.
“Hey, you’ll do a good job keeping the bad ones away. You’d recognize your own kind from a mile away.”
“Shut up, asshole.” He smiled before he took another drink.
“A girl isn’t as bad as you think. Silke didn’t have any problems growing up.”
“She ended up with a drug dealer who’s been to prison…”
“Well, take that all away and Arsen is a great guy. He’ll take care of her.”
“Have you seen him lately?” Slade asked.
“No. I figured he wanted space. How about you?”
“I’ve been giving him space too. But I’m tired of giving him space because I want to tell him he’s going to be a damn uncle.”
“Go by the shop and feel him out.”
“Maybe I will,” he said.
“And Clementine was a sweetheart growing up.” At least when she didn’t steal my stuff and lock me out of the bathroom in the morning before school.
“The girl who got knocked up by some Brit? And now has a child out of wedlock?” Slade raised an eyebrow. “If that were my daughter I would flip out.”
“Well, Ward is a good guy and he loves her. So it’s okay.”
“Whatever,” Slade said. “I’m going to be one of those dads that terrifies every boy that comes to the door.”
“Then I sincerely hope you’re having a boy,” I said with a laugh.
“And then they can be best friends like we are,” Slade said. “It’s perfect. Our dads are best friends, we’re best friends, and the third generation will be the same. Totally awesome sauce.”
Wait…what did he just say? “Awesome sauce?”
He shrugged. “Something I made up.”
“Witty…”
“So…” He tried not to smile. “I heard through the grapevine that you’re giving your marriage another try.”
“And who did you hear this from?”
“No one…” He took another drink. “Just around.”
“Skye told you?”
“It might have come up.”
“Yes, we’re working on it.”
>
Slade kept trying not to smile. “Cool…”’
I rolled my eyes.
“So, Rhett bothered you that much, huh?” He was clearly enjoying this, judging the way he couldn’t sit still and he kept squirming.
“He wasn’t my favorite person…”
“He was one good-looking dude.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m just saying…I made sure he stayed away from Trinity.”
“It wasn’t necessarily him…he was paying a lot of attention to Skye. I knew she wouldn’t go out with him, not this soon. But I knew he wouldn’t give up until she said yes one day…and that scared me.”
Slade nodded like he understood.
“And then my dad spoke to me and told me about some problems he and my mom had when they were younger. Basically, he told me to make it work with Skye.”
“Wise man.”
“So, we started marriage counseling and we have dinner a few times a week—”
“Are you sleeping together?”
“That’s a personal question…”
“We tell each other everything,” he said. “I just did anal with Trinity last night.”
I cringed. “I never asked, Slade.”
“You sleeping with her or not?”
“No.”
“Why the hell not? You’re married to her.”
“It’s too soon, okay?”
“Too soon?” Slade asked. “To have sex with a woman you’ve been with for years…?”
“It’s complicated. I’m still upset over what she did to me. I can’t just make love to her and act like everything is okay when it’s not.”
“But it will be better when you have sex. Dude, the four pillars of marriage are friendship, trust, sex, and love.”
“The four pillars of marriage?” Where the hell did he hear this from?
“It’s in this book I’m reading…besides the point.” He brushed it off. “Anyway, sex is important for intimacy. I’m telling you, it’ll help.”
“Sex isn’t everything. I want to be…better before we do that.”
Slade rolled his eyes.
“I guess you’ll never understand how much she ripped me apart. I was only partially alive for the past two months. My life was unbearable…and it all happened for a stupid reason. Perhaps I’m cold but I can’t just forget about that overnight.” It hurt that Slade didn’t understand, my closest friend in the world.
