Pulling into the parking lot at a store called Heaven Sent, Devin said, “When the owners named their store, do you think they were thinking about the babies being ‘Heaven sent’ or were they thinking about all the new parents who were going to spend all their money here?”
“The second one, for sure. I definitely think they’re most interested in your credit card.” She unbuckled and got out of the car. When he held the door open for her, she walked in and immediately melted. Pale pastels, luxurious textures. Precious prints. Everything seemed so soft and sweet. So perfect for tiny fragile humans.
Devin walked past her with a cart, stopped where the aisle turned and looked back. “You coming?”
She wanted to say yes. She wanted to dive right into the fun of picking out all the things for the twins. But she stopped herself. Staying in Alabama had been about giving herself time to come to a decision.
This was a big step.
She’d trusted Devin in Vegas and he’d left her. Now it wasn’t even as much about trusting him as trusting her own judgment. She’d been so wrong about him before. She was falling for him again, but what if she was wrong now?
This shopping trip, as wonderful as the idea was, felt like losing her power to make the best decision, the safest decision, for her and the babies.
She shook her head. “Devin, I’m not sure if this is a good idea. You’ve been trying so hard. And I...really appreciate that. But it’s only been a few months. What if you buy a ton of stuff and I don’t...it doesn’t work out for us?”
“Do you think it’s not going to work out for us?”
She didn’t answer him. “Why don’t we just get one of those portable crib things? I saw one online that had twin bassinets in the top.”
His face hardened into stubborn lines. “It’s important to me that the babies have actual cribs and an actual nursery. I know we still have decisions to make, but I don’t want them to feel like they’re negotiable in my life.”
“Where are we even going to put them? There’s no room for baby beds in the master bedroom.”
“I have some thoughts on that. My mom’s sitting room is right next to the master bedroom where you’re sleeping. No one has used it since... Well, no one has used it. I thought we could make that the nursery.”
The fact that he’d been thinking about where the babies would sleep and planning this shopping trip was a good sign. But at the same time, the fact that he’d made some big decisions without talking them over with her made her uncomfortable.
Devin dug a piece of paper out of his pocket. “I made a list. Want to start with the cribs? Come on, this will be fun. Do we need two?”
Reluctantly, Lacey followed him across the store. “I guess? Or maybe we could just get one. I think sometimes people let twins share until they get a little bit bigger.”
She wandered into one of the mock-up nurseries, sliding her finger along the soft white wood railing on one of the cribs. “I like this one.”
“I like it, too. It’s low to the ground and I think it’s small enough to fit two in that sitting room. How about the gray ones?”
She scowled, finding herself annoyed that he wanted to choose the color of the crib. “White would go with everything. We can leave the walls white, too, and use different colors for their bedding.”
“Okay, white’s kind of predictable, but they’re babies. I don’t think they’ll care.” He picked up two of the tags from the display attached to the rail, looked at his list and laughed. “We have so much stuff on this list.”
They walked through the store, Devin pushing the cart, Lacey lagging behind. She’d come to Alabama for a divorce, and instead she’d gotten options. But now? With every baby item he tossed into the cart, it felt like her options were getting more and more limited. Like she was racing closer to a life with Devin and their babies at Triple Creek. Preparing for the twins to arrive and planning a nursery was another set of roots growing deep, anchoring her to Red Hill Springs.
A faint echo of the panic she’d felt at the hospital began in her chest. She stopped walking, took some deep breaths and tried to think logically. Her stress made sense. She’d had no control over her life when her mother decided to abandon her. No control when Devin had left her in Vegas.
In coming to Red Hill Springs to confront Devin, she’d taken the reins back for herself—or so she thought.
Now she wasn’t so sure.
She’d learned so much about him since coming here. But the sting—no, that word didn’t begin to touch how she’d felt that night—the devastation of being left by Devin on their wedding night was still there. Even worse was the realization that she hadn’t known him at all—she’d only thought she had.
Things were different now. With every confidence offered, every late-night secret shared, they grew closer to a real relationship, an honest one. But she was a long way from being able to trust him with her life, with the babies’ lives. Trusting his sweet-talking promises hadn’t gotten her anywhere before but married, pregnant and alone.
“How about stars for the bedding? Blue for P and yellow for E?” His voice broke into her thoughts. She looked up to see Devin holding up two packages of crib sheets.
She took another deep breath and tried to concentrate. “I love the colors. I was planning to color-code the babies. If you like blue and yellow, we could use those colors for everything.”
“It’s a brilliant idea. Let’s go pick out bottles.”
Within an hour, they had a cart full. Two sets of everything: bottles, pacifiers, swaddling blankets, bedding, baby swings and bouncy seats. And Devin had arranged for the cribs and a rocker to be delivered the next day.
She consulted his list. “Okay, the only thing left here is a baby monitor and infant car seats. We have to decide if we want a separate stroller or a whole-system thingy.”
Devin stopped the cart. “I saw a video monitor back there with the sound machines, so we can get that. But maybe we need to do a little more research on the car seats.”
“We have time, but that’s one thing we really do need. We won’t be able to leave the hospital without them.”
“Noted. We’ll get the car seats as soon as possible. I’m going to check out. Why don’t you go to the truck so you can get off your feet?”
He was directing her without consulting her again, but her lower back and hips ached from the strain of two babies. “Fine. I’m exhausted. And starving.”
After checking out, Devin loaded everything into the back of his truck and slid into the seat beside her. “Whew. I’m tired. How about a burger?”
She did want a burger. But she also really, really wanted to be the one to make the decision, even if it was only what they had for dinner. “I want pizza. And I’m ready to go back to the house.”
“Okay, pizza sounds good. Pepperoni?”
“Cheese.”
“Cheese it is.”
She watched him as he carefully backed out of the parking spot. She knew he was working hard to stay sober, working hard at the farm and just in general trying to do right by the people he cared about.
He’d been happy and excited today in the baby store, patient and kind with her at the hospital. She could see him as a dad one day, showing their kids how to bottle-feed a calf or patiently guide a horse.
They’d been making slow and steady progress, but with the kiss last night and the whirlwind shopping trip today, things suddenly felt like they were out of her control. A big reminder that she was living in Devin’s world.
Back at the ranch, Devin grabbed the still-warm box of pizza they’d picked up in town. “We can unload all the stuff later if you want to eat first.”
“That would be great.” Lacey didn’t look at him, just made her way to the porch with Sadie dancing a welcome around her legs. She dropped into a chair. “I’m so tired.”
H
e slid the box onto the table between them and flipped the lid open. She grabbed a piece and bit into it with a sigh.
“I’m sorry it was such a long afternoon,” he said, “but I’m glad we got some stuff for the babies. I guess we’ll need to get some baby clothes next.” He glanced at her as he took his first bite, trying to read her face. He knew something wasn’t right. He just couldn’t put his finger on what. Or why. In the few months Lacey had been in Red Hill Springs, they had carefully stayed away from making any plans for the future, but he was ready to take some cautious steps forward. Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure Lacey had the same feeling.
She’d gone along with his plan for the afternoon but she hadn’t seemed very happy about it. Not unhappy, exactly, just not committed to the idea of building a nursery.
But he’d meant what he said to her in the store. He didn’t want to feel like the babies were visiting. He didn’t want her to feel that way, either. The thought struck him. Oh.
Maybe that was part of the problem. The room that was Lacey’s was a room his mother had decorated. It didn’t have anything of Lacey in it. For as much as Lacey had made this old farmhouse feel like a home again for him, he didn’t think she’d say the same.
It was something to think about. He picked up another slice just as Lacey finished her second piece.
She leaned back in the chair. “I want another piece but there’s no room.”
“Oh, man. That’s a complication of pregnancy I never considered.” Devin finished up the crust on his, closed the lid and picked up the box. “I’ll take this inside and stick it in the fridge so you’ll have some later if you get hungry.”
When he came back out with his guitar, she was sitting on the porch steps, her legs stretched out in front of her. He sat down on the step beside her and started picking a little tune.
The stars shone bright and clear out here in the country, away from city lights. Devin could hear the animals shuffling in the barn, the cows in the pasture down the dirt road. The night was peaceful and he prayed that he could claim that peace for himself.
He prayed that Lacey would feel it, too, that she would know how much he cared about her. That was what the shopping trip was about today. As much as he wanted things to be settled, he knew she was still scared. He’d left her and she was afraid if she trusted him again that he would break her heart. But how did you prove that something wouldn’t happen in the future?
All he could do was show her every day that he had grown. That his priorities had changed. Taking a risk with his life seemed to come naturally to him. Taking a risk with his heart, a lot less so, but he was willing to try.
He looked down at his fingers on the guitar and began, hesitantly, to play a tune he’d written a few weeks ago. He looked at Lacey and sang, “I’ll be your sunshine when it rains. You’ll be my antidote to pain. I’ll be your sweater when you get cold. You’ll be my soul mate when I grow old.”
With her eyes full of some unnamed emotion, she watched his fingers on the strings. He had no idea what she was thinking, but he sang the chorus straight to her. “We may be mismatched like your cowgirl socks, but I’m yours for life, Lacey, you’re my rock.”
He smiled as the words repeated. “Bah-bah-duh, may be mismatched like your cowgirl socks, but I’m yours for life, Lacey, you’re my rock.”
As his fingers plucked the last couple of chords, he chuckled into the self-conscious silence that followed. He waited for Lacey to respond with a joke like she so often did, and when she didn’t, he supplied one himself. “I don’t think I’m going to have a career writing music.”
A tear slid down her cheek. Lacey looked away from him as she whispered, “I don’t want to love you again.”
At her words, his fingers paused on the strings, but he picked it up again. “I know. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry I was so out of sorts today. I wish I could blame pregnancy hormones, but I’m pretty sure it’s just me. I love all the stuff we picked out. And I love the song.” She let her head drop in her hands. The words that followed were halting, her voice husky with pent-up emotion. “Everything feels like it’s spinning out of control.”
Devin laid his guitar to the side and put his arm around her. He’d caused her pain and he couldn’t fix it. He didn’t know how. So, he just sat there with her while she cried.
After a few minutes, he said, “I remember the first time I saw you. I think you might’ve been eighteen.”
“Nineteen,” she corrected without looking up.
“You swaggered into the barn with your big brown eyes and your cowboy hat. You had on jeans and boots and a shirt that said Get Up, Show Up, Never Give Up. I walked over to talk to you and you said—”
“Excuse me, I don’t have time for you to hit on me. I’m taking care of my horse right now.” She interrupted him with the words she’d said when she first met him six years ago, and her eyes met his. “I was such a jerk.”
He laughed. “I think my heart fell right out of my chest onto the floor of the barn. Even though you blew me off, it was the beginning of our friendship. And even though it may not feel like it right now, this is a different kind of beginning, Lace. We’re still finding our way, but we’re gonna be okay.”
He didn’t know for sure that what he said was true. Her fears were big and they were justified.
Get up, show up, never give up.
He could beg her to stay, but in the end, the choice was hers. It had always been hers.
Chapter Fifteen
Devin opened the door to the future nursery. It was a light and bright room, which had been his mom’s hiding place when the testosterone in her household got to be a bit too much. No leather or random sports equipment in this room... The space had been filled with flowers and ruffles and girly-scented candles.
Garrett let out a low whistle. “I haven’t been in here in years. It looks exactly the same, like she should be sitting on the couch and yelling at us for interrupting her prayer time.”
“I know, right?” Devin and his brothers hadn’t been allowed in there without knocking. Even then, admittance was dicey. Being the youngest, he remembered often sitting on the floor with a basket of crayons and a coloring book until he started school.
Mom had used the room for her quiet time. He had so many memories of opening the door to find her leaned over her Bible, tracing the words with her finger, or listening to a sermon while she crocheted.
None of them had any reason to go into her sitting room since the accident. It had been dusted from time to time, but otherwise it had remained exactly the same, none of them wanting to be the one to clean out their mother’s stuff. It was still hard, even with so much distance.
But it was time. The last thing Mom would’ve wanted would be for this room to sit unused. She’d taken so much pleasure in it.
“Mom would be happy that we’re doing this.” Garrett picked up a stack of magazines from a decade ago and tossed them into a trash bag. “She’d be mad that we let it go so long.”
Devin nodded. “I can just hear her now. You boys—”
“—I shouldn’t have to ask you to do something that clearly needs doing.” Garrett completed the sentence they’d heard their mother say at least a thousand times. “She could really be bossy.”
With a laugh, Devin grabbed a garbage bag and started shoving the throw pillows from the couch in there. “She really could, but then, she had three rowdy boys that would just as soon wrestle as listen.”
Tanner stuck his head in the door. “I wasn’t rowdy.”
Garrett rolled his eyes. “Pffffft. I beg to differ. You just didn’t get caught as often.”
“I’ve got a few minutes if you want me to start on the closet.”
Devin grimaced. “It pains me to say this, but we could use your help with the furniture. We’re planning to load up the back of the truck and take it al
l over to the cabin.”
With Garrett and Tanner hefting the couch, Devin grabbed the cushions he could carry and followed them outside to toss them in with the sofa.
Lacey came out the front door right after him with the last two cushions. “It looks so much bigger in there without the couch. Are you moving the rest of the furniture, too?”
“Yes, except for the dresser that Mom used as a TV stand. I thought we could wait on that and you can decide if you want it in there or not. Do you think anything else should stay?” He wasn’t going to stop trying to move them forward, even if they were taking baby steps. But after yesterday’s conversation with Lacey about how out of control she felt, he hoped maybe it would help if she were making the decisions.
“Y’all should go ahead and move the furniture. I’m headed over to Jordan’s for lunch. But when I come back, we can take a look and talk about the rest of it?”
“Sounds good.” Devin stumbled backward as his brother nailed him with a big black bag.
Garrett laughed as he bounded down the stairs. “They’re throw pillows, get it?”
“Oh, I get it.” Devin grinned and slowly reached into the bag.
Lacey made a T with her hands. “Time out, children. Wait till the pregnant lady is out of the way.” To Devin she said, “I’ll see you later.”
Devin watched as she got into the truck and started it up. Surprisingly, he wasn’t too disheartened by their conversation the night before. Instead, he actually felt like they were getting somewhere. She cared about him, and that wasn’t any baby step, either, even if she was unhappy about it.
A throw pillow drilled him in the side of the head. “Stop mooning and let’s get this done.”
Devin whirled around to see Garrett doubled over. “Who’s mooning?”
Tanner shook his head. “You are. Most definitely. Mooning.”
Not even taking offense because it was true, Devin smiled. “Come on, let’s get this furniture to the cabin. I’ve got a nursery to clean up.”
* * *
The Cowboy's Twin Surprise Page 13
